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Why is criticism of Israel sometimes called antisemitic?, with Yakov Hirsch

A talk with Yakov Hirsch, who thinks that some Jewish people have exaggerated ideas about the amount of antisemitism in the world, and overly pessimistic ideas about the nature of antisemitism. This can make some Jewish people see disagreement, criticism, and conflict too often through the lens of antisemitism. Hirsch ties this into the Israel/Palestine conflict, and also relates this to a long-running debate about the “banality of evil” (which relates to, amongst other things, the motivations of Nazis during the Holocaust). We talk about Hirsch’s ideas in the context of conflict dynamics and conflict resolution: for example, the tendency in conflict for people to have distorted views of people on the “other side.”

We later had a second talk on this topic.

Transcript below.

Episode links:

Resources related to or mentioned in this talk:

I wanted to include some pieces on the Israel/Palestine situation from writers whose work on American polarization I respect:

TRANSCRIPT

Zach: Hello and welcome to the People Who Read People podcast with me, Zach Elwood. This is a podcast aimed at better understanding other people, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it at peoplewhoreadpeople.com. 

If you like the work I do with this podcast and wnat to encourage me to do more, please consider signing up for a premium subscription, and consider subscribing to my conflict resolution-aimed Substack. To learn more about these options, go to behavior-podcast.com. 

On this episode I talk with Yakov Hirsch about the Israel/Palestine conflict, about antisemitism, about empathy, about us-versus-them mindsets, about the “banality of evil,” and much more. 

One of Yakov’s goals is to get Jewish people to have more cognitive empathy for Palestinians. He think that there’s an us-versus-them Jewish discourse that attempts to make it taboo for Jewish people to have empathy for Palestinians. He has termed this discourse “hasbara culture”, and he has written a series of pieces on this topic that can be found on the site Mondoweiss. 

My decision to talk to Yakov was not related to the recent attack on Israel; we’ve had this talk planned for several weeks. Actually, my own instinct would have been to probably avoid the topic of the Israel/Palestine conflict on this podcast. But I am glad that we had this talk scheduled, because I think a lot of people will find Yakov’s thoughts interesting. 

I’ll also say that this talk is a sort of follow-up to a talk I had about antisemitism with James Kirchick. I thought Kirchick made a lot of good points: for example, he talked about how criticism of George Soros isn’t always antisemitic, any more than it is prejudiced to criticize major far right donors, like the Koch Brothers. We also talked about how the use of the word ‘globalist’ isn’t necessarily antisemitic, as that has had a long use by people who are using it in academic, logical ways. Just to say I enjoyed my talk with Kirchick. But I also saw that Kirchick would call many things antisemitic that I wouldn’t, especially in the realm of criticisms of Israel. My talk with Kirchick is what prompted Yakov to send me his thoughts and writing, and I figured to balance out the talk I had with Kirchick I’d invite Yakov on. 

I want to preface this talk just as I did with the talk with Kirchick: the goal of this podcast is understanding other people’s views. And, even if you end up disagreeing with some of Yakov’s points, hopefully you can see the value in trying to understand why he thinks what he does. Hopefully you can see that Yakov is trying to understand people’s motivations: that even when he strongly disagrees with people and even when he thinks they’ve done something horrible, he is trying to understand why they did those things, and to not jump to conclusions about their beliefs and motivations. 

Yakov’s work focuses on the Israel/Palestine conflict, but what we’ll talk about in this episode applies to conflicts in general. For example, he and I have talked about the overly paranoid and pessimistic perceptions many liberals have had of Trump voters, and of Trump himself; and one can see that aspect even as one also may be strongly critical and judgmental of Trump, and scared of worst-case Trump-related scenarios. In fact, if you’re someone who thinks Trump is dangerous, I would argue that it’s especially important to try to understand how overly pessimistic and antagonistic views of Trump voters and Trump can be factors in the behavior of Trump and his voters. That’s something Yakov and I may talk about in a future episode, because I think Yakov has some interesting thoughts on that. 

A little bit about Yakov:

Yakov was born into a utra- orthodox Jewish family in Brooklyn. He had no real conversations with non-Jewish people until he was in his late teens. He described an environment that instilled with him some paranoia about the non-Jewish outside world. When he was around 20 years old, he left the Jewish environment, and got a job for a non-profit called Chess-in-the Schools, which taught chess to young people. He was a strong chess player and eventually was training the chess teachers who worked for that organization. Later, he got into poker, this was around 2003 or so, during the so-called poker boom, and he was soon playing poker for a living, something he’s still doing. 

He has written many pieces on the Israel/Palestine conflict for outlets including Mondoweiss, Tablet magazine, and on his own blog on Medium. And he’s been on a number of podcasts. You can find on Twitter at YakovHirsch, that’s YAKOV HIRSCH. 

Some of my own thoughts: I look around right now and see so many people seeing the worst in each other; I see so many people seeing motives and beliefs in other people that just aren’t there. Despite the seeming online fights and heated arguments that have been happening around this, I think almost everyone agrees on some basic things in these areas, with the exception of some extreme and morally flawed outliers: I think almost everyone agrees that what Hamas did was horrible and inexcusable; that what happened to Israeli citizens was horrible and continues to be heartbreaking; that it’s understandable and rational to question if Israel’s decisions in the past or currently have been good or smart. As is the nature of conflict, what is happening is that so many of us are filtering for the worst-case interpretations of what people are doing or saying. Some people will filter a show support for Israel, or a show of support for Palestine, as indicating a bunch of traits and beliefs that are rarely there; for example, some people will see a show of support for Palestine as an indication of support for Hamas, or of a lack of empathy for the Israelis attacked – and some people will see a show of support for Israel as an expression of unilateral support of everything Israel does, or a lack of empathy for Palestinians. And then you add in the fact that a lot of this debate is happening on social media, where people often speak badly, especially young people; the internet encourages people with no real knowledge of what’s going on to sound off on all sorts of topics, and personally I think the internet is deranging us, something I’ve talked about in my writings and on this podcast.   What is happening around this event is exactly what Yakov and I discuss in this episode: an overly pessimistic filtering for offense and insult and threat; a polarization into us-vs-them camps where more and more people have a mindset that “you must pick a side”. This is the nature of what conflict does to us: nuance becomes a casualty.

On the blog post for this episode, I’ll include some links to some pieces I thought were very good regarding the Israel/Palestine situation by writers whose work on American polarization I highly respect. 

I’m going to start the interview a few minutes into our talk, when Yakov is talking about how his politics changed over time. Okay here’s the talk…

Zachary Elwood: Okay, here’s the talk.

Yakov Hirsch: Let me describe my politics. When I left Orthodox, I got interested in neoconservatism. I was reading commentary magazines all the time. I remember someone asked me who my favorite politician was, probably about 1990, and I’d say, “Oh, it’s Netanyahu.” He made American Jews proud. You know, so handsome, speaks English so well. There’s a word, גאווה. You just feel pride in this guy, Netanyahu, that all the non-Jews looking at him. This is not the way everyone looks at it, but this is the way I did and a lot of people do. That’s what Netanyahu was. Which is a big part of our story. Then two books came out and historians started to fight about these books, about anti-semitism and the Holocaust, and I really got interested in this fight. From this fight, my argument is– I wrote in an article for Tablet, Hasbara Culture and the Curse of Bibi-ism– and in that article I said, “Our world today is a product of that fight between these two historians.” So I saw that fight and over the years I’m seeing the result of the who won and lost that fight play out in the real world. So in 2016, I was playing poker at the time. I was in a casino, the Commerce Casino, and I see on the screen at five in the morning or something there’s a video from BBC and it shows an Israeli soldier shooting a Palestinian who was lying on the ground; executing a Palestinian.

So there was a video that came out that shows what had happened was this was in Hebron in the West Bank, a Palestinian stabbed an Israeli soldier who was hardly even injured. The guy was shot, he’s on the ground, and 10 minutes later, a Jeep comes up with another soldier. The soldier comes out, it turns out that this guy who was stabbed was his friend. He walks over towards where the Palestinian attacker was laying, he takes his rifle out, and he shoots him in the head. Okay? And we have this on video. When I saw this, this was a very big deal. I just left the game and went home. This is such an important story. Because now we will see the difference between Hasbara, which means explaining or maybe public relations, and Hasbara culture which is what I’m talking about.

Zach: And you coined that term before that, right?

Yakov: Yeah. So now what’s very interesting is how the public and politicians react to this event, right? Because it’s clear the army they arrested him on the spot. Whether you’re right wing or left wing, you can’t have a soldier who got into a fight with his girlfriend and in the morning goes to work. He sees the Palestinian, he just shoots the Palestinian, right? No matter what you think the Israeli army, the IDF, they cannot have their soldiers executing a Palestinian when they feel like it. Any army. So they arrested him on the spot, and now what happened next is where the story starts. Because what would Hasbara be? Hasbara would be some Israeli official coming on TV, or representative of the ADL, you know, these Jewish organizations– they would say, “Oh, you know this guy Elor Azaria who executed this guy, he just came out of the mental institution two days ago. He’s crazy!” They would explain that what you saw is not representative of the Israeli army. This is an exception. That’s what hasbara would be. They would tell the audience, “Don’t make too much of what you saw, this guy’s a rotten apple.” That’s what hasbara would be. And you see that all the time in the discourse, all this explaining. When Israel does something bad, you’ll just see everyone explaining why it’s not so bad. That’s hasbara. This is hasbara culture, what happened next? Netanyahu supported the soldier. He basically said, “We are good. We are Jews, they are the anti-Semites. And we can’t put a Jew in jail for killing a Palestinian.” So while this guy is in jail, the politicians are saying this guy’s a hero, what do you have him in jail for? So the right wing in Israel, they speak about the Elor Azaria affair, a very big deal this event! Because think about what it means that half the country says, “Yeah, of course, he should go in jail. You can’t execute someone like that.” And the other half is going, “He’s protecting the Jews! You’re going to put him in jail? Don’t you understand why we should kill this guy?” Think about what’s happening now. Elor Azaria is telling his friends, “Oh, look, you see? Aren’t you happy I killed that guy? If I wouldn’t have killed him, he’d be back invading us.” That’s that perspective. The bottom line is all the politicians instead of saying that Elor Azaria is a rotten apple, basically became a hero for this execution.

So now look what happens next in the story. When I write my heroes, it’s not Israel against Palestinians. In my hasbara culture writing, I’m making a hero out of an Israeli Deputy Chief of Staff, a soldier, who’s killed a lot of Palestinians probably. But I’m just telling the world a story and I’m telling you, “Look, look what you’re seeing here.” On the Holocaust day, they have something called a Holocaust day, and this guy gave a speech. In the speech in 2016 in March or April, he said, “I’m noticing processes that are taking place in this country that are similar to what took place in Europe 80 or 90 years ago.” So this is what he said. He’s basically saying what I’m seeing in this country, all this defense for Azaria, don’t you understand all you people that he’s a murderer? He’s saying I’m noticing that our political culture is like it was in Germany in the 1930s. Okay? Think about that. Think about someone in the Holocaust days saying that. Yeah, Yair Golan is his name. Actually, in the events of last week, the Israeli soldiers were not organized and the army wasn’t around. He went– he’s now a big hero– he just took his car and he drove down south and just risked his life to help people and to try to save people. In the real world he’s a hero, right? Forget about what’s happening. We see he’s the hero from just last week. So now the reaction to him saying that was terrible. The right-wing said he should be fired. And he was a favorite to be actually the next Chief of Staff. But when he gave that speech, it was over. And he knew it was over when he gave the speech. To him, this was more important than the speech. But the country, everyone was attacking him because you’re comparing us to… How can you say such a thing?

Zach: I’m going to try to summarize my understanding of hasbara culture. Basically, you think that there are some pro-Israel people who are basically overly paranoid about the subject of anti-semitism that they too often filter for the worst case most pessimistic interpretations of the people and the criticisms that they face, and they too often call those things anti-semitism and things like this? Is that a pretty fair summation of the statement?

Yakov: Yes, but the key point to what you’re saying, what does it mean when somebody is an anti-Semite? You just said, “Yeah, we call people anti-Semites too frequently.” The question is; when someone calls someone else, when the “the Jews” believe somebody’s an anti-Semite, what does that mean? What do we believe about the person? This is the biggest question. Because in Israel right now, they see what Hamas did, and now they’re looking and they’re saying, “What’s the meaning of what happened? So when we throw around anti-semitic allegations, it’s not just a word to hasbara culture. It’s not just a word. It means this person is something, is thinking something, is something! It’s very important these anti-semitic fights. Because when a Jew believes someone’s an anti-Semite, as I’m going to show you, it means that this person really wants to kill the Jews. That’s the important thing. So these things are very important these anti-semitic allegations today.

Zach: And that’s a good segue into talking about the books that you were going to talk about.

Yakov: Yes. In, I think it was 1990, a historian called Christopher Browning wrote a book called Ordinary Men. In this book, he “discovered” that there were Germans– this German battalion, the police battalion– who when they won, killed Jews. And they didn’t do it because they hated Jews so much. They didn’t kill the Jews because you know what? They saw the Jew, I need to kill this guy. They did it because they didn’t want to look bad in front of their friends, they were… All the reasons, of course, anti-semitism was part of it, right? But the killing, it wasn’t because of Jew hatred. This killing had other reasons. That’s what the book— That’s the discovery he said. And these people, they weren’t ideological Nazis. They were middle-aged policemen who were already adults when the Nazis came to power.

Zach: So it was more about peer pressure and these kinds of things.

Yakov: Right, it was all these things. So, the reaction to this historian’s book was a different book by Daniel Jonah Goldhagen. I don’t know if he even had a PhD yet, but maybe at a PhD, or maybe this was his PhD thesis. He said in this book– “Hitler’s Willing Executioners”, that’s the title– he said, “No, Christopher Browning, you are wrong. The reason why these people killed the Jews, even this police brutality, is because there’s something about the Germans that for centuries they’ve been building this anti-semitism. And this culminated in the Holocaust. So, this holocaust and these people killing caused this eliminationist to anti-semitism. It’s sort of like a disease. That’s how you have to think about it.

Zach: Like a true, kind of evil abiding hatred, deeply embedded.

Yakov: Hatred! Right. Hatred! Real hatred! “I need to kill this person, I hate them so much.” So, this book caused an uproar. He went around the whole world, you know, in Germany, he was a celebrity and best seller. While this was going on and while his books were selling out among Jews and everybody else, right, [imitates] “Hitler’s imagined a popular book and by the Germans! That’s why they fucking kill the Jews, right? Because there’s a special eliminationist of anti-semitism. But historians had to deal with this book. And to them, this book was the biggest joke in the world. This wasn’t a serious book. When you read about the reaction of historians, which quote them in my article, they didn’t know what to do. They said the public is getting this false information that we know is not true. They destroyed Goldhagen, all his arguments, all these proofs. I quote this holocaust historian saying he doesn’t know how we’re going to recover from these ideas getting out into the world. It takes forever to establish the truth of an event before it gets down to the people, right? But now this false idea about this ‘eliminationist anti-semitism’ which is not true, now everyone believes it. Everyone loves this book.

Zach: This is related to the Hannah Arendt’s theory of the banality of evil, where they put it in that context then talking about these books in the context of that—

Yakov: Exactly. Let me use that to really explain what this fight is about. Okay? So Israel kidnapped, if you want to use that word, Adolf Eichmann in 1960-61 from Argentina. They discovered him. They were searching for him, they discovered him, they brought him back to Israel, and they put him on trial. And this Hannah Arendt was a German intellectual who escaped Nazi Germany. She went to the trial for The New Yorker magazine, and she wrote a series on the Eichmann trial. She would send back every couple of weeks, “This is the latest from the Eichmann trial.” That became the book, “Eichmann in Jerusalem”, a very very important book really as we’ll see in the story. She said a lot of things but I’m going to tell you the most important thing that she said. And I’m quoting Corey Robin, and this is a piece called The Trials of Hannah Arendt in The Nation magazine. She says, “For Arendt, the question was not whether Eichmann was an anti-Semite. Nor did she doubt the anti-Semitic character of the Holocaust. The question Arendt posed in Eichmann was whether Eichmann’s contribution to the genocide of the Jews was motivated, could be accounted for, by “his fanaticism, his boundless hatred of Jews.” That’s the question! Were 6 million Jews killed because of the hatred? Every person who killed every Jew– and we’re using Eichmann as an example. She said, “No! He might have been an anti-Semite, but him doing his job to kill millions of Jews was not motivated by Jew hatred. That was her insight, which was an earthquake, right? Think about it from people who are still alive, you know, survivors. Think about the Jewish community after the Holocaust, and think about the Jewish intellectuals being told, “You know what? The Holocaust, it wasn’t even about the Jews.” I’m not exaggerating the point, right?

Zach: It’s a very upsetting idea. It was really controversial, right? People were arguing a lot about that at the time.

Yakov: Right Our story is that cognitive empathy, to try to see the world from different perspectives. When people react, you have to understand that’s how natural it is to react, when Hannah Arendt says this. So, that was the fight. Now, it turns out—

Zach: And real quickly. The point is that when something really horrible like this happens and people do horrible things, the idea that there was something banal about their horrible actions is in effect humanizing them, which is threatening to people that… There can be a desire to see them as something inhuman or something separate, right?

Yakov: Yes, just as an aside. Think about the fights, the America’s wars. The language and the politics is mannequin, right? That means either you’re with us or against us. Saddam represents evil, Putin or whoever represents evil, we represent good. And therefore, we have to do this foreign policy. That’s the mannequin. This is neoconservativeism. This idea, this mannequin idea that we’re fighting a fight between good versus bad is similar to this idea about Eichmann. Therefore, you can’t show any nuance. Whatever the politics are, whatever the questions, whatever the foreign, the argument being made that we’re good versus evil is extremely difficult to deal in a debate. Because as soon as you start, it sounds like you’re defending Saddam. Yes. So, Hannah Arendt. I was going to say in 2010, this new book came out that actually there were these transcripts of Eichmann in Argentina where he was ideological. When he started saying stuff about the Jews. He’s without comrades, right? So they have these things and the argument is, “Listen, he is the ideal.” Now it doesn’t mean that he killed all those Jews for this, but that’s the argument. Hannah Arendt might say, maybe she’d say, “Well, he was with his friends, this is the way he talks. Or even if he talks, yeah, whatever. He doesn’t mean it enough that he’s about to kill every Jew he sees.” That’s how Arendt might respond to this new “evidence”.

Zach: Or even theoretically, if she was wrong about Eichmann, her point could still stand. It could still be a valid point, even if somebody might disagree about Eichmann specifically, right?

Yakov: Okay, just to summarize, I’m going to quote Peter Novick in “The Holocaust in American Life”. He said, “In the long run, almost all scholars have come to accept Arendt’s thesis that typical Holocaust perpetrator was ‘terrifyingly normal’, and by no means a driven anti-Semite. Yehuda Bauer, an Israeli Holocaust historian, writes, “The Germans did not have to hate the Jews in order to kill them. One suspects that had they received instructions to murder all the Poles or all the Frenchmen, they would have performed equally well. For this reason, among others, scholars of the Holocaust have rejected the argument of Daniel Jonah Goldhagen that generations of systematic socialization and the murderous hatred of Jews was a necessary condition for the Holocaust.” Okay? So we come to the end of the fight between Browning and Goldhagen. How did this fight affect reality and affect our world? So, Goldhagen wrote another few books. Basically, he used this idea of eliminationist anti-Semitism. He wrote a book about the Catholics, he said they’re eliminationist anti-Semitism, basically. And the last book he wrote, we’re going to jump to, which was in 2013.

So this guy Goldhagen, who defeated historians about the meaning of the Holocaust and of the meaning of these people killing the Jews, what’s he up to? Everyone knows, oh, for the world, he’s a famous historian, the world’s biggest expert on anti-semitism, the world’s biggest expert on the Holocaust. That’s how he’s viewed by a lot of the public.The latest book he wrote was “The Devil That Never Dies: The Rise and Threat of Global Antisemitism”. This book reviewed everywhere. And of course, Jews were concerned about anti-semitism. When they’re at Barnes & Noble, this book jumps out at them and they read this. This creates culture, right? The arguments he makes in this book are what people talk about at the Shabbat table. When you have an argument, you use what Goldhagen said in this book. I’m going to quote to you from a review of this book by The Wall Street Journal, which is pretty conservative. And the person who reviewed this book, Anthony Julius, is a very respected lawyer and very knowledgeable about the Holocaust. So they got him to make this review. Wow, Anthony Julius reviewing this book! And let me read you the beginning of this review. “I have written this review with reluctance, that there should be strife within the party to which Mr. Goldhagen and I both belong. The party of anti-anti-Semites will only give satisfaction to the haters. But we must be smart truth-telling participants in this terrible struggle. We must be intelligent in our judgments and reliable in the claims we make. And for sure, while we must not minimize dangers, we shouldn’t overstate them, either. The devil that never dies doesn’t contribute to our existing understanding of anti-Semitism. It doesn’t give anti-anti-Semites fresh, good arguments. Indeed, it is so easily and justly dismissible. It weakens the very cause its author seeks to promote.” Could you imagine getting requested to review this book at the Wall Street Journal? And your review? Okay, you really don’t like the book, but somehow, you’ll get by without doing this. Think about how bad this book was that he said, “I don’t care about my reputation. I don’t care a lot of people will think I’m stabbing or whatever. I have to say this. This is terrible, this influence that this book will have.”

And like he says, he’s not against… In other words, he’s also “hasbara culture” Also, he’s sympathetic to Goldhagen’s view of anti-semitism. When he says I’m an anti anti-Semite, that’s what it means in the real world. You know, Your idea about there’s a lot of anti-semitism, etc, etc, I agree with you. But this book…” I’m going to quote something that Goldhagen wrote in this book about Israel. So, this whole book, which now there have been 50 books written similar to this book since this book, it is very popular now that Jewish writers are writing books about anti-semitism. Every different way of looking how today is exactly like 1939 and we’re about to be gassed, this is what hasbara culture is. This eliminationist anti-semitism is everywhere. That’s what this guy Goldhagen who wrote that book, everyone believes suddenly this is what he’s telling the Jews, basically. Right? This is what he’s telling. So just to give you a sense when this anti-semitism thing is thrown around, this is what we’re saying. This is who they are. Because anti-semitism, according to hasbara culture, is one thing. All anti-semitism that’s part of a thousand years ago, it’s all the same thing. And when you take a position that’s against “the Jews”, that’s whose side you’re on. Right?

Zach: It’s like saying if you can’t call out this clear evil, this obvious dark force, then you are clearly morally bankrupt, basically.

Yakov: Yes, and you believe things about the Jews. This is very important. Anti-semitism is believing certain things about the Jews. You believe that they control the world, you believe whatever it is; the Jews, this or that. When Ilhan Omar is called an anti-Semite, the accusation is she’s thinking about the Jews all the time. That’s what it means. So that woman, you know what she doesn’t like? She thinks about how to get the Jews. This is what it means when someone becomes an anti-Semite. It’s an obsession. It’s an obsession. It’s a medieval Incubus. That’s the way to understand what Goldhagen said about the Germans. It’s a medieval Incubus. That’s what anti-Semites are, a medieval Incubus. They got a disease that they caught. When you look at the Jews, this is what you think about that. Of course, a lot of this book is about everyone being anti-Israel, and that means they want to kill the Jews. Basically, that’s what he’s saying.

Look how far he goes. Look at this argument. “Anyone who claims that the antipathy of the region or of the world at large is only for Israel because of its policies, and not towards Jews in general because of their Jewness, or reclaims that such people’s intent is anything but eliminationist towards Israel, the country, and towards Jews in general because of their Jewness, is being duped or is seeking to dupe others.” And there you have it. All these people are now out screaming on Twitter, taking the side of the Palestinians. It’s not because of what Israel is doing. It’s not because it’s your policies. It’s not because of what they do. It’s because these people either have this hatred of the Jews, or they have been duped to believe what they believe about Israel. Just to give you a quote by Yair Rosenberg who just wrote this article about Hamas, he represents what I write. I’m just talking about ideas. When I mention people, I’m not judging them or anything. I’m talking about the ideas that they espouse. They could be the most wonderful people in the world. I don’t know. I don’t know them, I’m just talking to how their ideals operate in the world. So, this is a quote. He wrote an article in The Atlantic, very influential! Atlantic, when they talk about anti-semitism and the Jews and Hamas. He just wrote this big article. Of course, this article is important for what it does to the culture. But anyway, this is a tweet. “There’s been a lot of deserved criticism of college students celebrating Jewish death in the guise of supporting the Palestinian cause. But as this piece rightly notes, while it’s easy to blame the students, what does their conduct say about their teachers?”

So, when hasbara culture sees these people demonstrating, you know, pro-Palestinian people around the world, what they see is these people, like you said, hating the Jews. All this is not because of anything Israel did or any objective analysis, they want to destroy Israel. Like Goldhagen said, eliminationist. All these people demonstrating, it’s not about the Palestinians, it’s about Israel. And its eliminationist. They want to kill the Jews, all these people.

There was this professor, there’s this tweet going around by Cornell talking about how happy he was by what Hamas did. I forget the word he used, but, “I’m energised! I’m energized!”

Zach: Exhilarated or something.

Yakov: Exhilarated! So, what’s he saying? Let’s imagine being him. What is he saying? He’s giving you the Palestinian perspective, the Hamas perspective. Okay? “These people have been locked up, open that prison, Israel does whatever it wants. This is going to go on for the next thousand years and there’s nothing the Palestinians can do about it. The whole world is against them. They shoot these…” It’s totally the Palestinian perspective, they lock them in this jail. And it’s also these people believe in decolonization. Israel is this European export into the Middle East, that’s what the design of this project is. And of course, we’re going to be happy when they fight back. It’s like rooting for the Indians when in the 18th century, America is moving across the country and settling across the country, and when Indians came across or found Whites– men, women, whatever– it was brutal, right? It was like what Hamas did to the “Americans”. Right? We’re not judging, we’re trying to act. When we talk about these things, we’re trying to be political scientists. Of course, I cried and cried. I have a sister who lives in Jerusalem, I told you—

Zach: I think that’s an important point. Because I think what you’re arguing for is trying to understand what people are thinking. For example, that Cornell professor, I found what he said really gross and I judged him for that. But I can also, like you’re saying, try to understand what he’s thinking and the best versions of it. I can criticize him while also trying to understand what he’s thinking and what’s driving some of these—

Yakov: What we want is if we were to ask him, “Hey, what do you mean?” What he tells us, that’s what we’re reporting to the world. “You see, what is the speech? This is what he means by this speech.” Then we can make judgments on that. But we need to know reality. Now if you look at Bari Weiss, who I’ve written a few articles about—

Zach: And real quick, I’ll throw in there too. I think a lot of people are taking the most extreme things people say, like that Cornell professor, for example, and extrapolating it to everyone who’s doing much more subtle things of just saying let’s support Palestine or, you know, criticizing Israel. And so they’re taking the most easy to criticize and judge behaviors and saying this guy’s language represents what other people are saying, basically, which I think is part of the very nature of conflict too. We see these kinds of extreme things and say that language represents what other people are thinking too.

Yakov: We are in an incredibly dangerous time. What we saw happening last Saturday, you have to understand that every Jew is brought up with what happened in the Holocaust, you know, the [unintelligible 00:35:22], SS units hunting Jews everywhere. This is what when we think about it, that’s what happened. And people think, “Well, now at least we have Israel.” What’s Israel? A refuge— “If this happens anywhere around the world, we can always go to Israel if things get bad.” And Israel prides itself on the most sophisticated army in the world, selling all their ideas and weapons everywhere. And then what happens? Hamas gets in and the scenes are… Israel couldn’t protect… Netanyahu, protector of the Jews, can’t protect his own citizens! He’s talking always about the whole world. His own citizens! So these things, the motion that it brings out in people and Jews in Israel and everywhere else for a whole bunch of reasons is overwhelming. It’s so overwhelming with every Jew with any connection, no matter what his politics is. Which is why there’s a problem in the left. We’re interpreting things differently. Think about what’s happening. Every event is interpreted by hasbara culture. As they’re doing this, they’re thinking about the images of the Jews that were killed. That’s what these people are thinking when they’re demonstrating. Whereas in the real world, they saw it. They don’t want to look at it. Why would they rather look? They try to look at all the dead bodies? I mean, they don’t rather look. But that’s compelling to them. So this is what almost everyone, or most of these people, that’s what they’re demonstrating against; the killing of innocent people. But when hasbara culture looks at it, when Bari Weiss… She said this guy… What did she say? What did she describe was happening here? “This guy is exhilarated by the killing of Jews.” That’s what she said. “This professor is exhilarated by the killing of Jews.” Now, that’s not true. I mean, it could be, it might very well. But that’s not most likely. If we asked him, he wouldn’t talk about the Jews. Right?

Zach: It reminds me of a similar thing to what somebody said. Somebody had some quote about 9/11 that was also similarly criticized, where they basically said something like ‘the brave terrorists or something had a lot of bravery’ or some similar words that got a lot of criticism. But the person was just trying to communicate something like they clearly were brave, no matter what you thought of them. Some kind of debate around that where it was a similar thing where it was like, “I would not have used that word, but I kind of understand what you were trying to communicate.”

Zach: A small note here: I realized what I was thinking about was something Bill Mahar said on his show Politically Incorrect not long after 9-11. He was responding to people like George W Bush calling the 911 terrorists “cowards”. Bill Mahar said, “We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it’s not cowardly.” And the writer Susan Sontag said something similar. These things, as you’d expect, kicked off some outrage. Okay back to the talk. 

Zach: Okay, back to the talk. Yeah. I do think, to your point, it’s something I think is such a basic aspect of all human conflict, where the conflict can be so complex, especially for something that goes back many years and has all these twists and turns and you can examine in all different ways, and there’s so many ways to filter all that information in many ways. Which, to me, gets to the basic point of it’s just so easy for humans to disagree on complex topics, which plays into how we disagree on all sorts of issues. And conflict is a complex issue, so it makes sense that people can filter for all sorts of interpretations. Also to your point, too, the complexity of even what’s happening right this second, it’s like some people will be focused on one thing and then other people will be focused on what’s happening right now. Like, you know, Israel’s response is happening right now as opposed to something that was in the past, no matter how horrific it is. So I think there’s all these different ways that… You know, there’s this complex prism of how people can parse and then you add in the complexity of how people speak about these things is not nuanced sometimes and they speak badly, they speak in just plain stupid or even ways we think are very wrong. So you add in all this complexity, and then everyone’s reacting to how people are speaking and they’re filtering it through their lens. It’s just such a complex thing.

Yakov: Right, that’s why it’s so important to get this right. It’s so important that people… The people, they need to… There’s so much noise. This is all noise. We have to really get to some truth.

Zach: It is important. It’s theoretically a humanity-ending problem if we can’t, especially with all the noise that social media and the Internet help create. To me, it’s just like an amplifier of the things we’ve been dealing with in humanity for all of history. It’s basically creating this nuclear reaction reaching critical mass kind of thing of amplifying all the reactions that people have against each other. So to me, this is a very fundamental thing that if humanity can’t solve our fundamental ways that we always fight with each other, I don’t think we’re going to be around much longer. That’s my own take.

Yakov: And this is a danger… Hezbollah, a very powerful force in Lebanon, there are things that Israel… I believe that if Israel keeps on doing the things it’s been doing, there’s a point in which Hezbollah will have to, like go to war with Israel. I don’t know what that point is. But Hezbollah does resistance, you know, the organization. At some point, the Arab world will look at them, “What’s your reason for being? If you don’t hit Israel now, what’s the point of Hezbollah?” I don’t know where that is, but this is where we’re heading very fast. Okay, I’m going to continue in our story. Last we heard was Goldhagen saying, “All this hatred towards Israel has nothing to do with Israel’s policies, it’s because of these people’s Jewness, because Israel is a Jewish country. And anyone who claims what I’m saying is not true is being duped or is seeking to dupe others. This is all about the Jews. It’s the same thing. It’s the same as the Holocaust, it’s the same as a thousand years ago. It’s the same thing that we’re up against.” That’s what he’s telling the reader. And what I’m telling you and your audience is that this became true. This is the culture right now. So we have to think when people read something, what happens if they believe what they’re reading? And I’m telling you, the people believe what they’re reading. Just think about this. There’s been 50 books in the last couple of years about Jewish victims or about everyone wants to kill the Jews. Okay?

Let me give you the non-hasbara culture perspective. This is JJ Goldberg who reviewed this Goldhagen book in Democracy magazine. I’m quoting from this review. He says, “There have been dozens of assaults on Jews and Jewish targets around the world by Muslim attackers, usually an explicit retaliation for Israeli actions. Some have been lone wolf attacks, including deadly shootings on the Brooklyn Bridge in 1994, atop the Empire State Building in 1997, at Los Angeles International Airport in 2002, and at a Seattle Jewish charity in 2006. Others have been planned by attacks by terrorist organizations, like the murderous assault on a Mumbai synagogue in 2008, or the deadly bombings of a Tunisian synagogue in 2002, two Istanbul synagogues in 2003, and a Jewish restaurant, community center, and cemetery in Casablanca in 2003. And this doesn’t include dozens of attacks that were nonfatal or were foiled by authorities. In one sense, this constitutes a new wave of violent anti-Semitism, as Goldhagen and others claim. It is a series of attacks on Jews who have not done anything to invite it, because they are Jews. In another sense, though, it is an ugly expansion of a century-old territorial war that hasn’t hesitated to target civilians, on both sides, and now includes their supporters, allies, and kin around the world. Israel’s intelligence professionals believe the war can be ended through compromise but will only get uglier until that happens. Zealots believe they have a God-given mandate to stand firm, and they’re holding Jews around the world hostage to their beliefs—and recruiting unsophisticated polemicists like Daniel Goldhagen to make their case.”

He’s saying Israel’s a country. Let’s make believe it’s not a Jewish country, let’s make believe it’s the Irish country. It’s a different country. If they would do what Israel did, if they would go… [inaudible] take the whole story and [inaudible] not the Jews, right? It’s the Irish. I’m quoting the sociologist who made this point. If let’s say, Israel was the home of the Irish people and there was some terrorist attack, and the Irish Prime Minister would say, “They killed us only because we were Irish. It’s the only reason they killed us.” That’s the discourse in Israel. “They killed us only because we were Jews.” So he’s saying, no, you’re having a fight with another… Two nationalisms are fighting. In the real world, it’s ‘understandable.’ This is not the same Jew hatred about Jews going into the last thousand years.

Zach: Can I dig in there a little bit? Because when I interviewed James Kirchick, one thing he said when I asked him about how he separated or defined anti-semitism in terms of criticism of Israel, he talked about his view that are people being imbalanced in how they criticize Israel. His view was that people aimed far too much criticism at Israel that they wouldn’t aim at other countries who had done the same. I’m curious, how do you see that? Because I can see reasons why we talk about Israel more than other countries in the West, basically. But I’m curious to get your take on that.

Yakov: Okay. In my writing on hasbara culture, you know, I look at these arguments that certain Jewish journalists make. I should call them hasbara culture journalists because this is not a Jewish thing. This is a victim thing. I’ll call them the hasbara culture journalists, of which Kirchick is one. The arguments they make, and I unpack it and think about it, I have cognitive empathy for Kirchick. And then I’m saying, “Look what Kirchick believes.” That’s what my writing does. It says, “Read what he wrote. This is what he means. This is what he believes.” That’s what my articles basically are. How would a social scientist answer this question: “What’s going on with these people?” If they could, they would interview every person demonstrating in some pro-Palestinian March somewhere. And they pull them in and they’d have three experts, three guys with 12 PhDs, and they’d start asking this person this question, “Hey, when’s the first time you heard about Palestine?” And the person would answer. When they hear the story of what led this person to this march and what she believes about the world, if they were to do it with every person at that march, they could then give an analysis and say what is the meaning of this march.

What Kirchick does is he’s taking one of these people who are ‘pro-Palestinian’ and saying, “Oh, let’s analyze what they’re saying. They made this argument, hold on, but do they make the same argument with China?” Think about how human beings actually operate. If you take a person, he’ll be like– some people love the story– “Yeah, my brother’s girlfriend was a Palestinian so I never thought about the Palestinians before.” But suddenly, it’s like she’s seeing stories, etc. That’s one way. Another person is an Arab, whatever. That’s the real world. And these people, there’s always reasons why you’re interested. It’s like going over to someone worried about climate change and saying, “Hey, why aren’t you worried about what’s going on in Israel? Don’t you think this is more important than climate change which is in a thousand years?” Shouldn’t you be more concerned?” So, any person you could question them and see they’re not consistent. That’s not the way the world works. So the person, for whatever it is, he feels this bothers him more than other things. Which, to Kirchick, that means, “Ah, it’s about the Jews.” You come up with all these arguments to see if these people are anti-Semites, right? All these IHRA definitions of anti-semitism. When all you need to do is go talk to them, right?

Zach: I don’t if you’re going to get to this, but the thing that struck me in there is that the fact that there’s a lot of violence over there itself means that Israel is more in the news and people talk about it more. And the fact that it gets support from America means it gets more attention. So I just think there’s various reasons that it’s more in the news, right?

Yakov: Sure. And everyone is so certain of their position that if in any group you’re part of, someone says, “Hey, what’s your position on Israel-Palestine?” Well, you better get a position. Whose side are you on? That’s the way… It’s almost like you have to have a position on this issue.

Zach: Right. It’s just discussed so much more. It’s kind of a cascade of things, too. The violence itself gets to the tension. And then the fact that it is a very important topic to many people, that just becomes more important to more and more people. So yeah, that’s just to say I didn’t find that argument very persuasive.

Yakov: This is where we are. We have an argument by JJ Goldberg saying that Israel is a country like any other country. They’re doing bad things in the world to other people. People react the way they do in a lot of different ways. And that’s what this is about. It’s about if anyone else would be there instead of the Palestinians, you’d see some version of the events taking place. Maybe slightly different, whatever. Basically, this has to happen. In fact, Israeli security people have been telling the politicians… There’s a documentary called The Gatekeepers of 2011 where former Israeli heads of the Mossad, the last five heads of the Mossad, basically are warning about what’s happening now. “This is going to happen unless you deal with the Palestinian situation.” Netanyahu is a big genius. He managed to get around the Palestinians. That, he’s so proud of. “I can make deals and the whole world doesn’t care about the Palestinians.” That is his accomplishment. Anyway, the point that I want to make— So the argument either whether this is about all these anti-Israel people, it’s about the Jews, or it’s about a country doing what the country is doing. Now, the next thing I’m going to read to you is this. What we’re seeing now all over the world, these demonstrations against Israel, these took place every time Israel has attacked Gaza in the last 15 years. It’s been like five times. After one of those times, Operation Protective Edge in September 2014, this is Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor of The Atlantic. This is the article. “Does Human Rights Watch understand the nature of prejudice? A powerful advocate appears to believe that anti-semitism is sparked and turned by Jewish behavior.” September 21st, 2014. A few days ago, the Executive Director of Human Rights Watch, Kenneth Roth, tweeted the following statement. “Germans rally against anti-Semitism that flared in Europe in response to Israel’s conduct in Gaza war. Merkel joins.”

What happened was there was anti-semitism after the last Israeli attack on Gaza, so the Germans had to rally to defend the Jews. So, Germans rallied against anti-semitism that flared in Europe in response to Israel’s conduct in the Gaza war. Right? He wrote this op-ed about this rally. Because if people were saying don’t blame the Jews on Israel, he’d say, “Whatever did I say.” So this is Goldberg’s analysis. Okay? Roth’s framing of this issue is very odd and obtuse. Anti-semitism in Europe did not ‘flare’ in response to Israel’s conduct in Gaza or anywhere else. Anti-semitic violence and invective are not responses to events in the Middle East, just as anti-semitism does not ‘erupt’ in response to policies of banks owned by Jews, or in response to editorial positions taken by the New York Times. This is for the simple reason that Jews do not cause anti-semitism. What is Goldberg saying here? This is basically what he’s saying. According to Goldberg, Israel is the Jewish state. And the fact that it’s the Jewish state attracts response from people. That’s the Jewish state. They don’t look at Israel, it’s the Jewish state. So when this Jewish state behaves in the world and people demonstrate against it, it’s not because it’s Israel’s doing something. It’s because it’s the Jewish state. Right? So we’re saying you, head of Human Rights Watch, you’re saying that anti-semitism was about Israeli behavior. No, anti-semitism is not about Israeli behavior. Just to give you that Yair Rosenberg tweet that I told you earlier, there has been a lot of criticism of college students celebrating Jewish death in the guise of supporting the Palestinian cause. Right?

Zach: I think what you’re getting at is this mind-reading aspect of conflict, which I think is a fundamental dynamic in conflict where we we overly mind-read. We think that we know what’s in the hearts and minds of the people on the other side, the people who are aligned against us. We see this a lot in the American conflict that divides here where you’ll see people on the left and people on the right write these elaborate pieces about the way they know what’s in the hearts and minds of their political opponents. It’s just a lot of mind-reading and making suppositions that are not based on any logic. You usually can’t figure out exactly why people are doing what they’re doing, especially in a conflict situation. So I think you’re getting at this mind-reading thing, and also getting at the aspect that I think is the fundamental nature of extreme conflict too, where people do not want to be blamed for their role. They don’t want to be criticised and seen as contributing to a conflict. The thing that comes to mind for me is in the left in America, there’s a lot of pushback to the idea that some liberals contribute to our divides, even though you’ve got entire books written by politically liberal people about the contributions to our divides on the liberal side. But there’s this allergy to self-examination and this instinct to say, “No, you cannot examine our role on this. You’re casting blame at the wrong side.” Yeah, I think there’s this real allergy there too. And it sets up a logical impossibility of basically saying you can’t examine anything that we’ve done or criticize anything that we’ve done. And to do so is to make any false moral equivalence, right? That’s what a lot of people in any conflict will do. They’ll say you are making a false moral equivalence even by trying to examine our role in this conflict or this role in whatever violence.

Yakov: Yes, I agree. What I’m saying is, what genocide experts do, when they look at the behavior of these soldiers who killed the Jews, the Police Battalion 101, what they want is to know what the person was thinking as they shot the Jews. That’s what they’re after. We want to get into his head to understand what was he thinking so that we should know and we should prepare for the next time when we see people thinking like that. That’s the goal.

Zach: You really want to understand it so you can prevent it. You want to understand it.

Yakov: And it’s important we’re not judging. Once you look in his head and you start judging, “I can’t believe this guy believes these things,” you lose the thread. We can’t be judging. We can judge afterwards if we want, but it’s very important to be accurate in exactly what he is saying, right? What this guy is thinking? That’s political science. Politics is to say what he’s thinking. Political science is to really try to get at the truth, what is true to what he was thinking, while politics will say, “You know what he was thinking? He wants to kill all the Jews.” What I am claiming, which sounds crazy, is that Goldhagen won the argument about what the 101 shooters were thinking. Those people, and I use Jeffrey Goldberg as my big example, he is the most influential person about what ‘the evil people’ are thinking. That is this new type of journalism. And if you look at very influential journalists, that is what they’re doing. They’re telling us what these people are thinking. We want to know what the Hamas people were thinking. If we want to know what happened, to really understand, we’d interview every one of these people who came over the fence, every one of these people who shot them, and we’d start talking to them. And we’d say, “Hey, why do you hate the Jews? You hate the Jews because? What do you think the Quran says about the Jews? Oh, yeah, the [unintelligible 00:57:48] was killed last week,” or whatever it is. You’d interview everyone. And then we would come up with a report and we’d say, “Okay, we’ve interviewed 1200 people and this is our analysis. Overall, they did it for this reason.” So now this fight over what these people were thinking is the fight that’s going on in the world. Because a lot of people are saying, “Yeah, they might have had…” The event is understandable. Whatever they did, it’s not out of this world. Of course, we can’t imagine that. It’s the most horrible thing any human would see in their what they’re saying. But to understand the truth, we have to go beyond that. We’d have to interview every one of these people. So now what I call never-again journalists, that’s their job in the culture. This is what Jeffrey Goldberg did, right? Today, Yair Rosenberg came up with an article about Hamas. What does the behavior mean? He doesn’t know anything about Hamas, he’s writing the articles at The Atlantic. He is making the culture of what we saw; what Hamas is about, and why they killed all those Israelis in the way they did. But my argument is that these people doing what they’re doing is what led to where we are today.

Zach: Can I interject a couple of questions here? When you talk about your idea of hasbara culture, how much does the level of religiosity play into that? Is a person’s level of religiousness in Judaism related to it? How does that factor in as you see it?

Yakov: Yeah, excellent question. So, take where I come from. I grew up in Borough Park, Brooklyn. Now, Netanyahu had great influence on what I’m about to tell you. But when I grew up, the Orthodox Jews– not the religious Zionist Jews who lived in the settlements. These people are hardly Zionist. Yeah, they like Israel, they in favor of Israel. They don’t think about Israel. They’re basically against the idea of Zionism because according to the Orthodox religion, you’re not allowed to create your own state. You have to wait for the Messiah to come. So all the Zionists were the enemies of these people. They blamed World War Two. These religious Jews, their leaders, they blamed World War Two on the Zionists because of trying to go against God and create a state. But then this idea became religious Zionism by Rabbi Kook and the son. It infused nationalism into this whole question and religion. So they are very, very different from just orthodox normal people who study or grew up studying the Talmud and things like that. But what Netanyahu has done, and even these parties– religious parties, not religious Zionism party, but just the ultra-orthodox parts– they even were supportive of Rabin. They supported Rabin in the peace process from the outside. But still, when Rabin tried to make peace at the Oslo Accords, these people were on his side.

Zach: A small note: if you’d like to learn more about Rabin and the almost successful attempt to create a peace compromise in the 90s, a great documentary on that is The Oslo Diaries. It’s a very touching and sad documentary that is also great if you’re interested in conflict resolution in general. Back to the talk.

Yakov: But what Netanyahu has done is turned all these people into thinking like the religious now. All these things I’m telling you, he’s told these people that you know what? This is the Holocaust all over again, the whole world wants to kill the Jews. And he whispered once to a rabbi, he was whispering and said, “The left forgot what it means to be Jewish. All my opponents forgot what it means to be Jewish. They believe you can trust the Arabs to make peace with them.” Basically, it’s what he said. So these people, the non-Jews, what makes these Jews bad Jews or not bad Jews? They don’t realize that everyone wants to kill us. They’re making excuses. That’s what Netanyahu did. He’s drunk. Every time there’s a terrorist incident, he would just really poison. Netanyahu has poisoned the Jewish people with his ideas. So now, all the people that used to be either apolitical, now they view the world in this… They hate the Arabs. They didn’t hate the Arabs, really. But the Orthodox now, they hate the Arabs as much as the religious Zionist world. Like killing Palestinians, some of them are killing Palestinians in the West Bank as we speak for revenge about what happened.

Zach: We could see that is tied into the fundamental nature of conflict because polarization slash conflict involves more and more boundary policing of saying who’s really part of our group and who’s not. That leads to language like you’re not really a conservative, you’re not really a progressive, you’re not really Jewish… These kinds of language. Basically, the boundary policing there.

Yakov: Understand that when Bari Weiss says that this person is thinking about the Jews, you have to understand when people read it and what she’s saying. She’s saying what this person is thinking. Now, imagine that everyone believes that this is what this person is thinking. So, Bari Weiss is the one. She’s the expert on what these’ anti-Israel’ people are really thinking. Look what Israel is doing. The whole world is watching Al Jazeera all day of all these innocent people being killed and announcing. Israel saying they’re not human, basically. They said that in every which way. And now that’s what the world is seeing. But according to Bari Weiss and Jeffrey Goldberg, no, they see the Jewish state. This is what we’re dealing with in the real world. Just to give you another example of my point, Ayelet Waldman, who is an Israeli-American author, in 2006 wrote this tweet; “Yesterday’s bus bombing is a tragedy, but not a surprise. This kind of terrible violence is an inevitable result of a brutal occupation.” Goldberg responded to this tweet this way: “The Jews had it coming, apparently.” What she’s saying is, yeah, if you do this to… No people have ever been oppressed the way we’re oppressing the Palestinians, that didn’t strike back. We should expect to get terrorism, is what she’s saying. And Goldberg tweeted, “No. What do are you saying? You’re saying Jews are causing terrorism.”

Zach: Yeah, I was going to say it reminds me of sometimes the debate around when people try to give advice to women to not be attacked and not be sexually assaulted or physically assaulted. Some of that will sometimes be interpreted as victim blaming because you’re saying, “How dare you try to say that something we did contributed to us being attacked?” Whereas what people are trying to do there usually is trying to give people advice on how to avoid dangerous situations. But there can be a way to filter that where it’s victim blaming, especially if it’s not done in a persuasive or respectful manner. That just reminded me of that, where the act of trying to examine the role in a conflict and examine the dynamics of a conflict is interpreted as victim blaming.

Yakov: Right. So, what is the argument there? I’m going to say this, but you’ll see where the problem is. The argument there is if the social scientists interviewed the guy who attacked the woman and raped the woman, and imagine you interview a thousand of them, and 740 said, “You know what? The way she dressed turned them on.” Imagine if this happened in the real world. People will say, “You know what? You want to be careful? Don’t dress like that, that turns men on.” We can’t face a question like that.

Zach: It’s easily an offensive question to ask, “What can we do better?” Especially when we’re very angry and scared. I think that what all these conflicts get down to is when people’s emotions are high, it’s the most offensive thing in the world to ask, “What can we do better?” Because we’re at the peak of our heartbreak and suffering and all these emotions. And to be asked what can we do is the height of, you know, it feels horrible. It feels a persecution, which is understandable. And I can see how so many people for so many conflicts don’t want to self-examine, don’t want to ask what can we do better?

Yakov: Let me give you what the experts say about ‘anti-semitism’. I’m quoting you… I forgot his first name. His name is Angel. He does not use the word anti-semitism anymore. He wrote this: “Is there really a connection between things like Christian hostility towards Jews in ancient times, the expulsion of Jews and denial of their rights, blood libels against Jews in medieval times, boycotts of Jewish businesses in the modern age, propagation of the belief that Jews have undue influence on the world economy, restricting Jewish immigration, the murder of Jews by the Nazis and the collaborators during the Holocaust, vandalism of Jewish cemeteries and calls for boycott of Israel and denying Israel’s right to exist.” He’s giving you 12 examples of what we tell that’s anti-semitic and he’s saying, Do any of these things have anything in common?” Because this is the scientific approach. We have to know what each one of these ‘anti-Semites’ are thinking. For us to really know what this is about, we’d interview every one of these anti-Semites going back in time and we’d come back with a conclusion. So he’s saying if we were to do that with all these different people, we would find different things going on. So this is the scholars, that’s how they look at anti-semitism.

Of course, there are things about Jews that people say over different periods of time. You understand the points I’m making. And if I disagree with something, fine, I’m wrong in some nuance. But this is the basic idea of what’s happening. It’s all different. Whereas hasbara culture, it says this one ahistorical anti-semitism, not which is just the eliminationist one. And they see it now after this event. Elor Azaria is really proud, though. Hamas showed… They’re saying hasbara culture is right, that’s what’s so interesting. Hasbara culture won. Because look what Hamas did! It really is the Jews. No one behaves like this. That’s why they’re cutting off the heads of the babies.

Zach: A small note here: there’s been a lot of talk about beheading babies but apparently that was not true, or at least hasn’t been confirmed. I’d recommend a piece by Musa Al Gharbi where he examines the uncertainties around many of the claims being made about what happened, including reports of babies being beheaded and women being raped. That piece is titled If Truth Matters in the Conflict Between Israel and Gaza, Now’s the Time to Tell It. I have a link to that on the blog post for this episode on my site. Back to the talk. 

Yakov: It’s very important the idea that these people are not the same people who fight oppression anywhere or fight colonization. No, we’re dealing with evil. The genocidal language is because of this idea that we’re dealing not only with these fellows, with the Palestinians, you know? This is who we are dealing… With the Nazis, right? We’re dealing with the Nazis. So this is a victory with Hamas doing this. Of course, there’s an answer. If we were to interview everyone, then we’d find out the truth. They quote The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and the Platform. They then changed it. They just said no. What does that mean? If you were to ask the people who wrote the Platform, they’ll say, “Yeah, we’re fighting the Jews and this is what they say about the Jews.” Yeah, maybe it’s true in the real world. Or they might say, “Yeah, the Quran says we should kill the Jews,” some of them say. So the goal of the ‘pro-Israel’– not the real pro-Israel, but hasbara culture– is to say we are not dealing with events that are part of this world. This is not a normal story that you think you’re seeing. Netanyahu gave a speech to Congress against the Iran deal. And during that speech in 2015, Jeffrey Goldberg tweeted this: “BP is right. Jews should not be passive in the face of threats to annihilate us.” This idea, Jews should not be passive in the face of threats to annihilate us– which I write about the Jeffrey Golberg and Netanyahu, it’s the same idea– is what’s happening. It’s why all these countries are just loving Israel to death. Because they know, and they’re talking about the Holocaust, they understand what they’re dealing with there. I’m talking about not everybody. I’m talking about this idea. I’m talking about ideas. The people who accept this idea, they can’t be stopped. If they could use a nuclear weapon, they’re going to use a nuclear weapon. They were embarrassed. Think about how volatile it is what they experience.

So what I want the listeners to understand, I’ve written how these ideas that I’m talking about influence the world. For instance, Jeffrey Goldberg… In 2015, Obama did this Iran deal which was very controversial. So Jeffrey Goldberg had an article, and he said, “Why Iran’s anti-semitism matters.” So he said, “You’re making a deal with Iran, whatever, they’re not going to set whatever the deal is.” So Goldberg confronted Obama, he actually confronted in person and he said, “I want you to answer me something.” He started the article and said, “I gave them what I thought was a gotcha question.” And he said, “Do you think that Iran wants to eliminate Israel?” This is what he asked him. And he said, “That’s a touchy question. Of course, Iran wants to eliminate Israel. How did Obama and Kerry react?” And they said, “Well, they could be anti-semitic but all our experts say no. They’re very pragmatic. They want the billions for their economy, they want to give up any ideas of nuclear weapons. This is what the experts are saying.” And Jeffrey Goldberg said, “No, you’re wrong about that.” And he browbeat Obama and Kerry. This is what he said. He said, “Just look at Hitler.” He said, “Hitler could have used the Jews for hard labor, you know, they’re fighting in this war. Why did they kill the Jews? He could’ve use them for hard labour. Instead, he said I’m going to sacrifice whatever help I can get from the Jews because ideologically, he had to kill them. That’s what anti-semitism is.” So he accused Obama and Kerry. He said, “Don’t you realize that Iran would commit suicide? If they could nuke Israel, they’d welcome suicide.”

So these ideas, and I give a hundred examples of things like that where it’s not pretentious for Obama and Kerry to say these are what all the experts say. Because Jeffrey Goldberg, just like Goldhagen was the expert on what’s going on in the head of the shooter, Jeffrey Goldberg is the expert at what’s going on that Khamenei said. That’s what these people are. The experts aren’t enough to go and confront Obama and Kerry and say, “Don’t you know? Don’t you understand who you’re dealing with?” And other Jewish organizations try to take different positions. Try to think of the Palestinian narrative. What happened was Jeffrey Goldberg and people like them turned them into self-hating Jews. If I could just read you, we talked about Kirchick, so in 2016 in one of the debates between Sanders and Clinton, he said Netanyahu is not always right. So he took a public position on the side of the Palestinians, which was a very big deal because once that’s accepted, the floodgates will open. Once it’s not “Who’s side are you on? The Jews or their enemies,” and once it becomes more complicated, then every progressive politician will say, “Of course, I want peace.” Yeah, the Palestinians have claims, I see their perspective, and I wrote an article hasbara culture and what they did to Sanders. They turned him into a self-hating Jew. Jeffrey Goldberg tweeted: “I don’t know why Bernie Sanders won’t say he’s the first American Jewish President.” Right?

Zach: I think Yakov meant to say the first American Jewish presidential candidate. Back to the talk.

Yakov: He constantly, that’s what Goldberg did to all these people who made some criticism, he said, “This guy doesn’t realize they all want to kill us.” And the reason is because they have some pathology. They have a Jewish pathology that’s self-hatred. When Jeffrey Goldberg, you know, there were these skirmishes in the last 25 years about all of these questions. So, Greenwald made these arguments in favor— He took the Palestinian perspective, basically. So Jeffrey Goldberg attacked him. When Jeffrey Goldberg attacked him, he had to explain why this guy Greenwald is taking the side of the Palestinians. He said probably something horrible happened to him in Hebrew school. The reason why this Jew is thinking of the perspective of the Palestinians, it’s because he was molested when he was a kid. That’s the pathology. And now he hates all the Jews. So anyone who tried to end this conflict in Israel, anyone, any attempt of a two-state solution became impossible. Every politician asked, the question was always, “Are you with the Jews or are you with the people who want to kill the Jews?” Every question! That’s why no one has the courage to call for a ceasefire. Because when you call for a ceasefire, they’ll say, “No, you’re stopping the Jews from doing what needs to be done.” After the Holocaust, that whole story when you say “ceasefire,” the State Department came out with a memo: Nobody calls for a ceasefire, no one says those words. Because that’s what it means when you say those words. That’s the power of these ideas. And the events unfolding, if they keep on being interpreted by Bari Weiss and Jeffrey Goldberg and Yair Rosenberg and hasbara culture and Republican politicians, that’s why a Republican politician is so powerful to say this charge that Biden is on the side of Hamas. You find one thing Biden did, you say we would have done something differently, Biden’s on the side of Hamas. That’s the political culture we’re living in.

Zach: Can I ask you? I want to get to some questions that I’ve accumulated. I interviewed James Kirchick, which was kind of what led up to us talking, and I think one thing you both would probably agree on is that anti-semitism is hugely overstated. I think he might find more of it. He would call more things anti-semitic in terms of criticisms of Israel than you would, but I think you both would agree that the problem is often overstated on both sides. Is that accurate? On both political sides of the US, I mean. Is that accurate to say?

Yakov: Yes, that’s what happens. So you have Republicans, let’s say they put up pictures of billionaires, or they use– let’s go back a little time– when they use the word globalist, I believe that people who study, they didn’t think about Jews when they’re using the word globalist. Whatever. Suddenly, the certain influentials will say, “Hey, globalist? You mean the Jews.” And suddenly the result in the culture is anytime someone uses the word globalist, he’s thinking about the Jews. If the word globalist would be allowed to live, nothing would happen to the Jews. Yeah, a few people would say Jews. No problem. That’s no problem, a few people will say it. But when you make every person who wants to use the word globalist think, “Uh-oh, the Jews say this is anti-semitic. Should I do it or shouldn’t I do it?” Suddenly, you have terrible strife and this leads to anti-semitism. These interventions cultivate anti-semitism. So, I am blaming hasbara culture for the world we live in. As simple as that. One last thing, I know I’ve been going on and on. Really important, one last thing. When you listen to me, you’re like what’s my politics? I want to quote three quotes; Jeffrey Goldberg, Bari Weiss, and Kirchick since this is responding to Kirchick, about Jews. This is what they wrote about Jews who were taking the perspective of the Palestinians. In other words, they believe it’s…

You know, they have a case, right? When you look at the world from the Palestinian perspective, very different. So how do they explain all these writers and thinkers that they defended over the years for trying to get a two-state solution versus seeing the Palestinian perspective? I’m going to quote first Jeffrey Goldberg. He’s talking about this group of people. The others, though, are part of a tiny minority of Jews who believe that the destruction of Israel will bring them the approval of non-Jews which they crave. This is an ideology. He’s not just saying. This is an ideology. Listen to Bari Weiss, she’s talking about the same people. “As many well-intentioned people look to understand why a very small but very vocal group of Jews seem as deeply opposed to Jewish interests as many of our community’s enemies, these Jews ought to be understood in context as part of a long history of left-wing anti-semitic movements that successfully conscript Jews as agents in their own destruction.” And then Kirchick will decide to talk about Bernie Sanders in 2016. He says, “Bernie Sanders and his Jewish devotees can distance themselves from Israel and Zionism all they want. But as has always been the case, it will make no difference to the people they’re trying to please, who continue to reduce them to a single factor of their identity, which in their minds has attained the totalizing force of an epithet Jew.” Okay? Kirchick says you know what? All the people you’re dealing with and you just move into your leftist friends, when they look at you, they see Jew! And you don’t want to accept that because you want them to like you. Right? This is the level of argument by hasbara culture.

Zach: Okay, let me pivot there. Do you see some of these elements in the American left-right divide around, for example, anti-racism racism conflicts there? Do you see some of this?

Yakov: Yes, of course. Because I’m not the first one that’s saying it. When you’re looking at the world, and if you’re ideological, what does ideological mean? You’re constantly looking for proof from the real world for what you believe, right? You can’t be objective because if you believe White people are racist or you have a strong belief, you’re constantly… I’m talking about the Jewish people. If you’re constantly looking for evidence of, let’s say, White people being racist, you have nonstop ammunition which convinces you of your belief. And anyone who’s following you, who’s following your thinking, and who’s reading you, they’re doing the same thing. There’s not someone in there saying, “Hold on, think about the other side. Think about what the argument is against.” For instance, when Trump ran in 2016, I knew we were in big trouble because at MSNBC some opinion person said, “These people voted for Trump because they’re racist.” And it turned out that a big percentage of these people had voted for Obama. Right?

Zach: Yeah. Actually, one of the most important articles that I only recently learned about– I think it’s one of the most important articles– is this great article paper called Race and the Race for the White House by Musa al-Gharbi. It really delves into some of the really bad research that purported to find large amounts of racism amongst Trump voters, and it really highlighted… And it’s something I talk about in my “Defusing American Anger” book just how much people were filtering for what they wanted to find, basically. I think it gets to the fundamental nature of extreme conflict where so many people are filtering for these extremely pessimistic and sky-is-falling narratives. To take one example, we could we could take many examples but on the American right, I see these really elaborate narratives they built up about the evil Marxist plots around them and how everything is tied to Marxism and there’s this undercurrent of Marxism. I think the thing that’s missing from this is like, yes, some of these ideas do have a history of related to very far-left ideas and such and you can build that narrative. But it’s also just true that we’re living in a world. Any complex human world involves a cascade of ideas and you can build all these complex narratives of all sorts to bolster your most pessimistic views of what’s happening. Whereas in reality, it’s much more banal than that. People are responding to… There are humans responding to the things around them, which includes— [crosstalk]

Yakov: Yeah, they’re not ideas. They’re human beings. They’re not some idea.

Zach: Exactly. And part of what they’re responding to is the things that they see as threats on the other side. So it gets back to this idea that in a conflict, we can be helping create the very things that we are most afraid of by how we react to them. Because for example, when Republicans say really horrible things about far-left people or transgender people or whoever it is, they’re helping create the animosity that makes people on the left feel that they’re under attack, which strengthens their passion, etc, etc. So I think the thing that people try to do in a conflict is build these narratives that leave themselves out of it. They build these narratives of “Look at these horrible things that these people have done.” And they build this narrative that suits their us-versus-them emotions, but they’re leaving themselves out of the equation. This isn’t to say that both sides are equal, both sides are the same in any conflict. Because that’s often the objection people get. The point is that if we’re interested in resolving conflicts, we have to be willing to examine our role in the conflict and whether we think the other side is even much worse. The first step is thinking about our role in the conflict and being willing to self-examine and not see criticism of us as a mortal threat or something as a horrible insult.

Yakov: Yeah, if we could have cognitive empathy for both the Jewish dead, think about the hostages, think about what it must be like.

Zach: It’s terrifying. I mean, it’s unthinkable.

Yakov: And at the same time, think about these people in Gaza. When you think about human beings, the deaths that have nothing to do with anything. But the thought of it as an idea, not human beings. Israel, not all Israel, they’re saying, “This is an idea. These are the Nazis, they supported the Nazis, and were allowed to kill the Nazis.” That’s the idea. They’re not thinking of these people as actual human beings like we think of the people that Hamas killed. We know we could relate to them, we could have cognitive empathy and see the world what they experience while this is happening. You can’t even think about what that’s like. Right? So, we have to be able to do that. Each side has to be able to do that for the other side, or God knows where this is going.

Zach: One thing something you have been saying made me think of was the Jonestown Massacre. I recently watched this documentary. It just made me think that the horrible things that these people did when Jim Jones had them drink the poisoned Kool Aid– and some of the parents even got their kids to drink the Kool Aid, their own children, and their own spouses, etc–  there’s a narrative you could build about how evil these people were. You could build a very pessimistic narrative that these people must have been horrible. Their ideology must have been so out of whack, like, inhuman. Because how could you do these things? It’s unthinkable. But the more banal explanation, getting back to the banality of evils, it is just that people are very weak and they’re very led by the people around them, and they very easily succumb to peer pressure in surprising ways that are really hard to fathom. It’s almost easier to imagine people are evil in some of these situations than to imagine how could you do that just because the people around you are doing it and you’re afraid to push back. But I think it really does get to this human frailty, this human weakness of how weak we really are in many cases. That’s hard to understand, too, because I think most of us had this idea of the strength of ourselves, you know? We were self-sufficient—

Yakov: We would never do that.

Zach: We would never do these kinds of things. But I think it does get to this fundamental human question, this human element that we are all products of the people and ideas around us. And in the right circumstances, we are capable of all sorts of things that we wouldn’t think we’d be capable of. So yeah, I think that’s the fundamental human dilemma there that is hard to solve that we just find these things so hard to understand.

That was a talk with Yakov Hirsch. You can find his writings on Mondoweiss, and you can follow him on Twitter @YakovHirsch.

This has been the People Who Read People podcast with me, Zach Elwood. You can learn more about it, and sign up for a premium subscription, at www.peoplewhoreadpeople.com. If you appreciate the work I’m doing, you might also want to sign up for my depolarization-aimed substack newsletter, which is called Defusing American Anger. 

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podcast

Is our craving for certainty our biggest weakness?, with Maria Konnikova

Maria Konnikova is the best-selling author of the books The Biggest Bluff, The Confidence Game, and Mastermind: How To Think Like Sherlock Holmes. Topics we talk about include: the human desire for certainty and story/narrative, and our discomfort with ambiguity and uncertainty; how she decided to get into poker and write The Biggest Bluff; why she finds poker such an interesting game; how one can pursue a career one finds interesting and rewarding.  

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podcast

Understanding an orchestra conductor’s gestures, with Ming Luke

A talk with orchestra conductor Ming Luke (mingluke.com). Topics discussed include: what a conductor’s body language and gestures can communicate to the orchestra; how small differences in gestures can sometimes result in significant musical differences; the difference in conducting styles that can exist between conductors; the role conductors play and the benefits they bring; the leadership and managerial skills required to be a strong conductor. 

Transcript below.

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TRANSCRIPT

Zach Elwood: Hello and welcome to the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zach Elwood. This is a podcast about better understanding other people, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it behavior-podcast.com. If you appreciate this podcast, you can show your support by signing up on my site for a paid premium subscription.

On this episode, I talk to orchestra conductor Ming Luke. Most of our talk is about how he uses body language and hand gestures and facial expressions to communicate to the orchestra. I also ask him about how he views the role and responsibility of a conductor. I ask him about the anxiety he had early on in his career, when he still was unsure what kinds of mistakes he might make in conducting. I ask him about the leadership and managerial skills that good conducting requires. I ask him if he’d ever done something accidental with his gestures when conducting that changed the course of a performance.

You can learn more about Ming’s experience on his website, which is at mingluke.com, that’s MING LUKE.com. As I do this episode, in early October, he’s getting ready to conduct the Las Cruces Symphony in New Mexico in late October, and then after that he’s on to California for a music festival there.

I’ll read a little bit from his website: “Ming Luke is a versatile conductor that has excited audiences around the world in performances of both symphonic and theatrical works. Highlights include conducting the Bolshoi Orchestra in Moscow, performances of Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella at the Kennedy Center, his English debut at Sadler’s Wells with Birmingham Royal, conducting Dvorak’s Requiem in Dvorak Hall in Prague, recording scores for a Coppola film, multiple Asian cultural programs with the San Francisco Symphony, and over a hundred and fifty performances at the San Francisco War Memorial with San Francisco Ballet. Long time critic Allan Ulrich of the San Francisco Chronicle said, “Ming Luke delivered the best live theater performance I’ve ever heard of [Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet]” and in 2016 Luke’s War Requiem was named best choral performance of 2016 in the San Francisco Bay Area.”

I want to thank Molly Chakery, who’s been helping me with the podcast and who helped brainstorm some questions for this episode. I also want to thank behavior specialist Alan Crawley, who recommended I interview an orchestra conductor.

Okay, here’s the talk with Ming Luke.

Hi, Ming. Thanks for coming on the show.

Ming Luke: Happy to be here.

Zach: Yeah. Maybe we can start with one common question I’ve seen asked about conducting is people who are curious just what exactly a conductor does. For example, one form of this question can be, what happens if there isn’t a conductor? What happens with the band? Are they able to play? How do they perform? And maybe you could talk a little bit about how you view the role of a conductor and the value and benefit that they bring to the table.

Ming: Sure. Yeah, a few 100 years ago, there actually weren’t conductors for ensembles. Oftentimes, the concertmaster that is the lead violinist would actually be gesturing with his or her body to keep the ensemble together. But as ensembles got larger and larger, the necessity to have somebody coalesce and unify the artistic vision of the ensemble was needed. There are certainly many groups now that a conductor lists, Orpheus Chamber Orchestra is a very famous one, but the amount of time that it takes to rehearse and really get everybody on the same page artistically can make it prohibitive, especially since time can be very expensive. So conductors, you know, it’s true, the musicians have the music in front of them. They don’t necessarily need the conductor to know when to play, it’s really how to play. And so let’s say the music is getting louder, we have a crescendo, it is difficult for everybody to really lock in to know how to do that at the same time because you can increase your volume in a lot of different ways, quickly at the beginning or very slow and steady or very quickly at the end. And the conductor’s job is really to unify that artistic vision. For me, conductor’s goal is to allow the musicians to play at their best no matter what the circumstances are. And so sometimes that’s very practical. If it’s a very large orchestra, you might need to keep everybody together so that 50 feet apart on stage, how can they play together if it’s very hard to hear from one side of the stage to the next? Sometimes it’s very musical like we were just mentioning, if it’s the idea of how a musical phrase is shaped, what a slow down or ritardando might look like so that everybody stays together. So my role as a conductor is really to try to unify the artistic vision, no matter the size of the ensemble and of course help the musicians play their best depending on the circumstances.

Zach: As I understand it, at least some conductors, their role is also to interpret the music. Is that correct, and is that always the case? Maybe you can talk a little bit about how the pre-performance and rehearsal part of it works.

Ming: Sure. Yeah, there are many musicians and conductors that are actually very famous for the amount of knowledge that they bring. Their physical gestures might not actually be as precise or as clear as some others, but their musical vision is really important. And so that’s part of the idea of trying to get everybody on one unified artistic vision. Because if you have an ensemble like the Orpheus Chamber Ensemble, everybody in that group– let’s say it’s 40 people– might have an opinion on how the music is approached. And so for conductors, it’s very easy to say, “Hey, let’s do this version of this.” For instance, this week I’m working on Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet, which is a very famous piece, but the [unintelligible 00:06:16] can wildly vary from conductor to conductor. And it’s just much more efficient to have one musical vision to approach the work rather than having an entire discussion throughout the work. And as mentioned before, there are certainly ensembles that actually spend the time to do that and it can be very gratifying as a musician or as an instrumentalist to play in a group where everybody’s artistic ideas are sort of incorporated. But it is very impractical, especially because most professional orchestras will put together the music only in one week. And so they really have just four or five rehearsals, two and a half hour rehearsals, to try to get a piece presentable for the public.

Zach: It kind of reminds me of some jobs I’ve worked that were less hierarchical than others, where it wasn’t clear who called the shots or who made the calls. And there’s something that can be nice about that but it also means there can be a lot of confusion about how do things exactly get decided. Is that an accurate analogy for what the conductor does?

Ming: Yes, decision by committee is always very, very messy. Now in the past, the generations beforehand, the conductor was a bit of a tyrant. And that has changed quite a bit in the last few decades, where the conductor and the musicians are more collaborative. And it’s a better circumstance now because again, we do want to unify the artistic idea of an approach to the work, but we’re not doing it in a way that that nullifies the musician’s input and participation.

Zach: How would you describe, when it comes to the movements that you make during conducting, how would you describe the various pieces of information that are being communicated when you conduct?

Ming: Sure, there is the practical and there’s artistic. And so traditionally, and many people deviate from this, but traditionally, the right hand with a baton is more of a timekeeper. And music is, as many people know, organized into various measures and have time signatures. So the right hand will mimic those time signatures, and if a measure has 3/4 notes in a bar, then the conductor will oftentimes have three gestures that represent each of those beats. The left hand oftentimes is considered to be the artistic side and it shows dynamic, shows entrances, and is much more fluid and is not tied down to the rhythmic integrity of the work. Again, this is very flexible. There are many conductors, for instance, that conduct actually with the baton on the left hand and the left hand is the timekeeper, and there are many conductors where the ensemble might not need the time dictation as much and actually just need more of the phrasing and you might actually stop beating the actual beats in the bar. But traditionally, that is the case where the right hand generally keeps time along with the structure of the music, and left hand can be a little bit more free.

Zach: When you say he’s doing with the right hand the three beats, let’s say it’s three four. So, he’s making three strokes in the air next to each other to give a sense of the spatial thing? Is that accurate?

Ming: Yes. Yes, and so it would very much traditionally look like a triangle. You would go as your downbeat, your first beat would go down, then you go to the right and then you go up. And so you create a little bit of a triangle. Again, the shape of a triangle can vastly differ. So if it’s something music that’s very loud and you want to show a very large gesture to encourage the orchestra to play loud, you can make the triangle quite large. Or very much the opposite. If you want to make it very soft, that triangle could be very soft. If it could be more lyrical, then maybe it’s a triangle that’s very flat and side to side versus music that is a little bit much like or a little bit more accented, then your gestures and triangles might be a little bit more vertical. There’s a lot of variation to the shape and to the gestures but the right hand, or at least the hand that is keeping time, will try to maintain that structure of a triangle of some sort in something that’s three. Again, that changes quite a bit because you can emphasize certain beats more or less, but in the very beginning of conducting, we’re always taught about the conducting patterns for the various time signatures so that the orchestra knows exactly where they’re supposed to be.

Zach: When you talk about the right hand keeping time and the left hand doing more artistic or dynamic or ups and downs and entrances, is it difficult to keep those together? I mean, I play some piano and I’ve always struggled with doing rhythm with the left hand and doing melody with the right and trying to keep a steady rhythm while you do more melody-type things. Is there a similar difficulty there of having to get good at basically keeping time and doing the more artistic stuff? Does that make sense?

Ming: Yes. Yeah, it very much requires a lot of coordination. It’s like tapping your head and rubbing your belly at the same time trying to divorce mirroring. We actually, with conducting students, they may start off with mirroring just to get an idea of patterns but then we have to break. It’s very much a goal to be able to be very independent between the two hands so that the amount of information can be… more information can be portrayed.

Zach: It seems like the piano is a really good practice for that instrument-wise. Is that accurate to say or are there other instruments that are good for that?

Ming: Oh, yeah, definitely. Piano, definitely. I would say organ too because you have to use your feet, but conductors are not supposed to move their feet as much. But anything that requires really divorcing the gestures from hemisphere to hemisphere is helpful.

Zach: Yeah, that’s really what I struggled with a lot and it’s a difficult task. And you play piano, right?

Ming: I play piano, I play violin very poorly. A stereotype with conductors is that you need to play all instruments, but that’s actually not true. It’s more important to know how the instruments work and obviously have an idea of what is important information. So, there are certain gestures that you give to string players that you should not give to brass players, and there are certain gestures that you give to wind players that you don’t give to, for instance, singers. And so again, it’s about knowing the instruments as much as possible and how they work, but having to directly play them is just a stereotype. We don’t necessarily need to know how to play all the instruments.

Zach: You talked a little bit about the right hand and the left hand. Do you use much in the way of facial expressions when you conduct?

Ming: Yeah, that’s definitely an aspect. There’s actually a very famous video on YouTube people can find where Leonard Bernstein is conducting the Vienna Philharmonic only using his face. It’s a work of Haydn, and Haydn doesn’t necessarily… That was back in the era where ensembles were smaller that you really didn’t necessarily need a conductor, but he is really portraying the character of the music. And so that’s part of our job is really to sort of portray how the music is going to be performed. Part of that characterization is also using your face and your arms, your hands, and your entire upper body as well to try to portray the characteristics of the music. For instance, if the music is loud, is it warm and burnished or is it angry? Is it sort of brilliant or is it sort of understated but just full? Those are all very, very different characteristics, and your arms, your face, everything goes together to try to portray how that music is different from one another.

Zach: And how would you describe how you do that with your face? Is it just your interpretation of the mood of the music and kind of matching your facial expression to it a bit?

Ming: Yeah, to some extent. It can be a little bit distracting if it’s a death portrayed in the music and you’re crying. I mean, that would be a little bit distracting to the musicians. But there’s certainly a way of encouraging players. Because they are people that are playing those instruments, and so giving them a very strong entrance and encouragement with your face as well is going to help them play louder. There’s this one section in Prokofiev Romeo Juliet, which is what I’m doing with an orchestra this week, where the music is chopping, it’s almost like the string sound from Psycho. You know? And they’re playing very pleasantly and sort of light, and I made a gesture where I actually turned the baton almost like I was holding a knife in my hand and I was showing them quite aggressive motions. And without saying a word, they instantly changed the way they were playing. But I wouldn’t do that during concert, but during a rehearsal, it’s a very easy way to instantly change the approach to the music.

Zach: And I imagine too you’re probably also using your body, like how far up and down you move your body, your back and your neck and stuff to communicate an extra dramatic part and things like that.

Ming: Yeah, definitely. I mean, there is a [unintelligible 00:15:47] I think, maybe that was conducting in France. I think it’s her. I forget actually who was conducting but there’s this famous part where the music got really soft and she almost ducked behind the podium. And it was famous. Beethoven was one of the first conductors, too. Technically, the first conductor was Lully– Jean Baptiste Lully, the French composer– but Beethoven when he was conducting, would jump up and down on the podium if he wanted the music to be loud, and again, would hide behind the podium if he wanted it to be soft. Now, we don’t take things to that extreme nowadays because it’s a little bit, again, visually distracting and you don’t want to distract from the music. There are plenty of ways to get the orchestra to play loud. But it really depends on the person because there are plenty of conductors that can get the orchestra to play incredibly loud and they don’t need to gesticulate in a way that looks ridiculous. I think it just depends on their connection to the orchestra and the orchestra themselves.

Zach: You said that there were some different signals you’d give to brass that you wouldn’t give to wind, and signals to singers and such. Can you talk a little bit about, say we’re talking between brass and wind, what are some different signals in that area?

Ming: Sure. Strings have this ability to really sneak in. And because there are so many– let’s say there can be 30 violins in an orchestra– they can really sneak in so their entrance isn’t as rhythmically precise, and it can create some really beautiful sounds. Winds and brass, however, it’s very hard to sneak in. So you can play with very little what we call attack, like the initial start of the note, but they’re either playing or they’re not. And so wind and brass players often really value conductors that can be very clear so that when they enter, they know that– let’s say the 10 of them if it’s all winds and brass, like 10 to 15 people– they’re all coming in exactly at the same time and they don’t have to worry about trying to really lock into each other. String players oftentimes really want to know how to play in terms of how loud to get, how soft to get, and they want to see much more of the artistic side. Because again, they can kind of sneak in, they can stay together as an ensemble very easily because they’re all playing the same music. You know, the first violins are all playing– let’s say there are 16 first violins– they’re all literally playing the same music most of the time. And so their goal is they can stay together, they just really need to know how to play and how to make 16 people that are playing the same thing shape the music in the same way. So, some of the gestures can be very different because you serve practical or artistic value.

One typical thing for brass players is you can show a closed fist or a claw or hand that shows a lot of intensity. But for singers, if you did that with a tension, it would actually… They would mimic that in their throat and make their throat all tense. And so it’s very different sound that you can do with brass players but you shouldn’t do with singers, and that’s a very clear example that we tell conductors at the beginning.

Zach: When it comes to eye contact, like who you look at in the orchestra, is that largely about cueing who’s going to play or are there other uses of it? For example, maybe looking at someone when they did something wrong, can you talk a little bit about how eye contact and eye direction play into it?

Ming: Sure. Yeah, eye contact and position of your body. So if you glance over to somebody, obviously that is an opportunity to show and communicate with them. And then if you turn your entire body and look at them, obviously it’s a much stronger direct sense of communication. And so it’s actually very sensitive too when musicians make mistakes because it happens all the time, sometimes you flub an entrance, sometimes conductors make mistakes. But regardless, you have a split-second decision whether that’s something that needs to be addressed or not. If it’s something that seems like it is a wrong note, then looking over would be a way of connecting and saying, “Hey, you know what? I don’t know if this is… That’s not correct, let’s let’s try to fix that.” Or if it’s that they just missed a note and they’ll fix it the next time, then bringing a lot of attention to that might actually be counterproductive and make it more difficult for them in the future. They might nervously think, “Oh, my goodness, I hope I don’t make this mistake again or else the orchestra and the conductor will be mad at me.” But in general, looking and the way you use your body to show and communicate is pretty important. So, oftentimes for cues, or if more importantly, let’s say that the entire orchestra is playing but the oboes have the melody, giving all your attention in your body and in your eyes to the oboes allows the rest of the orchestra to say, “Hey, okay, the oboes must be the most important.” And immediately, it helps balance to say, “Okay, I’m going to pull back a little bit, listen to the oboe, and accompany the oboe as a player.” Likewise, there’s this… When I was young, I saw Wolfgang Sawallisch who was the conductor of the Philadelphia Orchestra, and I was in the chorus where he was conducting Elijah, which is a fantastic oratorio by Mendelssohn. And there’s this one little gesture that the trumpets go to [ta-ta-tah-tah]. And the very first time they played it– they repeated several times– he gave them a very clear clue, showed them exactly how to play with a little bit of separation and rhythmic integrity, and then the next time it came through, he just glanced over very quickly and gave them a smaller cue. And the third time, he didn’t even cue them. He just kind of looked at them for a second then turned away and they just knew immediately, “Oh, okay, this is going to be very similar.” It was something that stuck with me a lot because it was rehearsing without having to stop or say a single word. And that sort of pragmatic efficiency is something that orchestras really appreciate.

Zach: Is it the case that I understand that some works are much more dictated the composer and other works are more open to interpretation? And is it fair to say that for the works that are more open to interpretation, the conductors have more room to do different things with the work and maybe bring out a sound over here that a different conductor would do something different on? Is that all accurate to say?

Ming: Yeah, there’s a lot of play between what is considered appropriate for the conductors’ artistic interpretation to really dictate. For instance, Bernstein was really famous for his Stravinsky and Mahler. Mahler really expected that the conductor would have a viewpoint, and it’s very famous that worldwide when you hear Mahler’s symphonies, the most important next question is, “Who is conducting?” And so Michael Tilson Thomas’s Mahler, who’s also famous for Mahler, is going to be very different than Bernstein. And people will have large debates on which they think really brings out the best in Mahler or is a great interpretation. Stravinsky can be very… He had a very clear neoclassical phase, which is very highly structured and very austere. And some people tend to approach Stravinsky’s works and say, “Hey, I really want to maintain the integrity of what Stravinsky wrote.” But one of my favorite things about Bernstein is that he did the exact opposite. He said, “I’m going to insert my artistic voice on top of this. And yes, it is a very clean structure that is very much built on ratios and classical ideas, but I’m still going to have my viewpoint.” As a result, a lot of his interpretations of Stravinsky are really thrilling and engaging in a way that others sort of shy away from.

Zach: For those composers that, like Mahler where there’s more left to interpretation, is it that those composers just philosophically believe that conductors or orchestra should interpret it in different ways? Or sometimes, is it just a lack of them being explicit for whatever reason?

Ming: Yeah, I think it depends on the era. I mean, when you get to what we call the Romantic era, which is about expression and individual ideas– a lot of that repertoire where Mahler comes from is late Romantic– it was expected that the conductor would have an equal voice part as well. And so oftentimes, for instance, the music of Liszt– the great pianist Liszt– when you have pianists play it and they play every single note perfectly and everything is clean and very technical, it can actually be very unengaging. I mean, it’s brilliant and exciting to have such technical prowess, but if you don’t have an artistic viewpoint then the music falls a little flat. So for the music of Liszt, you really need to bring an idea of what the music is supposed to be about. And then there are certain composers in the classical era, we’re talking about early Beethoven or Haydn and Mozart, where there is sort of a narrower window of interpretations. It can still be quite large but the differences can be a little bit more reduced compared to the Romantic era where you will have wide swings of interpretations. And then before that in the Baroque era with Bach, there was actually very little written into the music, and so the interpretation can actually be quite severe again There’s this very famous chaconne that is done in ballet but it was done in the ’70s. It was set in the ’70s by Balanchine in New York City Ballet using this Baroque music, the chaconne. And the interpretations that people took towards Baroque music in the ’70s is nothing like we do nowadays. And so when that ballet is performed, the music sounds a little bit archaic because it is a very clearly ’70s approach to Baroque music; very heavy and slow and ponderous. And nowadays, Baroque music, there’s a movement to try to match the performing styles of the Baroque era. And that can be oftentimes much quicker and lighter. So, yeah, interpretation is dependent on many different factors but conductors oftentimes have very different viewpoints and advocate for different things, even in their own lifetime. You know, Glenn Gould playing Bach, there’s famous recordings of those– I forget what work it is. Is it the… Goldberg Variations– from the 50s in the 80s. And he has two completely different versions of it, and so they couldn’t be more different. And it’s just because his viewpoints changed or maybe he was just feeling different on the day that he recorded it.

Zach: So with the amount that different conductors can vary in how they conduct their different body languages and approaches, does that mean there’s an adjustment period required when conductors start working with an orchestra? Is that right?

Ming: Yeah, it can be. Nowadays, conductors that can connect with the players instantly is very much prized because professional orchestras really need to put together music very quickly. And there are oftentimes performances and shows that you put together with little or no rehearsal. There are several different Nutcracker performances where there is no rehearsal, the orchestra just shows up and actually plays and it’s like almost a performance on the first time. And so if you don’t have the technical skill to be as clear as possible for the orchestra, then you probably won’t get hired back. Right now, a big trend is accompanying film with a live orchestra, and the musicians are all given headsets that have a click track that tells them exactly when to play but you still need to connect to sort of unify everything. That can be a very difficult experience because you need a conductor that is very, very clear and precise. Likewise, it doesn’t allow time for the players to really have to learn how to interpret a conductor. But there are many conductors. Kurt Masur, former music director of the New York Philharmonic and he was also conductor of the Gewandhaus Orchestra, he was partially crippled and yet he was one of the most brilliant conductors of all time of history. Despite his physical limitations, he was still able to portray the music and lead the orchestra in really engaging and insightful ways.

Zach: How have your body language and movements when conducting changed over the years? If they have.

Ming: Yeah. I think one of the hardest things for conductors when they’re starting out to know is how much is needed from the conductor and how much the orchestra will do by themselves. A typical trick that we’ll do in conducting workshops with young conductors is to have the orchestra play completely by themselves and say, “You know, they’re playing all of this, what are you going to add to it?” And knowing that an orchestra can actually be worse off with a bad conductor in front of them. Let’s say they can play 85% as well of a piece, a conductor can add to that or can take away from that. And so if you have a bad conductor that’s actually hindering the musicality of the orchestra, then obviously that’s not a very good conductor. But if you have a conductor that can take what the orchestra is naturally going to do and bring it to a higher level, then that’s obviously ideal.

Zach: Maybe that’s a good segue into the question of, does it happen that a conductor and the players can have a bad relationship? And if that happens, what are some of the ways that that can play out in a musical sense?

Ming: Yeah, it’s all about trust, and you can lose the trust of an orchestra instantly. It’s a big responsibility to be on the podium and have the audacity to tell musicians like, “This is my viewpoint and I believe in this viewpoint.” Let’s say if I was going to conduct New York Philharmonic and I am going to be doing a Brahms symphony. Well, they’ve done Brahms with Kurt Masur, they’ve done Brahms with Alan Gilbert, they’ve done Brahms with Bernstein and many, many great conductors. Who am I to insert my particular viewpoint? And so building that trust and trying to maintain that trust is actually very important. There’s actually this one great article that I was reading in the New York Times and there’s this young conductor, 27-year-old really great phenom, and this flutist or flute player asked them, “Hey, do you want me to play like this? Or like this?” And the conductor said, “Oh, you know what? That’s a good question. Do it the second way you said.” And the flutist shot back and said, “Well, I didn’t play it that way the first time. Were you not listening to me?” [Zach chuckles] Right? In a very, very provocative way. But the thing that in that situation, some conductors might get offended or they might shrink away, he just kind of laughed it away and said, “Yeah, I wasn’t listening to that point. But you know, playing it the second way is great.” It immediately diffused all tension in the room and they just got back to work, which is what everybody wants to do. I think there’s plenty of times, actually. If you go online, you can actually see Bernstein speaking with orchestra members and they talk back to him. They have these discussions and it can get a little tense. But I think that the motivation for everybody is that they want to play their best and they want to be proud of the work that they’re doing all together. And so the conductor has a pretty big responsibility there and the trust needed is pretty important.

There are many situations where there are colleagues that don’t like working together and they need to. There’s a very famous one, I probably shouldn’t name the orchestra but it is pretty famous if you look it up, where the wind players were very very upset with one of their colleagues, and yet they had to play together for years. And there were lawsuits about it. There are conductors that are very much not respected in the industry but still conduct quite a bit. Again, it’s part of a point of pride of musicians. They still want to sound good, so they’re going to try to do as much as they can to put on a good show and might have to work in other ways to make sure that the performances don’t get derailed. There’s actually a really wonderful example recently of a colleague of mine, Noah Lindquist, who is a phenomenal musician and pianist. He was an assistant conductor for an opera and had to be thrown into the conductor seat very last minute. He is a fantastic musician but didn’t have as much experience with an orchestra, but the orchestra really loved his musicianship and they said, “Look, we’re going to stay together, we’re going to work hard, we’re going to do this all together. And you show us what the music is supposed to be and the timing to connect with the singers. We’ll keep ourselves together, we’ll get through this together.” And it was a fantastic experience where everybody was really excited and happy. It was a brilliant performance, the orchestra musicians played well, Noah conducted and portrayed the music beautifully, and it was a circumstance where they really actually all trusted each other to try to get together this performance. And it was a wonderful situation.

Zach: I think it was in your Reddit thread. I can’t remember exactly but somebody described a conductor who didn’t get along with the orchestra and some players, basically, they were queued mistakenly by the conductor. They basically could have corrected themselves and not made a mistake, but they basically allowed the conductor to cue them to make a mistake as kind of a passive-aggressive thing.

Ming: Yeah. [laughs]

Zach: That’s probably an extreme example but it just made me think there’s probably some kind of things that can happen like that that just are related to a bad relationship.

Ming: Yeah. Yeah, very definitively. And there’s obviously respect, too. I mean, there’s a certain amount of… There are orchestra conductors that are greatly respected by the musicians but they might not be as technically gifted and might make mistakes or do things that are, quote, technically not very good for conducting technique. But the musicians really love them and so they will do their best to play as much as they can. For instance, Blomstedt, who used to be the music director for San Francisco Symphony, I believe he’s in his 90s now. He doesn’t have the technical facility that he did when he was in his 30s or 40s, you know? And yet the amount of respect the musicians have for the Blomstedt is just absolutely amazing. So when they do do performances, it’s a very moving experience because they are really connecting and trying to work hard to make the performance as engaging as possible.

Zach: It seems like with the amount of managerial and leadership skills that’s required to do the job well, is that something that you go out of your way to train on? Or is that usually something that conductors naturally have and develop on their own? If that makes sense.

Ming: I think it’s both. I think there are people that are naturally gifted at leadership, and there are ones that need to learn the techniques. There’s a reason why sometimes… I think there is one orchestra conductor that actually leads business classes because the idea of leadership from the podium is directly related to management, and he’ll actually lead sessions where he’ll get in the orchestra members’ faces like a manager that’s very micromanaging. Or a conductor who basically doesn’t show any leadership whatsoever and is sort of like a lackadaisical manager that doesn’t really actually check in with the players or their workers, and as a result, it’s a direct symbol of what good leadership is. For me, personally, I think it was very difficult at the beginning to really understand what the orchestra does by themselves and what I need to bring to it. And I think it’s very common for young conductors. But later on, I think the next big hurdle for me was situational; what do the orchestra members need at this point, what is going to be helpful, and really understanding the nuances of those situations. I remember my first time conducting one of the big, big orchestras. I was so excited. I was going to make my imprint and really excite people and get them enthusiastic! And a friend of mine was in the orchestra and beforehand, he’s just like, “Hey, you’re coming to this concert, we just had a huge concert, everybody’s super tired, and we have another big recording project that’s in a couple of weeks. So just know, going into it, that people are going to be pretty tired and—

Zach: Lower your expectations.

Ming: Yeah. It’s more that if I came in super gung ho and I was getting to work them to the bone, that that was going to be the worst possible thing that I could possibly do. You know? And so, understanding those circumstances. There are times where the orchestra, especially if you’re doing theatre like opera or ballet and you’re in a pit, the acoustics are very difficult and it’s not a very easy experience for the musicians. So sometimes clarity and precision is really price to make sure that they feel comfortable. And sometimes in the orchestra, they just want to just feel like we have a good cohesive idea. So I mean, that idea that every situation is different and you need to approach it in a different manner is something that I’m always continuing to refine.

Zach: So when you first started out, was it pretty nerve-racking to conduct? Did you have some maybe exaggerated or overstated ideas of the kinds of harms that you could do if you mess something up? Can you talk a little bit about how that played out?

Ming: Yeah. I remember the first time conducting Nutcracker and it was with San Francisco Ballet. San Francisco Ballet is the orchestra that did the American premiere of The Nutcracker and actually created the holiday tradition of the Nutcracker in the US. It’s actually a very historic ensemble. But I had never conducted the Nutcracker before and I was a nervous wreck before that. Before the performance, I had– and I actually still have this routine if I get very nervous– I try to calm my mental activity as well as I calm my physical activity too. So, that’s calming my heartbeat, slowing down my breath, taking very deep breaths. And at the time, I wasn’t meditating as much. But nowadays, we know that slowing your breath will help slow down your heart rate and try to slow down my racing mind. But it was a nerve-wracking experience because I remember all the practice that I did and getting into the pit, and the orchestra actually responded differently than I had anticipated. And so in those moments, you’re trying to figure out, “Okay, how do I adjust to this? How do I make it comfortable for them?” Looking back, it’s thrilling, but during the moment, it was terrifying.

Zach: Well, I was reading some– I don’t think it was in your thread, I think it was another Reddit thread from a different conductor. And maybe you’ve seen this post, but it described the terror and the anxiety that a new conductor had. He described a joke that the band played on him where they basically set him up to think that they were playing something different or doing something wrong based on something he did. And he said it filled him with, even though they were joking and he quickly realized it, he had this tremendous anxiety thinking that he had screwed something up. It was in rehearsal, it wasn’t an actual performance. But it kind of got at that amount of responsibility you feel for the music, which I can imagine especially when you start out must be pretty nerve-racking.

Ming: Yeah, it is a lot of responsibility and it’s like I actually say about the presidency. They say the person that you want to run for president is not the person that would run for president, right? I mean, it takes a lot of strength to have the audacity to stand in front of the orchestra and to lead 70-plus musicians, some of whom have more experience than you’ve been living, and tell them your interpretation of the music.

Zach: Have you ever noticed something accidental that you did body language-wise that actually changed a performance?

Ming: Oh, yeah, of course. And you’re like, “Oh!” You get surprised and say, “Oh, wow, that actually worked. This was great.” Or you do something… I remember, actually, it was another big orchestra. This was a Houston Symphony and I was conducting something. I changed the shape of my hand very, very slightly and they instantly changed the color of how they played. That’s when I realized how subtle and how musical these performances can be and do. It’s really a thrilling experience. I remember so many little instances like that. I was conducting the San Francisco Symphony for an online performance during pandemic and it was the first time this small group of only eight musicians had gotten together since they had stopped playing because of the pandemic. And just feeling them lock into each other and then adjust to each other and all of us sort of collaborating, I’ll never forget… I mean, this is one of those influential musical moments that just stays with you. It’s very, very meaningful.

Zach: Could you give a little bit more detail about how you changed the shape of your hand? What was the detail there?

Ming: Oh, yeah. It was with my left hand. If you hold your left hand in a fist or if you hold your left hand flat, even if you hold your left hand flat and its palm down versus palm facing up, all those actually will have very subtle or in some cases very large differences to the orchestra. And so whether you are showing something that has intensity or something that is relaxed and much more flowing, those will change how the orchestra musicians will play. And with the orchestra members that have incredible technical facility, which oftentimes leads to the ability to be much more expressive because you have the technical ability to have a really wide range of colors, little things like that can really change your performance.

Zach: It’s like hand up is like swelling upwards and hand down has the sense of suppressing and things like that.

Ming: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Zach: For people that don’t know much or are not into classical music at all, is there a specific recommendation you would give for a classical piece that you think is a good mainstream crossover recommendation?

Ming: Yeah. I think the funny thing about music is that when we’re born, there is no preference. Kids will listen to Mozart and they’ll listen to Metallica, they’ll listen to Billy Joel, they’ll listen to Taylor Swift. There really is very little preference. And the thing is that with classical music, I think sometimes there’s a perceived idea that you need to appreciate it to understand it. Stravinsky had this great quote, actually. He said music appreciation is too much about appreciation and it should be more about music. And so the pieces that I tend to gravitate towards are ones that have definitive programs or an idea behind it. And there are two types of music, absolute music and programmatic music. Absolute music is music for its own sake, it exists just for the sheer beauty or structure. But programmatic music has some idea behind it. It accompanies a story, it’s telling a story, or it portrays an emotion. For instance, the piece that I’m working on this week, Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet, that’s a fantastic work for people to listen to. Because when you hear young Juliet, the music for Juliet when she is youthful and right on the cusp of between being an adult and a kid, and hear that music and how lively it is and energetic, and yet it changes moods instantly like a teenager would even though I think she’s actually only supposed to be 12, that really can speak to people directly. Or when you hear the music when Romeo, after Juliet has taken the potion to make her look like she has died but Romeo doesn’t know that, and you hear the dirge and this tragic music that represents Romeo, I think we can all connect to that, especially knowing the story and the story is as familiar as Romeo Juliet. That’s the sort of music that I listen to.

One thing that I absolutely love is the quick movement of Shostakovich’s Eighth String Quartet. When I was a teenager, this was like the heavy metal of classical music. In fact, people that play rock guitar or metal guitar will actually play this piece on guitar because it has so much grunge in it. But it is an amazing idea to sort of blow away the notion that classical music is calming or peaceful. It’s exactly the opposite. It’s actually really driven and angry and intense and quick. So, those are pieces that I would suggest. But I think the clear thing is that classical music has lasted for hundreds and hundreds of years because it actually encompasses all human emotion and experience. And so if there’s music that you don’t connect to, there are plenty of other composers that you might connect to. That’s just like saying somebody’s like, “Well, I don’t like lima beans, so I don’t like food.” Because you maybe don’t like Mozart’s or Kleinknecht’s music, it doesn’t mean you don’t like classical music. It just means that there are many, many other composers that you might connect to a little bit more. Or they say, “It takes 4 years before you understand Brahms!” That’s what they used to tell us conductors. But that’s just not true. I mean, you can appreciate Brahms on so many different levels. And the reason why it’s been around for so long is that it really is something that you can dig deep into and find more, or you can just listen to without having any background to and really connect to him.

Zach: That was a talk with orchestra conductor, Ming Luke. You can learn more about Ming at his website mingluke.com. This has been the People Who Read People Podcast with me, Zach Elwood. If you enjoyed this talk, I have many more talks about how people use psychology and behavior in their careers and pastimes. My website for the podcast is at behavior-podcast.com. Okay, thanks for listening.

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podcast

Bullshit behavior experts, with Dr. Jack Brown

This episode is about what I refer to as “behavior bullshit.” There are many self-proclaimed behavior experts spreading bad, misleading, and irresponsible concepts about human behavior, and some of these people are quite popular. This episode focuses on Jack Brown (Twitter: @drgjackbrown), one of the more egregious offenders amongst behavior bullshitters. Other topics discussed include: eye-quadrant behavior analysis (for example, someone looking to upper right); NLP (neuro-linguistic programming); some common inaccuracies contained in behavior bullshit; the use of ambiguous language to make one’s background seem impressive; and more. 

If you like this episode, check out an examination of self-proclaimed behavior expert Chase Hughes.

Episode links:

Resources mentioned in or related to this episode:

TRANSCRIPT

Zach: This is the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zachary Elwood. This is a podcast about better understanding other people, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it at behavior-podcast.com. 

A couple years ago I wrote a piece about Jack Brown. He is what I refer to as a behavior bullshitter: one of the many people in the behavior analysis space who are, to put it bluntly, full of shit. 

This piece I wrote about Jack Brown is one of the more popular things I’ve written: I put it on the blog on my poker tells site, which is at www.readingpokertells.com, and it’s the most viewed page on that site over the last couple years. And this is probably for a couple reasons: for one thing, there’s not that much information out Jack Brown – most of the information about him comes from his website and Twitter – and probably also because there are a lot of people who see him making confident proclamations on Twitter about various behaviors and wonder “who the hell is this guy?” and google his name. 

Behavior bullshitting seems to be a pretty lucrative field. There are many people in this space: people who rack up a lot of views with their analysis of various videos of interviews, speeches, and interrogations. People are really hungry for this content: reading people is an exciting idea; the idea that we can see behind people’s deceptions and ambiguous behaviors and language and see the truth – it’s an exciting prospect. And there are some people who really are drawn to the idea of having secret knowledge, and this ties into some of the draw of conspiracy theories – having that secret knowledge can make us feel special, can make us feel like we’re in the know and part of a special and elite club. 

One of the more irresponsible and ridiculous things Jack Brown has done on Twitter is his analysis of some January 6th footage that shows an anonymous person planting planting pipe bombs the day before the January 6th Capital riot. That person has never been caught. Jack Brown has many times strongly implied that the pipe bomber was likely Marjorie Taylor Greene. This is a popular conspiracy theory in some very online liberal circles; you can find a lot of people who have written about this idea. 

One article from the-independent.com had an article titled “Marjorie Taylor Greene addresses online conspiracy theory linking her to Jan 6 pipe bomber” The subtitle of that piece was: “While Ms Taylor Greene seems to take issue with conspiracy theories that she is the subject of, she is known to have pushed several herself.”

Jack Brown seems to be somewhat smart, and he avoids directly saying he thinks it’s her, as he probably knows he could get into some trouble for that. But he all but says he thinks it’s her. He will still occasionally mention his so-called analysis, saying, in regards to the unknown pipe bomber, and I quote “we all know who’s highest on this suspect list”. 

Brown’s so-called analysis of the pipe bomb footage, and of Marjorie Taylor Green’s statements about that event, is representative for him, just for how irresponsible and over-reaching it all is. 

I’ll post some links to his more prominent tweet thread about this on my site if you want to see the whole thing, but I’ll talk about a couple things he tweeted, just so you can get the idea.

Brown quote-tweets a tweet by Marjorie Taylor Green where she expresses a view that the pipe bomber isn’t being investigated enough. Brown says “In this tweet, Marjorie Taylor Greene is displaying a version of “Who farted?”, i.e., When a child (or childish person) expels flatulence, they believe if they’re the one who verbalizes an open question as to its origin, that they will be above suspicion.” end-quote 

This is pretty much what Brown does with all his analysis: it’s just childish analysis, basically interpreting whoever he wants to negatively analyze through the worst-possible filter. Obviously it’s possible for Greene, or anyone, to tweet what they did, without being the pipe bomber, and without having any guilt. For one thing, Greene might think, or want to imply, that the pipe bomber was not conservative but was actually a far left person. The point is: we just don’t know, and it’s absurd to pretend as if that gives us any great insight. 

In other tweets in that thread, Brown says this “In addition, Marjorie Taylor Greene displayed a classic fear expression during Rep. Jim Banks’s recent testimony in the very moment he mentioned a bombing event that occurred in the Capitol building in the early 1980s.” end quote

This is also text-book Jack Brown: taking the most minor, ambiguous, and common behavior, and speaking about it as if it has huge, reliable meaning. That is the bread and butter of behavior bullshit: claiming to find deep meaning in things that simply don’t contain any reliable meaning, or, if there is some slightly reliable pattern there, are so miniscully reliable as to be meaningless. 

Jack Brown is frequently doing stuff like this; it’s really hard to even know where to start because there is just so much irresponsible badness. And it really pays off. You can find all sorts of people asking for Brown’s takes on all sorts of things. And you can find all sorts of people sharing Jack Brown’s takes with other people. For example, a Jack Brown fan might be found telling someone, “Did you see the evidence that Marjorie Taylor Greene was the January 6th pipe bomber? This behavior expert Jack Brown said so; it’s very legitimate.” or saying something like “Did you see Jack Brown’s behavioral analysis of Bill Gates: it shows he likely was doing bad things with Jeffrey Epstein.”

It’s just all so irresponsible and sad, and angering. 

And there are a lot of other people in the behavior analysis space who do this kind of stuff. Some are more responsible than others. Some mainly just make a lot of ambiguous, theoretical statements to keep their audiences entertained, to keep them watching, and that focus on light entertainment is much less bad than what Jack Brown is doing.

I’ve talked to quite a few people who actually study behavior and are serious academics in these areas, and they also have a lot of frustration with all these behavior bullshitters. There’s frustration at them being willing to bullshit and exaggerate for clicks and attention, and there’s frustration at them lessening mainstream interest in actual behavior analysis, which is much more nuanced and as a result can seem more boring, at least when compared to highly confident and exciting analysis. 

As you may know if you’ve followed my work, one of my main claims to fame is my work on poker tells. And poker is such a trivial and unimportant field compared to real-world political and criminal stuff, but still I’ve seen it as so important to speak carefully about behavior analysis, and to not overstate, and to draw attention to ambiguity and uncertainty whenever I can. That just seems the right thing to do, if one cares at all about one’s audience. For this reason, it can be very frustrating to see people speaking about much more important things, things that have the potential to affect people’s lives, in so cavalier and attention-seeking a way. 

Finally, if you are someone interested in behavior and want to learn more about it, go check out the people I’ve interviewed for my podcast: I’ve interviewed some interesting people in various lines of research and careers on real-world applications of this stuff. For example, you might like checking out the talk with Tim Levine, who talks about the lack of evidence that behavior analysis can reliably be used for lie detection. Or see the talk with Alan Crawley, who talks about the benefits and challenges of studying behavior. If you are interested in this, go check out the entry for this episode on my site behavior-podcast.com and I’ll have some links to those related past episodes there. 

Okay, here’s the piece I wrote about Jack Brown, edited a bit for audio production, and with some updates thrown in.

(Read the piece.)

Categories
podcast

Understanding MAGA anger, with ex-Trump voter Rich Logis

For the purposes of depolarization, it’s important to understand the us-vs-them narratives that surround us. This is a talk with Rich Logis (perfectourunion.us), who describes his journey as going “from ultra-MAGA to Never-Trump.” Rich was a vocal pro-Trump activist, who’d written many political op-eds and had his own political podcast, and who switched to being very critical of Trump and MAGA in 2021. I ask Rich about the reasons he was enthusiastic about Trump: what the sources of his anger were, and why he viewed Hillary Clinton winning in 2016 as an “existential threat.” We talk about the more rational reasons driving Trump support, and why he believes most Trump voters are good people. We talk about the nature of us-vs-them conflict and how it distorts our thinking and emotions. We talk about what led to his abrupt change of mind when it came to Trump and MAGA. 

Episode links:

Resources mentioned in or related to this talk:

TRANSCRIPT (coming soon)

Categories
podcast

Examining strategies of some common scams, with Martina Dove

A talk with Martina Dove (martinadove.com), author of the book The Psychology of Fraud, Persuasion and Scam Techniques, about some common scams you and people you know might encounter (phishing scams, “pig butchering” scams, romance scams, wrong-number-text scams, and more). We discuss how these scams work, and some strategies for avoiding them. 

Episode links:

Some things we mention in this talk:

Categories
podcast

The spectrum of narcissism: from healthy self enhancement to toxic narcissism, with Craig Malkin

Craig Malkin (drcraigmalkin.com) is the author of the popular book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, in which he describes the spectrum of narcissism: how it can be healthy to have positive illusions about one’s self and one’s life, as long as those illusions don’t become pathologically unhealthy and toxic. Transcript is below.

Topics discussed include: the spectrum of narcissism, as Craig sees it; common misconceptions about narcissism; the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, which is the basis of many people’s understanding of narcissism; existential and psychological factors that can lead to more narcissistic ways of engaging with other people.

Episode links:

Resources we mentioned or that are related include:

TRANSCRIPT

Zachary Elwood: Hello and welcome to the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zachary Elwood. This is a podcast about better understanding other people, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it at behavior-podcast.com, and on my site you can also sign up for a premium ad-free subscription. 

On this episode I talk to Craig Malkin about narcissism. Craig is the author of the popular book Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad – and Surprising Good – About Feeling Special. As with some past episodes I’ve done on topics like autism, and psychopaths, I wanted to dig into some of the nuance in this area. Topics we talk about include: the simplistic and wrong ideas about narcissism that are pretty common in mainstream conceptions; How Craig views narcissism: both the positive aspects of it and the negative aspects of it, and his conception of what the narcissism spectrum looks like; Craig’s criticisms of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, which is a popular test that you often see used in many of the online narcissism tests and which is the basis for a lot of people’s understanding of narcissism; and we talk about some existential and psychological factors that can lead to people taking more narcissistic approaches in how they engage with people and the world.  

A little bit more about Craig Malkin, which I’m taking from his website: he’s a Lecturer in Psychology for Harvard Medical School and a licensed psychologist with over two decades of experience in helping couples, individuals, and families. His research on the role of relationships in psychological growth has been published in peer-reviewed journals, and PsychologyToday.com has called his blog Romance Redux “an essential read.”

Dr. Malkin’s advice and insights on a wide range of topics within his areas of expertise have been featured in major national and international on-line and print media magazines and newspapers, including Match.com’s Happen Magazine, Marie Claire, and Women’s Health, as well as popular TV and radio news shows. He continues to practice full time in Harvard Square, in Cambridge Massachusetts, and serves as president and director of his own therapy and consulting company, YM Psychotherapy and Consultation, Inc., which he owns and operates with his wife, Dr. Jennifer Leigh.


You can learn more about Craig and his work at drcraigmalkin.com, his last name is spelled MALKIN. 

If you enjoy this podcast, or my work in general, please consider signing up for a premium subscription at my website, behavior-podcast.com. Or please just share episodes with your friends and acquaintances, to help me gain a wider audience. Or go to Apple Podcasts or another platform and leave a review for the podcast. The more listens and subscriptions I get, the more I’m encouraged to work on these things. 

Okay here’s the talk with Craig Malkin:

Zachary Elwood: Okay, here’s the talk with Craig Malkin. Hi, Craig. Thanks for joining me.

Craig Malkin: Hi, Zach. Thanks for having me on.

Zach: So maybe we could start with you talking a little bit about what got you interested in the narcissism area?

Craig: Absolutely. Actually, whenever I talk about this, I’m always reminded my wife and I have forever had this joke. My answer to the question of how I got introduced sounds like the punchline to a really bad psychology joke because it all goes back to my mother, but that’s actually true. Because when I was young, I had this very different experience of my mother. She was a leader, she was charming, people really liked her. I mean, people were really drawn to her. She made things happen in all kinds of ways and I felt supported by her. I actually felt connected to her in a way that I really didn’t when I got older and she got older. She was extremely attractive when she was younger and then she got older, of course like we all do, she wasn’t as attractive. She lost her looks and I think that was a big part of what affected her. But in any event, as she got older, she was critical. She often would come up with these shocking non-sequiturs. I’d be talking about something like my hurt over a breakup and once she said, “Oh, I never had any trouble dating anyone who’s English.” That was not my best impression of her but we’ll press on. And one of the worst experiences was after my father died. We had to move her from their house in New York to nearby here in Massachusetts at a place that was better, more convenient and that she could actually afford. And because they were pretty broke at the end, we did an estate sale and collected the money for the move.

At one point right after that move, she accused me in not so many words of taking the money. She was grilling me on what happened to all that money we raised. Anyway, this was a very different experience of her as a person. And later on when I was studying psychology in college, I was looking at a textbook and they had the description of narcissistic personality disorder and image. You get a picture of a narcissist looking at his reflection, and reading the text underneath, I was shocked. I was floored because it perfectly captured my mother in one paragraph, and then the next paragraph, it didn’t seem to fit at all. So I was struggling with this paradox. As soon as I learned about this, of how can my mother be this and also this, and that’s really what got me interested in the beginning. And I stayed interested so much that in my advanced training at Harvard, I was supervised by one of the foremost experts on narcissism in the world at the time, a guy named Andy Morrison. He wrote a book called “Shame The Underside of Narcissism“, where he talked about how shame played into it. And I just continued to keep a foot in the water, if you will, and try to think about this and understand and solve the problem that I had come to feel was understanding my mother, so much so that I continued writing. And in 2013, I became really interested in coming up with a measure that integrated all the ideas about narcissism. Not just the one picture when we can get into that, but briefly, it’s the loud chest-thumping braggart vision of narcissism that’s really only one aspect of it. I wanted to have a measure that captured all of it, including a notion of health. That’s when my colleagues and I came up with the Narcissism Spectrum Scale, which really became the basis of my book, “Rethinking Narcissism“.

Zach: One of the motivations I have for doing this podcast is a bit of frustration I have with the kind of nuanced ways that people use some of these labels, these terms like psychopath, narcissist, autistic in the mainstream and in ways that feel that they don’t really understand the immense amount of complexity and nuance in those areas. That’s just one of my motivations, is to examine some of that nuance and dig into that more. Is it fair to say that’s kind of a similar element of what led you to dig into the nuance that you saw in narcissism?

Craig: Oh, absolutely. There was a lot. Even already at the time I was developing my ideas and trying to bring everything together for the book, not long before that there was a book called “The Narcissism Epidemic“. And as you can tell from the title, its stance was narcissism is evil and destructive and now it’s everywhere and it’s spreading, it’s an epidemic. The problem is that book was based on research from something that we’re going to get into today called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, which is even designed to measure pathology. So in order to have an epidemic, you need an illness. And if you’re not collecting anything that captures narcissistic personality disorder, then there’s no basis to declare it as some kind of epidemic. This is a great example of the unnuanced thinking that was happening.

Zach: I’ll try to summarize one of your points and you can tell me if I do an okay job. It seems like one of your main arguments is that as a culture, we’re kind of unreasonably intolerant of behaviors that we view as self-centered. We can kind of have a bit of a grudge or dislike of things we view as self-centered and vain and such, despite the fact that as you point out in your work, some forms of narcissism are pretty standard in most people and even have healthy aspects. Am I summarizing that roughly correctly?

Craig: That’s absolutely right. Part of the reason for the knee-jerk unnuanced picture and reactions that happen around narcissism is we do have this strain throughout our culture and our thinking, it runs pretty deep almost like a puritanical strain. I write about this in my book or mention it when you think about the seven deadly sins. Like, it’s greed, it’s sloth. I mean, all these things are excesses of the self, basically. And so there is, in a way, this valorization of not having any of those tendencies whatsoever, like striving for money. Oh my gosh, if people weren’t striving for money, we wouldn’t have capitalism, we wouldn’t have what we have in the world and certainly in America, right? So the danger of reacting like this is bad, get rid of it and it’s all bad, is that we can’t recognize those very normal tendencies in ourselves. This is a very common phenomenon in psychology and psychological science, that we tend to disown and project qualities that we revile. We find them in others. So then it becomes this cultural game of who can I point out is more selfish than me? It really even plays into some of the ways holier than thou religion and things like that. But the problem is, again, we all have these feelings. And they’re normal. They’re a part of our experience. And actually, you’re more likely to exaggerate them and turn to the extreme, like become incredibly greedy, for example, if you can’t own that that’s an important drive in you in some way. You can’t let it go and you can’t have any flexibility around it if you can’t even acknowledge it’s there.

Zach: Mhm, the recognition that we are fundamentally in some degree self-centered because that’s like the existential way we experience the world. We only have our own point of view, and therefore to some extent, we’re all self-centred in some way.

Craig: That’s absolutely right. Even if we’re not embracing some idea of solipsism, it’s just all we have is our subjective experience. Our best guess is based on what we’re seeing in other people and what we’re hearing from them what their experience is. And just from the very beginning, as a result of that, our experience and what’s happening inside us is always going to some extent take privacy.

Zach: Well, yeah, and I want to get back to that existential discussion but maybe I thought it’d be interesting to go through some of the questions or the elements of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, the NPI, which you criticize in your work and it’s one of the most well-known tests when it comes to narcissism. Maybe you could talk a little bit about that test and its relative importance in the field and your criticisms of it.

Craig: Absolutely. Well, my main criticism is that it mixes together, and this is what we’re talking about, health and pathology. It sort of throws them all into one mix, and then you get one score and this tells you what’s going on with someone. Unfortunately, because it leaves out the nuance, it also then fails to capture a lot of very important information about people’s functioning and strengths and limitations. So we have any number of items that you read them and you’re like, “Yeah, that doesn’t sound great.” Like there’s one on there, “I won’t stop until I get the respect to do me.” Not surprisingly, answering that in the positive, not a great sign! But then there are others that tap more into health and it sounds like you’re going to read some of them, people will see as you read them out loud, it’s a little more complicated. So my main criticism is that it mixes together health and pathology when we should be looking at both and the impact of both and the aspects of what that captures about what narcissism is beyond just the pathological version of it. It also conflates, mixes together in a similar way traits of narcissism with a pathological condition or diagnosis. And we shouldn’t do that either.

Zach: You’ll now be hearing an ad. I don’t endorse these ads and I encourage you to remain skeptical of all ads.

[Ad plays]

Zach: I’ll go through a few of the elements on there, the components there, and just maybe we can have a little discussion on each one. One of them is I like to be the center of attention. Do you see some nuance in there? Because getting into the realm of like, some of these things, our surface-level instinct is to dislike self-centeredness. But then again, to some extent, a lot of people do like these things, right? Like being the center of attention.

Craig: Yes. Yes, yes! Or it’s a problem and they need to be able to play with it or enjoy it in some way if they don’t. Again, we can get into those aspects of it as well. The heart of narcissism really is what’s also called self-enhancement. Or it goes back to research that was collected in the ’80s and turned into a book called “Positive Illusions” by Shelley E. Taylor. It was a brilliant and landmark book because people were saying that health is all about seeing things in realistic ways, and then she came along and she showed people this vast body of research that happy healthy people do not see themselves, the world, or future in our realistic ways at all. They have these kind of inflated illusions. So when you have some of that, you can flexibly endorse something like, “I like to be the center of attention.” Especially really people who are extremely extroverted. Somebody who’s really introverted, these are different styles. They may not endorse that and now you’re capturing more whether someone’s introverted or extroverted. And that’s one of the criticisms of the NPI as well, by the way.

But think about what it means if somebody doesn’t enjoy being the center of attention ever. And then you get into one of the main problems from the start that people stumbled into when they started to try to use the NPI. We didn’t get into the history of it but it came out around 1980 when people first started proposing a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, largely based on the works of two thinkers, Kernberg and Kohut. They tried to put something together to capture this. And the NPI came out along with it and the idea is, well, maybe we can use this to diagnose people. Well, it turned out it was terrible. It did not correlate with narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis at all. But on top of that, the question you read, if you don’t endorse that at all, it’s like you’re a zero on that. Or say you’re a zero on some of the other items that you’re going to measure. Or you’re a zero on the NPI. That is not healthy.

Zach: You’re hiding from the world, kind of.

Craig: Exactly, it’s not a well-functioning person. So unless that’s taken into account, we can’t have this view that zero on any one item or all these items is good and a high score is bad. Again, it collapses it into very black and white. That’s a really good example. It’s not a bad thing to enjoy being the center of attention, not by itself.

Zach: That gets into your work about the spectrum of it, the zero to 10 scale and examining some of the more healthy aspects of what we view as narcissism and at the low end, a zero is somebody who doesn’t have any of these self-enhancement tools at their disposal or doesn’t use them.

Craig: Correct.

Zach: Let’s look at another question here. I am a born leader, which is another aspect of you can imagine someone believing that in a healthy sense like a more objective sense. Like maybe they’ve had experiences that show them that. So I think that’s another area where you can see a lot of nuance just like for the last one, I think.

Craig: Oh, absolutely. Let’s talk a little bit too about what we’re looking at here. This is called a forced-choice questionnaire. And the NPI has been criticized for the problem with that, too. They try to take care of it. They just want listeners to hear the flavor of the introduction, which is you have a series of 40 statements. One of them is in the narcissistic direction and one of them is supposedly not in the narcissistic direction. Again, you’ll start to see that even that assumption gets a little bit problematic. So, it’s which of these two statements is closer to your own feelings about yourself. If you identify more with liking to have authority over people than not minding following orders, you would choose option A. You may identify with both A and B. So they try to guide people in this way. In this case, you should choose the statements which seems closer to yourself. Or if you do not identify with the statements, select the one which is least objectionable or remote. In other words, read each pair of statements and then choose the one that’s closer to your own feelings. So you see what they’re trying to do there.

Zach: Which way you lean. Yeah.

Craig: Yeah. So it’s really an endorsement and attitude. Now, somebody who says I’m a natural-born leader, this taps into a component of the NPI. Again, this is one of the problems. They take a unitary score usually when they collect data from the NPI, researchers do that. You know, whatever score from zero to 40, right? Because we’ve got zero is non-narcissistic and one is narcissistic. But when you look at the actual items and how they cluster, it actually falls into three clear mathematical piles. Related, but in some ways they don’t overlap all that well. They can be looked at distinctly. These are called factors. I’m a natural-born leader or whatever, it was something like that, right? Taps into a factor called leadership authority. Leadership authority does not correlate with any negative relational patterns or patterns of behavior. It only predicts positive behaviors by itself. So this is, again, the mixing of health and pathology. You can hear in that “I’m a natural born leader”. Well, who the hell believes that? Well, maybe they’ve got some evidence but endorsing it, really, you really are embracing some idea that you’re special. You stand out from the other 8 billion people on the planet in some way. That’s what self-enhancement is. It turns out just believing that is not inherently pathological. So it’s another great example. You want people with leadership authority who score high on that in leadership positions. This is one of the reasons why presidents and politicians score higher than average on narcissistic traits. Because some of those traits tap into this more adaptive aspect of self-enhancement.

Zach: There’s a lot of these we could talk about. Another one I’ll pick at random, I wish someone would write my autobiography. I think many people, similar to the things we’re talking about, I think many people if they were being honest would dream of doing something big enough or interesting enough for someone to want to write about them. That doesn’t even mean they’re necessarily doing something that big. It could be like, “Oh, look at what a humble and caring life they lead.” Getting back to that idea of self-enhancement, I think we all want to believe that we are special, and that’s a very practically functional way to experience the world. I’m curious what you’d say about that one.

Craig: It’s core, for sure. Read the question again.

Zach: I wish someone would write my autobiography. I don’t have the other forced choice one, I didn’t write that one.

Craig: I wanted people to hear that again because it’s a wish also, it’s a fantasy. Do you endorse that? Do you not endorse that? And so once again, there’s validity and helpful information you can capture, especially when it was presented as you heard. They’re trying to give some flexibility in people’s thinking. Just, whatever do you lean towards? What do you most identify with? And there is some helpful information that you can collect, all of this data, and then you look at what it relates to. And it does look like people who score extremely high on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. Again, that’s not great either, as you can imagine somebody who’s scoring a 40. Now you’re racking up these things where most people would be on the fence. But that sense of specialness that I matter enough, that I wish somebody would write my autobiography, there could be people who are really accomplished to actually feel that, too, and then they’re going to endorse that. But to your point, a big part of what comes out of this research and why we have to have a notion of health is that illusion. And it is an illusion. We’re all kind of brief flickering lights in the universe. No one’s going to remember even the biggest star 300 years ago, that’s just the reality. But the illusion that we’re special in some way and that we stand out from the other 8 billion people on the planet, when it’s held flexibly, it’s clear from other research that that actually does help us thrive, helps us persist in the face of failure, it might even help with closeness and relationships. So somebody who, for example, believes their autobiography should be written, that question doesn’t correlate reliably with any horrible outcomes or patterns of behavior.

Zach: So, the test with its criticisms you and others can make of it, is it still respected in the industry? Is it still useful for maybe the more pathological results, or how is it viewed and do you see it?

Craig: Again, the higher someone is on this, the more problematic. A 40 is obviously more likely to be reflective of pathology, but there’s going to be exceptions. What the NPI came to be used for, and there are problems even in this, is measures of trait thinking of narcissism on a spectrum. Like, how high on the trait is this person? So you can say somebody who scores high on the narcissistic personality disorder is a narcissist. That means they’re higher on the trait than the average person. You can look at things that that predicts, that narcissists tend to react to threats to their ego with aggression, that narcissists are more likely to cheat in relationships. Likely, right? Not always that narcissists tend to be more entitled. Likely, not always, when somebody scores high. But what you can’t conclude is that this person has narcissistic personality disorder. Because when the research is looked at closely on high scores on the NPI as I said earlier, it doesn’t really correlate all that well. There are other better ways to capture that. So what it’s used for largely to this day is collecting interesting data on convenient samples. I mean, I did this myself, where you’ve got college students who need credit. You sit down these college students and then they take the test and now you’ve got some data. And if you give them other tests of personality and other tests of behavior, you can correlate it with that and you can find some interesting patterns about what happens when people are high in narcissistic traits. But it tells you nothing about what happens when someone is disordered.

Zach: So, are there certain tests that you think are much more useful in these areas? Maybe there’s tests that you helped invent yourself.

Craig: Well, I think our test, the Narcissism Spectrum Scale, the NSS, is actually pretty great because it envisions the spectrum from zero to 10; where zero or a lack of healthy narcissism or failure to self-enhance is problematic, which is what the research shows. There’s something called the sadder but wiser effect. So if you ask people to rank themselves on different traits like warmth, intelligence, beauty, or whatever compared to their peers, and say, “Do you think you’re in the top 10%, the top 20, etc.,” happy healthy people won’t see themselves as average. They’ll see themselves through an overly positive lens or slightly rosy view. Not so rosy they’re blind to the truth, but it’s a little bit distorted. That’s what self-enhancement is. People who don’t do that tend to be depressed and anxious and they see things fairly realistically. Turns out that’s not a great thing. That’s what Shelly Taylor showed. I call this echoism, which is a fear of special attention, a fear of standing out, a worry about becoming a burden. In other words, a worry that… And really, the core of it is fear of seeming narcissistic in any way. It goes back to your earlier question that fear, often, is a problem. Like, this is going to seem selfish or greedy or too much of me. That actually causes people problems. Put that as echoism. We capture that.

The centre of healthy narcissism, these are people who score high on those self-enhancement measures, including aspects of the NPI and other measures. But they have no pathology whatsoever and they’re not addicted to feeling that way about themselves. If you give them feedback that they’re not as intelligent as they thought they were, they say, “Oh! Well, that’s disappointing. I thought it’d be higher than that. Oh, well.” And they take it in stride. And then you can look at people at the high end of the NSS who have exploitation, entitlement, and empathy impairments– I call Triple E— that’s the core of pathological narcissism. If you give them feedback that they’re not as special as they thought they were, they’ll call you an idiot. “This test is ridiculous! This is the dumbest thing.” So they’ll attack when their ego’s threatened. The NSS captures that, so at the far end, you can capture pathology. Then there’s another well-validated measure, which is called the Pathological Narcissism Inventory, the PNI. The Pathological Narcissism Inventory, which was developed by a researcher clinician, a clinician who diagnoses and specializes in narcissistic personality disorder. His name’s Aaron Pincus. He developed the PNI and it actually predicts pathology really, really well. So if you’re interested in disorders, you really want the PNI.

Zach: Then there’s also a single-item test, right?

Craig: Yeah. [laughs]

Zach: Can you talk a little bit about that one?

Craig: It’s funny. I should go back and say that the Narcissism Inventory, the other failing of it as you can tell by reading the questions, is that it captures extraversion. So you’re not going to capture introverted narcissists or what are called covert or vulnerable narcissists with this test, you need a separate test for that. And so it’s the more outgoing brand of narcissism. That’s what I’ve referred to as the narcissists we all know and loathe. Everybody has a caricature image of that reality TV stars, things like that. The SINS actually does a pretty good job of capturing mostly extroverted narcissists a little bit better and more. It’s a fascinating one because it is what it says, the SINS is a single item measure, and it’s just; to what extent do you agree with the following statement, I am a narcissist. Then it says in parentheses a narcissist is someone who likes to feel self-important and whatever, it goes through the traits. It turns out somebody who is willing to say, “Well, yes, that’s me,” is likely to score higher on narcissism inventories. [laughs] And part of it is, this is that problem again where this feeling special can also get out of control. Because the reason they do that self-importance, that’s a good thing! Because if they feel that they are that way, the reason they embrace it so freely, the more outgoing or extroverted charismatic types, is because they valorize it. It’s like, “Yeah, of course, that’s me!” Because that’s great. That’s what I should be doing. Because they think anything they do is great. That’s the SINS.

Zach: Yeah, when I think of somebody like Donald Trump answering that, I would think he would say, “Yes, I am this way.”

Craig: Yeah, and it’s good.

Zach: Yeah, and that’s a good thing. So I think yeah, it’s like there is self-knowledge of some sort. I think people would say, well, you might know you have those traits, but it’s not understanding why you have those traits or why those traits can be so harmful. That aspect might be not examined or off limits.

Craig: Perfect. Exactly. Like the aggressive devaluing that happens with some people who have pathological narcissism. They can tell you I’m treating this person like dirt because they’re an idiot. What they won’t say is I’m treating this person like dirt because lording my power over them and feeling like a bigger person makes sure that I never feel small, and I can view them as small so I can feel big. They won’t say that. They’ll just say, “We’ll, sure, a lot of people are idiots.”

Zach: Yeah. And you mentioned the introverted form of narcissism, which I think that’s the kind of nuance you get into in your book and I think it’s… That kind of opens up an area of nuance where I think a lot of people won’t be familiar with because we tend to think of narcissists as outgoing and brash and these kinds of things, but it seems like there’s all sorts of ways to be a narcissist basically. For example, let’s take an extreme example, you might be a narcissist who says to themselves, “Well, I’m one of the most humble and down-to-earth people in the world.” That could be an extreme. Or, “I’ve suffered so much,” and they focus on their amount of suffering, just to say that there’s all sorts of ways we might put ourselves on a pedestal and put other people, you know, minimize them basically.

Craig: Exactly, all sorts of ways to feel special or self-enhance. Not all of them are positive. That’s what you’re getting at when we’re touching on what introverted or vulnerable or covert narcissists. Those are all names for the same thing. So, think of narcissism as the drive to feel special, exceptional or unique– a trait, a survival strategy. This is where we get to talk about the existentialism behind it, right, the positive illusions. So that’s the drive that to some extent exists in everyone to greater or lesser degrees. Then there’s all kinds of ways of feeling special. This is how we mapped out in the NSS, the underlying ideas of what narcissism is; core drive to feel special or self-enhance. And then you can feel like the most attractive or intelligent person in the room, right? These are people who endorse items on the NPI. This is an extroverted or grandiose narcissist.

But then you can also feel that you’re special by virtue of negative qualities; the ugliest person in the room, the most misunderstood, the one who’s suffered the most. You’re special by virtue of your pain. That is what vulnerable or covert or introverted narcissism is. These are people who score high on introversion, but they don’t feel they stand out from the other 8 billion people on the planet because they’re rich or smart. In fact, they might feel like they have less of that than everyone else in the room. So it’s negative self-enhancement. I’m special because of what’s lacking in me, I’m special because of what I don’t have, I’m special because of what hasn’t happened to me. That’s introverted or vulnerable or covert narcissism. But then the one that you mentioned as you can also feel special by virtue of feeling like the most helpful person in the room, it’s communal narcissism. Communal narcissists agree with statements like, “I’m the most helpful person I know.” As a psychologist, that always makes me laugh, I can’t even imagine. “I’m the most helpful person I know and one day I’ll be famous for all the good deeds I’ve done.”

Zach: Like a philanthropist angle of narcissism, yeah.

Craig: Exactly. But it can be quiet, too. Communal narcissists can be people who are not movers and shakers in the community, they just sort of corner you in the room at the party and talk about all the great things they’re doing through the neighborhoods and friends, and how much they’ve given up in order to do that. So those are all different ways to feel special and I’m sure that we’ll be able to capture more over time.

Zach: Well, it seems like there’s so much nuance and complexity in these areas when it comes to the more normal range of narcissism. For example, thinking about my own life, there’s times I could be uncertain, like am I feeling really low about my place in the universe? Because I can feel an urge to combat that to searching for meaning kind of way like trying to put myself at a higher level, and you can kind of feel like in your life that you can swing back and forth. Another example is like in arguments I’ve had with my wife like disagreements. There can be elements of, who exactly is being more narcissistic here. It feels like there are going to blind spots that people can have and it can be hard to define. Like, “Well, who exactly is actually being the more narcissistic one?” And for me, it comes back to when it comes to separating the more pathological elements from the more normal aspects of this, I think to me it’s like the non-pathological aspects are a willingness to self-examine, a willingness to admit fault, a willingness to be vulnerable. That’s how I separate the more normal healthy personalities from the less healthy, and I’m curious would you agree that’s the rough line where separating the pathological exists?

Craig: Well, 100%. In fact, that’s an empirical fact. One measure of adjustment or mental health is people who tend to be in their relationships what’s called more securely attached. Securely attached people feel that when they’re lonely, when they’re sad, when they’re blue, when they’re struggling, when they’re vulnerable, they can turn to one special person or special group of people. And when push comes to shove, they will matter enough to those people that they’ll be there for them and there’ll be a sense of mutual care and connection. That’s what attachment security is. It turns out that people who score high on attachment security self-enhance. They moderately self-enhance. And I alluded to this research earlier. People who moderately self-enhance who have healthy narcissism– there’s a way you want to think about that– they believe they’re special enough that it helps them pursue big dreams if they’re more outgoing and extroverted, or it helps them suffer the trials and tribulations of life and not feel completely knocked down just to have this slightly overly inflated view of themselves where they have more of these positive illusions of self. But they don’t rigidly cling to them, people who are securely attached. And the way I think about this is to the extent that you can depend on people, you will not depend on feeling special. That is, if I can feel valued in a mutually caring and connected way in a relationship and trust that people love me and accept me, flaws and all and all my vulnerabilities that I show, I’m not going to need to sustain and maintain any sense of value of myself with these either negatively or positively inflated self-enhanced views of myself. I won’t need those in order to feel like I have a self at all. Because I can feel that in connection to others. That’s what attachment security does. So it’s not a surprise that securely attached people score moderately on self-enhancement measures and score high on things like leadership authority on the NPI.

Zach: I’m someone who’s interested in existential psychology and it’s something I examine on this podcast a good amount in various episodes. And from an existential psychology perspective, we can see this inherent conflict in how we exist with other beings. There’s always this conflict between ourselves and other people. For example, when I talk to other people and interact with these other minds around me, I have to keep in mind this complex model. I have to keep in mind my own mind sense of self, while also keeping track of these other minds around me that I interact with and also a surrounding model of the world that we’re in. So there’s this immense complexity just in this sheer existential way of being a thinking person with other thinking beings in the world. That can create various conflicts. For example, when I’m interacting with other people, if I’m overly focused on either myself or the other person, it can be unconducive to so-called normal social interaction. If I find myself identifying too much with the other person having too much focus on them, I may find myself melting into them a little bit, losing myself, feeling like they are impinging on myself in some way. And vice versa, you can also focus too much on yourself and come across in maybe a more narcissistic way. So, just to say that there’s these various conflicts that we deal with at some existential level. Like the quote in Jean-Paul Sartre’s play, “No Exit“, the quote that everybody knows is hell is other people getting at this idea that there’s something existentially threatening and in conflict when we’re just interacting with other people. So from that aspect, you can see the more narcissistic ways of being is almost this one strategy for dealing with these existential conflicts. It’s like arriving at some sort of strategy where by putting your own feelings and beliefs on a pedestal and denigrating other people’s, it is one solution to solving that problem of dealing with other people. I’m wondering what you think about those kinds of existential layers to this.

Craig: Absolutely, yes. One of the problems existentially that, even if it’s coming about unconsciously, it’s an unconscious survival strategy; one of the core things that it deals with is limitation. And you’re touching on one of them, which is, how do I maintain a sense of self and also a sense of integrity in the presence of other people? Other people have needs too, they have an impact, what they do might limit what I want to do. You can’t approach that flexibly if you’re preoccupied with the sense of danger. We all are, at times, and I know we’re probably going to have a chance to get into how that plays out too in conflict. But one of the experiences that tends to line people up to have pathological narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder is that they often grew up with extraordinarily narcissistic parents. That’s not the only way it can happen, but a caretaker or a parent who’s extremely abusive.

And now you’ve got this model where in order to be in a relationship, in order for me to accept the impact of another person and what they need and what they’re imposing, I have to submit. There can be only one. This is sort of the model with an extremely narcissistic parent. We might be able to get into nuance of that, I’m just taking the most extreme version. There’s a two-body problem that’s reduced to one. And then what happens is, that person now has a learned sense of danger. Not just the subtle existential concerns about how do I hold on to my desire and needs in the presence of another person with their own, but where if somebody is allowed to have impact or presence in the relationship at all, I’m in danger. I could be abused, I could be hurt, I could be attacked.

So, the existential solution there is how do I, at least, convince myself in my own personal psychology? How do I sustain this illusion that other people don’t matter and I’m the one that matters? Well, you have to resort to things like entitlement, right? I don’t have to ask for anything, I can just expect it. Where people now become, rather than separate beings, they become extensions of me. They are there for me and I don’t need to consider them at all. What a fantastic though destructive solution to the experience that other people are really hell. See, that quote is great because one of the main thinkers in narcissism, a guy named Kernberg, would agree that that’s what leads people to be extremely narcissistic, right? Where they’ve had that experience, even the worst form of malignant narcissism, he described as this position that’s essentially, “I am everything and have everything, and you are nothing and offer nothing. And that’s how I’m going to maintain a sense of self.” Because if you have anything to offer and you are anything, I’m in danger.

Zach: Yeah, when I think about the people in my life, people I know who I view as pretty narcissistic, I see them as trying to escape this pain of letting other people in, the pain of self-doubt, the pain of self-examination, and I think it’s almost like an allergy to that kind of vulnerability. It’s like driving away and keeping that vulnerability and self-examination away in whatever means they can.

Craig: Well, because also the vulnerability was, for people with that character type, it was often a reason for them being hurt or attacked or abused. So now they have to find ways to deny the vulnerability.

Zach: And we’ve been focusing on the more extreme pathological aspects of the mean narcissist, but I think there’s also– getting back to the idea that there’s many ways of being narcissistic– it’s like you can also just be someone who is the life of the party, somebody who’s not overtly mean to people, but can be just avoidant of ever wanting to be vulnerable. And this is like fun time narcissist too, which I think is important because I think it helps get into the nuance of there’s many ways that we can try to avoid being vulnerable with other people or being vulnerable, even interiorly, with our ourselves. There’s all these different solutions we can hit upon that just results in a similar kind of behavior.

Craig: Absolutely. Because say, if you’re completely invested in always being the life of the party, you’re dependent on that for a sense of value or worth addictively so. Not so great. People who just sort of enjoy it, who embrace it, who if it doesn’t go well, they can let that go. Again, now we’re talking about in the range of healthy narcissism. And these are people who are often leaders, they’re often very charismatic people. We know that healthy and unhealthy narcissists and narcissism don’t rise and fall in perfect step with one another just looking at the data and the research collected from these tests, but also interpersonally, that is in our relationships. We know that as well because there are plenty people who their way of being like that in the world lifts people up, lifts them up, and it doesn’t put anyone down.

Zach: I also think of R.D. Laing’s book, “The Divided Self”. He had this part of that book that was about mental illness and more psychosis kind of situations, but he had a part where he described there can be a way of perceiving being understood by other people or being seen clearly by them as a form of death. It can feel like we’re exposed and that can feel really terrifying to feel like someone else knows us or understands us. And I kind of associate that with a narcissist view of the world where they’re just allergic to someone else seeing them naked and vulnerable.

Craig: Yes, to be seen as dangerous and to be seen fully. R.D. Laing wrote a lot about psychosis. These ideas are closely linked because, of course, if you are constantly feeling in an ongoing way a sense of existential threat like you can be wiped out in any moment, you need all kinds of ways around it. It’s not a surprise that inpatient psychiatric units are often hosts to people who believe that they’re Jesus, or they believe that they’re the smartest person in the world.

Zach: Yeah, ways to compensate for low self-esteem.

Craig: Exactly. So this link between the grandiose sense to self and grandiose illusions and existential fear or existential terror is very real. And so when you take that example R.D. Laing was interested in, these are people who have a very porous, easily dissolved sense of self.

Zach: When it comes to some of the more violent outcomes that can happen with somebody who’s got a more narcissistic personality, some of those things can stem from them running out of the ability to fool themselves that their way of viewing the world is legitimate, you know, like somebody who’s been able to lead some sort of narcissistic personality life but then all of a sudden, they’re kind of faced with like, well, maybe my illusions of being great, these things I’ve told myself or being strong or whatever and being self-sufficient, some of those things can run out and then they’re faced with this existential crisis where they might do something bad to themselves or bad to other people because they can’t really face the reality of reality crashing down on them kind of thing.

Craig: Exactly. Attack the world, attack other people. Also, the other form it can take when somebody reaches that kind of existential crisis that their grandiose or positive illusions aren’t maintained by the world anymore, I think of my mother who probably was sustained by the idea that she was one of the most attractive people or the most in the room. When that didn’t sustain her anymore, it can lead to what’s called narcissistic collapse. And that can take the form of  acting out and aggressing and others, or it can just take the form of severe depression. Back to your idea of the existentialism and everydayness of this, another way to think about it is there was a brilliant writer named Stephen Mitchell, a psychoanalyst, a relational psychoanalyst. He wrote about Nietzsche’s parable or his analogy of the sandcastles. Do you know this?

Zach: I’m not sure.

Craig: It’s great. So in facing our mortality– again, think about narcissism and it gets more and more extreme– we’ve got the playful illusions, I’m better than I actually am, I’m smarter than most, I’m special even though no one’s special, and then we’ve got an addiction to those beliefs. It’s all about how dangerous is it for me to accept limitation. And the ultimate limitation, of course, is death and mortality. Nietzsche wrote about this by saying that in facing our mortality and that ultimate limitation, it’s like we’re all out on this shore facing the ocean. And our lives and what we produce, they’re like sand castles. He said there’s three possible solutions; the Apollonian derived from Apollo, the Sun god. The Apollonian solution is the person who stands there and in a frenzy builds all kinds of elaborate structures and builds the castle higher and higher. So unconsciously preoccupied with the awareness that nothing is going to last so they have to pour all their energy into denying it. Denying limitations. Too dangerous to lead then and just stop if I don’t. And then the [00:50:55 ???] Dynasan stance is where the person is so preoccupied with the fact that the water is going to come and wash everything away that they can’t build it all.

Zach: Like a Hamlet reaction to it. Like, what do I do?

Craig: Exactly. To be, or not to be? I don’t know what to do with that, so here we are. He said the third solution, he called The Tragic. And the tragic stance is that this is positive illusions. This is why I love this, it’s the response to the existential dilemma. Yeah, I know the water’s going to come and wash everything away, I know I’m not the most important person in the room, I know that I’m not going to be so famous that people are going to remember in 300 years or whatever, right? Those limitations. And instead of trying to in a frenzy deny it or just become shut down because of it, the tragic person builds their castle and sometimes they put an elaborate structure. They may stop and eat a sandwich and they have a passing thought like, “Oh, well, it’ll be sad when this is gone, which is going to be soon,” and they go right back to building. And they play.

I love that analogy because it also captures the play in it. And narcissistic illusion, the health of it is all about play. It’s being able to dip into that sense of illusion enough to create, to build, to think that it matters enough to keep building, but not to get so attached to it that you have to deny any limitation whatsoever; limitation in the self, limitation of mortality. Again, there’s also people on psychiatric inpatient units who believe they’re immortal, right? It’s another solution to that existential problem. So I think that’s a really important way to think about why it’s so core to our experience as human beings that narcissistic illusions are all about trying to face that existential reality in some way. And we can’t have no illusions and we can’t become addicted to them.

Zach: When we talk about fear of death, I think sometimes we have this idea that it’s just the fear of our bodily death. But I think there can also be this fear of this person that I’ve built up, this person I am, could be extinguished.

Craig: Psychic death.

Zach: Psychic death. Like, melt away. Which I think is the narcissistic element of like, “I need to protect this because if I let in other people or let in weakness, my being will dissolve in some way and I’ll go crazy or I’ll be this weak shell of a person or whatever these things are.” It’s also just this fear of psychic death, ego death, or whatever it is.

Craig: Absolutely. I’ll be nothing, literally. Annihilation.

Zach: Right. Yeah, annihilation of different forms that we envision or don’t even envision if we push it away. I interviewed Steven Heine who was part of this meaning maintenance theory work and it was about if we lose meaning in one area of our lives, we kind of need to maintain some meaning. We’ll search for it in another area.

Craig: I’m not familiar with this, this sounds interesting. Keep going. Yeah.

Zach: Yeah, I think you’d like it because I kind of see some similarities in the sense that one way or another, we have to maintain some meaning. And part of that meeting can be a sense of our own specialness maybe, right? We can see some relation to the narcissism. If our ego is threatened in some way, like something bad happens in our life, we have to search for another way to boost up that meaning to get ourselves back, to have enough sense of specialness or purpose or some sort of goal, or whatever it is. But yeah, I think you might like some of that work. I kind of see it as different sides of the same coin of one way or another, we have to prop ourselves up in some way.

Craig: Yeah, that does sound like an overlap. Yeah.

Zach: I sometimes focus on political polarization, I talk about that a good amount on here and I wrote a book about it, “Defusing American Anger”. I’m curious, when it comes to extreme polarization and conflict, do you think that leads to people becoming more narcissistic? One thing I see in that area is because when we start seeing others as more of a threat and start getting more scared of them and start to dislike them more and put them down and denigrate them in our minds, it seems like we can start to behave in ways that resemble some pathologically narcissistic personality behaviors, basically, in the same way that we can see narcissists perceiving others as threats and behaving in those ways. Do you see some elements of our culture becoming a bit more narcissistic?

Craig: Absolutely. Because you’re describing the whole problem of how do you maintain connection or at least acknowledge the humaneness of somebody else in conflict. Let’s take the simplest example politically of are you invested in the belief that the election was stolen or are you invested in the belief that the data that we have is sound, that there is no evidence that was thrown out in court? Things like that. Depending on how– and this is what I thought the meaning-making was going to be about, the meaning preservation– but if you go, I don’t know, probably 50 years back, there’s some similar idea of how we create and maintain meaning. And it has everything to do with how closely we identify with beliefs– think about these political beliefs, election stolen, election wasn’t stolen– the more closely it touches on our sense of self to embrace that belief and to hold on to it, the more we identify with it like my belief is me, the more we do behave narcissistically. This is determined in the research, meaning I’m going to get more angry and aggressive about ideas being attacked if they’re closer to my sense of self.

Zach: Right, those ideas represent me in some way.

Craig: Exactly. An attack on my specialness and my special beliefs and what makes me special in the universe, how could you dare challenge that? And so the more that we experience things in that way, the more we’re going to rely on narcissistic defenses. This is where there has to be a distinction made between narcissistic personality disorder and adaptation or survival strategies or defenses, unconscious and conscious. So if I find what this person is saying is such a challenge to my beliefs that I feel that sense of threat, I’m more likely to attack. And it’s going to be a whole lot easier to attack. This is the defense of contempt. Contempt is a defense. It is not a healthy primary feeling, it’s a way of bypassing anger. If I have to treat somebody that I’m angry at as a human being, I have to consider their needs and feelings even though I’m angry at them. As soon as I can see them as a thing, as less than human because of what they’re doing to me, I can do whatever I want to them, I don’t have to consider them at all.

That’s a narcissistic defense. Because you are attacking something so central to me, you are nothing. And now, because of the sense of potential shame or diminishment of me having to accept what you’re saying, then I’m more likely instead of allowing myself to feel vulnerable in that way– because again, it’s too much of a sense of threat to accept there might be some possibility this is true– instead of allowing myself to feel vulnerable in that way, I’m going to say and do things to make you feel ashamed like you are nothing, like your ideas are pointless and ridiculous. Now we’re into a battle of narcissistic defenses and we’ve gone way beyond ideas.

Zach: Yeah, that’s where I really see the mapping over. It’s like when we’re viewing the quote “other side” as this unthinking mass, we’re behaving in a pathologically narcissistic way, like the failure to examine the humanity there and the reasons for why they believe things. It’s much easier to just view them as this monolithic mass of objects, basically, than to examine… And to speak in ways, even while you’re dramatically disagreeing with them, to speak in ways that keep in mind their humanity. That’s a harder thing to do. Which I think gets back to the idea of narcissism being this easily understood strategy for dealing with the stress of the world. It’s like blotting out other people is helpful in a way. It’s like that’s one less thing I have to think about.

Craig: Exactly. I have this quote in my book, “Rage makes narcissists of us all.” There are times when we become so enraged– and we’d have to examine what’s that’s about– that we can’t keep in mind other people what they’re feeling. That’s what rage is. That’s what intense anger is. The difference here is when it becomes a rigid defense is when it’s chronic, when it’s pervasive, when it’s reflexive. Occasionally, we all behave narcissistically out of rage. We’re healthy if we can say, “Oh, my gosh, that was so over the top. I am so sorry.” And actually do repair.

Zach: Right, you’re relatively healthy if you’re able to fluctuate along the spectrum of narcissism. It’s not like you’re always operating in one part of the spectrum or something.

Craig: Exactly. Exactly.

Zach: This has been great. Do you want to mention anything else, maybe about what you’re working on now before we end it?

Craig: I’m not actively working on anything, because I’m often called in to do writing. I did a piece for Psychotherapy Networker, that’s more of our psychotherapy colleagues, on how to treat people with narcissistic personality disorder, particularly introverted. And I’m probably going to keep doing that. One thing I would mention is I have a lot of free information on my website, drcraigmalkin.com, and I have a lot of free information. Of course, I have a YouTube channel called Dr. Craig Malkin. And though I’m a little bit on hiatus because I’m sending my girls… Speaking of limitations, my girls are now 18, my daughters. We’re dropping them off in college, I’m leaving tomorrow. [chuckles] But as a result of all those things, I’ve had to take a little break. But I have a lot of material already on the YouTube channel and I plan to continue it as an empty nester, so I guess I should mention that. And I often post on my Facebook page, and I’m probably going to get more active on Instagram.

Zach: And your book’s great and pretty cheap for people who want to go that route. Well, this has been great. Thanks, Craig. Thanks for joining me and thanks for talking about these things.

Craig: Oh, you’re so welcome. My pleasure.

Zach: That was a talk with Dr. Craig Malkin, author of the book “Rethinking Narcissism“. You can learn more about Craig’s work at his site, drcraigmalkin.com. 

This has been the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zachary Elwood. You can learn more about this podcast at www.behavior-podcast.com. If you want to give me moral or financial support, you can sign up for a premium subscription to my podcast there. 

If you enjoyed this episode, I’ve got other episodes you’d probably enjoy. I have a compilation on my website with more psychology and mental-health-focused episodes. I have episodes on dealing with anxiety, on autism, on psychopathy, and more.

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podcast

Resolving conflict in our relationships, with marriage counselor Bill Doherty

A talk with Bill Doherty, a relationship therapist (thedohertyapproach.com) and the co-founder of Braver Angels, a political depolarization-aimed group (braverangels.org). A transcript is below.

Topics discussed include: Bill’s approach to couples counseling; thoughts on dealing with the common situation where one partner is much more interested in healing the relationship than the other; the importance of seeing our role in a conflict, and why that can be hard for us; how he got into the depolarization work; the similarities he sees between relationship counseling and political depolarization work; the psychological principles that have informed Braver Angels’ approaches; the value of in-group dissent in lowering animosity; thoughts on what the ask is for people who want to help with depolarization work. 

Episode links:

Related resources:

TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zachary Elwood. 

This is a podcast aimed at better understanding other people, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it at www.behavior-podcast.com

On this episode, i talk to relationship therapist Bill Doherty, who is also the co-founder of the group Braver Angels, which is a non-profit that works on political depolarization and bridge-building endeavors. 

As you may know if you listen to this podcast, I sometimes do episodes about the nature of political polarization and conflict, and I’ve got a book aimed at reducing divides in America titled Defusing American Anger. I was very interested to talk to Bill, as I think it’s interesting and fitting that he’s both a relationship therapist and someone doing political conflict resolution work, as I think there are so many similarities in that area. 

We talk about Bill’s relationship counseling work: what he’s focused on in that area, and how he approaches the common situation where one partner in a relationship wants to get counseling and is leaning in and the other partner is leaning out and isn’t as involved in the process. We talk about the dynamic where we can sometimes induce the very behaviors we dislike in a partner. We talk about how he got into the depolarization-aimed work, and what similarities he sees between couples counseling and depolarization work. Towards the end we discuss the question: what are we trying to get people to do when it comes to depolarization work: what is the ask of citizens who want to help with that problem? 

A little bit more about Bill’s experience: He’s a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota where he directs The Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project and The Citizen Professional Center. Clinically, he focuses on couples on the brink of divorce, on relational ethics in the everyday lives of clients, and on political stress in relationships. Following the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, he co-founded Braver Angels, a citizen initiative bringing conservatives and liberals together to counteract political polarization and restore the fraying social fabric in American society. Braver Angels now has volunteers working in all 50 states. His latest book is The Ethical Lives of Clients: Transcending Self-Interest in Psychotherapy, published by the American Psychological Association. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy Academy. 

You can learn more about his therapy work at https://thedohertyapproach.com. His last name is spelled DOHERTY. You can follow Bill on Twitter at @billdoherty You can learn more about the group Braver Angels at braverangels.org. 

If you’re interested in getting a paid Premium subscription to this podcast, go to my website and check that out. You’ll get ad-free access, and be able to collaborate with me on episodes  by seeing questions I plan for guests, and more. 

If you’re new to depolarization-aimed ideas and you’re a politically passionate person, there’s a decent chance you’ll have some objections to the concept of depolarization. There’s a lot to theoretically say about that, but for now I’ll just say that, if you do have such objections, I hope you’re curious to learn more. One of the reasons I wrote my book Defusing American Anger was to overcome some common objections and to show politically passionate people, whether liberal or conservative, why they should want to reduce the toxicity of our divides. And there’s a lot of other work people have done on this topic, and I list a lot of books on this topic at my site american-anger.com. If you want, you can even reach out to me personally via the contact form on my site behavior-podcast.com and send me your objections or other thoughts, and I’m happy to respond, as I think this is such an important topic. 

Okay, here’s the talk with Bill Doherty. Hi, Bill, thanks for coming on the show.

Bill Doherty: Happy to be with you.

Zach: Maybe we could start with a little bit about how you got into the couples counseling work. How did you get into specializing in that?

Bill: Well, for me, and I think for a lot of therapists, this specialty sort of emerges over time with who comes to see you. I started out doing a family systems therapy with adolescents and their parents in Connecticut when I was in graduate school, and then over time I began to realize that a lot of the adolescent’s issues were related to their parent’s relationship and their parent’s marriage. And so the kid would do better and the parents wanted to hang around and try to work on their relationship, so I started to do more couples’ work. And then over time, that’s what people came to see me for. That’s how I ended up specializing in couples.

Zach: Did you feel like… Were there certain things you felt you had a natural affinity for when it came to working out those kinds of issues?

Bill: I’m not sure, actually, it would be easy to say that in retrospect. But I like dealing with more than one person at a time, so I liked family therapy, I liked the couples’ work and so it just sort of evolved over time. And I think I’m pretty good at it but I don’t know that it was some conscious strategy that, “I’m uniquely good at this work so I’ll do it.”

Zach: Mhm. Like a lot of work, you find yourself in it and you go down the path. Yeah.

Bill: Right. Right. And then with adolescents, of course, if you’re not keeping up with where adolescents are, you’re incompetent in that work. So I have never worked with teens and families now without completely retooling.

Zach: Are there certain schools of thought or philosophy that drive your work? For example, I sometimes see people say existential humanism or these kinds of schools of thought. Do you have things in that realm?

Bill: Well, I’m pretty eclectic, as I think most therapists are. But if I had a name and approach, it would be a systems interactional approach. You know, a Family Systems Approach. When people come to me as a couple, they’re coming for the relationship. And so I’m a relationship therapist using systemic ideas for how people communicate, rather than seeing myself as primarily treating two individuals who happen to be in a relationship.

Zach: One thing I’ve been curious about– and sometimes on this podcast I just asked people what I had been curious about– when I watched that show Couples Therapy, I think that’s what it was called, or just reading about couples therapy in general, it sometimes seems like there’s sometimes one partner that’s a little bit more resistant than the other partner to examining their role in that dynamic system as you say. Do you find that often to be the case? Some people might say that’s a more narcissistic trait to not self-examine or to be oblivious to one’s role in a dynamic. I’m curious, do you see that often to be the case, or is it more spread out?

Bill: Yeah. Well, the thing about Couples Therapy is that there’s almost always somebody who is more interested in doing it. There is somebody who proposes it who often convinces the other person, so you have somebody who is more enthusiastic for the work. That’s just a given. What that means is, as a therapist, you have to really induce the other person to really sign on. And I don’t view that as that person’s problem necessarily, it’s just that they may not be as therapy-prone. We live in a psychological age and some people are just more interested in introspection. They read more self-help books, maybe they’ve had individual therapy, and the other person may not be the coin of the realm for them as much. So I just take it for granted that you’ll have different levels of interesting capacity, at least at the beginning, in looking at oneself. I always loathe to use the terms like ‘narcissistic’ or other pejorative labels– which by the way often in the therapy world, terms like narcissistic are used to say you don’t like somebody more than it’s… Well, they’re not cooperating with me like I want, more than they have an actual personality disorder. So I take the approach that I just assume to summarise that people will differ in their interest in looking at themselves and it’s my job to bring everybody along.

Zach: Yeah, that’s an interesting point. I actually have a plan to interview Craig Malkin who’s written a book about some of the more nuanced aspects of narcissism, and like you say, people seem prone to throw it around way too much these days to describe basically like you say, things they don’t like in someone. Yeah. So getting to the work you said or the aspect you said where one person is more interested than the other, that dynamic… And that relates, I think you said you did work that you call discernment therapy which is where one person really doesn’t want to be there in my understanding what that was.

Bill: The specialty I evolved over time was working with what we call mixed agenda couples, and that is when somebody is leaning towards divorce, breakup, and also is really ambivalent about trying couples therapy. The classic leaning out, they’re on the edge, they’re on the brink, not highly motivated at this point to come into therapy and work on solving the problems. They don’t know the problems can be solved, they’re demoralized. And then the other person is usually leaning in. That is somebody who’s saying, “I know we can work on this, I want to stay in the relationship.” Sometimes it’s the leaning-out person has only recently come clean that they’re that much on the brink and then the other spouse goes, “Oh, my goodness, we can make this work. Don’t do anything precipitous here.” That’s a couple who, when they present to traditional couples therapy, tend to fail. They tend to bum out. Because you have somebody who was an eager customer, if you will, for the therapy and the other persons sitting there with their arms folded and saying, “I’m not so sure that this is going to work. I’m not sure I want to stay.” And so the therapist is in this bind because you have somebody who isn’t necessarily signing up for the work that you’ve prepared in your career to offer.

Every experienced therapist has run into these cases, not that uncommon. And so I developed a kind of a pre-therapy approach I call discernment counseling. It’s basically short-term, no more than five sessions, and it’s to help the leaning-out person get clarity and confidence about a direction for the relationship and for both of them to understand what’s happened to the marriage and each person’s contributions to the problems. I won’t go into more details unless you like, but basically, you’re helping them to decide whether to do a full bout of couples therapy at least once everybody’s in, or the leaning out decides to divorce. Or they could just decide on neither. But it’s an approach where you work with them. They both come in together but you see them mostly separately because they’re in very different places. So it’s a very interesting kind of an emergency room or intensive care approach to working with couples on the brink.

Zach: Well, yeah. That relates to a question I was going to ask, which is, it seems kind of obvious if you don’t want to work on your marriage, it would be hard to get you to work on your marriage. Which I guess is what you’re saying there. It’s like getting them to even commit to working on the marriage, it sounds like. Yeah.

Bill: That’s right. That’s right. And it’s interesting we call it discernment counseling rather than therapy because what we’re really emphasizing is when you start this short-term process, you’re not doing therapy, you’re not doing couples therapy. What I mean by couples therapy is that you’re trying to solve problems, you’re trying to get closer, you’re trying to figure out how to make a better life together. That’s what therapy is about; couples therapy. Discernment counseling is figuring out whether that’s possible and whether you’d want to do it.

Zach: This is probably a pretty broad question but for talking about the people that might be a bit, you know, the less introspective people or the people who haven’t examined their role maybe in the marriage equation as much, are there certain tactics you take to help someone like that be willing to examine their role? I get that’s probably a pretty huge question. [chuckles]

Bill: Well, no, it’s a great question. Yeah, a starting point is, do you want to solve the problems in this relationship? How motivated are you to make things better, to get along better, to be closer? If you’re on the brink of divorce, how motivated are you– we’re talking about the leaning in– to make the marriage work? And so people are coming to couples therapy because they have a problem, they’re unhappy with something in the relationship. And so the key is to help them see that it takes two to make an unhappy marriage or to have chronic problems and that it’s in their best interest, if they want things to get better, to take a look in the mirror and to see how they are contributing. I thought a lot about this, I’m glad you asked the question, the first step for some folks who don’t think this way is looking at the unintended effects of what they say or don’t say. So, somebody who says, “Well, I just shut up because I don’t want to make things worse. I don’t do arguments because they don’t go anywhere and so I just kind of stick to myself.” But one of the things I help somebody see is that if you’re in an intimate relationship and you withdraw from connection and conversation, in your own mind, it can be, “I don’t want to make things worse. I don’t want a big fight so I’m going to withdraw.” And I say you kind of see yourself like a turtle, you know? Pulling in your head in your arms and just don’t make things worse. In an intimate relationship, you don’t come across like a turtle when you’re doing that, you come across like a porcupine. Because when you withdraw from somebody in a love relationship, they experience that as punishing. And so all– almost everybody gets that, okay? That’s what I’m saying. It’s the first step in the ladder because it’s saying, “I’m that person that it’s not like I want to be the punishing, but I can see that the unintended effect of that on the other person is that they feel like I’m really hurting them by withdrawing.” And so that’s a beginning of understanding that we have effects on one another that we don’t intend. Now, later on, when somebody gets into the habit of saying, “How am I part of the problem? How am I negatively affecting my spouse or partner?” then people can start to see that maybe in some way, they were angry and getting back at the other person subconsciously. But not just sort of like, “Oh, I stepped on your toe.” No, no, “I was actually kind of mad at you when I walked by your toe” Okay. That’s another level of understanding of one’s own contribution. So it’s a gradual thing but it’s really key to helping people resolve relationship problems that both people look in the mirror.

Zach: Yeah, and self-examination is very hard and being honest with yourself and with other people is very hard. Yeah.

Bill: It is. It is. And I think we live in a culture where it’s most tempting to fault the other person primarily. We’ve mentioned earlier in this interview that you can throw labels around, you know? So if you’re psychologically minded, read self-help books, keep up on the latest stuff, the most tempting thing in the world is to analyze your spouse or partner’s personality problems and where they came from and their family, you know? And get into their head with your astute analysis, which of course is quite self-serving, and it’s much harder to look at one’s own contributions or to have a very simplistic idea. My contribution is that I don’t stand up for myself enough, I’m too nice. “Well, okay, maybe.” But there’s a lot more going on than that.

Zach: Kind of reminds me of when it comes to polarization in general, it’s like a lot of times when we have a conflict we often just pull information in and use it; whatever information we can find to support our emotional judgments. So if we’re in a fight with our spouse, we might pull in all this self-help and psychological information but mainly use it to buttress up our argument about the other person’s deficiencies as opposed to examining the dynamic and our role in the equation and all these things.

Bill: Exactly. And this era we’re in where there’s so much psychological terminology available, I see it more and more than I did earlier in my career how people weaponize psychological terms. Like the narcissistic, or borderline. Oh, here’s another one: your husband doesn’t deal with feelings like you’d like and so maybe he’s on the autism spectrum, maybe he’s got Asperger’s or something like that. Whoa! Okay? That takes me off the hook, then.

Zach: That’s one of the reasons I do this podcast is to examine some of these simplistic mainstream ideas or ways these words are used, and dig into some of the nuances and see the spectrums there and how people reach for these labels a little bit too quickly. What you were saying about seeing each other’s roles in the equation, it reminded me of the… Do you know the book, The Anatomy of Peace, the well-known conflict resolution book?

Bill: I know of it, I have not read it.

Zach: Yeah. One great idea in there or probably a common concept– it is a common concept in conflict resolution, I think– but it emphasized in that book the way that when we’re in a big conflict, we can induce behaviors that we most dislike from the other person or the other side in the conflict, you know? The bad things that we see in those people, the way that we treat them will bring those bad behaviors out of them. And it kind of reminded me what you were saying when we see, you know, there’s various ways in a relationship where we can emphasize or accentuate and induce the very things we dislike. So if someone’s shut down or your partner’s shut down, the way you might treat them might induce them to shut down more. That’s just one example. But-

Bill: Exactly, exactly. This is part of understanding the dynamics and the dances that couples do. What we’re describing here is a demand withdrawal pattern, okay? Where I want something out of you, you feel pressured, you shut down, and then I criticize you for shutting down and then you’re shut down more. And then maybe sometime you blow up and then you feel really guilty about that and maybe I’ll use that on you. Or another common one is an over-functioning under-functioning pattern in a couple where for any number of reasons, somebody has assumed a lot of responsibility, say in child-rearing, and the other person is the third fiddle and this gets pretty old for the person who is doing a whole lot. The other person often hasn’t had to learn some things because there’s their partners doing it all, and so then the over-functioner gets frustrated and they come across like a critic. They come across patronizing, you know, that “I’ll try to teach you something if only you could learn.” And they really emphasize the incapacity of the other person who in turn is frustrated and angry about being treated like they’re a little kid and then they do their own passive-aggressive number.

Or, and this is now the subtleties that happen in relationships when you have a one-up one-down like I was just describing over-functioning and under-functioning under function, then the under-functioner will get back at the other person. I’m thinking about a couple where the wife did everything, the husband had this learned incompetence about child rearing and so on. Well, he in public would get back at her for not keeping up with current affairs. And whatever she expressed an opinion about something, he would suggest that she was really pretty ignorant. So when you have these imbalances in couples that are both participating, the person who seems to be one down, you’d have to look for how they sabotage and how they get back. And then in couples counseling that I do, it’s not that I’m doing this in a way that is in a ‘gotcha’, but it’s like stepping back and saying, “Hey, we’re co-creating this, okay? We each have a role in this and the dance is out of sync and we can rebalance it together.”

Zach: That’s a good segue into the polarization work but before we go to that, I wanted to ask you about the– because I once interviewed Brandi Fink who’s a relationship and relationship researcher and we talked about John Gottman’s work and behavioral indicators of good and bad relationships. For example, talked about the stereotypical eye-rolling which can indicate contempt in a relationship, somebody eye-rolling about someone’s partner. I’m curious, do you have thoughts on that area? For example, John Gottman I think was known for saying something like… I’m not sure if he’s actually said this or if it was just kind of a rumor but there was the perception that one could tell very quickly, based on some of these negative behaviors, what the state of someone’s relationship was. I’m curious, do you think some of that is much more? Is that very simplistic and it’s actually you can’t easily get the indicator of those kinds of things without a lot of work?

Zach: Well, you can get indicators of people’s current feelings about each other. The eye-roll is an indication that at this moment, somebody has some negative feelings about the other person. These are clues for what may be happening right now but in terms of being prognostic indicators– and that’s where the terrible misuse of John Gottman’s work comes in. He would do elaborate assessments of couples, elaborate assessments, and then make some predictions. And the way it gets watered down is that if you hear somebody being contemptuous, that their relationship is doomed because contempt is the most predictive factor in divorce according to his larger research. Well, you’re just getting a snippet of behavior. Even in therapy, the therapists they take on simplistic ideas from research. And then in the first session, they hear people saying that one or both of them had been contemptuous to each other. And then the therapist concludes they can’t make it, they’re going to dissolve. That’s really completely unfounded and dangerous. So I’m very cautious about taking brief samples of behavior. Okay? Brief samples of behavior. We have no context, and then thinking we can make predictions about the future of the relationship. That’s really hogwash.

Zach: No, I’m glad we get on that topic because that’s the kind of simplistic thing I like to examine in this podcast. I think people love the idea that I’m really going to get some deep analysis of people based on these small little behaviors but as you point out, it’s like being angry or contemptuous in the moment. Which is standard for any couple going through some problems, that doesn’t tell you about their deeper levels of commitment to each other or their actual dynamics and such.

Bill: That’s right, let alone their future. That’s where it gets risky as you start to predict the future.

Zach: Glad we got a chance to dimension that. Yeah, let’s talk about the polarization-related work. I only recently found out that you, in addition to the Braver Angels work and being co-founder, I only recently found out that you were doing the Couples Therapy– the marriage counseling– and that made complete sense to me because I’ve always thought the depolarization aimed to work for America or any country is so much similar to Couples Therapy in the sense that I kind of view it as couples therapy for a couple that is stranded on a desert island and can’t break up with each other, right? You have to figure it out. There’s not really any other option as I see it. But maybe you can talk a little bit about how your work led or how you got into the political polarization-related work. How did that come about?

Bill: Yeah, yeah. Just to follow up a little bit on your intro to it, I like to say that Reds and Blues, Conservatives and Liberals in the US are like a married couple who are not getting along. But unlike with a married couple, the divorce is not possible. You can’t have the blues move to Canada, you know? We are stuck with each other and we have this country to run together. And so I really got into this work by happenstance when two colleagues of mine who had worked in the marriage and fatherhood area with David Blankenhorn in New York City and David Lapp in southwest Ohio after the 2016 election, a few days afterwards, they were on the phone and talking about how differently people were feeling about the election in the Upper East Side of Manhattan where you can’t find a Trump voter practically, and Southwest Ohio where it was a hope and change. And they decided on the spur of the moment to get 10 Hillary Clinton voters and 10 Donald Trump voters together for 13 hours over a weekend in early December of 2016 to see if people could talk with each other and not just about each other. And they called me and asked me if I would design and facilitate it. I was a bit daunted by the idea but I had done a lot of community engagement work, I’d started a project at the same time with dealing with police and Black men and so I’m kind of in that space, and so I decided to take it on. It was only really over time after I designed this and facilitated and we decided to keep going– and out of that came Braver Angels– it was only actually over time that I began to realize how I was embedding the Couples Therapy principles in it. It wasn’t that I sat down and said, “Okay, what have I learned from Couples Therapy that I’m going to put into these Red/Blue workshops?” It was more like it was all implicit. I did it, designed it, and then began to conceptualize it.

Zach: Maybe you could talk a little bit about how you see those principles and philosophies overlapping. What psychological and counseling approaches have you added to the Braver Angels curriculum and approach?

Bill: Yeah. Well, a key one is that you don’t set out to try to change somebody. You set out to listen to them to try to understand them on their own terms, to explain yourself in respectful ways, but you don’t set out to convince somebody to change in some fundamental way. If they’re going to change, it’s going to be on their own. And so that respect for those boundaries that people have is really a key one. The second one is to create venues and processes where people can listen and really listen to understand rather than listen to respond and debate. So one of the exercises in our red– we call Red/Blue Workshop, be like a reds and blues– it’s a fishball exercise which has actually been a thing used commonly for 50 years. And that is you flip a coin for who’s going to be in a circle in the middle of the room– you can do this on Zoom as well. And then the other group is on the outer circle– later, they’ll switch roles. And the two questions for the people on the inside are, “Why are your sides values and policies good for the country?” And then the second question is, “What are your reservations or concerns about your own side?” So the first is to say what’s great about being Conservative or Liberal for the country, and the second is, “What’s the downside? What are your reservation concerns?” So, the group in the middle are having this discussion and the group on the outside’s only job is to listen and try to learn how these people in the inside see themselves and to look for anything in common. It gives you a chance for some listening without any response. In fact, the ground rule is you cannot respond verbally or non-verbally, you just sort of take it in. So it gives you this chance in a less pressurized environment than if somebody is talking right at you or to you to really listen. And then the questions, if you notice the questions, that second question is what I call the humility question. It’s where you and I started in this interview. It’s the self-reflection and the self-criticism; what do you see is the downside of your own side? And when people can nail that, when they can express both their enthusiasm for their political perspective and their reservations about it, then it opens up the possibility of people seeing each other beyond their stereotyped images of each other. That kind of thing happens in Couples Therapy as well.

Zach: One of the reasons I wanted to interview you was when I was at the Braver Angels convention recently and I was talking to Sage Snider– I’m pretty sure it was her or another Sage. Yeah, I know she’s a volunteer or worker for Braver Angels. But she had talked about and we got on the subject of psychology and I was saying… I had talked about the concept, which I think is very important, this concept of our group members perceiving another group’s dissent and disagreement. And there’s one study that’s called Exposure to Outgroup Members Criticizing Their Own Group Facilitates Intergroup Openness, and that and other studies show… It was in the context of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict showing how when one group saw the other group’s complexity and how they were not this monolithic, stereotypical, all-the-same group and they had disagreements within their ranks and such, that naturally led to a lowering of anger in the group observing that. And Sage told me, “Oh, that’s like the fishbowl approach that Braver Angels did,” which is one of the things that got me interested in talking to you. Because I think that is such an important concept is it combats the out-group homogeneity effect, which is like seeing the other group is all the same. Right?

Bill: Exactly. And another exercise, in fact, one that we begin the Red/Blue Workshop with is a stereotypes exercise where each group, the reds and blues, go to a separate room with their own facilitator and they come up with and vote on the top four or five negative stereotypes that they think others have of them. False exaggerated views. Reds, for example, think they’re accused of being racist and not compassionate to the poor, anti-immigration, for example. Blues will put on their list that they think we’re all arrogant and elitist, we believe in big government for its own sake, and we’re anti-business. We’re baby killers, you know? We encourage people to just say it really bluntly. So they vote on their top four or five stereotypes that they think others have of them. And then there’s two questions that they answer. One is, “Well, what’s true instead? If you’re not all racist, if you’re not all anti-business on the other side, what’s true instead?”

And then the second question is, is there a kernel of truth in the stereotype? And we say kernels of truth may be true of a sub-group among folks on your side, it may be something from history that’s carried over, it may be in the heated rhetoric of public debate your group comes across this way. Or it may be a blind spot, something that your group doesn’t pay a lot of attention to. So what’s the kernel of truth? And so, boy, when people can name the kernels of truth that the stereotypes come out of nowhere, then they report that there’s somebody who reports out when we all get together to the other group that this is what we think of the stereotypes, this is how we correct the stereotypes. And this is what we say to kernels of truth. Whoa, that really opens things up. And then people in pairs and then in the whole group answer these two questions. What did you learn about how people on the other side see themselves? And did you see anything in common? So, how do they see themselves and anything common? And we have people in red-blue pairs and the whole group answers those questions after having heard this kind of self-disclosure from the other side.

Zach: Yeah, that’s great. Getting people to examine the complexities and how the perceptions each group forms of the other group, that’s really key to overcoming the animosity. Do I understand right that you’ve done that approach for Congress people and other groups, other organizations?

Bill: Yeah, we’ve done versions of this with state legislators, with some members of Congress in what’s called the Problem Solvers Caucus. With legislators, you have to be a little more careful. These are public figures and you can have them saying, “Yeah, well, there’s some racist among us,” or something like that. So we vary these. One of the things we’ve done– this would be actually worth talking about because this isn’t a carryover from a couples therapy and psychotherapy. One of the most powerful exercises we’ve done with elected officials including legislators and members of Congress is a life experiences exercise, where everybody gets four or five minutes to answer this question: What life experiences have influenced your values and beliefs about public policy and public service? What life experiences have influenced your values and beliefs about public policy and public service? Everybody gets a few minutes to take some notes. We encourage them to go deeper than, “You know, when I was elected to my middle school school council, I knew I was destined.” Kind of go a little deeper than that. And every time I’ve done this, it’s very powerful. There are stories of loss, of regaining hope, of people who inspired them, of hurdles transcended. There are often tears and everybody gets their time, and then afterwards, it’s the question of what did you learn from doing this?

I did this with some members of Congress, a Republican member of Congress of the house introduced himself and he said, “I’m as conservative as the day is long!” But he was also pragmatic and he knows people have to work across the aisle. And people shared their stories of hardship that they overcame, including him. It was very powerful. As they said, there were tears. And at the end, when I asked people to summarise what they took from this, he said this great line. He said, “You can’t fight somebody in the same way when you know their heart.” You can’t fight somebody in the same way when you know their heart. That’s what happens in really good couples therapy, people get to understand each other at a deeper level that they experienced in mutual vulnerabilities. They know their hearts even more than they did before. And that can happen across the political divide too.

Zach: Yeah, it seems like you were saying, trying to do this for organizations or politicians, the very nature of politics can get in the way of honesty. And in the way you were saying, it’s like we don’t really expect politicians to really just come out and say, “Here’s what I really feel about the people on my own side,” kind of thing. How do you see the work of Braver Angels, that that introspective and group citizen work depolarization de-escalation work? How do you see that bubbling up to affect broader cultural change?

Bill: Yeah. Well, this is a big part of what we’re thinking about these days. We are increasingly networking with organizations that have big memberships as some big churches, other secular membership organizations to see if we can, with them, create a kind of cultural force– cultural forces have been on the direction of polarization– and see if we can create something that pushes back against it. That’s really a big focus of what we’re doing now is the sort of lateral spread of saying that we have a problem in the country. And this is actually the beginning of change for a couple. The problem isn’t just you, it isn’t just, “I have a problem with you.” Because that’s where we are in our polarized state, the Reds and Blues. The problem is the other side to say, “We have a problem around dissension, division, and we are paralyzed. We can hardly run our governments and our families are hurt by this division.” And so the division, the polarization becomes the problem, not the other side. That’s the kind of cultural seating we’re interested in. And then we work with elected officials increasingly now too. When they do things that are visible like forming a new caucus, and this happened recently in the New Hampshire state legislature where we’ve done considerable work, a caucus that is working on de-polarization, which is going to be getting people together socially as well as creating opportunities for other kinds of connections.

Zach: In my own work in my book Defusing American Anger and on this podcast, I think I’m more aligned with your work because I focus on the grassroots aspect of thinking. I think that in general, the more systemic ways to change the system won’t do much. And that’s not to say that… I think all the work is valuable, but I think there’s some systemic elements that make things really hard to change. For example, trying to pass legislation, the very nature of polarization means that we probably won’t agree on that legislation or whatever it is. Or trying to change things from a political or media standpoint, those systems are naturally polarizing. So I think I’m much more aligned with your work in the sense that I think we do need this cultural change into however it’s done, kind of create this force that bubbles up through the various institutions. But that’s not to say I think systemic changes or attempts to change things are not good, because I think like a lot of big problems, it just takes many people of all sorts working on the problem no matter what their approaches are.

Bill: Exactly. If we put all of our efforts into changing Congress, that’s the hardest one of all, okay? But what we do is since we work at these levels, a value of this limited work we’ve done with Congress or these limited work state legislatures is that when we publicize that, it gives people at the grassroots hope. That’s why I tell that story about that Red/Blue workshop with members of Congress. It’s not transformed Congress, okay? But it gives regular citizens some hope that their leaders, at least some of their leaders see this problem as well. So you have a civility caucus formed in a legislature somewhere, then government can signal the importance of cultural change. That’s how I see that work as part of an overall picture, as you said, but it’s not the driver.

Zach: Right, it’s all related. Because you do the grassroots work and naturally, some people with power and influence will take those ideas and do things with them. So, yeah, it’s all related, theoretically. Do you have any thoughts on, say if you had a lot of power and somebody said, “What would you change in the system?” Maybe the way social media works or some governmental structure. Do you have your own thoughts on what the most powerful levers would be, if you care to share them?

Bill: Well, when you mentioned something that could be in politics, I’ll share what the conservative representative said. This is almost in jest, but there’s a power to it. He said if he was ruling the world, he would have all members of Congress and their families stay in Washington three or four days a week in high-rise apartment buildings [laughs] and socialize with each other and let their kids play with each other. That would be an example of can we have relationships with each other. Because that, at the level of politics, and I see this in legislatures including my own in Minnesota, they never break bread together. In fact, even within their own groups, they don’t. They’re just running and running and running. And so that would be an example of a symbolically important thing as well. And then I would have the social media and the journalists, you know, the cable news folks be willing to take a hard look at the way in which their business model is based on spreading outrage with their outrage machines. It would be tricky to do, but to say, “Hey, we’re contributing to the problem, and what can we do within the limits of First Amendment and so on to not make our money off creating more stereotypes and outrage?”

Bill: Yeah, I think we’ve covered a lot of ground. Are there any things you’d like to throw in here that we haven’t touched on?

Bill: The last thing I’d like to say is that I would encourage listeners to do the same thing with their political beliefs and political alliances that we talked about at the beginning of our conversation. And that is in an intimate relationship when there are chronic problems, to assume that both parties are contributing to it if not equally in some meaningful way. And to try to take that attitude on. Certainly, my Braver Angels experience has helped me do that much more than I used. To take on a systemic and humble approach to looking at political division and to try to de-stereotype. I guess I’ll end through this one. I borrowed something of John Gottman, and it’s The Four Horsemen of negative communication; stonewalling, contempt, and so on. I’ve done that for Braver Angels. The Four Horsemen of Polarization; stereotyping, dismissing, ridiculing, and contempt. Stereotyping, dismissing, ridiculing, and contempt, The Four Horsemen of Polarization. I am suggesting they reside in each of us, and something each of us can do just as if we’re in a relationship, we can examine our tendency to stereotype, to dismiss, to ridicule, and hold in contempt the 70-plus million people who vote differently from us. That’s something we can all do on our own around this political relationship that is crucial for the future of our country.

Zach: That was one reason I wrote my “Defusing American Anger” book is trying to get… One of the goals there is because I’m on the more liberal side, is trying to get liberals to examine their role in the equation. And part of that is in “The Anatomy of Peace” book, which I thought was a great conflict resolution book. He talks about how we can feel that we’re very right in a conflict, which in any conflict, most people feel that they’re the right ones, right? But even if we feel certain that we’re the right ones, there’s ways that we can be wrong in how we relate to other people and how we view them and how we interact with them. There’s ways to, as the book puts it, for our hearts to be either at war or at peace with people, even when we very much disagree with them. Even when we’re theoretically actually at war with them, our thoughts and views of them can be very different, more generous or more contemptuous. Yeah, I think being willing to examine one’s role in the equation of a relationship, whether that’s a personal relationship or our national relationships, is key to it. Yeah.

Bill: On that point, just one more point that one of the things I’ve learned in my work with Braver Angels is to not assume that a strong policy difference translates to our core values and motivational difference. You may be for charter schools, for de-emphasizing traditional public schools, parent vouchers, support for religious schools that would be more conservative view. And I might be saying, “No, this is going to undermine public education and further fracture the country and jeopardize the educational prospects of children.” One of the things I’ve learned is not to assume that because I think your policies are going to harm children, that you are callous. That you don’t care about children, or in fact that you’re happy to undermine them for the sake of your own ideological or political goals. Then you become a moral monster to me. And how do we actually engage in constructive relationships to try to create policy? And so, not to assume motives underneath strong policy differences is an important thing that I’ve learned.

Zach: Well, this has been great, Bill. Thanks a lot for joining me. I’m a big fan of your work, and thanks from me and the country.

Bill: It was a pleasure and an honor for me to talk with you about all these important things. So, thank you as well.

Bill: That was a talk with Bill Doherty, relationship therapist and co-founder of the political depolarization group, Braver Angels. You can learn more about his therapy work at the thedohertyapproach.com. His last name is D O H E R T Y. You can follow Bill on Twitter @billdoherty, you can learn more about the group Braver Angels at braverangels.org.

Something I think about a good amount is the question: what do we want people to do to help with the mission of depolarization? Let’s say we’ve convinced an American citizen of the importance of reducing our divides, what do we want that person to do? What are the levers we want to pull to help change the culture? 

To me, if I had to boil it down to a single idea, I think it’s this: asking people to criticize and push back on unreasonably divisive rhetoric/behavior amongst people who are politically similar to them (and I specifically focus on ‘politically similar’ here due to how hard it is to influence an outgroup, and due to research showing the benefits of ingroup dissent, like we discussed). There are many ways that such pushback can manifest: for example, informal conversation, posting on social media, all the way up to pundits and politicians pushing back in more official ways, like writing books and legislation, and on to entertainment media, TV and movies and fiction). It will take the form of more people, across the board, in many organizations and walks of life, talking more about the problem of polarization and working on that problem by pushing back against it, in many ways. 

After our talk, I emailed Bill to ask him if he’d agree with that ideas. He said the following: 

I would say two things: a) begin to practice non-judgmental curiosity about the views of people on the other side, trying to see the world as they see it and not as you think they see it; and b) your idea: trying to tone down divisive rhetoric among people who agree with you on the issues. 

So that was cool to get Bill’s thoughts on that. I think it’s an important thing to align on, because it helps us focus a bit more on the practical things we’re trying to do in this area. It can help remind us of what we are asking people for. 

Bill added that Braver Angels has an effective workshop called Depolarizing Within, available on their website. I’ll include a link to that from the entry for this episode on my behavior-podcast.com website. 

This has been the People Who Read People podcast with me, Zachary Elwood. You can learn more about it at behavior-podcast.com. If you’d like to support my work, you can sign up for a premium ad-free subscription to this podcast, and get a few other perks with that. 

If you want to learn more about polarization, and about depolarization efforts, you can check out the site for my book Defusing American Anger, which is at www.american-anger.com. On that site I have a compilation of a lot of books about polarization, so it’s just a generally good resource for people who want to look into the subject more. And I have a lot of past episodes on the topic of polarization dynamics. 

Thanks for listening.

Categories
podcast

Understanding the behavior of people under anesthesia, with Ashita Goel

A talk with anesthesiologist Ashita Goel about her work. Topics include: the sometimes strange behaviors of people under anesthesia; the hypnotic and “truth serum”-like effects of anesthesia; factors in determining drug dosage; the various states one can put people into; why anesthesiologists often seem outgoing and fun; the viral video of the man who woke up from anesthesia and didn’t recognize his wife; and more. 

Episode links:

Categories
podcast

Psychological factors in conspiracy theory beliefs, with Mikey Biddlestone

A talk with psychology researcher Mikey Biddlestone (Twitter: @biddlepsych), who specializes in studying conspiracy theory beliefs, about some psychological factors that can make beliefs in conspiracy theories more likely. We talk about “just world” beliefs (beliefs that the world is largely just and fair) and how those might relate to conspiracy-minded thinking. Other topics discussed: how narcissistic and antisocial personality traits can relate to such beliefs; how we might define what is an unreasonable level of conspiracy-minded thinking; how conspiracy-minded thinking relates to anti-establishment views; how conspiracy-minded thinking ties into political polarization. 

Episode links:

Related resources:

Categories
podcast

Understanding the behavior of autistic people, with Barry Prizant

A talk with Barry Prizant (barryprizant.com), author of the influential book Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism, and co-host of the Uniquely Human podcast (www.uniquelyhuman.com). The focus of our talk is on understanding the experiences and behaviors of autistic people.

Topics discussed include: understanding the underlying causes behind the sometimes seemingly inexplicable behaviors of autistic children; the various types of experiences contained within the label of ‘autism’; the role that sensitivity to sensation and associated anxiety plays in autism; the question of how empathetic autistic people are; the causes of autism. 

Episode links:

Links to ideas or resources mentioned in the talk:

TRANSCRIPT

Zach Elwood:

Hello and welcome to the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zach Elwood. This is a podcast aimed at better understanding the people around us, and better understanding ourselves. You can learn more about it at behavior-podcast.com. If you like this podcast, please leave me a review or rating on Apple Podcasts, or the platform you listen on: that is hugely appreciated. 

On this episode, I talk to Barry Prizant about autism. Barry is the author of the well known and influential book Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism. He’s also the co-host of the podcast Uniquely Human, where they cover autism-related topics. You can find that podcast at uniquelyhuman.com, and find barry’s main site at barryprizant.com. His last name is spelled PRIZANT. 

Barry’s book is fantastic: I read it years ago and was rereading it recently. Even if you aren’t that interested in autism, and are more just interested in understanding behavior, it’s a great read. A lot of the ideas in the book are related to behavior and reading people: part of the book is focused on better understanding the behaviors of autistic children, because so often people will write off the behaviors of autistic children as lacking meaning and being random, but Barry walks through a lot of examples of digging into the hidden causes and meanings behind various behaviors. And another focus is the difficulty autistic people have with reading neurotypical, so-called “normal” people: the things neurotypical people take for granted are alien and not obvious to autistic people, and a lot of the work autistic people do in their pursuit of communicating better with other people and fitting in more, is about trying to read people better; trying to deduce the things that others may take for granted. 

I think you’ll like this talk a lot. Barry and I talk about the nature of autism; we talk about the huge range of behaviors and experiences that can be found under the label of ‘autism’; we talk about the causes of autism; we talk about the idea that some autistic traits are due to being too sensitive to stimulation and feeling overwhelmed; we talk about some examples from Barry’s book of reading the causes of some verbal and nonverbal behaviors of autistic children; we talk about Ron DeSantis, who some people think is a bit autistic; and along the way I talk a bit about some of my own autistic traits (including my discomfort with making eye contact that I had from a young age); 

In this talk Barry and I reference quite a few books and other resources, and if you’re curious about some of those things, I’ll include links to those resources on the blog post for this episode on my site.

Okay, here’s the talk with Barry Prizant, author of Uniquely Human. Hi, Barry, thanks for coming on the show.

Barry: It’s my pleasure.

Zach: So, a big part of your book Uniquely Human and your work in general is about explaining the importance of asking ‘why’ when people are faced with confusing seemingly random behaviors of autistic people looking for the motivations and the hidden causes behind people’s behavior. And in your book, you include a lot of examples of these kinds of things, which is one of the things I found most interesting about your book from a behavior perspective. And I’m curious, what’s top of mind for you when it comes to some of the stories that you tell about the hidden causes behind autistic people’s behavior?

Barry: Yeah, I believe that one of the great injustices that happens with autistic people is they are misunderstood. So I give lots of examples and I continue to do so when I see people making assumptions about why an autistic child or an autistic adult reacts in a certain way. It’s important to ask what I refer to as the ‘deep why’ because very often there are so many assumptions that are made that are just simply inaccurate; such as a child, for example, being non-compliant. And the example I give in the book is a child that I’m walking with– a young child– outside, and he keeps dropping to the floor on the sidewalk. And it looks like well, he doesn’t want to go for a walk or he’s being uncooperative. When in that situation, it ended up that he has hypersensitive hearing and was hearing a dog in the distance and he was afraid of dogs. And there are just so many more examples I could give both of behavior that is nonverbal as well as the types of speech that is used, especially echolalia, which is the tendency to repeat speech. Sometimes kids will repeat things that they’ve heard and they associated particular meaning with that phrase. For example, many years ago I was working with a child and at the time on television, they had this commercial for a toilet bowl cleaner and it was called Ty-D-Bol. And he would sing the Ty-D-Bol song when he needed to go to the bathroom because he made that association. Some people just thought it was cute, okay? But it was really communicative. Unfortunately, many people on the spectrum develop idiosyncratic ways to communicate that very often have real meaning behind it but are seen as either meaningless or are seen as undesirable ways to communicate, especially when a child is dysregulated or upset.

Zach: One interesting story that I remember from your book is the child who would go around the classroom and would stare in people’s faces and make [duaa] sounds. Can you talk about that story?

Barry: Yeah, yeah. That was a young child, a five-year-old little boy, and he would come up to us and this was something we hadn’t seen before. And he would stare us in the face and say, “Duaa,” while opening his mouth wide and holding it open. And then if we didn’t respond, he’d go “Duaa,” again. So, we didn’t know what to do or what it meant. And this was very early in my career, I was working with a wonderful teacher who said, “Well, let’s call David’s mom up and figure out what’s going on here.” And so she did that during the lunch break and she said, “Oh, he must be getting a cold or feeling a sore throat. Because when I think he’s getting sick, I tell him to come over and open his mouth and do ‘a-ha’ so I could see if his throat is inflamed.” And he was clearly letting us know how he felt because he associated that phrase that his mom had said to him with not feeling well.

Zach: The anecdotes are just really interesting in your book and the ties between the things that children pick up from shows and movies and use that to communicate. You had one where a child liked to greet people with the phrase, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Can you talk a little bit about that one?

Barry: Yeah, that’s one of my most favorite and delightful examples that a parent shared with me. This was a youngster who he was only three, but he had a lot of phrases that people call scripting. Actually, it’s an area of great interest now in my field in speech and language pathology called gestalt language processing. That is processing language and using language as memorized chunks. So he would come up to people, especially if he didn’t know them, and with his cute little posture he would kind of cock his head and say, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” And where that came from was the movie The Wizard of Oz! And if you go to a particular scene, it’s just after Dorothy landed in Munchkinland. After a house crashed in Munchkinland, there’s a little bubble in the air that gets bigger and bigger and bigger and when the bubble bursts, it’s Glinda the Good Witch of the North. And what does she say? She says to Dorothy, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” So what it seems like this little boy extracted from observing that was this is how you greet people. I mean, it’s a very profound greeting, you know? Here’s this person who comes out of a bubble and then greets Dorothy. And I’ll never forget what his mom said when we said, “Well, we should really help Jimmy maybe say, ‘Hi, I’m Jimmy,’ or ‘Who are you?” And his mom said, “Oh, but he’s so cute when he does that. Do we have to change that?” [chuckles]

Zach: Yeah. And like you said in the book, it really captures so much of the social interaction. When you meet people, you’re communicating and you really want to know, “Are you good or bad? Are you gonna be nice to me or not be nice to me?” You know? Yeah, so I love those anecdotes in the book. And I really like the general theme of asking ‘why’ about people’s behavior, which is just a general good strategy in life about everyone trying to figure out the hidden causes and not jump to conclusions about why people did something basically.

Barry: Well, and I think the bottom line is it’s respectful of other people. We do this all the time in interactions with anybody. We try to understand what their true meaning is, what their intentions are, and of course the neurotypical culture, we put on all these layers of masking and deceit and everything else that goes on. And the one thing that I’ve always enjoyed in my 50-plus year career, especially in my relationships with autistic people, is the sincerity and the honesty. But unfortunately, we went through many many decades of people just trying to make autistic children and adults look normal by changing their behaviour. And if we didn’t understand what somebody was trying to communicate or if it seemed to be idiosyncratic or we were confused, we’d always try to just fix that. And autistic adults are now telling us, “That was wrong. You need to understand… You have to understand my deep why.”

Zach: That can be traumatic and stressful to be forced to repress the natural inclinations and ways of being.

Barry: Absolutely. And if you want to take it to the next step, an area that I’m finding interesting that people are just beginning to talk about in autism culture is should we understand that there is a different culture of communication in autism not being interested in schmoozing and small talk? As you know, for many people, feeling uncomfortable and the social requirement of looking at people in the eye when you’re talking with them. So many autistic people are now saying all of this has been labeled as deficient in the past because it doesn’t fit neurotypical, especially Western culture. And I always like to emphasize, there are many cultures– and I’ve had students from Africa who feel very uncomfortable looking me at the time as a professor in the eye, and they averted gaze. And they would say to me, “It’s a sign of disrespect, I can’t look you in the eye because you are my professor when I’m speaking to you.” So a lot of this is culturally determined. But the point is that many autistic people are now saying, “This is not just random behavior. It’s something that’s common across many autistic people, which defines cultural differences in communication.”

Zach: Yeah, a quick digression there because I was going to get into it a little later, but yeah, I’ve always had problems with eye contact and I once did this video for an ex-girlfriend where she interviewed me for a class project, basically. And because of my lack of eye contact in the video, the teacher was asking her, “Is he from another country or something?” [laughs] He thought it was some cultural thing. So, let’s see. Do you see the autism label as containing a great amount of complexity and many factors and many types of experiences and ways of being in that label? Do you feel like the label itself is kind of flattening a wide range of experiences?

Barry: It’s a great question, and it’s a very complex question because the issue of the label of autism and how it’s applied and whether it’s helpful or whether it’s not helpful really depends upon who’s using the label. Just to give you an example, the formal diagnosis comes from the DSM-5, and that’s the American Psychiatric Association manual for diagnosis. And currently, the label is autism spectrum disorder. Okay? And many people, including myself, feel that in a sense it is very unidimensional because ‘disorder’ implies something that is pathological or wrong. So more people, including myself, are looking at or referring to autism more as a condition. Because condition is a more neutral term. Condition could mean well, there are some things that are helpful and positive and there are some things that are challenging. You know, many people in the past when you heard the word autism– and I’m going back a few decades now– when a family or a parent got a diagnosis for their child, autism meant hopeless child, there’s nothing we can do, so think about putting your child in some kind of institution. I’m talking about three, four or five decades ago right now. Whereas now, in part due to the media but even more so due to so many autistic self-advocates being out there writing books, giving lectures and speaking, we’re trying to change the concept which changes the meaning of the label to this condition that very often results in different patterns of strengths but also different patterns of challenges.

Let me just share a quick story with you. I do a podcast with a colleague who’s autistic, he’s an audio engineer. And we interviewed an Ojibwe autistic woman from the Ojibwe tribe. She lives in Minnesota, so it’s upper central US. She shared with us that in Ojibwe language, there’s no such label as autism, there’s not even a label for disability. And she said people are just respected for who they are and accepted and loved for who they are. And both in terms of their strengths as well as their challenges. And what she said was, “I do accept the fact that in Western, especially US Western culture, the label plays a certain function. You can’t get financial support, whether it’s medical support, whether it’s psychological support or educational support without the diagnosis.” So when we talk about the label and the pros and cons of the label, it really depends upon… You know, I’ve met many people who say, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. As an adult, I never got a diagnosis. Should I seek a diagnosis?” And my question then is, “What do you think that would do for you? Would it be helpful? Would it not be helpful for you?” And many people feel… I feel, by the way, I skew towards, “Yes, do it.” Because then you could find your tribe, you could find your community. And it helps other people who are in the know to be more understanding of how you’re reacting and how you’re behaving. But the point is that the label in and of itself, getting back to your question, is very complex simply because people have different meanings for the label and apply it differently.

Let me give you one more example that’s very contemporary. Ron DeSantis, who is one of the Republican candidates challenging Trump, apparently many people who cover him (I’m talking about journalists) they talk about the fact that they think he’s autistic. Okay? And they say that because in informal situations– think about your traditional politician going to a restaurant or a diner in the morning when people are having breakfast and shaking hands with everybody– that he comes across as very uncomfortable. He says things that are a little bit off-topic. And then something strange that I read about, that when he’s not wearing his formal suit and tie, that the combinations of the clothes that he chooses are a little bit idiosyncratic and off. Okay? And by the way, this is based upon an article that was published in Politico about three weeks ago. I was interviewed for that article. The author of the article was saying, “I don’t like the fact that some of my colleagues refer to him, “Oh, he’s just autistic that’s why he reacts that way. Because they only see it as negative. They’re only looking at what they see as negative.” And so the article was about we got to get away from using a descriptor of autism only in reference to negative attributes or what’s perceived as negative attributes. It’s a wonderful article. And basically, it says, “Stop it!” And he said in the article, “I need to tell my colleagues to stop using the word autism to characterize a person who seems to be socially uncomfortable, or who does things in a way we don’t expect a politician to behave.” That’s a really good example of the complexity of the term and who is using it and how it’s being applied.

Zach: You’ll now be hearing an ad. I don’t endorse these ads, and I encourage you to remain skeptical of all ads.

[ad plays]

Zach: Right. It seems like we sometimes culturally just really like labels way too much in the sense that not just labeling other people, but also we like to label ourselves too and that can be sometimes kind of self-limiting too. Maybe the healthier way to look at things is that these are just rough labels that we use to describe certain aspects of human ways of being and they can be very rough and be on the very complex multi-dimensional spectrum that’s really hard to describe, and we’re just trying to give these rough labels to these rough assemblies of traits and behaviors. I think the more people embrace that way of looking at things, the better and healthier it gets.

Barry: Yeah, and one other point that I didn’t make that was inherent in your question is that even autistic people that I’ve known– and I’ve known many, and I collaborate, write with, present with many autistic people– they may focus on different aspects that everybody would agree often occurs in the autistic brain. So some people will talk about sensory sensitivities and how to build stating it is when there are loud noises or a visually complex environment. Other people will talk about the issues they feel challenged by for example in conversation. A young man once said to me, “Entering a conversation that’s free-flowing and open-ended is like stepping onto a minefield for me because I’m afraid I’m going to say something that’s inappropriate and wrong and I won’t even know it.” So even autistic people I find, as well as non-autistic people, sometimes focus on specific aspects of what we know is part of the autistic experience as opposed to other aspects. And that’s their personal experience.

Zach: Yeah, that’s kind of what I was trying to get at, just the tremendous range of experiences. For example, I’ll take myself I’ve always had trouble with eye contact, it almost physically pained me from a young age. But I don’t have a lot of the experiences that other people have that get described as autistic. That’s kind of what I was getting at is just this tremendous range of human experiences that get lumped under this simple descriptor. Yeah.

Barry: And a big point of my book is that it also blends into experiences of neurotypical people. Now, I want to say right up front, I don’t like when people say, “Well, there’s a little bit of autism in all of us.” I think that kind of dismisses the special experiences and challenges. But let me just give you an example in my 35-year relationship with my wife and my marriage. I like more alone time, okay? I don’t like going to parties with people I don’t know, especially if I’m not in the mood at all, to just schmooze. My wife, I like to say she has an overabundance of social genes. She will strike up a conversation with anybody. I mean, in a line at a theatre, a person shopping next to her in a market… Whereas for me, I just prefer to kind of go my own way and go ahead. So very often, she will go out and do things socially. Finally, she gets comfortable with that. [chuckles] And I’ll say, “Listen, [inaudible 00:21:45] mood just to hang out with people I don’t know and try to make like I’m having a phone conversation with them.” So there is some blending. I’m focusing on the social piece here in terms of how reticent you are socially, or how outgoing you are socially. And I think it’s based on our brains. I really think that for my wife, when she engages socially with people and gets to know new people she’s never met and have long conversations, I think her brain’s lighting up like a light bulb. It’s feeding what she loves to do. Whereas for me, I feel a little bit of that mild discomfort and stress. Not to the extent that autistic people report feeling that, but I feel like it’s just not worth my effort right now, or I really need to be in the mood, or I need to have a couple of gin and tonics in me and then maybe I’ll go along with that. [chuckles]

Zach: Yeah, it’s kind of like getting into the spectrum of introversion and extroversion areas.

Barry: Exactly.

Zach: Maybe that’s a good segue into… I was going to ask you obviously a hugely complex question, but do you have your thoughts on what you see as the causes of autism? For example, the biological wiring aspect of it, how do you see those things playing a role?

Barry: Yeah, I always like to begin with the caveat that I’ve not studied the neurology of autism as a researcher and I’m certainly no expert in that area. I do like the metaphor of we’re talking about a brain that’s wired differently and that communicates to different parts of the brain that communicate with each other differently. To help explain, in some cases some of the great strengths– for example an episodic and rote memory for some people on the spectrum, almost photographic memory eidetic imagery. For some people on the spectrum, exceptional ability in music, perfect pitch, which I think is more common in autism than in the general population… I think certainly there are brain-wiring differences. The question is, how does that happen? And of course, you’re very familiar with the fact that it is now accepted that at least for some people, there’s a very strong genetic component. It is not uncommon for me to do a school consultation on let’s say a seven-year-old little boy or little girl, clearly accurate diagnosis of autism. And then the parents come in and the dad not only has some characteristics when I meet with the parents, but in many cases the dad– more dad than mom– the dad will say to me, “I wasn’t so different when I was young and I think I understand why my son does what he does and how he reacts. Do you think I could be on the spectrum?” That’s one of the biggest issues that’s happening right now with all the undiagnosed people, many of whom become self-diagnosed or diagnosed as adults. So I do believe there’s a genetic component, not necessarily on all people on the spectrum, but I think for different reasons there are wiring and brain function differences. And many autistic people describe themselves that way right now. “Well, my brain’s just wired differently.” And some people actually suggest let’s describe it that way to kids. It’s not that you have brain damage, it’s not that there’s something wrong that we need to go in as a neurosurgeon and fix that, let’s just understand that we all have different brains and your brain has a particular pattern of functioning. Which is the underlying premise of the whole concept of neurodiversity.

Zach: A small note here just to give an example of the kinds of theories there are about biological mechanisms involved in causing autism. Some studies have shown some evidence that autism may be caused by a lack of normal pruning of synapses in the brain when young. Basically, a neurotypical non-autistic brain goes through a process of trimming a lot of excess brain synapses. And some research has suggested that that is not happening properly during brain formation in autistic people. It’s an interesting theory because it kind of makes some intuitive sense because it would theoretically help explain being overly sensitive to sensations and maybe an inability to combine so many sensations into a coherent narrative. It might also explain some of the more savant-like traits correlated with autism. There were a couple of studies I saw on this one from 2014 and one from 2021 on this idea, and maybe more that I didn’t see. Also, it was interesting because there was some similar theorizing a while back about improper brain synapse pruning playing a role in schizophrenia. I don’t think much ever ended up happening with that theory, though, from what I know of.

Okay, back to the talk. Kind of related to what you said, there’s a theory that seems pretty controversial that the upswing in autism diagnosis is related to more autistic people maybe having children than in the past. The modern world’s made it easier for more autistic people to find a mate and so forth. And I’ve seen that. I once shared that theory on Twitter and I had people get angry at me because apparently it’s controversial. And to me, it didn’t seem that controversial in the sense that if I had a child and they were autistic, I might be like, “Oh, yeah, I can kind of see how that happened biologically.” And it didn’t seem that controversial to me. I don’t know if you have any takes on that particular theory.

Barry: I don’t know how people responded to your post on Twitter, but I think one of the reasons it might have been controversial to people is one of the major arguments is that there is not a significant uptick in the reality of autistic people. Autistic people have always been here on this Earth in the same numbers as always going way way back. What’s changed is that we are recognizing more subtle characteristics that fit under an autism description. And that, in part, is proven by the fact that we have more late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed people than ever before. And when you say self-diagnosed, many people right away think, “Oh, well, they take one little characteristic. They’re really not autistic, but they call themselves autistic.” Actually, that’s not the case. I believe some research has demonstrated that in people who self-diagnosed as autistic when they go for a clinical diagnosis, 90% of the time it’s accurate. So, that’s possibly part of the controversy. And some of this comes out of the well-known book by Steve Silberman who’s become a good friend of mine over the years, NeuroTribes, where he makes the claim based upon he’s a science writer so he studies the history of science. He says, “I’m not an autism expert but I studied the history of autism and also the pre-history of autism, looking at historical biographies of people who were clearly autistic in the 1600s, 1800s and so forth.” And he put forth, “Autistic people have always been here in the numbers that we have them now and the numbers that we’re seeing.” Another reason by the way, again it’s another rabbit hole we could go down, is that it’s believed that women on the spectrum really have been missed. Because they may actually have a very different presentation than men on the spectrum. And they mask more. They’re more successful at masking their autistic traits. Traditionally it was considered to be a five-to-one ratio or a four-to-one ratio male to female, and now some people are saying maybe more like two to one. And we’re talking about biological because the gender fluidity is a big issue in autism now as well. And some people are saying, “No, we believe it’s one-to-one. There are as many autistic women as there are autistic men.”

Zach: Yeah, I think another aspect of people getting angry about that idea was they felt like it was blaming them like the parents of… Whereas that’s obviously not what it’s saying. It’s not saying that every… You know? There’s no blame involved and it’s not even saying that the parents are autistic, it’s just saying that could be one of many factors involved anyway.

Zach: If I could share another story, and this is from the second edition of my book, because the second edition came out about a year ago and I added a lot more information about adults and new stories. I told the story of John Elder Robison, who many people know is one of the best-known and respected self-advocates in autism and neurodiversity. He wrote the book Look Me in The Eye. I saw him at an autism conference a few years ago and he was standing by a woman who had a baby carriage. He obviously knew the woman and she’s autistic, and she was with her baby. So he was talking with her and he looked into the carriage and said, “Oh, your baby’s so cute. I’m sure she’ll grow up to be a fine young autistic woman.” And I gave that as an example of how the culture is changing. That the last thing any parent wants to hear in the past was, “Oh, your child is autistic.” And this mother was celebrating her autistic… I think the daughter was six or nine months old, I forget exactly what it was. And here’s a well-known brilliant autistic man celebrating with her the fact that she is raising an autistic daughter. Okay? That speaks against what you had said as far as how things are changing. It wouldn’t be blaming. In this case, it’s saying, “Hey, due to your autism, you have this wonderful little daughter who’s going to be autistic.”

Zach: Yeah, I feel like culture is really changing quick these days because of the internet and how connected we are. Everything seems like it’s on a very fast-moving track for whatever changes we could discuss here.

Barry: Very true.

Zach: I wanted to ask you about, you know, there’s often the perception that autistic people can be kind of shut down emotionally or lack empathy or lack these things we think of as normal social emotions, whereas some other research or observations show that actually autistic people can be overwhelmed and too sensitive to these kinds of things. For example, with my eye contact avoidance, I always found it super intense and painful to make eye contact from a young age. I wonder if you can talk a little bit about that kind of divergence in the public’s perception versus what’s actually going on with the sensitivity or the empathy and things like that.

Barry: Yeah, that’s a perfect example of getting back to your first question about the ‘deep why’. I definitely fall into the camp unequivocally about autistic people being too sensitive. And to a large extent, it comes from what I’ve learned from autistic people, both in our podcast (we’ve interviewed probably 60 autistic people), my personal relationships, my friendships with autistic people. I see it definitely as a sensitivity to how am I doing. And the issue of self-esteem that I believe you want to talk about as well, it’s been drilled into so many autistic kids that, “You’re screwing up, you’re getting it wrong,” that comes out of self-esteem or it comes out of in terms of the difficulty in social interacting or preferring not to seek out a lot of social interaction, especially with unfamiliar and strange people. I don’t see it as a lack of motivation or a choice to be shut down, only in the sense maybe that ‘this is too difficult for me and I feel more comfortable just not doing that.’ I know many autistic people who are very outgoing. I know autistic kids that I call them little politicians. Because they go up to everybody and they’ll say something like, “Oh, hi, I’m Steven! What’s your name? Hi, I’m Steven, what’s your name?” And usually, those kids have much more of a sense of confidence and of self, if you will. It’s a tough situation but it gets back to the ‘deep why’?

Getting specifically to the issue of empathy, you might be familiar with what is called the ‘double empathy problem’ right now. And that is for so many years people saying autistic people can’t take the emotional perspective of another person, which is what empathy is, and respond empathically. Well, what we’re finding is that autistic people very often do respond empathically but not necessarily the same way that a neurotypical person might. For example, an autistic person might– and again, I’m learning from my friends who are autistic– might feel very upset internally if they see another person in pain or having difficulty. But they don’t know what to do about it. They don’t know how to reach out to help that person in that instance. The double empathy problem is if we can’t, as neurotypical people, empathize and understand the perspective of an autistic person, why do we just focus on their behavior that seems they can’t empathize with other people? So the double empathy problem is, “Wait a second. It goes both ways. We’re not very good at understanding the experience of an autistic person, and they may be not that good at understanding our experience because we come from different cultures and different life experiences.” So I think it’s clearly been pretty much dashed as a generalization that autistic people can’t empathize with others. And some are very highly sensitive to the experiences of other people.

Zach: There’s some presentations of autism that the more catatonic or rocking presentations that I think have made people in the past make assumptions that this person is cut off from the world or they’re lacking in these normal sensations, whereas you can see that those kinds of behaviors as a defense mechanism kind of shutting down to deal with overwhelming sensations and such.

Barry: Exactly. The point you’re raising right now has to do with self-regulation. That very often autistic people will do things in many different strategies when they are feeling overwhelmed, when the neurological system is beginning to ring alarm bells that if a person is sitting there rocking averting gaze, it could be this is my attempt to try to deal with the anxiety or the sensory overwhelm that I’m experiencing right now. And think about this, think about neurotypical people. If you have a neurotypical person who’s feeling very distressed, highly, highly anxious and just unable to cope, you can’t empathize with people under those circumstances. So to the extent that some autistic people may look like they’re engaging in behavior that’s shut down behavior, it actually might be. But it’s not that I don’t want to be with you or empathize with you, it’s that I need to do something to hold myself together so I don’t have a total meltdown and I don’t lose it altogether.

Zach: You’ll now be hearing an ad. I don’t endorse these ads and I encourage you to remain skeptical of all ads.

[ad plays and ends]

Zach: I thought I’d give you some thoughts that I’ve had about autism and maybe you can just shoot some holes in it or give me your thoughts, so I’ll go on a long ramble now. 

Barry: Okay.

Zach: This relates to some things I’ve covered in past podcast episodes because I’m interested in existential psychology. There can be these just fundamental aspects of just being a conscious being in the world that result in a lot of the ways of being that we consider unwell or unhealthy or not normal. We have these, quote, “normal social skills” and part of these social skills is involving a tremendous amount of complexity. We have to keep track of our own minds, we have to keep track of other people’s minds, we have to keep track of how they perceive our minds. We have to juggle all these concepts of various minds, and we also have to have a model of the world that we reside in and we have to place all these minds in it. And just to say that these so called normal social skills that we have can seem so easy to us, and we take them for granted, but they mask so much huge complexity.

And I talked about this in a past episode about AI and consciousness, about the hidden complexity and creating what we would perceive as a thinking, conscious being. There’s just so much hidden complexity I think, personal, I think we’re born with, to some extent, with this wiring that helps us with that, the normal social skills. Then we’re socialized in ways that help us with that, too. You could have normal wiring, but you could have some abnormal socialization as a child that can result in degradation or harming of your normal social instincts and skills. It seems to me that autistic people might be born without some of these wiring in various ways. Just to say that there can be this tremendous amount of ways that these things can go wrong and it can prevent us from forming these normal modeling of this mind over here, my mind, the world, world. And so all these things can go wrong in various ways that can lead us to the symptoms, the ways of being that are classified as autistic. And I’m curious, what are your thoughts on all that?

Barry: Yeah, what you’re actually describing, let me give you another if you will, lens to look at that, which is very consistent with what you said. Ami Klin, who used to be the head of the Autism Research Center at Yale University, he’s now at Emory University, an important person in the field of autism, published a lot initially when Asperger’s was still a diagnosis. And Asperger’s still very active. A number of years ago, I heard Ami describe the basic challenge in autism socially has to do with a lack of social intuition. The neurotypical social brain, to varying degrees, because it varies greatly amongst neurotypical people, has this natural intuition to almost pick up on very subtle social queues, to automatically try to think about what another person is feeling, and it isn’t so conscious. 

So for example, we might be speaking to somebody at a social engagement, and we say something and we notice that the person’s lips tighten up in the corner of their mouth. Right away, we might think, oh, they disagree with what I’m saying? And especially if it’s not a smile, if it’s a tense time tightening. And then we might change what we’re saying or ask them, “Oh, I’m sorry, did I say something that was insulting to you?” Or whatever how we might respond. Whereas many autistic people say, and again, I don’t generalize for everybody, say, I don’t pick up on those very subtle social queues. And it doesn’t come naturally to me to think about what another person is feeling when I’m talking to them. So that could be due to the difference in why hearing of the brain, the social brain. Like I said, my wife just naturally knows how to extend the conversation with a total stranger, where if I’m speaking with a stranger, sometimes I’ll get a little bit, not so much anxious, but like, Okay, well, we’re hitting a dead end. What do I say to keep this going? It becomes cognitive and conscious. And I think what you describe as juggling so many things, different concepts of minds, what’s the context? Many autistic people say that social interaction for them becomes a cognitive exercise. It’s not a socially intuitive exercise. 

Let me just give you some examples from our podcast. Carly Otte, a wonderful woman who I’ve gotten to know personally over the years on the spectrum, she happens to be a bank vice president. She was diagnosed in her late 20s and actually had some very significant mental health issues at that time until she got her diagnosis.She talks about the fact on our podcast about how in a shower in the morning, she will rehearse lines that she needs to say that she thinks she will need to use with certain people throughout the day. So that’s taking what should be, what most neurotypical people believe, should be a very spontaneous natural reaction and social interaction. I’m not talking about a job interview because everybody rehearses and what do I say to that person to impress them to get this job? But she says even for everyday conversations, it has to become a cognitive activity. She needs to think about strategies, learn those strategies, and then apply those strategies. Whereas most neurotypical people will say, “Hey, listen, if I bump into a friend at the supermarket, Hey, how are you doing? How’s your family? What’s going on?” It flows more naturally because it’s intuitive. It’s not that a cognitive exercise. And that makes a lot of sense to me. Again, it’s a different way of being. 

Now, let me give you an example of how it could be very different with an autistic brain in a social interaction. So I was out in LA less than a year ago. And I was having lunch with my friend who actually is a with-author of my book, Uniquely Human, Tom Fields Meyer. And he has an adult son on the spectrum, Ezra. And he actually wrote a book when Ezra was young called Following Ezra. It’s a wonderful book. So Ezra Fields Meyer, and Ezra has a podcast and he loves Disney, he knows everything about Disney. If you tell him your birthday, he will tell you the Disney film that came out closest to your birthday. So he has some savant skills in those areas. So we’re seated outside in a restaurant in Santa Monica, near a corner where there’s a lot of traffic. So I’m having a conversation with both Ezra and his dad, Tom. And then a bus comes by and the bus has a circular on it about maybe the play Frozen or the movie Frozen. And he immediately left the conversation and his brain riveted, “Oh, there’s a poster of Frozen! It’s playing at so and so theater.” And then he started talking about all the characters. So his mind intuitively, almost, went to what was a passion of his and something that he knew a lot about.

And it wasn’t that he was disinterested or avoiding our conversation. It’s just that his brain naturally, almost intuitively, went to something that he loves to talk about and that lights his brain up, if you will. And I think for neurotypical people, that happens in free flowing conversations much, much more easily than it does for autistic people. So I like that concept of social intuition that if we think neurotypicals have more of a social brain, which by the way, has it’s downside in terms of for example, with my wife, I often say I don’t want to get involved in these long conversations with people I’ll never meet again. It’s not relevant to my life and what I want to do right now. So I try to pull her away from that because sometimes it’s a problem that we end up being late for things and other kinds of stuff. So anyway, I like that concept of social intuition, or less of a social intuition, not from a pathology perspective, but from a brain difference perspective.

Zach: Yeah. And I like to think about it in the existential psychology terms of there’s many different ways of experiencing the world. No matter how it comes about, there are understandable ways that a conscious being can experience the world whether it’s whatever causes we could look into. You can understand it as a way of experiencing the world. I can really relate to that. 

The cognitive aspect, from a young age, I don’t relate at all to the whole concept of having rapport with people and all that. Those aspects were totally off the table for me from a young age. My way of being in the world was basically just trying to simulate what people perceived as normal. It definitely felt like a cognitive effort which can lead to all sorts of anxiety and depression. I dropped out of college in my second year, midyear from basically a so called nervous breakdown, but it was basically just extreme anxiety and feeling socially inferior and horrible. Just to say that, yeah, these things can be related. 

Maybe that’s a good segue to someone you had on your podcast who was an autistic therapist, and I can’t remember his name, but he talked about his beliefs that so much of what people view as autistic behaviors were various results results of just being anxious, having high anxiety. I thought he made some really good points about how when anyone is overwhelmed and highly anxious, they can behave in ways that seem autistic. You’ll be unable to act in ways that seem socially normal to other people, shut down or engaging in self soothing behaviors of various sorts. I’m curious if you have more thoughts on that idea that there can be a difficulty in drawing a line between what’s just signs of anxiety and the things we think of as autistic traits. They can feed off each other in various ways and have a feedback mechanism.

Barry: Yes. That professional was Sean Andrew Bitson. Sean is an autistic mental health counselor. What he’s pulling from, not to get too technical here, but is related to what’s called polyvagal theory, and I do believe that there is a big contribution from polyvagal theory. It’s the notion of our neurological system, very often is hyper vigilant, especially when we feel challenged and could put us in fight or flight reactions. And what Sean and I were talking about actually is very much related to our work going back decades. And a theme of my book as well, there’s no such thing as autistic behaviors. That what we’re seeing are human behaviors that are reactions to extreme anxiety. So you gave the rocking example, it might be pacing, it might be self-talk scripting to oneself to try to stay well regulated. That so much of what’s been labeled autistic behaviors are often related to more extreme experiences of anxiety, of fear, of great elation. 

You could see children on their toes jumping up and down and flapping their hands, which many people would consider classical autistic behaviors. And it could be a person is just so excited and so happy, they just don’t know what to do, and that’s how they let out their energy. So I do believe that that is a major contribution. I think in terms of explaining all of autism and the way people react who are autistic, I don’t believe it does that. I believe what it contributes to is more extreme levels of experience that our neurology is reacting to. That in terms of the polyvagal theory is that we do have these neurological alarm bells that go off that put us into fight or flight, but at milder levels that tell us we need to do something to regulate ourselves physiologically and emotionally. And then, by the way, another interesting concept that’s developing, and a number of autistic people are saying this, and that is it’s not so much as an autistic person that I experience emotion the way you experience it, such as happiness and fear. And what I experience is more energy levels. So I know I’m about to have a meltdown when my energy is depleted, when I’m running on fumes. 

So Jacquelyn Fede, who is an autistic psychologist, she works with one of my colleagues in their initiative called Autism Level Up. Jacqueline says, No, the way you describe emotions, I don’t experience that. But I experience different levels of energy, which could be positive energy, which could be negative energy, which could be I just don’t have any energy for this anymore. I’m running on fumes right now. So that’s, again, an example of how an autistic person might experience something differently than a person who’s not autistic, but we try to fit it into the neurotypical paradigm.

Zach: One thing I’ve wondered, is it possible to predict how highly autistic children will turn out? I know of children or hear stories with children who can barely speak, who have horrible temper tantrums, who can’t communicate. I often wonder, how will these people turn out? Is there a lot of variety? Is it hard to predict or do we know enough where examining someone, a child, you can accurately predict what their outcomes will be, whether they’ll lead so called normal social lives and such?

Barry: Your question begs the question of what do we use or what would people who want to predict outcomes, what would they look at in a child? And traditionally in Western culture, it’s been speech and language abilities and cognitive problem solving abilities. Well, one of the great turnarounds that’s happening in autism right now is we’re discovering that many people who are considered to be severely autistic, intellectually disabled, non speaking are ending up, when provided with appropriate ways to communicate, that still might be non speaking. So it could be low-text systems such as spelling boards or picture systems, high-text systems such as using speech generated output on an iPad or a MacBook or an iPhone. We are discovering people who are not only much more intellectually capable, but in some cases, quite brilliant who don’t speak. 

We have interviewed now three people on our podcast. One has not come out yet. Let me just focus on Elizabeth. Elizabeth Bonker is a non speaking autistic person who was considered for many years to be severely intellectually disabled. Given appropriate systems to communicate, she showed how not only bright but brilliant she was, and she was the valedictorian of her college last year. So if our listeners, your listeners, want to look that up, just go on YouTube and Google Elizabeth Bonker, B O N K R valedictorian. And you will see the amazing speech she gave, all of which she programmed into her computer. So we interviewed her. It’ll probably be out next month or the month after we interviewed her a few weeks ago for our podcast. She asked for the questions ahead of time, and she programmed all the answers into her computer. She’s a delightful young woman. She’s in her mid 20s right now. 

Another woman, Jordan Zimmerman, was not only considered severely autistic and severely intellectually disabled, but a profound behavior problem who literally attacked people, trashed environments, was considered so profoundly impacted by her intellectual disability or autism, she was always in highly segregated settings until she was a teenager. And she learned how to communicate through her iPad. And she also recently graduated with a master’s degree in educational philosophy. The bottom line is there are a number of people now, and a few years ago, it was a few dozen. Now there are hundreds of people with an autism diagnosis who are considered to be profoundly disabled by their autism, and in many cases, intellectual disability because they were not speaking, who are proving the world different. As a matter of fact, there’s a film that just came out called Spellers. It just came out a couple of months ago. It’s online and anybody could watch it, which is case studies of six of these people, including Elizabeth Bonker. And it’s turning our heads around. We always knew that a non-speaking person can be much more capable than we thought, but we never really realized how an early picture of a child could change so dramatically once they’re given the capacity to communicate effectively.

Zach: Kind of reminds me of Helen Keller’s book describing how her teacher taught her language and gave her the ability to communicate. And before that, she was just trapped in a dark world where it was very chaotic. You know when we learn ways to communicate, that’s hugely important to people. And if they don’t have the chance to communicate, that can be very traumatic and lead to worse things.

Barry: As a matter of fact, Elizabeth Bonker cites Helen Keller as one of her heroes in her valedictorian speech. 

Zach: Nice. Helen Keller’s book was amazing. I read that pretty recently. Let’s see. I’m curious. Part of the stereotype or cliché about autistic people is that they become very interested or even obsessed with various ideas or pursuits, the Asperger’s thing of becoming very interested and obsessed with various pursuits, do you have thoughts about the causes of that association? For example, there could be the wiring aspect, obviously, for the more savant abilities. But do you think some of it could be because autistic people lack the meaning in social connections and social narratives and such, and so they have more of a drive to find their meaning in pursuits of ideas and concepts and math or whatever it may be. Do you see some connection there in the finding of meaning in non social things?

Barry: Yeah, that’s a great question. From a neurotypical lens, I would say, in addition to finding meaning, it’s finding quality of life. I mean, any person would have a better quality of life if he or she could focus on what’s fascinating to them, what lights their brain up, what rivets their attention. And just to be clear, it’s estimated that the true savant exceptional abilities are present at about 10 to 15 % of autistic individuals, more so than any other condition and more so than in the general population. But certainly, the terms deep interests, special interests, in my book, I refer to these as enthusiasm. And I think it serves a number of functions that in some cases, it might just be highly intellectually satisfying to a person. The same way that may happen to a neurotypical person, but what’s often mentioned in autism is that it might be more restricted to particular topics and particular interests for a person on the spectrum. So I believe it serves the function of emotional regulation, that when we are highly engaged, our mind is immersed in something that’s interesting to us, that’s fascinating. That’s when we’re in the zone. 

The Czechoslovakian psychologist, Csikszentmihalyi, spoke about being in the flow. And the flow is being in this cognitive state where you’re highly, highly focused. Your brain is just clicking with what you’re doing and the activity you’re immersed in. It believes elite athletes get into that zone when they’re doing what they do that’s so good, an artist, a musician. So I do believe that it serves various functions. And a big part of what we do in education and our model, we have a educational framework called the SCERTS model. And a big piece of that is making sure that we put into people’s lives what their special interests are. Be creative, teach academics through, you know, if a person is very interested in aspects of science, teach academics through that. If a person is very interested in cooking and recipes, you could set up whole activities where teaching literacy skills and numeracy skills through that. The other piece of this is that sometimes if something falls outside area of interest for an autistic student, for example, or is just too abstract, that student is not going to learn that just to please the teacher. If it doesn’t light their brain up, they’re going to look for something that does, if you will. So I think that’s another important consideration. 

But I believe, in my experience, we do see those intensive interests more often in autistic individuals than in the neurotypical population. If it is seen in a neurotypical person, then hopefully it’ll be nurtured. It might be a great skill, a great area of knowledge, a great talent. It could be science, it could be the arts. And that’s where we are right now in supporting autistic people, both at the level of leaving school into employment as well as at the level of school. Even at the level of social connection connection, we believe the best way to help, for example, an autistic child who has difficulty connecting with the uncertainty of social interaction, have experiences with friends who have similar interests. Because then they could both the non autistic and the autistic kids could focus intensively on something they both love. And it allows for that what’s referred to as shared attention and joint attention.

Zach: Well, this has been great, Barry. Thanks so much for your work and thanks for coming on to talk about all these things.

Barry: It’s been a pleasure, Zach, and great questions and I’ve really enjoyed it.

Zach: Thank you. That was a talk with Barry Prizant, author of the great book on autism, Uniquely Human, and co-host of the Uniquely Human podcast, which you can find at uniquelyhuman.com. His main site is at barryprizant.com. One area I didn’t get a chance to get into were some questions I have about how some psychological issues might overlap with autistic traits. To take an example from my own life, I had a very bad panic attack my first day of high school. I became extremely self-conscious and anxious that day as I was meeting a bunch of new people. And that panic attack was so painful and disorienting, it kicked off a long period of depression and anxiety for me. And I don’t have much insight into what my personality and inner life were like before that point in time. It’s like I became a completely different person at that moment of the panic attack. It was like suddenly becoming self aware, a real existential crisis of sorts. Suddenly seeing myself from the outside and feeling completely inadequate in dealing with all these other people around me. I don’t remember if, for example, my problem with eye contact was present before that point in time, or if maybe it was present but just not as bad or what. Just to say all these things make me wonder about all the various factors that can be present for these kinds of things. 

Maybe other environmental or psychological factors created the conditions for me to be prone to be highly anxious, and that in turn kicked off or worsened some autistic life conditions and traits I already had. Or is it possible I don’t actually have the biological and brain wiring aspects that some other people with the autism label have? And my own problems are due more to anxiety and depression kinds of things. These things seem really hard to tease apart because, for example, if one has some biological autistic aspects that make it hard to interact with others, that person will often end up being depressed and anxious, and vice versa. If one winds up feeling self-conscious and anxious and depressed for other reasons, more psychological reasons, then one might often end up having traits that seem autistic. 

Anyway, this is just to point out the huge complexity that I see in these things, mainly for the less extreme and more moderate kinds of autistic-seeming traits. And these are reasons why I’m not a big fan of using labels, at least labeling oneself internally. I think labels can be self limiting and oftentimes cover up a huge amount of complexity and uncertainty about things that we just don’t understand. I think there are certain ways of being that we can wind up in from multiple paths just because there are only so many ways to be a functional person in this world. This isn’t to say the autism label isn’t meaningful. I think it’s useful for describing clusters of traits and ways of being, especially when those things are on the more extreme side. I’m just talking about how we think of ourselves internally. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you might like going to my site behavior-podcast.com and listening to other episodes. I have a compilation of mental health and psychology-related episodes there on the site. If you like this podcast, please share it with your friends and family. That’s the most appreciated way you can show your appreciation. Leaving ratings and reviews on Apple podcasts or other platforms is also hugely appreciated, too. Thanks for listening. 

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How does anxious body language affect a job interview?, with Simonne Mastrella

A talk with Simonne Mastrella, author of the research paper Acting Anxious: The Impact of Candidates’ Anxious Nonverbal Behavior on Interview Performance Ratings. Topics discussed include: the design of the study; her findings; whether results differed by gender or by the nature of the job; how perceptions of anxiety and “warmth” are related; and the challenges of using actors to act out behaviors for a study. 

Episode links:

The following information about related research is from Simonne:

This study looked at all the studies that measured interview anxiety and interview anxiety and found that, combined, more anxious interviewees tend to perform worse than less anxious interviewees: Meta-analysis of the relation between interview anxiety and interview performance.

The following studies compared interview anxiety with how people performed on the job and found no relation (so, more anxious interviewees were not necessarily worse performers than less anxious interviewees).

Does interview anxiety predict job performance and does it influence the predictive validity of interviews?

The role of negative evaluation in interview anxiety and social-evaluative workplace anxiety.