Categories
podcast

Is your existence unlikely? Or inevitable? Discussing Arnold Zuboff’s universalism

Many view the fact that they are here, experiencing the world, as something insanely improbable… but what if it were instead entirely inevitable? The philosopher Arnold Zuboff walks us through a mind-bending argument, which he calls universalism (aka open individualism), where the improbability of your existence vanishes. It doesn’t matter which sperm met which egg, or how your ancestors got together, or how anything at all in the past unfolded, because wherever there is first-person experience, there is the same “I.” Zuboff’s new book, Finding Myself: Beyond the False Boundaries of Personal Identity, features a foreword by Thomas Nagel (author of “What Is It Like to Be a Bat?”), who says that many will view the claim as “incredible, even outrageous” — but says it is too well argued to be ignored and an “important contribution.” We discuss why Zuboff sees universalism as resolving many of the core quandaries of consciousness that are puzzled over, and why he’s entirely certain it’s the right view. Other topics include: how universalism ties into views of a multiverse and the anthropic principle; how it ties into ideas of religion and a higher power, and more. If you’ve ever lain awake at night wrestling with the sheer weirdness of being alive at all, you’ll want to listen to this episode.

Episode links:

Resources mentioned or related to this talk:

TRANSCRIPT

(transcript is generated automatically and will contain errors)

Arnold Zuboff: So your own conception, there were, on average, 200 million sperm cells competing to get to the egg, if any of the others but the one that did get to the egg, in the usual view, you would never have existed. There’d be no experience. You’d be eternally blank. 

Zach: You’ve never have escaped the abyss. 

Arnold: But now consider your conception couldn’t have occurred unless your mother and father had been conceived and let’s say one in 200 million for each of them. For those three conceptions to have gone right for you to exist in the usual view, it’s one in eight septillion, right? 24 zeros or something? So that’s pretty bad. But of course your grandparents had to have been conceived first for your parents. Could have been one or 200 million of those multiplied and then we haven’t even got started yet. Whereas, in the universalism, it didn’t matter what sperm cells hit, what eggs, it was going to be you.

Zach Elwood: That was the philosopher Arnold Zuboff, talking about what he calls universalism, which is the view that we’re essentially all the same person – the same first-person “I” experience. 

Another way to put this: as Arnold was explaining, in the quote “normal” view of things, people view it as astronomically improbable that we would exist – that our first-person experience would exist at all. But in the view of universalism, it is entirely inevitable that you or I, our first-person experience, would exist, simply because there is only one I, and wherever there is first-person experience, that universal I will be present. 

Now, of course, if you’re new to these ideas, this will probably sound quite crazy to you. It definitely did to me at first. But you should know that there are some smart and non-crazy people who believe this, and the more you dig into these ideas, as I did, you’ll find that they make a lot of sense, and help resolve some serious quandaries about consciousness that philosophers have been puzzling over for a long time. 

Arnold is the author of the recently published book “Finding Myself: Beyond the False Boundaries of Personal Identity.” The foreword of that book is written by the respected philosopher Thomas Nagel, who you might know of from his often-referenced paper “What is it like to be a bat?” I’ll read a little bit from Nagel’s foreword:

Zuboff proposes and defends with creative philosophical arguments a radically original conception of the mind, according to which the distinction between selves – between me and you, for example – is an illusion. There is only one subject of consciousness; it is the subject of all consciousness, and it is equivalent to the first-person immediacy shared by all conscious experience. The separate bundles of experience in the lives of distinct conscious organisms do not have separate subjects, but share a universal quality of subjective immediacy, which it is easy for each of us to mistake for a unique individual “I” in our own case. 

End quote 

Nagel goes on to write: 

Both the conclusion and the argument will certainly seem incredible, even outrageous, to many readers, but the whole is presented with such care and skill that it should be regarded as an important contribution even by those who are not persuaded. The relation of the mind to the world is so mysterious that it is not philosophically reasonable to dismiss any view, however radical, out of hand.  

End quote 

This idea that we are all manifestations of the same first-person experience is also known as open individualism, and it’s a concept I explored a few months ago in my talk with Joe Kern, author of The Odds of You Existing. 

Now, if you’re like me when I first heard of these ideas, you’ll have a lot of objections that spring to mind. Rest assured that your objections and skepticism is addressed and considered by the people thinking about these ideas. This talk will of course only be a rough introduction to these ideas, and it’s hard to talk off the cuff about these ideas, as they are so contrary to our normal ways of speaking – at least I find it difficult to talk about and keep my ideas clear; our normal language is just tough to navigate, I find.

In this talk with Arnold, we also talk about ideas about a multiverse, we talk about why the laws of our universe seems so precisely configured for complex life, we talk about God, souls, and higher powers, we talk about societal implications of people believing in universalism, I talk about laying awake at night thinking about the sheer strangeness of existence and tough existential questions, which I’ve done a good amount of — and maybe you’ve done that, too. I hope this talk serves to get you interested in the topic, and maybe you’ll read Arnold’s book or other writings on the topic. 

Ok, here’s the talk with Arnold Zuboff, author of “Finding Myself: Beyond the False Boundaries of Personal Identity.”

Hi Arnold. Thanks for joining me. 

Arnold Zuboff: It’s a great pleasure. 

Zach Elwood: Pleasure is all mine.

Uh, so maybe we could start with when it, when it comes to open individualism or universalism as you call it, uh, maybe you could talk about what your focus has been as obviously there can be different areas to focus on within this, uh, philosophy. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. Uh, there, there are a couple ways I might like to introduce it.

Uh, one way is to ask a question, um, make a statement first. Uh, there are loads and loads of conscious things in the world. Uh, the question is how do you know which one you are? And, uh, first, um, let’s consider, uh, whether you have a checklist of facts about yourself, you know, and you’re searching among them, uh, uh, making little checks.

Oh yeah. Right. Parents. Uh, no, I don’t think you do that. You do something much simpler than that. You just find that you are the one in quotes whose experience is first person in character. Right. Is immediate in your face. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. You’re the one thinking I am here right now. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s here, mine now.

And it’s, uh, uh, the pains hurt in a way. They don’t, if they’re someone else’s. Uh, and that’s immediate. I, I use the word immediacy a lot to indicate all of this. This is the basis of two crucial things being present in the world. Your presence in the world is by way of this first person kind of experience.

Without that, there wouldn’t be anything that was, you wouldn’t, you know, uh, there’d be no reason to count anything as you if it didn’t have that. So that’s how you find yourself. Then you know the objective facts about the thing that you think you are constrained, you know, into being. They’re like afterthoughts.

Zach Elwood: The various contents and, and details about your life. Yeah, exactly. It’s separate. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yes. 

Zach Elwood: It’s separate from like the first person I am here perspective. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: that’s right. So, um, I mean this immediacy I’m talking about is the general character of it. Uh, the details could be changed ever so many ways with this same general character applying and it’s experience.

Having that, that’s at the heart of what I’m talking about. Uh, and another way I have of introducing my particular approach to this is to say that the usual view that all of us, um, believe almost all of the time, the usual view needs to be reversed. Okay, so my view, which I call universalism, is a reversal of the usual view.

The usual view says that I am a particular thing, uh, with a lot of objective facts attaching to that, some of them being essential to me, some of them are less essential, but I am that one thing. And, um, if something’s going to belong to me, be mine. It has to belong to that thing. For example, a hat, right?

The usual view says, um, then if an experience is mine as opposed to someone else’s, it’s because it belongs to this thing That is me, the reversal of the usual view. That interests me is to think instead that there’s something about the experience that makes it mine and what makes an experience mine is this very character of immediacy, first person nature, um, subjective center of everything.

Uh, that’s what makes an experience mine. And then whatever might be having the experience, whatever thing might be having experience has to be me. If the experience is mine carrying presence in the world and self-interest within it, then whatever the hell thing is having it is me. I speak in the book about, um, you know, what the dog is and what the tale is.

Zach Elwood: Right. In the traditional view, you’ve got these ideas of entities, these, these selves Yeah. Or these entities and these things have various attributes. And yes, within one of those, one of those attributes is having a first person perspective. But what you’re saying, you’re flipping it around and saying anything, having to do with self or me, is just about that first person experience.

That’s the primacy. That that is the important thing and not the rest of the things. And, and that experience is the same across all the entities. It’s it’s the same, uh, manifestation of, of a, of, of an experience. Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. That’s what it is for an experience to be mine. And that’s what rules here in the usual view, the body of the dog is being a particular thing.

And it’s argued, you know, that it’s a physical thing or a mental thing that’s more important, but it’s being a particular thing in the world. That’s me. And then the tail being wagged by that dog is experienced being mine. In my view. The body of the dog is experienced being mine, which is determined solely by this character of immediacy.

And then the tale that is being weed by that is whatever thing happens to be me 

Zach Elwood: when it comes to trying to, uh, explain this to a lay audience. Because I think these concepts are so hard for people to quickly wrap their minds around ’em. But I think one, 

Arnold Zuboff: yeah. 

Zach Elwood: I’m curious, I’m curious what you think about this.

When I, when I’ve tried to explain it to people who are new to the idea. I’ve basically said in the traditional view, you know, it’s very unlikely that we exist. We, we experience ourselves as being incredibly unlikely. Like, what are the chances I, I experiencing this now? What are the chances I am here?

Yeah. Uh, but in, but in your view, in the, in the universalism view, it’s viewing yourself, your experience right now as inevitable. Because no matter what, no matter where that sense of self, that sense of I came into being, it would be having that experience and it would be thinking like, wow, it’s incredible that I’m here, but it’s inevitable that you are here because you are a manifestation of the same.

I experience. Yes. Yes. I, I think it’s that, that flip between seeing something is very unlikely to seeing something as inevitable that, that I, I think helps make the connection for a great, well, that’s great audience. 

Arnold Zuboff: Well, great. I’m, I mean, that’s what you’re saying is great, but you’ve really leapt ahead.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. I’ve left ahead. I, I think why I did that, why I did that was to try to like, for people that are maybe completely lost, to maybe help them help them see it Okay. From a, you know, we can, we can come back to that, but maybe, maybe 

Arnold Zuboff: well let No, no, no, no. Let, uh, lemme let me do it. I mean, uh, yeah, 

Zach Elwood: sure, sure.

I, I, I was, I like to think in terms of like, what’s the elevator pitch to an, uh, somebody completely 

Arnold Zuboff: new? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, the elevator’s already arrived and I’m still talking about your experience uncontroversially, your experience having immediacy. Right. What you’ve correctly indicated here is that if.

You find yourself in the world as the one in quotations, the one whose experience is immediate first person. It can quickly come to realize that in fact there isn’t just one conscious thing in the world whose experience is immediate and, and first person in character. In fact, anything worth calling experience would have exactly that character in it, that same general character that picks out which one you are right now, what Universalism does very quickly say is that this means that there are a lot of tales being wagged by that they experience.

It’s mine. The, uh, all the, all the things that have experience are just tails latching onto that, that, um, um, all of it is equally mine since that’s the thing, uh, that makes experience mine and there’s nothing else involved in it. All of it is equally mine. Now, what happens? This, this is key to understanding the old business.

What happens quite naturally is this, the contents of experience are cut off from each other. Why? Because experience comes about in different brains, in these distinct, conscious things. So in each, it seems as though the only experience. That has the character making it. Mine is the, the experience involving that particular content.

And because of that, it seems that being me, my experience being mine and, and the experience of being me is limited to first of all that content and then to the thing whose content it is. But that’s a mistake. I am there in all the experience because that involves something so simple. Uh, it’s something universal to experience.

But it inevitably seems to me, in each case of me that this is the only one. Because the content is not integrated. 

Zach Elwood: I think that’s where most people would, uh, would lose, would lose you because they’re like, well, how could it be that we are separate but the same? And I think I, I think your analogy about the, you know, the, the, the book and the, you know, like a, a story can be in multiple books and be the same story.

I think that analogy, and maybe you have other analogies to help explain it, but I think that’s where a lot of people would be like, well, how can we be separate? What does, what does it even mean to be the same thing if we’re, we’re first separate? Right. 

Arnold Zuboff: Well, you know, what might be particularly useful, uh, as a first step in, uh, attacking that.

Uh, to think of brain bisection. 

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Yeah. And then that’s where you start, you, that’s one of your first, uh, yeah. Stories and how you and they, that’s maybe how you got started on this whole journey back in the day was the 

Arnold Zuboff: Not actually, 

Zach Elwood: oh, no, no. Oh no. You got started on the switching the brains out, not the brain bisection.

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But go, 

Zach Elwood: but go ahead. Yeah, go ahead with the 

Arnold Zuboff: brain bisection. Okay, let me, let me wheel in brain by section here. There wa was an actual operation done on people suffering from epilepsy that involved cutting the bridge of nerves between the two hemispheres of the brain. It’s called the corpus callosum.

It was caught because it would prevented seizures from, you know, moving from one hemisphere to the other. Uh, at the time it was caught as I understand it. Um. It was thought that a thing only kept the brain from sagging. So yeah, no great loss in cutting. But, uh, then it was realized later that most of the integration of the activities of the hemispheres was carried through the corpus callosum communicated through it.

So experiments were done with the split brain patients in which information was carefully isolated in, uh, in the way it came in, so that it, it would only go to one hemisphere or the other. And what was discovered, I think quite unsurprisingly, uh, though shockingly, was that these people could have nonintegrated.

Um, uh, contents in their experience in each hemisphere, there’d be a content that was not available to the other, right? So it would be like the situation I described among all these conscious things, a failure of integration across them, of, of their contents. And for 

Zach Elwood: people, for people listening, we might say, yeah, these, these experiments were, were really wild.

The Ga Annika, uh, research where basically they, you know, they blocked something in the middle. So one eye is looking at one thing, one eye is looking at another, and they found that one, one eye might see something and know it was there. One, one part of the brain would see something and know it was there and, and answer correctly.

Uh, you know, like check a box or something based on what they were seeing, but the other side wouldn’t know it was there and would confabulate uh, reasons why they check that box, right? So it was just really. Really mind blowing kind of, uh, uh, to, to most people mind blowing about you. You could be experiencing something and know something, but you could be making up the other half wouldn’t know and would even make up reasons for why that happened, which gets into our, our ability to, you know, how the brain probably works a lot of time is we’re, we’re making up stories for why we do things, even if we might not even, uh, know why we did things.

Sometimes it, it kind of gets into that realm too, but just to say, uh, it was really fascinating research. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: it was. And it, um, a lot of philosophers have, uh, have had to look at that and, uh, now what’s, what’s extremely useful, I think is a certain thought experiment based on this that I like to use.

Parit first suggested something like this. Uh, imagine I had a button I could press. That was connected to a device adjacent to my corpus callosum, and that if I press the button, uh, anesthetic would be injected into the corpus callosum, shutting it down temporarily. Right? So you could have that same effect of, uh, um, mutually excluding experiential contents in, in, in each hemisphere, right?

And so I, I, I tell a specific story like that where there’s a great concert you wanna listen to tonight, but there’s some dreary audio studying you have to do. And, uh, if you, if you plug the sound of the concert into the right ear, which communicates directly with the right hemisphere of the brain. Uh, and the audio dreary studying into the left ear, which directly communicates with the left hemisphere.

Press the button before these things start. They won’t interfere with each other. There’ll be two extremely different things going on inside 

Zach Elwood: two 

Arnold Zuboff: streams of 

Zach Elwood: consciousness. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, uh, uh, enjoying a wonderful concert, uh, in doing this dreary studying. Right? So, of course I asked the question, you know, what kind of evening will you have?

This question is one that has troubled a lot of philosophers. Let me tell you, uh, what I think is going on here. If instead we had anesthetized one of the hemispheres. And done the same thing with the remaining hemisphere. And there’d be no doubt in our minds I’d continue on into that experience in the non anesthetized hemisphere.

So I’d have, I’d have the experience of the concert or I’d have the experience of the studying and it would be me. It’s crazy to think that it would stop being me. Now, in this case where we’ve anesthetized the corpus callosum, we’ve got both of them going on, how could either of them stop being me? Just ’cause something’s going on over on the other side.

Right? That seems crazy. And what emphasizes this further is when the anesthetic wears off. And the hemispheres can communicate fine with each other again. I will remember, oh yeah, I, uh, I was listening to this, uh, great concert. Oh, dear. Yeah. I was struggling through the, the audio stuff. Now I will remember each of those experiences as having been mine.

What will make the memories of them, memories of them having been mine? They’ll be first person. They’ll be immediate in the memory of them. They, they were both mine. It can’t be the case that remembering both of them and integrating the memories like that is retroactively making them both mine. It is simply revealing that they were both mine, but neither.

Had the information at the time that the other was going on 

Zach Elwood: in the same way that you or I don’t have the information that’s 

Arnold Zuboff: available to us. Exactly. Exactly. So what, what it is, is there’s an illusion created a powerful illusion in either hemisphere while it’s having its experience. That anything that was experiencing anything else at this time couldn’t be me.

I’m walled off metaphysically from it. 

Zach Elwood: Right, 

Arnold Zuboff: right. Different self, different whatever. Uh, it’s, it’s very powerful illusion. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Arnold Zuboff: What, what I call the principle you discover in thinking about this is, uh, is the irrelevance of objective simultaneity. I, I talked before about if just one was anesthetized.

You could do it a different way. In fact, this is something that’s actually been done, um, uh, called the water test. You could anesthetize one hemisphere and give it, say the concert, uh, the, the remaining one, the concert experience, then reverse it, right? So that next there would be the experience of the studying, but at different times, at different objective times, they would both be remembered in exactly the same way as you know, when the corpus was anesthetized and they happened at the same time.

The objective time of these events is irrelevant to what they represent to you subjectively, they are both yours and can’t help but be yours And my claim. Um, you know, uh, uh, looking back at what I said earlier. Is that the only thing making it mine for this subject is the immediacy of the experience.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. I think the, um, I mean one of the powerful things about the universalism idea is that it helps make sense of these various quandaries that, uh, philosophers have struggled over. Like you mentioned, you had a really good passage in your book talking about how there’s basically this, um, desire or impulse to preserve some sort of idea of self amongst the various other philosophical, um, views.

You know, for example, the idea that a self is, uh, identity is defined as some con continuity of psychological, uh, content or. Experiences, you know, which is more in like the, the parit view, like it doesn’t matter. Yeah. Where, where it is, it matters what it is. Basically the content, and then there’s the view that, no, it matters.

Identity matters based on, you know, the, the, the body it’s in or the brain. It’s yes in this, this biological continuity, but in, in both cases there’s an impulse to preserve some sort of like, separate identities of some sort. But open individualism or universalism is, is resolving that by saying, well, you, those are all.

Unnecessary because they’re all, all of these different first person, uh, experiences are the same thing. So it resolves all the quandaries about like, am I this person if I, you know, get in a teleporter and make a copy of myself if I split my brain, you know, universalism is saying those, those are resolved because they don’t really matter and you’re, you’re ba you’re all the yourself is all the same in them.

Your first person experiences is all the same. 

Arnold Zuboff: That’s, that’s right. If you’re trying to trace what you are in all these specific ways, not knowing whether you wanna follow the psychological pattern or you, you’re in more interested in the thing that’s having the psychological states, the result is a, a mess.

Uh, mm-hmm. Let me say something about what I think the two positions are, the two very basic positions in the classic debate about personal identity, right? This, this is the question in the traditional debate. What makes a future person remain me? Uh, so that any pains it has are mine 

Zach Elwood: mm-hmm. 

Arnold Zuboff: Are going to be mine in the future.

So that I don’t sympathize with them, but I am concerned about them in terms of self-interest. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. That, that’s the practical discussion is like, am I the same person? Am I the same identity I was when I was younger? Am I the same identity I am when I’m older? Yeah. That’s kind of like the practical impulse of 

Arnold Zuboff: the question here, aren’t, will those pains hurt for me instead of somebody else?

Okay. Um, and the two usual answers have been, um, they’re both attractive, right? It depends on, uh, the identity of a thing. There’s a particular thing I am and. Its continuing identity into the future determines whether the pains had by the thing, you know, well, it makes the pains had by the thing be mine, right?

If it’s, if it’s continuing into the future, that’s where I’m going to be located, wherever that is. And the thing could be an immaterial soul, you know, is like for Descartes, or it could be, um, a body, or more particularly the brain, um, as a, for many philosophers in, in, uh, since Sony Century. But the opposing view is one that was started by Locke.

And the view is, is this, that, no, it’s not the identity of the thing. That’s having the pain or whatever. It’s whether the pain is part of a mental process continuing on. So that process in certain, or, or, or called puzzle cases might be continued into a distinct mental substance or more recently into a distinct brain, right?

That the memories anticipations that are in your mind would somehow, uh, magically or in some science fiction way continue on in a different thing. And according to that side of the debate, that would be you, the pains would be yours if that mental process was continuing on. 

Zach Elwood: Right. Which is kind of part of it’s view, at least in reasons and persons right?

Arnold Zuboff: Yes. Except that he, he complicates it. Uh, um, he’s also what I call a naturalist. He thinks we make a mistake in our ordinary way of thinking about this, and he wants to drop that. Our identity is all or nothing. And, and that’s a crucial part of what he is saying, right? Locke is more purely a philosopher who, I mean, he is in the tradition of Locke, in that he emphasizes completely the mental side of it.

Zach Elwood: Hmm. 

Arnold Zuboff: And I’m not sure why, I don’t think he ever argues for it, but he introduces this new sophistication of getting rid of anything from it that doesn’t seem natural. So he ends up with, uh, a, a strange kind of hybrid. Position actually had something in, perhaps in common with Buddhism. Now getting back to the, the, um, traditional, classic debate, the point I was making was that the whole focus of it is on this continuation into the future, right?

Strangely, they never asked themselves what made a particular body or particular mental process mine to begin with. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah, let me read that. Let me read that paragraph of yours just for the audience here, because I really like this, this paragraph. Yeah. You said note also that in this old debate on personal identity, all that is questioned is which condition preserves me?

The debate ignores completely the primary question, which is what made a mental substance or a brain or a psychological process be mine instead of somebody else’s in the first place? Yeah. Only universalism answers that question. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: that’s right. And I then I point out that it’s particularly, uh, bad when, when you look at psychological continuity, you know, if it’s carrying on from some past state that, uh, at the beginning had no psychological continuity.

Zach Elwood: Right, 

Arnold Zuboff: right. It 

Zach Elwood: goes through, you know, when you’re a baby or a child, it goes through immense changes, right? Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: yeah. So, so how the hell, you know, what are you even talking about continuing? Right? Um, and, and my answer is, I think this, this is a good illustration. What you meant by, you know, cutting through all this mess.

My answer is, yeah, any of those baby experiences or experiences in the womb had immediacy and were therefore mine. And, um, that it’s continued in a mental process that’s not important. I mean, the, each side of that debate made its most powerful point against the other side when it said, Hey, you could still have the it be mine.

Without your thing, 

Zach Elwood: right? 

Arnold Zuboff: In the case of, uh, psychological continuity as the supposed criterion of personal identity, they, they’d say, can’t you imagine, you know, being, being, you know, shifted over into a different thing and continuing thinking of yourself as yourself The way Locke emphasized, not, 

Zach Elwood: they, like both, both sides can, both sides can attack each other and like universalism’s over on this side saying like, well, that’s, those are both strengthening my argument, right?

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I mean, ’cause it, they was very powerful argument against psychological continuity, which is, uh, I could be the one having amnesia or, you know. 

Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: I don’t, I don’t find that, yeah, I don’t find that argument. I mean, yeah, both, both, like, as you say, they both have various weaknesses. When you think about the ver you know, these various 

Arnold Zuboff: No.

Where they’re, where they’re weak is where they’re trying to restrict the other one. Where they’re strong is where they say, uh, as long as you’ve got the psychological process continuing, doesn’t matter which thing it’s in, uh, as long as you got the thing there. It doesn’t matter what’s happening with the psychological process, but you put those together and it’s universalism.

I, 

Zach Elwood: I feel like you, you would say it’s an Occam’s razor approach with all the, you know, so maybe that’s a good pivot to, you’re known for the probability arguments, probably most of all the various awakenings in, in rooms and such those ideas. Yeah. And, uh, maybe you could talk a bit about why you focus so much on that.

I think some people have a hard time understanding why you see that as so conclusive. I, in some of the Reddit threads and discussions you’ve had, I’ve seen people not really understand how you think the first person experience. Is is such a convincing that the probability argument in context with the first person experience is, is such a conclusive, uh, or a very, uh, conclusive, uh, point.

And maybe so maybe you could talk a bit about that. 

Arnold Zuboff: Let’s move to that. There’s an analogy to the argument I’m going to use to establish universalism that I call the hotel inference. There’s a hotel with countless rooms, I don’t wanna say infinite rooms, I don’t wanna get into billions, 

Zach Elwood: trillions. 

Arnold Zuboff: No, it’s more Okay.

Count. You can count that. Yeah. It, let’s say countless rooms. We’ve got all the rooms we ever need. 

Zach Elwood: Now am I, am I, am I ruining it by saying that analogizes to the idea that we are one of countless being senses of self that could exist, but anyway, it might be getting ahead of that. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: no, that, 

Zach Elwood: but that’s the analogy.

Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Um, yeah, well, it, maybe it’s not quite as direct as that, the analogy. 

Zach Elwood: Okay. But keep, but sorry, keep going with your, uh, keep going with the setup. Yeah, sorry. 

Arnold Zuboff: Okay. So in each of these countless rooms, there is a single induced sleeper. Someone who’s made to be sleeping. One of two games is about to be played, what I call the easy game, and what I call the hard game.

For each of these sleepers, there’s a coin that’s going to be tossed a thousand times Now in the hard game. Each sleeper has been assigned a list of heads, tails, heads, tails, thousand long list of kind of random heads and tails. That’s that sleeper list. It’s, it’s kind of like a security code for that sleeper, and the coin in that room is gonna be tossed a thousand times.

That sleeper will only be awakened if every single random toss of the fair coin matches what’s in that sleeper list. If even one flip goes wrong, ed sword should be doubted. He’ll sleep forever, he’ll never be awakened. This is happening for each of these countless sleepers. This is where countless becomes useful because there are countless rooms.

There will be some that are awakened, extremely rare. There may even be quite a few, but it’s a hard game. Because it’s extremely hard for any particular player to be awakened in the easy game. They’ve got the coins there. There’s no assigned list, no security code, but they do in each room, toss a coin a thousand times.

But it doesn’t matter, all the sleepers will be awakened in the easy game. Now, here’s the inference that interests me. Imagine you are a player in this and your eyes open, you are awakened and you understand these conditions. Can you have some kind of, um, interesting thing to say about whether the hard or the easy game was played?

And, uh, my answer is definitely yes. If the hard game was played. Something incredibly improbable had to happen before you would could’ve been awakened. So, you know, it’s I, it’s immensely improbable that you awaken by way of the hard game. Whereas if the easy game was played easy, fine, 

Zach Elwood: right? So 

Arnold Zuboff: you can know not only that, it was immensely more probable that Dizzy Game was by, but you can, for all practical purposes, you could know that it was played.

Now, there will be these occasional winners of the hard game. Really rare, right? Astronomically 

Zach Elwood: rare. 

Arnold Zuboff: Astronomically rare. If they’re rational, they’ll infer the easy game was played and be wrong about that conclusion, right? In the reasoning, there’s nothing else they could rationally think. But they’d be wrong about which game was played.

But you don’t have to worry that you’re one of those because it’d be so improbable you’d be awake to be making the mistake. 

Zach Elwood: People probably get the analogy, but it, you know, this maps over to the, the normal, the usual view that we are astronomically rare, right? Like, you often hear people Yes. Like, you know, um, I think Dawkins talked about this in one of his books.

Joe Kern, when I had him on, he, he, he had that, uh, yeah. Dawkins, some of Dawkins views. The traditional view is like, it is astronomically rare that all of these things would’ve happened to lead to me being here. Right? Like Yeah. Uh, my ancestors had to couple in just the right ways, a sperm and an egg needed to combine in That’s right.

The right ways. That’s the normal view that like. Somehow it’s this magical, astronomically ridiculous, uh, chances that I am here now. But the easy game and your thought experiment is saying, well, the fact that I am here now is easily explained if I am always gonna be the one here experiencing it. Now, 

Arnold Zuboff: there are all kinds of things that had to happen for you to come into existence on the usual view, 

Zach Elwood: and, and, and it’s not even possible to draw the lines on where those things would be.

Right. Like, so it, but the normal view is like all of these, everything from the start of the universe to 

Arnold Zuboff: Oh 

Zach Elwood: God, the, the, the coupling of the egg and the sperm. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Maybe even some things after that had to come together in just the right way. Right. That’s the usual view. Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: I’m very glad you say that.

And, and that’s a great background. But what I do is I focus on the, the conceptions. Involved, right. So I can get a mathematical handle on it. 

Zach Elwood: Right? Even, even just focusing on the conception is like mathematically astronomically ridiculous. 

Arnold Zuboff: Right? It’s so great. It’s so great. Yeah. So, and I have a lot of fun with it, uh, in the book, right?

Your own conception. There were two hun, well average, et cetera, 200 million sperm cells competing to get to the egg, if any of the others, but the one that did got to the egg on the usual view, you would never have existed. There’d be no sprints, it’s mind, you’d be eternally blank. There’d be, uh, a potential brother or sister born instead.

Zach Elwood: You, you would never have escaped the abyss. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: never. So that’s pretty bad already. But maybe two, one in 200 million maybe I got really lucky. But now consider your conception couldn’t have occurred unless your mother and father had been conceived. Conceived, and let’s say one to 200 million for each of them, for those three conceptions to to have gone right for you to exist on the usual view.

It’s one in eight septillion said 24 zeros, something. Uh, so that’s pretty bad. But of course your grandparents had to have been conceived first for your parents. Could have been one or 200 million of those multiplied. And then we haven’t even got started yet. Whereas on the, in the universalism, it didn’t matter what.

Sperm cells hit what? Eggs, uh, it was going to be you because of the immediacy of experience. That’s all that’s involved in it being you. 

Zach Elwood: I think a lot of people would say, I, that’s what I would’ve said, um, a year or two or a few years ago. I would, I, I think the main argument people would make is like, okay, uh, yeah, from that angle, the fact that I am here is very improbable, but what if that’s just the way the world works and every being that comes into being has a separate first person experience, and that’s just the way it works.

And then once that happens, they will reach faulty conclusions about, you know, how unlikely it is. Yeah. What would you say to that? 

Arnold Zuboff: That’s why the hotel inference is so handy here, because in the hotel inference we’ve got winners, and those winners are wrong. In inferring the easy game was played and everyone was awakened.

That doesn’t mean. They shouldn’t infer that. Suppose, uh, uh, the usual view is right, and I do exist in this miraculous, incredible like you 

have 

Zach Elwood: a soul or kind of idea. Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Well, souls can be dealt with the same way Universalism sets itself against any view that says that I am just one particular thing of a sort, 

Zach Elwood: I, I should’ve mentioned soul.

That’s getting into a whole different thing. I just meant like different first person 

Arnold Zuboff: experiences. I mean, even mean even even people who believe in, in that souls are kind of deposited in the body, they think that the sperm cell lottery goes on. They don’t think all those souls, uh, exist as human beings.

Zach Elwood: I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you would say it’s one thing, it’s one thing to say like. If the odds are long, astronomically long, someone’s gotta exist. Somebody comes into existence. It’s another thing to find yourself in that first person experience. Exactly. That’s what that, I think that’s what gets to, to me about this.

It’s like, when I’ve thought about this, it, I mean, it is so astronomically ridiculous that I would be here experiencing this. And then you add in the fact too of like, once you get into the idea of like, well, am I even the same sense of self from moment to moment? Right. There’s the series kind of questions, which has sometimes bugged me late at night.

I’m like, I used to think lay awake thinking like, am I continually sprung into existence? Yeah. And, and immediately go out of existence every moment. So you ha you ha you have these ideas of like, well, that, that, that makes it even more ridiculous because, you know, am I in my, what, who is this movie that is randomly being created every, every second too?

I mean, that’s like an extra level of astronomically ridiculous. Odds that like, I’m, you know, what are all these, what are all these mes that are coming into existence? Right? Yeah. And you start thinking like, well, universalism resolves that because it’s saying, it’s, it’s all the same manifestation of, of me, right?

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. That’s right. Exactly. Uh, uh, those conditions are even tougher, uh, in a kind of Buddhism where there’s only a momentary self, uh, and it’s distinct from all the other momentary selves, uh, right. Boy, is it tightly defined? You know, uh, at least in the usual view, you got a bit of flexibility there in what you are, 

Zach Elwood: because there is this, I mean, I think that there’s, there’s this underlying, uh, instinctual assumption that we, we do exist over time, right?

But if you cut, if you cut that away. Then you just have all these cell, uh, sense of self springing into existence, whether it’s other people’s selves or it’s our own self. So then it’s like, where, where are all these senses of self coming from? Right? There’s, is there, you know, it kind of boggles the mind that there were just, there would just be this abyss of selves and then we’re like, ran.

These, these various selves are just springing into existence and universalism does help resolve 

Arnold Zuboff: that. Absolutely. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. I mean, let, let me say one more thing about what Universalism is like, that’s kind of related to what we’ve been discussing. Universalism is a really minimal claim. 

Zach Elwood: Right. It’s not some grand spiritual, uh, you know, making claims about we’re all the same, uh, spiritual being or anything like that.

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, people might be tempted to turn it into that because they’re used to thinking integration, you know, defines who I am. So maybe Zuboff saying we’re all, it’s all integrated, you know, some common mind or something. No, nothing like that. My whole point is that integration is, uh, is irrelevant to whether an experience is mine or not.

Yeah. Here’s the minimal character of it. I can allow the world to be exactly like what any one of many, many varieties of usual views would have. With different views of what consciousness is, different views of whether there is integration beyond ahead. I’m, I’m not interested in that in so far as I’m talking about universalism, it’s neutral regarding all of that, right?

So what is it? I am saying one way of representing it would be this. Let’s say we have a line and on the left end of the line you’ve got all kinds of incidental things to whether something is you like wearing a blue shirt. Most people would agree. It’d be a weird view to think that I exist with my self-interest, my presence in the world only so long as I wear a blue shirt.

If I change into a red shirt, I’m not here anymore. Now let’s move to the right on this line towards more substantive seeming things like having a body composed of certain atoms or, um, put in the sperm cell lottery. Uh, we could, uh, uh, emphasize mental side of it or emphasize the physical identity of the body or the brain.

And all those things are sort of in a middle area and that’s where most views of personal identity are. Actually, the Buddhist view is way over on the left here within dental things ’cause its slightest change in experiences. Someone else. Now we’ve slid over to more generous views of what can be you and what are we sliding over here.

It’s the line separating what’s ential from what’s essential. Way over on the right side of the line is a very abstract, general thing, the immediacy of experience. I am not quibbling about what any of the stuff is on this line. I’m just saying that the line between what’s essential and ential should be slid all the way over to the right and come to rest under immediacy of experience.

All the rest is like a blue shirt. It’s all ential to whether it’s me. Right. And that’s why it, they all have probability problems and universalism does not, and as you say, Buddhism is way over. On the left 

Zach Elwood: when I was watching that talk of yours with, um, professor Brown, I can’t remember his first name, but he, there’s also this view that you’re, you’re making some claim about what the self is or something like.

He seemed to be caught up on like, well, I don’t, he, he was basically saying, well, I don’t believe in the self and kind of a, you know, Buddhist or nihilistic way, that everything’s an illusion. But, you know, I think people can get caught up on the ideas, your ideas that they think you’re making some claims about, that there’s some self, or, you know, all you’re saying is it’s this first person experience and I, I, I don’t think anybody, he, he, he, he didn’t seem to be denying that, but it does seem like some people can have, can have an obstacle to even admitting that there’s, like, there is a first person experience and it’s like, even if you think it’s an, the cell, the ongoing continual self is an illusion or something, it’s like.

Kind of like in a descarte way. I don’t think you can deny that. Like yeah, we’re he some, something is having an experience here, you know, like that’s, and that’s all, that’s all you’re saying. And it, it, it is, is is the, it’s all I’m saying. You know, do you get a sense that like he was kind of balking at like, he was like, well, I think it’s an illusion and, and you’re saying, well, you don’t disagree that there is an experience being had.

Right. There is, 

Arnold Zuboff: yeah. 

Zach Elwood: That’s something is happening here. Right. So, but I think it’s interesting ’cause there can be this very nihilistic kind of like pushback, I feel like, to even admitting that there’s like an experience being had, right? 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. Are all kinds of views, uh, in philosophy, that’s for sure. Yeah.

Zach Elwood: And then it’s easy to, it’s easy to, yeah. I mean, with all these ideas, it’s easy to talk past each other because the language we end up using can be so different and the concepts are so non-intuitive. So it’s, it’s understandable that there’s various difficulties in communicating about it. Right. 

Arnold Zuboff: But ma I don’t know, maybe I’ve got across that.

I think there’s something special about universalism. I think it’s unlike, I guess, any other philosophical view. I know in that 

Zach Elwood: because you, it resolves so many quandaries in your view, it resolves several major quandaries. Right? 

Arnold Zuboff: And it doesn’t, there’s nothing brought in that really should be controversial.

Uh, there, there’s immediacy that’s there and, uh, I don’t, maybe eliminative materialism doesn’t have it. I don’t know. Uh, but it, it’d have to be a, a pretty strange view not to have that in there somewhere. 

Zach Elwood: Some listeners of this will have seen or listened to a previous episode where I talked to Joe Kern, who has a book called The, the Odds of Existing, or the Odds of You Existing Now, I can’t remember.

But he, his focus is on, uh, there’s some, there’s a lot of overlap, but his focus. Oh, there, it’s the, he 

Arnold Zuboff: just, he just sent it to me. 

Zach Elwood: Oh, me too. Yeah, he sent it to me. Um, so his focus, his intuitive focus is to focus on, um, when you get down to the, you know, as you call it, this firm cell lottery, where, you know, if you, when you actually examine like, well, what would logically make sense?

Like switching out minute parts of the sperm or the egg, would that really, would that really result in a different eye? These kinds of questions. And when you really start to examine the logic of it, it’s really hard to have a logical point where something stops, starts being a separate self or, or stops being the same self.

So he’s kind of examining this, the physical kind of arguments of this astronomically slim view of you slash i existing. And if I had to say what I think you and Joe Kern, the, the similarities I see is that you’re both, you’re both arguing. Trying to logically examine these usual boundaries that we think of, of separating like oneself from another.

You’re both attacking these various logical boundaries. He’s attacking like this idea that there’s these different physical combinations that would lead to different selves. Yeah. Or even like we have a different experience. Our life goes a different way when we’re young. Those kinds of things. Those similar ideas where people might think, oh, different, these are different people, these are different selves.

He’s attacking those foundations. You’re attacking a different foundation of like switching out. You know, uh, parts of the brain or whatever. To me, it’s like lot. It’s, and you’re also, you’re, you’re also much more focused on this first person perspective. Yeah, absolutely. Idea. Whereas like, he’s more talking about like, these, you know, you could do it from a distance even of like, are these different selves, you know, you, but I, but I think you’re both attacking these foundations that most people would intuitively think lead to different selves.

And you’re both saying like, well, when you really start to look at these things in different ways, there’s not any clear definition of when a new self would’ve come into being in a, in an old self would’ve been left behind. But, 

Arnold Zuboff: but there’s a very important factor here. And I’m not sure how he, he scores on this.

I’m not interested in simply saying, uh, there’s just one person. What’s important to me is that it’s you, right? Because there could be just, just, there’re being just one person. Could be as bad as the Buddhism thing, you know, it, it could make things worse than the usual view. ’cause at least in the usual view, you got a lot of chances for you to come into existence.

But if there’s only one person, you know, uh, why is, why are you that person? Mm, 

Zach Elwood: yeah. You’re very focused on the, on the me, the, the I aspect. The first 

Arnold Zuboff: person aspect. Yeah, exactly. That’s the whole thing. Yeah. That matters here. Uh, not how many there are, but where you are and your existence is really easy, uh, in universalism.

’cause it, it’s the ness I’m talking about. What makes it you? So I’m not interested so much in breaking down the boundaries between you, just so that we, uh, it’s all the same. Person, I’m interested in who the person is. 

Zach Elwood: Hmm. I want to move on to the anthropic, uh, principle. Oh. And how universalism is related to that.

And I’ll say, I’ll say personally, I, I myself have long believed that there must be many universes of some sort that all have different, uh, physical properties. However, that, whether that’s like the, the quantum many worlds theory, whether that’s infinite worlds in space, whatever it may be, because the idea that, you know, the basic idea that, uh, for me to exist, obviously the universe has to be finally calibrated for me to exist.

And what are the chances that we live in the one single universe that would lead to that in the same way that it’s astronomically improbable that I would be here, you know, fundamentally, like we talked about. Uh, from that, uh, astronomical, uh, chance perspective, it’s also similar, similarly, or even more improbable that we would live in the one universe with all these physical properties arranged.

And a, a quick point about this, like the fact that we even have gravity, right? Like if, if gravity was too pulled too much, or if it never pulled at all, you would never, it, the universe would never lead to any sort of combinations of things, right? So just to say that, and there’s all these, there’s all the, you go into this in your book about the, the nuclear force, strong forces at a, at atomic level.

There’s all these things that are calibrated. Another example is. Just the fact that there, there is an abundance of different types of materials, right? Like you can imagine a universe where there was just one type of material, in which case, like probably nothing would ever be even created at all. Right?

So just to say there’s all these things that are perfectly calibrated to, uh, have life exists, which to me, you know, leaving aside like creator God type scenarios, if we’re talking pure logic to me that, that that is a no-brainer. That there must be many worlds with many different physical properties, however those are being created.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so that, that’s kind of to me, uh, maybe why universalism open individualism was kind of, uh, uh, intuitively attractive because I’d already embraced this idea that. Uh, of, of reaching for something to help explain these astronomically, uh, slim uh, you know, circumstances. But I’m curious how you tie in the, uh, universalism to the philanthropic 

Arnold Zuboff: Yes.

Zach Elwood: Kind of principle there. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, that’s great. So, uh, I’m claim, I, I know that without universalism tied together with something like a multiverse, you cannot explain the anthropic principle in the sort of way you’re talking about. Right. It’s essential to explaining the laws of physics. Now, when I was an undergraduate back in the sixties, I read a, an article on the Anthropic principle by a guy named tenant who had a religious explanation, uh, of it.

I remember 1968, it, it suddenly occurred to me that if matter was actually. Very protean and character existing according to different laws. And let’s call them again, countless forms, countless distinct universes, uh, then different 

Zach Elwood: hotel, different, uh, enli, countless hotel rooms with different 

Arnold Zuboff: physical properties in each one.

Well, it’s very, they’re very closely related to the hotel. This, if that were the case, then it could, without God coming through, it could be, um, probable that there’d be one or more universes that just happened to be at the right levels of forces, the right sizes of particles and so on. So, so that life could come about and eventually consciousness could come about.

Right? And then here’s the thing. There are now physicists, many physicists who think this way, right? And then what they say is this, and try to notice the problem with it. They say, and of course we would have to be in one where all those laws were fine tuned for the existence of life and consciousness.

We couldn’t be in any universe where that wasn’t the case. And then some of them leave it there. And I, when I first thought of this, left it there, but my excuse is I was already thinking about personal identity in this very fluid way. It was 1961 when I, I came up with this thought experiment of, uh, exchanging quarters of brains.

Um, and I’d be in both. Thanks. It was loose enough for me so that I could be in this anthropic universe that happened to come up. But anyone who believes in anything like the usual view is not helped at all. By there being all these, uh, universes occurring where it finally becomes probable, there’s an at least one anthropic one, they’re not helped at all.

And 

Zach Elwood: because it’s to be You’re saying they’re not helped because it just becomes so much more astronomically and 

probable. 

Arnold Zuboff: Well, because, because nothing would make it your universe, you being in the anthropic one would be the same kind of luck as if there were only one kind of physical world. It doesn’t help at all.

And I tell this story in the book. Where, when I came to University College of London, 1974, uh, you know, I’m an American, uh, uh, raised in Connecticut. Uh, and, um, I came here to London University, college of London, teach philosophy in 1974, and they had the new people. There were three people joining that year, and they, they each gave talks to the faculty.

And, um, there was a, a guest there, uh, from the States, a logician named Robert Stana, who was quite young like me back then. And, uh, I gave a talk where I argued that there must be many universes, uh, with different sorts and so on, to make it finally probable that there was. One that, you know, had these laws that we could live in.

And he talked to me for a long time after, and he was absolutely right in attacking what I was saying and that he used a wonderful analogy to make his point. Suppose I was playing an extremely difficult game of Russian roulette, uh, you know, where five of the six chambers have bullets in them. And, and you have to, you have to do it a hundred times, spin it round, and then, you know, your survival’s pretty unlikely there, uh, but you found, you survived.

And then you said to yourself. There must have been lots of games of Russian roulette like that being played, because if there were enough, there’d be winners. So that explains my winning. It doesn’t, what would explain it is if I would automatically be whisked to the place where all the bullets, all the chambers were empty.

You know, that you 

Zach Elwood: exist in all the places 

Arnold Zuboff: either. Yeah. Or, or, um, in, in all the, 

Zach Elwood: in all the scenarios 

Arnold Zuboff: that, or no, let’s put it this way, that I exist where it’s successful or, um, I have this analogy, uh, I use in the book, um, there’s a roulette wheel, enormous roulette wheel with zillions of, uh, uh, spaces along the, along.

It, uh, this one ball is going to roll around land, some. And there’s only one space where a particular sleeper would be awakened. So I’m sleeping, I’m, you know, induc sleeping, like the hotel case. I wake up and it’s explained to me that only this ball falling into that space would have them awake me, wake me.

Otherwise I’d sleep forever. I’m just dumbfounded against, you know? Wow, whoever heard of such luck. Okay, then, uh, let’s, let’s change this to there being lots of roulette wheels on each of them. There’s the one space, uh, which represents philanthropic physical laws, um, that the ball could land in, right? But let’s say there’s a distinct sleeper attached to each wheel.

Right. Because in the usual view of personal identity, even if there was someone just like me, even in this universe, but you know, somewhere else, it’d be a mere duplicate, wouldn’t be me. And certainly in another universe it wouldn’t be me. 

Zach Elwood: That’s, yeah, that’s an, that, that’s, that’s an interesting, yeah, I, I think, I think I’ve been having trouble understanding how you’re tying the, those two ideas together, but Yeah, when you start talking about, yeah, say there was an exact duplicate of yourself Yeah.

In many worlds, you know, why would one be you and one not, right? Like, that’s where you’re getting at. Is, is the, so, well, 

Arnold Zuboff: or rather what I’m saying is I’ve already, I’ve already established that they would all be equally me. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. I 

Arnold Zuboff: guess I’m 

Zach Elwood: having trouble, uh, tying in 

Arnold Zuboff: into, well, I, yeah. Anthropic 

Zach Elwood: things 

Arnold Zuboff: I automatically find myself wherever there’s consciousness.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Arnold Zuboff: Right. So I can, it’s the lubricant of that you need along with the many universes to make this work so that I’m there. Right. I’m, I’m not stuck with one Russian roulette game. I can take advantage of any of them where I win, I, I am actually there. 

Zach Elwood: You are always there. Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. Otherwise, the other universes don’t help in explaining the anthropic principle to we, so in other words, what I’m saying is to have a thorough understanding of physics.

You need universalism packaged together with a multiverse, right? It that gives you that your universe will be anthropic. Without universalism, it doesn’t work. It’s just as bad as there being only one physical world. World, someone would be in an anthropic universe, right? So it is like the hotel, it’s just an extension of the argument for universalism.

Zach Elwood: A small note here, I’ll be honest and say that I don’t fully understand Arnold’s arguments here. It seems like he’s just adding to the statistical improbability argument. I feel I’m missing why he thinks it is a separate form of argument, but I’ve struggled with grasping a few ideas and points in this area that I later did understand.

So I wanted to keep this in here and just note my own confus. I’d say, if you want to try to understand Arnold’s points, of course you should read his new book. Finding Myself. Okay. Back to the top. Uh, I wanted to pivot to, um, how certain would you say you are that universalism is the true state of things?

If you somehow knew for certain that it wasn’t true, what do you think the most likely explanation would be? 

Arnold Zuboff: That it’s the only game in town, as I sometimes say in the book. Yeah. It, it’s, 

Zach Elwood: so you would say you’re, you, you, you’re, you’re basically like near a hundred percent certain. Yeah, 

Arnold Zuboff: I, yeah. Yeah. I’m a hundred percent certain.

I’m a hundred percent certain. I mean, it’s the hotel inference. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Another question I like to ask people in general, I’m is, uh, you know, some people watching this. If they made it this far would be saying, well, it’s simple. You know, God gives us a soul. We have, you know, we each have our own souls, the religious view.

Right. Uh, so I, and, and to me, I’ll, I’ll say that I find, I find existence in the universe so mind blowing and strange and unlikely in the first place that it’s hard for me to, it would be hard for me to be that surprised about any of the ma many ideas there are that it, that explain us being here. So, which is to say, I guess I’m not strongly atheistic.

Like I wouldn’t be shocked to find out there were, even though, even though it would mainly like push the questions back further. I, you know, I, I wouldn’t be shocked to find out there was some sort of higher power or creator. But I, I’d like to ask you, uh, do, do you leave opens, how strongly atheistic are you, do you leave open some, um, smidgen of where there could be some sort of higher.

Arnold Zuboff: Universalism is entirely neutral with regard to that. It’s got that covered right. There’s a section in my book where I look at, uh, what I call, uh, the somebody up there likes me, you know, uh, version of the usual view where, you know, you had a special favor from God, and I’m not in the least in, in, in my book on universalism, uh, attacking the possibility of there being, you know, God, but that he would select you for existence is just as improbable as you being selected purely by the sperm cell lottery, which presumably he fixes.

When he, if he wants someone Right. It’s rigged or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He, he wants you and furthermore, not even, you’re very special. Not even a twin of you. Right. You, 

Zach Elwood: yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: I mean, he 

Zach Elwood: wants you, you’re very, he wants your very special sense of self to exist for some 

Arnold Zuboff: reason. That’s right. That’s right.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Yeah. 

Arnold Zuboff: Because it’s just like all the others. So of course he, he’s, he singles out you, um, 

Zach Elwood: right. You’re the, the, the, the same questions apply and you would, I think you would also say, yeah, theoretically in universalism could co-exist with any religion, because I could imagine a Christian, absolutely. I could imagine a Christian take on this where it’s like, see, we’re all the same.

We’re all manifestations of, of, of God or whatever. You know, there can be, you can imagine it combining with, with other things because it doesn’t directly, uh, you know, interfere. 

Arnold Zuboff: Interfere. Well, you would be God if, God, if God’s. Mind includes consciousness with immediacy. You would 

Zach Elwood: be God. 

Arnold Zuboff: You would be God and God.

Uh, if God was wise enough, God, and knowledgeable enough, he’d know he was all these beings he was fooling around with. So actually that has an interesting effect on the problem of evil. ’cause, you know, problem of evil. How would he allow all this suffering? Instead, it just becomes the puzzle. Why does he wanna subject himself to all this, uh, suffering?

Right. 

Zach Elwood: I think, uh, I think you and I are kind of on the same page in thinking that universalism would, uh, if more people embrace it, would he be a good thing in terms of people seeing themselves and other people and seeing. Other people in themselves or you know, vice versa. Just recognizing that we’re all dealing with the same experience, the same manifestation of experience.

I think it would lead to people being more empathetic and less, you know, morally righteous. 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah. Yeah. Not even empathetic. It would just, it just be self-interest, not to cause yourself pain 

Zach Elwood: or even, you know, I would, I would say even if the, even, even theoretically like embracing like, oh, this could be possible, even leads to more, 

Arnold Zuboff: that would 

Zach Elwood: help empathy, I think, in a lighter form.

You know? And even if they didn’t go, 

Arnold Zuboff: also doesn’t 

Zach Elwood: all the way 

Arnold Zuboff: does away with the fear of death is annihilation. 

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Yeah. So in some sense, in some sense it’s, uh, it’s comforting too because it, uh, it, it, it’s, it’s saying that, uh, yeah, death is, in some sense, death is an illusion because I, we will always be here experiencing things wherever there is a consciousness.

So there, there can be various. Nice things about it. Although I think some people would say, I think it’s possible with any philosophy to take, you know, to, to implement it in such a way that it becomes a, a, a dangerous, uh, implementation. Right. Sure. I think that’s 

Arnold Zuboff: sort of would, why would, why would you wanna do that?

You’d just be hurting yourself. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Ex Exactly. Although I think some people might say like, oh, I, you know, imagine some dystopian version of this where some the people in power say that death doesn’t matter. So, you know, uh, it doesn’t matter if people die that much, et cetera, et cetera. But that, that to me is kind of a way from how I think most people would interpret this.

Uh, but yeah. I’m curious for your, for your thoughts on how you see as a positive force. 

Arnold Zuboff: Oh, also, it, it throws a monkey wrench into retribution. 

Zach Elwood: Right, 

Arnold Zuboff: because 

Zach Elwood: like you, you can still want to, you can still want to punish people for practical reasons, but it gets rid of this idea, idea that like, someone must be punished because they’ve, you know, they, they must suffer because they’ve done a, a bad thing.

Like 

Arnold Zuboff: Yeah, yeah. The victim and the perpetrator are the same person. So you causing more pain to the victim. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Do, can you imagine a future society where universalism is kind of like a secular, uh, religion and it leads to better things happening? 

Arnold Zuboff: I can imagine it and, uh, I really hope for it. Uh, I, I mean, I keep emphasizing the simplicity of it.

You know, it, it’s, it really, it is not a complicated thing at all. It simplifies every, everything. It’s, it’s so easy to bear in mind. It’s got a great thing to go against, which is this illusion. Uh, that there are distinct selves, uh, distinct eyes, but it, it’s so powerful in itself as a thought, uh, that I think it actually could moderate a lot of bad stuff that comes about on account of the illusion.

Zach Elwood: That was a talk with the philosopher Arnold Zuboff, author of the book “Finding Myself: Beyond the False Boundaries of Personal Identity.” You can find that book on Amazon and other online booksellers. 

I’m Zach Elwood and this is the People Who Read People podcast; you can learn more about it at behavior-podcast.com. If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy listening to my talk a few months ago on the same subject with Joe Kern. Or you might enjoy going through my back catalog to find some existential and philosophy-themed episodes. I have one episode that’s an essay I wrote on the strangeness of life, which I think is a bit related to this.

Categories
podcast

Gary Noesner, FBI negotiator at Waco, on de-escalation and reading people

What actually works to avoid violent outcomes when someone is armed, emotional, and on the edge? I talk with former FBI chief hostage negotiator Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time and 30-year veteran of the FBI, about the psychology of high-stakes crisis situations — including lessons from Waco and other cases from his career. Gary explains the “paradox of power” (why pushing aggressively often backfires), and why most so-called hostage situations are really emotional crises, not bargaining contests. We also discuss the limits of reading body language and behavior, the power of active listening, and the importance of tone of voice and how you phrase things. 

A transcript is below.

Episode links:

Topics discussed:

  • Why “stalling for time” is such a core tactic in highly in volatile stand-off situations 
  • The “paradox of power” and why that concept is so important in any high conflict situation
  • Stories from Gary’s career that illustrate some key points about conflict and negotiation, including the Waco siege
  • Why the concept of “never giving something without getting something” is faulty and can amplify conflict 
  • The fact that most quote “hostage” situations aren’t really hostage incidents with clear bargaining demands — but are just crisis intervention situations 
  • The importance of listening closely to what someone is saying; including to what may seem like minor statements
  • Gary’s views on body language and its role in law enforcement work
  • How Chris Voss’s negotiation ideas in Never Split the Difference relates to Gary’s points
  • The importance of voice tone in high-stakes, volatile situations; how sometimes how you say something can matter just as much as what you say

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcript is generated automatically and will contain errors.)

Gary Noesner: Moving forward a couple years to the Waco situation, a couple years after that, I would argue, and I think most analysts of the situation would agree that as negotiators we had the right approach. You know, we got 35 people out when I was there, including 21 children. But you know, there was a counterside within the FBI that wanted to apply more pressure; the “paradox of power” that we just spoke about earlier, and basically force them to come out. And of course because I was resistan to that approach, I was replaced halfway through and they went with a harder line. Nobody else came out for the rest of the siege of. I was there for 26 of the 51 days.

Gary Noesner: Now getting back to the body language thing, I mean, I think there’s probably some folks that are just incredibly good at it, but I don’t recall an investigation that I worked in my 30 years that it played any significant role in whatsoever. It’s like Freud used to say: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. 

I mean, I think you have to be really careful. On the jacket of my book, the day they took the photograph for that, it was very cold, and I just had a shirt on, and I had my arms tucked like this, and my hands were under my armpits. I normally don’t stand that way, but my hands were cold. So later somebody wrote me, oh, that’s a very defensive position you were in. And I said, well, I don’t know. Maybe I was, but I think I was primarily just cold, you know? You just, you have to be careful of drawing too much inference,

That was a couple clips from my talk with Gary Noesner, who had a 30 year career in the FBI as an investigator, instructor, and negotiator. Gary is the author of the great book Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI hostage negotiator; really recommend that book; it’s got so many exciting stories but also just a lot of wisdom. 

If you’ve listened to this podcast before, you probably know I’m interested in human behavior and also in conflict dynamics. I’ve written my own books on political polarization, which you can find at www.american-anger.com. I first got interested in interviewing Gary a couple years ago when I was watching the Netflix documentary Waco: American Apocalypse. Gary talked about a concept he called the “paradox of power”; the idea that, when in conflict, pushing aggressively on the quote “other side” can result in them pushing back harder on you; aggressive approaches can be self-defeating. And that’s such an important point when it comes to any conflict situation; my own writing on polarization is largely about getting people to be willing to examine how their own approaches, or their side’s approaches, can unintentionally amplify contempt and animosity more, if they’re not careful. 

And so i’d been wanting to talk to Gary for a while about that, and I also wanted to talk to him for his takes on behavior – reading body language and facial expression. The main reason I started this podcast was to focus on practically useful aspects of reading behavior in various domains and professions. It was an offshoot of my time spent as a professional poker player, and my work on poker tells. And part of the focus of this podcast is to examine some of the very bad and distorted ideas about reading behavior that are spread by many self-described “behavior experts.” Because there are simply a lot of people in the people-reading space who make a lot of money selling bullshit ideas; some of these quote “experts” are rather egregiously deceptive and unethical in their work; people like Chase Hughes and Jack Brown, and quite a few others. Others are more ethical and responsible with their work but still may be selling and promoting information that has little to no practical real-world application. And that’s what I’ve tried to focus on with this podcast; where are the real-world applications of reading and understanding behavior? Let’s try to strip away the nonsense and the confusing ambiguous stuff and focus on what matters and really leads to useful decisions.

Topics Gary and I discuss include: 

  • Why “stalling for time” is such a core tactic in highly ** volatile stand-off situations 
  • The “paradox of power” and why that concept is so important in any high conflict situation
  • Stories from Gary’s career that illustrate some key points about conflict and negotiation, including the Waco siege
  • Why the concept of “never giving something without getting something” is faulty and can amplify conflict 
  • The fact that most quote “hostage” situations aren’t really hostage incidents with clear bargaining demands — but are just crisis intervention situations 
  • The importance of listening closely to what someone is saying; including to what may seem like minor statements
  • Gary’s views on body language and its role in law enforcement work
  • The importance of voice tone in high-stakes, volatile situations; how sometimes how you say something can matter just as much as what you say

If you like this talk, please consider subscribing to the People Who Read People podcast on youtube or wherever you listen. I’ve got a lot of other episodes on law enforcement, interrogation, and negotiation-related topics; you can find compilations of this at my site behavior-podcast.com

Also, i’m currently working on a book that will be about reading people, with a focus on examples of logical deductions people have made about what people say or what they do. Do you have personal stories where some small thing someone did or someone said changed your approach in a personal or professional situation? Send any stories along to me and there’s a chance I might put the story in my book; with your permission of course. You can reach me via the contact from at behavior-podcast.com.

A little more about Gary Noesner from his site garynoesner.com, and his last name is spelled NOESNER: 

Gary retired from the FBI in 2003 following a 30 year career as an investigator, instructor, and negotiator.   A significant focus of his career was directed toward investigating Middle East hijackings in which American citizens were victimized. In addition, he was an FBI hostage negotiator for 23 years of his career, retiring as the Chief of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit, Critical Incident Response Group, the first person to hold that position. In that capacity he was heavily involved in numerous crisis incidents covering prison riots, right-wing militia standoffs, religious zealot sieges, terrorist embassy takeovers, airplane hijackings, and over 120 overseas kidnapping cases involving American citizens.

Following his retirement from the FBI he became a Senior Vice President with Control Risks, an international risk consultancy, assisting clients in managing overseas kidnap incidents. He continues to Consult independently and speaks at law enforcement conferences and corporate gatherings around the world. 

Ok here’s the talk with Gary Noesner: 

Zach Elwood: Hi, Gary. Thanks for joining me. 

Gary Noesner: You’re welcome. Glad to be here. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah, it’s a big honor. Uh, I you’ve done some amazing things in your career. You’ve written an amazing book. Uh, you’ve done some very interesting things. I really enjoyed your your Stalling for Time book. I recommend people read it. It had so many, not just exciting stories, but uh, so many learnings that applied outside of, uh.

Negotiation in, in personal or professional life. So, yeah, just thanks a lot for joining me. Um, so maybe we can start with, um, how did you arrive at the title of your book? Maybe you could talk a little bit about why you decided to, uh, to arrive at Stalling for time as the title. 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. When I, um, got my, uh, initial training as a hostage negotiator in the FBI, which is, you know, I wasn’t, uh, original, uh.

Person that started it all, but I was, uh, I guess you’d say the, the next generation. And, um, the first three words on my note guide that I wrote down were stall for times. And, um, you know, the premise being that, uh, and I thought it would make a good title because in essence, um, primarily we deal with high emotion and people.

Um, acting outside of their normal coping skills and posing a risk to themselves or someone else. So what we learned is if we are patient and engaging and empathic, um, it lowers that emotional content and we have better outcomes that normally, um, benefits from the passage of time. You know, it’s, it’s very hard to keep, uh.

Your emotions charged up for an extended period of time. So there is value alone in simply slowing the process down. We’re not intentionally trying to elongate a siege and make it last longer than it should, but on the other hand, we shouldn’t be pushing and, um, uh, forcing individual into becoming more violent in response to what we do.

We have to be patient and take our time. So I thought stalling for time would, would be a good, uh. Sort a general title to describe in a general way what we do. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You describe, uh, one of the things you describe is how, initially, when all the emotions are at their peak, they’re, they’re only able to see really, um, more volatile or, um.

Binary options, but as, as they calm down a little bit, they can start to entertain other options that aren’t as emotional driven. So I thought that was a really good point. 

Gary Noesner: Yeah, I mean, we’re, we’re dealing with people who are in, in crisis and when you’re in crisis and you’re more often than not, um, evoking high emotion, uh, it’s difficult to think clearly.

I mean, you know, we use the old. Teeter totter, which is my favorite illustration. I don’t have a slide in front of me, but if you can follow my hands, you know, in the the schoolyard kids game when emotions are high, rational thinking and, and behavior is low, and, and I think that’s, uh, hard to argue against.

It’s an absolute and human condition. So what, through negotiations with the passage of time and a patient. Effort to create a relationship of trust. We lower emotions and look what happens when we do that. The person’s ability to think and behave more rationally increases. It’s a pretty simple concept, but you know, we haven’t always practiced it in law enforcement.

Uh, you know, exchanges with citizens who are, uh, going through a difficult situation 

Zach Elwood: that seems like the same, the same concept applies for the law enforcement or whoever’s on the other end of such a negotiation because sometimes. They’ll also be caught up in, you know, we need to do this now for emotional reasons, or we need to solve this immediately for whatever reason.

Yeah. So it applies to everybody. Yeah. 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. I, I think police officers, FBI agents, they’re human beings. They, um, they, they, they are trained and they, they have authority and they have a, a badge and a gun and they’re, when they give somebody an instruction or an order, um, uh, and that is not, uh, adhered to.

They don’t like it, you know, it makes ’em angry. And, you know, there are those police officers that aren’t particularly good at containing their emotions and, um, and, uh, engaging in a more thoughtful way. I mean, we’re certainly seeing it in Minneapolis now and other places, you know, when I see so many of these confrontations and it just, it just, uh, you know, it just leaps out of the, of, of the TV coverage that, you know, just a more patient, thoughtful exchange could diffuse.

A great deal of these situations. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. I first got interested in talking to you when I watched the, the recent Netflix documentary about Waco, which I think came out a couple years ago. You were featured in that obviously, and you talked about the, uh, paradox of power, as you called it, and you write about that in your book.

Um, can you talk a little bit about how you see the paradox of power and why it’s so important in negotiation and conflict situations? 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. You know, go, going back to what we said earlier, um, when law enforcement traditionally has, um, demanded a certain behavior or an outcome, a surrender compliance, and they don’t get it, it becomes frustrating.

And then we say, okay, well I tried to do this the nice way, now I’m gonna make you do what I want. ’cause I have the authority and the ability to do that. But what that generally, uh, fails to take into account is. It’s the paradox of power, and that is the harder you push, the more likely it is that you get resistance.

So, I mean, it’s a, it’s a powerful thing and it, and it’s, it constantly has to be taught and retaught and reminded to decision makers in law enforcement. You know, this may make you feel better to show this person that you’re strong and tough, and you can harm them if you want. But is that really the most successful pathway, uh, or the best pathway for success?

And, you know, and that’s, that’s a tough sell sometimes because there, there’s, again, there’s a lot of, uh, people in law enforcement that, so I have the power and authority and I’m gonna, I’m gonna exercise it. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It’s a really powerful concept. I mean, in, in my own work on political polarization, I try to get people to see how, even if they are sure they’re right, you know, on whatever issue, you know, we’re often.

Personally often sure that we’re right, but how you approach the disagreement can actually create more pushback if you don’t handle it right, no matter what the conflict 

Gary Noesner: is. Well, and it’s the old simplistic term of, you know, you get, you get more with honey than with vinegar, you know, and, and I think there’s a lot to be said for that.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place where police officers just simply, uh, have to use force. But you know what, we have always been. Uh, taught what we say we believe in, in law enforcement and the Constitution requires of us, is that we never use any more force than is absolutely necessary.

So you, you should be able to, uh, function, law enforcement, jail function, saying that if we end up using force and this has a, an unhappy outcome, someone’s hurt or killed, we wanna be able to show that. We had no other choice but to use force. The behavior, the actions of the perpetrator left us with no court.

Anything less than that is, is just, is not gonna cut it. Uh, particularly in, in today’s environment where everybody has a camera, everybody’s a newscaster, you know? So if, if you don’t, um, expend the time and energy. Into first trying everything within your power to diffuse and avoid conflict. Then questions are gonna be raised about, you know, what you did and why was it necessary.

You know, I always like to ask the question in these, in my, my past life when we would be dealing with a tough situation and someone would suggest, well, it’s time for us to go in. And I would ask a question, well, what has changed from before? What? What articulation can we make that we have to go in now and put people in danger?

’cause when people with guns go in against other people with guns, bad things happen. And they don’t always just happen to the bad guys. So we’re putting police officers in harm’s risk. Are we able to articulate that? We have no choice. There’s nothing else we could do. We have to do it now. Failure to do it now is gonna cause someone to be seriously harmed.

You know, and if you ask yourself those kinds of questions, it can be a real break on, you know, automatically thinking, well, we’re gonna go in and we’re gonna get the bad guy. We never stop and think maybe the bad guy’s gonna get us. No matter how well trained we are and, and, and competent we are in executing our AR arrest procedures and our using our tactical teams.

You know, police officers get killed. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: So the question I always ask is, okay, did we have to go in? Was it absolutely necessary? Sometimes it is, but quite often we find it’s not. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Was that, uh, I was curious if that was, um, an expression that you made up the paradox of power? 

Gary Noesner: No, it’s, no, it’s not. I, you know, and I don’t, I can’t tell you who did, I think the first time I really.

Heard it was from Dr. Mike Webster, a Canadian psychologist that they used to work very closely with. I think that’s the first time I heard it and I said, wow. It’s so, it’s so, um, clearly. Mm-hmm. Uh, it speaks to the issue that we see so often in, uh, conflict, uh, with perpetrators. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Uh, on that, on that, uh, idea of.

Threading the line between, uh, being forceful and, and giving people, um, respect and gaining rapport and such. Uh, you talked about, in the book, you wrote about how, you know, it’s, it’s also very important as you try to gain their trust and respect and, and, um, set them at ease. You, it can also be important to show them that there are real limits involved and you use kind of a funny illustration of this.

Uh, with a story of a hijacker who asked for a cup of coffee, could, do you remember that story? Do you care to share that story? 

Gary Noesner: Yeah, it’s an old story. Um, you know, uh, guys hijacking a plane and, uh, JFK many, many years ago, back in the sixties or seventies, and the, you know, some point in time an FBI agents.

On the ground speaking to him up at the cockpit and, you know, amongst his demands for fuel and flying somewhere else with his hostages on the plane, he wants a hot cup of coffee cream and two sugars, you know, and about an hour later, he gets a cold cup of coffee, no cream, no sugar. And at some subsequent point, not far from there, he, he surrenders and they said, well, what made you come out?

And he said, well, I figured if I couldn’t get a decent cup of coffee, the other things weren’t gonna work out. You know, a great story that kind of illustrates the point. You know, when people, particularly in the hostage taking realm, and let me come back to how much of it’s really hostage taking, but in the hostage taking realm, people feel empowered.

I’m holding this person and I’m threatening their lives. I can control and make the police, the authorities, the government, whatever, do whatever I want. And then when time passes and they don’t get the things that they want, it slowly conveys to them that guess what? Scooter, you don’t have as much power over us as you think.

You don’t say jump, and we do it. Um, you’ve gonna have to work for everything you get from us. This is quid pro quo bargaining. You know, you want food in there, fine. You’re gonna have to let some of those hostages go. Now that’s, you know, that that was the, the methodology that New York, uh, PD started in 73 and the FBI quickly borrowed.

But when we moved into the, the nineties, you know, we really made a major switch towards a crisis intervention model because the realities were that that was 90% of what cops were doing. Um, there’s. People negotiating, uh, out in the law enforcement community have been doing it their whole careers, and they’ve never done an actual hostage situation.

But I need to differentiate too, because a man’s inside with his wife and kids, that’s not necessarily a hostage situation, they’re victims. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: But it, it really requires that there be a demand, if I don’t get this from you, I will kill this person or harm this person. Uh, if they’re just saying, uh, you know, this, this woman’s gonna take my kids and leave me, and you guys go away.

You know, I’ll take care of this. That’s not a hostage situation by definition. 

Zach Elwood: Right. And you talked in, you write in your book about how, I mean, I think it’s like a large majority of these situations are just emotionally, uh, volatile. 90. Yeah. 90% are just somebody Yeah. Snapping or getting into an escalating situation with domestic violence or whatever it might be.

Yeah. Um, 

Gary Noesner: so you know that that was, um. And what we discovered, uh, in, in 1990, my, my, uh, partner at the FBI Academy and I went out to San Francisco area and we, we taught an advanced negotiation course and we, we asked the class, here’s our definition of a hostage situation. And, you know, uh, and how many of you worked those?

And in this advanced class, nobody had worked one. And, and then we sort of had an epiphany saying, you know, we’re kind of teaching the wrong stuff. We’re teaching them quid pro quote bargaining. In situations that are not inherently bargaining situations, they’re crisis intervention. They’re people that are experiencing a sense of loss, loss of relationship, loss of job, loss of finances, loss of self-esteem, you name it.

That’s the powerful trigger to the motivation that they’re exhibiting, which is often go away, leave me alone. Um, and some of these we call homicides to be, they’re. They’re intending to kill someone else and possibly themselves. They just haven’t done it yet. And that, of course, gives us the proverbial salesman’s foot in the door to try to intervene and steer them away from violence.

And we’re, we’re pretty, pretty good at that. Not a hundred percent, but we’re pretty darn good with that. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe that’s a good segue into, uh, you write in the book. The high importance of paying close attention to the language that people use. You know, you, one story you tell in the book was about a case of a, a police officer who had snapped.

He had raped a woman, then went to the bank where his wife worked and shot someone. And you mentioned there that even as hopeless as it superficially seemed and how unlikely a good outcome or nonviolent outcome seemed that even there, even as he seemed to refuse to engage with any anyone, he would occasionally say something like, I just wanna talk to somebody, which was a major clue.

Uh, yeah. You know, which, which on, on the surface, the team. That that talked to you initially about, it acted as if that was some sort of aside and not important, but you saw that it was an important clue as to what he 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: Wanted and how he might 

Gary Noesner: respond in that incident. And, and we certainly have had many more like that.

The law enforcement approach is you come out and then we’ll talk, and that’s, uh, counter. Intuitive. I mean, what we should be doing is if he wants to talk now, let’s talk now. Because when he is talking to us, he’s, he’s letting us know what his motivation is, uh, what, what’s driving his behavior. He’s not engaged in.

Uh, harming the hostages when he is talking to us. You know, there’s so many good things that, uh, come out of a sustained, uh, you know, conversation with someone, and, you know, not the least of which is as law enforcement officers, instead of coming across as, uh, authoritative and commanding, we’re almost more like therapists, you know, Hey, you know, Hey, I’m Zach.

It sounds like you really had a difficult time today. Can you tell me more about. The argument you had with your wife, it sounds like it’s, uh, really had a big impact on you. Well, they don’t expect that kind of language from a, a law enforcement representative, and a lot of the people we deal with, you know, believe it or not, they don’t feel like anybody listens to ’em or understands them, and there may not be anybody in their life.

We, we used to call this the double whammy, Zach, you know, when, when most of us have a problem at work, we, we go home to our nurturing families and they’re supportive and encouraging and all that. And conversely, when we have problems at home, in our home life, we may have, uh, coworkers that are very supportive and and nurturing.

A lot of people we deal with don’t have either one of those. They don’t, they don’t have a family support structure and they don’t have a steady employment structure, and they have issues and concerns and problems, and they feel nobody understands them. Nobody’s listened to them, nobody’s. Appreciates their point of view.

So if we can do that in a compressed and albeit dangerous, uh, confrontation, we stand a decent chance of demonstrating to them that we’re not there to make their day worse. We want to help ’em. We don’t wanna see ’em get hurt. You know, as I said, we’re generally pretty successful, not a hundred percent.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Uh, I was recently reading Chris Voss book on negotiation, never split the difference. And I understand that you were a trainer of his at some point. I was curious. 

Gary Noesner: Chris worked for me. Uh, I hired him at the crisis negotiation unit. Great guy. Good, good man. Yep. 

Zach Elwood: This is, do you, oh, go ahead. Go 

Gary Noesner: ahead. 

Zach Elwood: I was just curious if there was a good, a good amount of map over between that you saw between what he writes about and what you talk about 

Gary Noesner: there.

There are certainly is some, I mean, I think Chris, uh, also talks about, uh, empathy and, and, and creating empathy. And that’s pretty much the standard throughout the business. And, uh, I think he focuses is a bit more on business and. The way you say something in order to elicit the kind of response that you hope to get by how I pose a question or how I respond to something you say, uh, can drive your behavior.

And, and, and that’s good stuff. And, and you know, some of it I agree with, some of it I think is perhaps overstated, but for me, I, I focus on the larger picture of building a relationship. You know, it’s, it’s, my success is not gonna be based on. What I say here, there, or the next time, but how I say it overall, how I come across.

Mm-hmm. You know, I have a firm belief that, uh, people wanna work with people they like and respect, and if you can be a likable, respectful person, you’re, you’re likely to, uh, elicit that, uh, from the other person. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Uh, one thing I read in Chris’s book, I was curious for your thought on, because I. So he, I’ll basically just read a little snippet from his book.

Uh, he’s, he wrote after the fatally disastrous seizures of Randy Weaver’s Ruby Ridge Farm in Idaho in 1982 and Koresh’s Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas in 1993. There was no denying that most hostage negotiations were anything but rational problem solving situations. I mean, have you ever tried to devise a mutually beneficial win-win solution with a guy who thinks he’s the messiah?

There was clearly a breakdown between the book’s. Brilliant Theory. He was talking about a popular negotiation book, getting to yes and a, a breakdown between that and everyday law enforcement experience. End quote. My understanding though, is that, um, he might be being a little bit too hard on the, the current thinking back then because my understanding is.

You know, for example, like if you had had your way, the Waco negotiation would’ve, an approach would’ve played out a lot different. And that it, you know, you, you had the tactics at that time and other people had the tactics, had time that time to handle such things. Uh, but I’m curious for your take on that.

Gary Noesner: Well, I, I think, uh, I don’t think Chris was criticizing negotiations. I was think, I think he was pointing out that in both those cases, the individuals we’re dealing with were, were. Extremely challenging people to, to deal with. You know, a funny note, I wasn’t at Ruby Ridge. I was out of the country when that happened.

But in reality, uh, uh, a tremendously challenging situation. I mean, there had been a, a Marshall killed, uh, Weaver’s son. Uh, and then, then when the FBI shows up, uh, they end up shooting Weaver and, uh, wounding his friend. I mean, uh, uh, wounding a friend of his and, and killing, uh, his wife, uh, not intentionally, but a shot.

Went through the door and killed her. Now. Despite that, and one could say really incredibly challenging situation to respond to that was negotiated out after eight days. I mean, the FBI was patient and brought in, uh, Bo Gritz to be an intermediary. So I, I would hardly characterize that as a failure of negotiations or not realizing.

And then again, as you mentioned. Moving forward a couple years to the Waco situation, a couple years after that, I, I would argue, and I think most, uh, analysts of the situation would agree that, uh, as negotiators we had the right approach. You know, we got 35 people out when I was there, including 21 children.

But, uh, you know, there was, uh, uh, a counterside within the FBI that wanted to apply more pressure, the paradox of power that we just spoke about earlier, and basically force them to come out. And of course. Because I was a resistant, uh, I was resistant to that approach. I was replaced halfway through and they went with a harder line.

Nobody else came out for the rest of the siege of, I was there for 26 to the 51 days. So I, I would say I’m, I’m not sure what Chris meant by that. I’m, I think he probably would be happy to expand on that, but I, but I think, um. You know, I, I, I don’t think either one of those incidents in any way, shape or form could be characterized as negotiation failure or lack of, uh, ability.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Reading it again, I think he was actually trying to say like there were these older things, ideas about purely logical, rational, uh, things like in the book getting to Yes. And I think he was mainly trying to criticize that, but it came, he, he, he might have just not worded it optimally, but yeah, I think he was mainly just trying to criticize that.

And not say that, you know, that that was the only approach taken at Waco or 

Gary Noesner: Rent here. Here’s another thing. I mean, business negotiation. There, there are some parallels and, um, similarities in business and crisis negotiations, but there’s also a whole world of, of differences, you know? And, and you have to keep that in mind.

So a lot of the books, the majority of the books out there are business oriented. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: And, and what works in that contest. You know, is, is not necessarily the model we would follow in, in a law enforcement crisis situation. 

Zach Elwood: Uh, when I was reading parts of your book, um, there, you write in your book about the importance of giving people your trust, like showing, uh, trust in them also.

And that made me think of, um, the, the movie, the House of Games about the con artists. There was a scene where they talk about the importance of, uh, you know, in, in cons. You, you know, co you giving people your confidence first. So they have a scene where he goes into a, uh, a cash, you know, a cash, uh, a check cashing place and basically gets in a conversation with somebody and says, oh, I’m waiting for money, you know, and starts get building rapport and then says, well, if my money gets here first, I’ll give you some and you can pay me back later.

And they, of course. You know, do something similar and say, oh, same, same for you. If my GI money gets here first, I’ll give you some, you can pay me back later. So then, uh, showing that, you know, it really does a lot to give people trust and make them feel trusted. And in your book, um, yeah, if you wanna talk about that Yeah.

Analogy. 

Gary Noesner: Well, again, uh, if you mention it’s, it’s the reciprocity is what it is. Yeah. Reciprocity, you know, it’s, it’s the same reason, you know, back in the. Seventies, the moonies would be at the airport and they’d give you a flower and ask for a donation. And because they gave you something, people were more likely to give them a donation based on the, well, you did something for me, now it’s my turn to do something for you.

And that’s exactly, uh, the scenario. You mentioned how a con can exploit that. You know, you grease the skids a little bit by. You know, incentivizing the person to, to, uh, to make a, make themselves a bigger mark for you. You know? But you have to be careful. When I was trained as a negotiator, originally, going back to the seventies, it was all about bargaining.

And the premise was never give something unless you get something in return. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: Now, in a pure quid pro quo bargaining situation, that has a lot of merit. However, and, and where I, I tried to make the shift in the business was. In a crisis intervention, um, a gesture of, uh, positive intent. It does not weaken your bargaining position.

And, and I always tell a story about, you know, a, a guy climbs up a a a TV tower and he’s gonna jump and he wants a cigarette, and the police don’t wanna give him a cigarette because, you know, some executive remembers, well, you never give something unless you get something back. And, you know, and you kinda had to explain to him, you know, I don’t think the man crawled up the tower today just to get a cigarette.

All you have to do is stand out. In front of a seven 11 and ask, and no more than two or three people go by than somebody. Yeah. What, 

Zach Elwood: what, what are you really losing by? Yeah. Doing 

Gary Noesner: that. Yeah, exactly. And that’s the point. But what, what you. Potentially could gain, you know, we’re somebody that may have had, uh, bad engagement with law enforcement in the past.

Now all of a sudden this police officers saying, yeah, no problem. I’ll get you a cigarette. I mean, it doesn’t weaken us. It doesn’t give anything away. And in fact, I would argue that it helps to build rapport. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But 

Gary Noesner: it’s a hard, it, it has been hard. I don’t know how it stands in the industry now.

I’ve been retired, but for a long time a lot of police negotiators resisted that because they remembered the old. Never give unless you get something back. You know what, the guys doesn’t have anything. He’s barricaded by himself or he is suicidal. What’s he, what’s he gonna give you, you know? Right. In that particular case, I said, okay, he’s up in the tower, what do you want him to do?

Pull an arm off and then throw it down to you. I mean, you know, you know, think about it. So. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The context is important. Yeah. Um, the, in, in the first story you tell in the book, it involved a. Very volatile situation with a man holding his wife and son hostage. And, uh, and, uh, it had been determined that, you know, an app, an aggressive approach was necessary that he, you know, this wasn’t gonna end well and he should just be killed.

So, uh, one of the parts of that story, uh, was you telling him a lie about giving him a helicopter, allowing him to leave, and you had to try to make him believe that. And one thing you did was to tell him, the helicopter pilot is my friend. You have to promise to not hurt him. And you mentioned that it helped sell your story because it was 

Gary Noesner: Yeah.

Zach Elwood: Real realistic that you might be worried. But it also struck me that getting back to the idea of like. Giving trust to someone is, is so important. Like he, he felt like not only was that a realistic de request that helped sell your story, he, he felt like, oh, trust has been put into me, therefore I’m more likely to show trust too.

Yeah, yeah. 

Gary Noesner: In that particular case before, before the, the helicopter portion of it, you know, we, I sent up some food. We sent up some clothes he had that he wanted, uh, that were downstairs. He was stuck upstairs with his. Ex, uh, common law wife and child. So I did a number of things to say, Hey, I’m not here to make your day worse and, and try to minimize the seriousness of the situation.

So all those positive things. Now while we ended up, I ended up setting him up for a tactical resolution. It didn’t mean I ever, at any time gave up on the opposite. So it, you run a parallel track. It’s not like, it’s not black and white. Well, we were trying to save him now, and now we’re gonna set him up to die.

I mean, you’re constantly trying to give him opportunities mm-hmm. To do the right thing. Um, and, and that’s how it worked. In that case, it was unfortunate. We don’t like to, to, I certainly am not keen about taking anyone’s life and, and I don’t think most police officers are and but to save a woman and child sometimes, uh.

Real tough and difficult decisions have to be made. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. And I like the fact that you started the book out with that showing that, you know, there there are those, you know, sometimes you got, you have to draw a very firm line and that, you know, that doesn’t take away from the fact that your other points about, you know, building more rapport in, taking less aggressive approaches are, are just as valid depending on the, yeah.

Depending on the context, but 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: Um, so I wanted to pivot to behavior related topics. One focus of this podcast. Has been examining, uh, behavior related topics, body language, facial expressions, uh, in, in how those apply and can be used in various real world endeavors. And we sometimes hear claims that body language plays a big role in law enforcement and interrogations, such that can come from alleged experts in behavior, who’ve worked in law enforcement.

They can come from fictional movies, TV shows like Lie to Me. It can come from people who are. Just straight up con artists, like some people that I’ve examined on this podcast. Uh, so there, there can be, I think it can be hard to get a sense for people like me who are outside of law enforcement or uh, military or these kinds of context to get a sense of how reading body language actually plays a role in high stakes scenarios, like the kind you’re so experiencing.

So I’m curious for your take. About the realm of, of body language and behavior? Um, maybe how, how big a role you see it playing in your work or in law enforcement in general, and maybe how big of a role it takes in, uh, you know, law enforcement training and such. 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. I mean, overall today in the training, I’m not sure how much emphasis they put on it, but I have viewed it, have viewed it, always have viewed it as just one of the tools in the toolbox.

You and I are assessing each other’s facial and body language right here. More so facial than body ’cause we’re just seeing from the chest up. But. We sort of innately do that as human beings. You know, it, it goes back to, you know, the dawn of time where we’re trying to assess is this friend or foe? Does this person present, uh, a risk to me or is this somebody I can trust and, and engage with and cooperate with so that we have some of those abilities when I used to, uh, teach people about over traveling overseas and avoiding kidnaps.

I said, trust your instincts. If you see a situation ahead of you, it just doesn’t look right. It doesn’t feel right. Pay attention to your, your instincts, and that speaks to that issue. Now getting back to the body language thing, I mean, I think there’s probably some folks that are just incredibly good at it, but I don’t recall an investigation that I worked in my 30 years that it played any significant role in.

Whatsoever. It, it just, um, you know, it’s like Freud used to say, uh, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I mean, I think you have to be really careful. I mean, on the cover of my, the jacket of my book, uh, the day they took the photograph for that, it was very cold, and I just had a shirts shirt on, and I had my arms tuck like this, and my hands were under my armpits.

I normally don’t stand that way, but my hands were cold. So later somebody wrote me, oh, it’s a very defensive position. You were. And I said, well, I don’t know. Maybe I was, but I think I was primarily just cold, you know? Right. And, and that would be my example. You just, you have to be careful of drawing too much inference, you know, um, in the, uh, in the eighties particularly.

Law enforcement negotiators began to really cozy up with the mental health field, mental health professionals, and more and more police negotiation teams would work with a mental health, uh, consultant. And before you know it, we had police officers who were feeling like they were junior psychologists, you know, well, that’s a paranoid schizophrenic, or, this guy’s a manic depressive, he’s this, he’s that.

And you know, and I used to say, be careful because number one. Your diagnosis may not be correct, and number two, if you pigeonhole this person as being a particular uh, diagnosis, now you are gonna be dealing with them as though. He behaves like every other paranoid schizophrenic. And guess what? They don’t, they don’t all behave the same.

They might have some common features that, that help, uh, uh, achieve the diagnosis, but to say everyone can be reliably expected to do this and to do that and respond this way. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t put any money on that. And, and I think that that becomes very dangerous. So I think, you know, obviously people are selling books and they’re talking about, they can predict this, and they can predict that.

Okay. That’s all well and good. I, I just, um, I go with a more basic, you know, through, through my career. I, I feel as though I, I could read people fairly well. Was I wrong sometimes? Absolutely. Um, but generally speaking. You know, you could get a good sense of, in an interrogation or an interview, this person’s lying or just, just they’re holding something back.

You know, I viewed it as more instinctual and experiential than, than, you know, than, than a, a real hard and fast. Okay? He’s ticked off these five things. He, he touched his nose on the left side and, you know, he’d wiggle his ear. And that means this, and that means that, uh, I don’t have that. Do that. And I, I, I kind of doubt that many do if anyone.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Um, I imagine, uh, well obviously in, in, uh, hostage and standoff negotiation situations, the audio elements is much more important than seeing them, I would imagine, because you’re doing a lot. Talking. I’m curious if, uh, if you have anything much to say about either reading the tones and, and, uh, you know, emotions in people’s voices or else you know, that the separate subject of, you know, obviously it’s good to have a calm speaking voice and do a good presentation and delivery when you’re doing that kind of work, but I’m curious if you have anything to say about the, the audio element of, of that work.

Gary Noesner: Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. In historical negotiations where we’re on the telephone, um. We are denied. Uh, the, the facial, uh, gestures were, uh, denied access to the body language, you know, except in rare situations there’s some face-to-face negotiations. We generally negotiate over a phone because it’s safer. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s a safety issue, but I think there, there’s a side benefit to it, and that is it kind of taught us to learn to listen more carefully.

Uh, to the one thing we had to go, you know, I used to hear things like, uh, you know, somebody was blind, has, uh, better hearing. Right. And, and I think to some extent, uh, whether that’s true or not, I mean, I don’t have personal experience there, but, but I think to some extent, negotiators are, are forced to really focus on what’s being said.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: Be more so than we were if we’re being flooded with a, a wider range of, of, uh. Inputs from that person. 

Zach Elwood: Right. It really helps focus your attention on the content, the word, the, the specific words are being said. Yeah. All these things. Yeah. Yeah, 

Gary Noesner: I think so. Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: Was, uh, was it part of your work or, or a natural part of your work to work on your delivery of, of your tone or, or was that not a big deal in your career?

Gary Noesner: I think I. Uh, obviously, I mean, like anyone else, I’ve, I’ve improved through the years and I’m sure when I retired I was a much better negotiator than, than, than when I started. But I, I think I tended, uh, me personally to, to talk more than I should have, uh, in, in the early days. And then you learn, you know, you, you gotta be a better listener than a talker.

If I’m talking, I’m not learning anything about him. I mean, there’s a time and a place where you have to use some self-disclosure and, and kinda share with that person what you’re thinking, but you kind of have to earn the right for that. You know, I created the behavioral change stairway model that I don’t know if you’re familiar with, but it’s a, it’s widely used across the world for negotiations, and it’s a stairway and it, and it basically says we use active listening, you know, to, um, you know, to to, to create a relationship.

Of, of trust that leads to inner influence and then cooperation. You know, we build some rapport and that can take time going back to our earlier theme, but the process, you don’t just automatically show up and say, Hey, I’m Gary Nester. I’m the chief negotiator of the FBI do what I want. I mean, I have to earn the right to be of influence.

I have to demonstrate. Through repeating in my own words, paraphrasing what the person said, I have to label their emotions, how they feel about what they’re going through. Um, you know, I have to, again, earn the right to be of influence. And you, you see this happening, Zach, because what’ll somebody will say like, you know, Gary, I, I just dunno how to get out of this.

Well, to me that’s when I hear something like that, you know, it shows that I have now. Uh, gotten to a certain level where now this person’s even soliciting my input, you know, and I might respond a little bit, uh, carefully and say something like, well, you know, I, I do know that hurting somebody is, is not gonna make this any better.

I think we can both agree with that. So it’s, it’s just, um, it’s just the process. Negotiations aren’t typically resolved because you come up with a brilliant argument. You, you, you know, in fact, the favorite thing, I, I teach classes. I start off almost every class is through all the years I did this, we typically would ask a perpetrator when they surrendered, what was it that we said that made you come out?

Because we wanna learn and replicate.

Zach Elwood: Good question.  

Gary Noesner: But you’d be shocked that the answer was almost always the same and, and it’s really an amazing thing when you think about it. The answer is, I don’t remember what you said, but I like the way you said it. Now you think about that. That is. So powerful.

You know, and I’ve, I’ve seen, you know, various, uh, you know, uh, representations by people that shows that a very significant part of our communication process. You know, you talked about body language before, but a lot of it is, is tone and demeanor. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: You know, how we sound, you know, and, um, you know, and that’s, that’s an important thing.

You know, I, um, I have, um, I have a friend that, uh, you know, his wife used to have these big arguments with, with. With their teenage daughter, you know, and, and, and he said, you know, she says all the right things. Uh, everything she says is makes sense. It’s, it’s absolutely right, but it’s, but she’s not saying it the right way, you know, you know, and you stop to think about it, you know how you present something.

You know, I used to, uh, when I was consulting after the FBI. Teach workplace violence and how we avoid it. And when these companies, these corporations are downsizing, how you go to Zack and say, Zack, I’m sorry. We have to let you go. It could be a world of difference whether Zack is unhappy, but. You know, resigned to the situation versus Zach’s gonna come back in with a gun and, and let you know how unhappy it is, you know?

And part of that is, you know, you, you explain to them what’s happening. You explain what their benefits are. You, you are empathic about, I’m sorry this happened. It’s a, you know, a corporate decision. Um, we resist it. There’s nothing we could do about it. We’re gonna help you write a resume. We’re gonna, you know, help you with job placement.

We’ve got counselors available. None of those things make you feel better about losing your job, but it, but it, it helps to soften the blow and make you a bit more accepting than you would be otherwise. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah, it’s much more the, the, the way we communicate is much more important than I think most people tend to think.

Yeah. The how, um, and the, the framing around it. Um, yeah. Getting back to the, uh, the behavior thing, I, I want to say, I, I’m curious if you would agree with this. This is so, because I work on, uh, poker tells, uh, because I used to play poker for a living and wrote some books on. Poker tells, which by the way, I see applications of behavior as very different in game scenarios versus non-game real world scenarios.

Um, and, and because I have this, also because I have this podcast that’s focused on behavior, I often get people asking for my take on, oh, I wanna learn how to read people better. I wanna learn how to read body language or, uh, you know, uh, nonverbal things, facial expressions. And my answer is, you know, for real world non-game scenarios, I tend to say I think that’s a waste of time.

I think you’d be much better off thinking about the deductions you can make from what people say and what they avoid saying, and all of these kinds of things, the actual content, logical deductions around the content. I think it’s a big waste of time to focus on the behavior because I think that’s so much, so ambiguous and it’s very hard to get any meaningful, uh.

Uh, clues, you know, so I’m, but I’m curious if you’d agree with me there. 

Gary Noesner: Absolutely. And the other thing is the advantage perhaps that we have versus what you were doing as, as a poker player, we can say, you know, Zach, you just said something and I, I wanna make sure I understand. Could you explain that to me further, 

Zach Elwood: right.

Gary Noesner: That you said so and so what, can you tell me what you meant by that? That, that’s a powerful tool we have. Um, you know 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. That, that has no, that has no very little analogy to, to poker in games and sports in general. 

Gary Noesner: Yeah. Oh, exactly right. Yeah, exactly right. But, but, you know, we’re, we’re showing a curiosity.

We’re showing an interest. We wanna learn more. And, you know, and that’s why I think one of the most powerful tools is paraphrasing when you said something perhaps in the context of crisis. That’s, that’s, you know, worrisome. I might, I might ask you. More about that, you know, and, um, you know, I, I don’t understand.

And, and, and if I might say, you know, it sounds like you, you really wanna hurt your wife, you know, and you may say, um, no, I just wanna teach her a lesson. Well. That’s important for me to know. I mean, you know, uh, and, and, and it’s okay to ask those questions even if they’re unpleasant questions, you know?

Now, you know, we don’t repeat when somebody says, I wanna kill her, so, you know, you still want to kill her. You know, we’ve been talking for an hour and now we, we, we wouldn’t bring up bad things that have in the rear view mirror now. But yeah, I think, I think that is an advantage we have if we don’t understand, ask.

Uh, generally they’ll fill in the, the gaps for us and give us a more complete picture of what’s going on in their lives, how they feel, what their plans are, you know, and that’s all good stuff. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah, and I could, I could go on for a while about the differences, but I see between game slash sport sports scenarios and non-game scenarios, because in games you have like.

Granular, discrete actions you’re trying to take that has no application or no, no analogy to real world non-game situations. And you have like polarized spots where you might be bluffing or non bluffing, which I don’t think has any direct correlation to like an interrogation room. Right. So I think that there’s many of these things that make it a very different scenario.

That and the main thing being. In like interrogation or interview settings, uh, it’s just so hard to determine what somebody is anxious about. Right? So, so many of these things get down to anxiety, but there’s just so many reasons. Somebody could be anxious for a multitude of reasons, which makes it really hard to get any meaningful deductions about, oh, they did this, which means anxiety and, you know.

Gary Noesner: Right. That’s 

Zach Elwood: great. Yeah. 

Gary Noesner: The only thing you can control and fully understand are your own actions. You know, I mean that that’s, I was always confident in success in the negotiation. Not, not because I was always successful, but because I knew I would be in absolute control of what I was trying to do, and that I would be able to convey that I wanted the situation to come out favorably for everyone I wanted to help.

I wasn’t there to make it worse. I wasn’t there to condemn them. I was there to help resolve the crisis, you know, and that’s gonna work, uh, uh, an incredibly, uh, high percentage of the time. But I go back to probably the most problematic area for police negotiators is suicides. And, and, and you know, I used to tell when training negotiators, listen, if you respond to enough of them, you know somebody’s gonna kill themselves.

And, and it’s not because you failed, you weren’t empathic enough, you, you didn’t. Do all the things you need to. So don’t take ownership of this. You don’t control that person. You can try to influence ’em. And usually we’re successful in being a positive influence, but we’re not a hundred percent. And anybody in the, and it applies to business world, to anybody in any negotiation, and it can tell you, I can guarantee a certain outcome.

You know, I, I kind of discount that sort of absolutism because I just, I just don’t see it in the real world. I mean, you know, you’re gonna, when even when I was consulting, you know, I did real well with, uh, generating business for the company I worked for, but not a hundred percent of the time. You know, and, and it may be because there’s factors you don’t even see the person you’re dealing with, you know, you’ve got a great relationship with, but they’ve gotta report to somebody that maybe has already made a decision and they’re just.

They’re just talking to you because they wanna get three bidders under, under their belt. And they can say, we, we, we, we, we talked to three different companies, but they’ve already decided they’re going with company A. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: You know, and your company B or company C. Yeah. You 

Zach Elwood: don’t know all the fact, you can’t know all the factors.

Yeah, yeah, 

Gary Noesner: yeah. You, you just don’t know. All you can do is again, control yourself and b, the best you can. And, uh, you know, and, and hopefully it’ll come through. And the other thing I used to tell people, you know, particularly in the business context, don’t burn a bridge because. You know, you are giving them a good opportunity and a good deal and they didn’t take it.

Don’t say, well screw you. You know, you, you gotta say, listen, I’m sorry. Uh, it didn’t work out this time. Uh, it’s been my experience that sometimes when someone goes with the lowest bidder, they don’t necessarily get the product they want. If you find down the road that, um, you know, you’re not really satisfied with the direction you went, and I hope you’ll think to call us back and maybe we can try to see if we can come together and make this happen in the future, that’s fine.

You know, it’s okay. It’s not a big loss. Like, you know, it’s not that. It’s, it’s not the end of the world, you know? Mm-hmm. We used to say you should care, but not that much. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It’s good to protect your own, I mean, when doing such high stakes Sure. Uh, situations. It’s good to protect your own mental health and, and have realistic expectations about what’s, 

Gary Noesner: what’s possible going to the suicide area.

I mean, I know a lot of negotiators who’ve been. Almost, uh, become dysfunctional is negotiating anymore because of a suicide, you know? Mm-hmm. And suicide is always, not always some bad old bank robber. I mean, it could be a nice grandma, it could be a, a, a, a teenage girl jumping from a bridge ’cause she didn’t get a date to the prom.

I mean, it could be a lot of things. And, and, you know, and, and when we’re not successful, we can take it real hard, you know, we can take it real hard. Mm-hmm. 

Zach Elwood: I was curious if you had, say you only had a few hours to train somebody up, say for whatever reason, some person off the street, you were gonna train them for like four to eight, four to eight hours on, uh, dealing with an intense, uh, standoff situation with somebody who was emotionally unstable and such, uh, what would be the main, you know, one or two, three principles you’d focus on educating them on, would you say?

Gary Noesner: Well, we mentioned one, and that’s the self-control. And you know, I, I lived a lot of my career by the Serenity Prayer. You know, knowing what you can do and what you can’t do and understanding the difference. I think that’s a vital, I think that’s a vital thing to embrace and appreciate. I’m gonna come to the situation not of my creation, and I’m gonna do everything I can to help it, uh, end in the way I’d like it to, but I don’t control it.

And, and if it doesn’t end the way I would like. I’m not gonna own it. It’s not because I screwed up. You know, I used to tell people nobody can make a verbal mistake. And somebody says, oh, okay, now I’m gonna kill myself. ’cause Zach said the wrong word. That just doesn’t happen that way. So, self-control would be a big part of it.

The other part is, you know, really, really focus on not what you wanna say, but what they’re saying, and think about how you’re gonna feed back to them through a paraphrase, a summary of, of what you are hearing from them. Not only what you’re hearing, but how they’re responding to that emotionally. You know, there’s, there’s a whole bunch of, we teach seven or eight, uh, active listening skills in the FBI, but I think the two most important are paraphrasing and emotion labeling.

So you do those two things and you’re gonna come across as an engaging, empathic, caring person. Think about your voice, think about being likable, you know, don’t respond to a verbal attacks. Um, you know. You could do pretty good. I, and there’s, there’s people, frankly, Zach, who are naturally good at this and probably would succeed in the tense negotiations without any training.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Gary Noesner: And then there’s other people that, for whatever reason, they’re just never gonna be competent. They’d 

Zach Elwood: ramp it up. Yeah. They’d ramp 

Gary Noesner: it up. It’s, it’s never gonna work out for them. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. 

Gary Noesner: But I would say that probably, you know, on the bell curve, the, the majority of us in the middle. If we think, uh, carefully, we work with team support and we take our time, we’re, we’re gonna be successful more often than not, and we’re gonna benefit from that kind of negotiation training.

So, yeah. I like to think, keep things simple. You can load people up with too much information and, um, they get analysis paralysis. 

Zach Elwood: Right. And they get frozen. Yeah. Uh, 

Gary Noesner: and they get frozen. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Oh, this has been great, Gary. I, I thought it was a great talk. Do you wanna share any other last tidbits of thoughts about anything we touched on or anything you’re working on these days?

Gary Noesner: No, I just, um. You know, I, I, I just think, uh, the things I’m working on now, I’m, I’ve started another book. I’m not sure if I’ll finish it, but it, it’s about negotiating with yourself. You know, get, get right with yourself about what is it you’re trying to do and why you’re trying to do it. And don’t be so hard on yourself.

I mean, people are what the number one fear is fear of public speaking or something like that. You know, just get out there and do it. Don’t worry about it. Of course, you’ll make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. It’s all right. But overall, you, you should be comfortable in saying, you know, I’m not a perfect person.

Guess what? No one else is either. I can’t throw a football like Tom Brady, but I can do some things. Maybe he can’t, you know, I can’t, uh, sing like, uh, you know, uh, Beyonce, but, you know, okay, I can do some other things, you know, so don’t hold yourself up to some unrealistic, uh, example of, of which we do in society because of, you know, all, all the mass media.

But just focus on being a good, likable person. And guess what? There are people that won’t like you. Okay? There’ll be people that disagree with you. Um, okay, fine. That’s, that’s the way it is. But I’m a good person and I’m confident. I’m happy, you know, whatever. I think those are good life lessons for everyone.

Zach Elwood: Well, I do think you have a lot of great lessons that apply to so many areas. I mean, they, they apply to conflict and so much of life is about conflict, whether it’s external conflict or conflict. Within ourselves. So I think, I think you do have lots of great wisdom to share on so many, uh, on so many fronts.

Yeah. So really appreciate talking to you. 

Gary Noesner: Okay, Zach, it’s a pleasure to speak with you today. 

Zach: That was a talk with retired FBI hostage negotiator Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time. His website is at garynoesner.com

I’m Zach Elwood and this has been the People Who Read People podcast. Learn more about this podcast at behavior-podcast.com. Send me a message with any interesting stories you have about reading people, whether that’s interpreting something they’ve said or something they’ve done in some practically useful way.

Categories
podcast

Negotiatior discusses body language, and the risks of highly aggressive tactics

What actually makes negotiations work—and why do so many “tough” tactics backfire? In this episode, I talk with professional negotiator Andres Lares, of Shapiro Negotiations Institute, about why the most effective deals rarely come from winning at all costs. Drawing from sports contracts, Fortune 500 negotiations, and decades of real-world experience, Andres explains the “power of nice,” the importance of looking for creative win-win approaches, and why public posturing can kill agreements. He also digs into the hype around body language—what’s useful, what’s overblown, and what actually matters when you’re trying to read and influence people in the real world. Andres also talks about his views on AI-assisted sales-presentation-analysis programs (like Gong and Chorus). We also talk about the realism, or lack of it, in the movie Jerry McGuire. Andres is the CEO and Managing Partner of Shapiro Negotiations Institute and the co-author of “Persuade: The 4-Step Process to Influence People and Decisions.”

A transcript is below.

Episode links:

Topics discussed: the role of reading body language in negotiations; the role of adjusting one’s own behavior to influence others; the downsides and self-harm that can result from highly aggressive, win-at-all-costs approaches to negotiation; the so-called “power of nice” in negotiations, a principle which Shapiro Negotiations Institute is founded upon; sports contracts and negotiations; lesser known tactics in negotiations; the benefits of negotiating away from the public eye; the optimal amount of eye contact; and more topics. 

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcripts are generated automatically and will contain errors.)

Zach Elwood:  Say somebody was asking you to come up with a, a training, like a hundred hour training on negotiations, you know, what, what percentage of the time would you actually, uh, include like reading body language in the, in the training? Because I, I, I would guess like zero, but I’m, I’m, I’m curious what you would say that. 

Andres Lares: Well, I mean a hundred hours is a long time, so I’d probably put it, you know, two to five hours type of thing. So a very minor amount. I think it’s an amazing question. ’cause it’s opportunity cost, right? Mm-hmm. If I’m covering behavior and body language, I’m not covering something else. Right. So I like that, where you’re forced to kind of make the trade offs. So the one other thing I would say is if this was a class for a very entry level, zero, absolute zero. If this was a class for very advanced, it would grow. 

Zach: That was Andres Lares, a professional negotiator and the CEO of Shapiro Negotiations Institute. He’s also the coauthor of a book titled “Persuade: The 4-Step Process to Influence People and Decisions.”

As you may know if you’ve listened to this podcast in the past, I’m interested in practical applications of reading and using behavior, and I’m interested in conflict dynamics. Negotiation is an area that involves both of these topics, so I’ve been interested in talking to a professional negotiator for a while. I’ll also say that next week I’ll be talking to the well known FBI hostage negotiator Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time, so that will be another episode focused on negotiations in more volatile, chaotic situations. 

If you appreciate the work I do with this podcast, please give me a subscribe on youtube or Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. The more subscribes and listens and episode shares I get, the more i’m motivated to keep doing this podcast. 

Topics Andres and I discuss in this talk include: the role of reading body language in negotiations; the role of adjusting one’s own behavior to influence others; the downsides and self-harm that can result from highly aggressive, win-at-all-costs approaches to negotiation; the so-called “power of nice” in negotiations, a principle which Shapiro Negotiations Institute is founded upon; sports contracts and negotiations; how realistic the movie Jerry McGuire was; lesser known tactics in negotiations; the benefits of negotiating away from the public eye; the optimal amount of eye contact; and more topics.  

Along the way, Andres includes some negotiation examples and anecdotes from his career. 

If you’re interested in jumping to the behavior-related discussion, that starts at about 30 minutes into this episode. 

A bit more about Andres’ career, taken from the Shapiro Negotiations Institute website: 

Andres’ expertise is in deal coaching live negotiations, and has focused on sports clients such as the San Antonio Spurs, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Browns, Milwaukee Brewers, Oklahoma City Thunder, and Brooklyn Nets. He also works in several capacities with clients across a wide range of industries.

Andres has guest lectured on the topic of negotiation and influencing at various universities and conferences including Ohio University, University of Baltimore, University of Maryland, Queen’s University, University of Iowa, and the National Sports Forum. He annually teaches a highly sought after course on Sports Negotiation at Johns Hopkins University.

Okay here’s the talk with Andres Lares: 

Zach: Hi Andres, thanks for joining me. 

Andres: Thanks for having me.

Excited to chat today. 

Zach: So maybe we could talk first about what your, uh, what the day-to-day, uh, work is like at, uh, SNI. What kind of projects do you all generally work on, if you’d care to share that. 

Andres: Yeah, for sure. So we are a global negotiation influence training company. So, um, this is a little bit of everything, but I would say most projects for us are a usually kind of Fortune 5,000 type of company.

A larger enterprise company comes to us and says, Hey. Um, whether it’s our sales team, our procurement team, or project managers or leaders need to improve their negotiation, influencing skills, or there’s, uh, there’s a specific challenge around negotiations or influencing, and so that’s really what we’re trying to address.

So sometimes it’s at the leadership level and it’s kind small scale, very deep. Sometimes it’s that, you know, sales and procurement that can be very large organizations within, uh, within a company. And so, uh, that’s really kind of for the most part the, the work that we’re doing. And it’s typically global.

So the global work is, uh, we train in seven languages. And so I think that’s one of the reasons we’ve gravitated towards more the enterprise. Not that that’s all we train, but the enterprise is because we are, uh, you know, typically able to kind of compliment those, those needs. 

Zach: I know, uh, Ron Shapiro, uh, the, the founder of s and i got a start with a focus in sports athlete, uh, negotiations.

Is that still a big focus or, or not so much these days? 

Andres: It is. So the, you know, what’s interesting about it? So, uh, Ron is, uh, is still with us and kind of an advisor of the firm. So he ran the company for the first, uh, 23 years. And then about seven, eight years ago, uh, we took over. Uh, so, uh, my partner, Jeff and I have been there already for, for many years.

In my case, seven or eight in his case, right? 15. And we took over. And so it’s continued very much in the same way it was functioning for the first 22 or 23 years. It’s become a little more global. That piece of it has expanded some, but, but the sports, and I mean a couple things. One is the, um, kind of power nice mentality and we could talk more about that.

Today is still very much the case. And then, uh, the other piece of it, it’s the sports kind of evolution and, you know, kind of, um, that aspect is, is still very much involved in that. Uh, we will help teams negotiate player contracts and large sponsorship negotiations across mainly the four major sports in the US We’re doing a little bit now in, in soccer, whereas as the rest of the world calls it football.

But, uh, the biggest and really kind of the focus of the four major sports. That still remains. But the one thing I find very interesting is, you know, we think of sports teams. They sell for a lot of money. I mean, the Lakers were valued at $10 billion recently in a, in a sale. But they’re actually really kinda small businesses in terms of revenues, right?

And so the valuations are very large for, for lots of reasons. But, um, and we could talk about supply and demand and why that’s the case, but in terms of business size and, and sheer, you know, straight revenues and p and l, they’re not really, you know, anywhere near the size of a Fortune 500 might be. So, interestingly enough, the bigger growth comes from the non-sports side because those companies are so much bigger 

Zach: besides, uh, sports, uh, um, sports athletes, do you, do you do, uh, deal with a lot of other personal, uh, contract, uh, career contract, uh, assignments in general?

Andres: So not really because we are exclusively really a B2B company. 

Zach: Mm. 

Andres: So, and as a, so as a matter of fact, what makes us unique is that we are not doing the, you know, the agreement, the negotiation is only happening from the teams that we’re advising them. We are not representing players. So, and my background, and certainly Ron’s background, uh, he was a very, very successful sports agent for many years.

And, and I, uh, did a little bit of stint, uh, working at a few different agencies as well. But this is all on the team side. And so, 

Zach: ah, 

Andres: it’s all entirely B2B. So we’re coming into a company to train them. We’re helping a team do these, but, uh, we’re never kind of doing the one-off, Hey, can you help me with this agreement or that agreement?

I see the closest, closest will come is, might be, uh, an m and a, for example, where someone’s buying a company and it’s a very large transaction. We may advise on that project, but that’s realistically closer to the B2B than it is the B2C. 

Zach: How realistic was Jerry McGuire? 

Andres: So, um, I think there’s some pieces realistic. I think so. Um, I was just saying this the other day. So I, I worked with and for, uh, three or four agents in my time before kinda doing this and transitioning to the team side and, uh, and this kind of work and the, they were very, very good people that cared about their clients that, uh, in my opinion, negotiated the right way.

Like they, they really were standup in many ways. And so, um, I think. Jim McGuire, I don’t think positions agents necessarily as bad people, and there’s, they have kinda a bad reputation, but I think, so that piece of it, if, if anything, the fact that he cares so much, I think that’s a really good representation because I think the best agents really are like that.

Um, and the wheeling and dealing, I, I think, is, is pretty accurate in the sense that, you know, if you’re working in this space, if you think about it, you know, an athlete that you might be representing if you’re an agent is 19 years old and signs a 50, a hundred million dollars contract. I mean, that’s more money than most people know what to do with.

And if you’re 17, 18, 19, 20 years old, you know, that’s life changing. And, you know, all of those things I think are pretty accurately portrayed in the sense that, you know, it, it, there’s just so much going on beyond just kind of the on the field performance, right? These are people, right? It’s not like you’re making a manufacturing a widget, and that’s what the product is.

In this case it’s people. And so whether they, you know, break up with their spouse or having trouble with their dad or sister passed away or whatever it may be, all these things affect them. And so I think some of those things are captured very well in, in Jerry McGuire. For both the agent and the players.

Zach: Yeah. I imagine it’s like a lot of movies that probably, um, over exaggerated the, uh, you know, it kind of painted him as like the only person that cares and everybody else’s, you know, out for, uh, you know, very pessimistic, cynical reasons. And I imagine it’s not nearly that, uh, cynical as a whole industry.

Yeah, 

Andres: it probably not bad, but I would say, you know, it’s a little bit like, um, you know, used car sales I think fits in that category and people think of kind of these areas where, and I, I think part of that’s because there’s not a ton of regulation. I mean, there’s more and more depending on the leagues, right?

The NFL is more regulation than other, for example. So being an NFL agent, I believe you have to have a graduate degree. And there’s some kinda restrictions that, so, you know, the more regulation there is, the harder it is to get into the, you know, that I think that typically will filter out, um, some of the less serious people.

Um, but it, the, the, the part that you can’t strip away, there’s a little bit of this in the movie that is, is really kind of. So unique to it is that the constant poaching of their athletes. And so if Zach is representing Player X and Player X is a great player and he’s up for a contract renewal extension, it’s those kind of things that really, it’s like, it’s nonstop.

It’s in the locker room and it’s indirect. And then like it’s, then you’ve got, you know, it’s essentially tampering of all sorts happening throughout the life of the contract. And so that’s constant. So you never know if you’re gonna keep your athlete. And so then that also means the agent is sometimes incentivized to do things to keep the client more than what’s best for the client.

And so that’s the one thing I would say that I bring that up. ’cause that’s from an economics perspective, I think the incentives are not always aligned and, and that’s just the realities of the business and that’s the piece that I think makes it very complicated. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: Or one of the pieces. 

Zach: Yeah. Thanks for that.

Um, do you have certain stories, anecdotes, that stand out from, uh, negotiations you’ve worked on that you’re especially proud of or that stood out as being especially interesting you’d care to share? 

Andres: So I’m proud of, I think, uh, you know, I think the, we talked a little bit about how the power of Nice, so the power of NICE is the, is the book, it’s really kinda the basis for this company.

So the first version was written by Ron, you know, uh, 25 years ago. And it’s been a couple of editions ever since. But really that’s the core of kind of the philosophy that we teach. And so I think for us, any of the proud stories are based around coming to an agreement that’s maximizing the objectives that you have, but at least satisfying the other party.

And so I think, um, one memorable, and for me is the first thing that I did when I came to us, and I actually, the reason I I came to us and I about 15, 16 years ago was that, uh, so Ron was the agent for Joe Mauer. And Joe Mauer is, is an incredible person, an incredible athlete. I mean, he was the Gatorade all American football player and he was the number one pick in the major league baseball draft.

So that tells you what kind of athlete he is. And what made him I think, really special was he was a Minnesota kid. Who got drafted first overall by the Minnesota Twins. And so Ron represented him. And, and so that’s kind of why I came to, to assist. Um, that was my, my first project really. And it was about how unique he wanted to stay in Minnesota and would be willing to take less and want to kind of leave the twins as much room as possible to build a championship team around him.

But he also wanted to be paid fairly. And so that negotiation where it was about maximizing what his total compensation was, but it was trying to do it in a way that was, that was not the only objective, very important to him, was staying there. If he could, he could, he could have gotten more from going to Boston or going to New York, for example.

And so I think that was very successful in the sense that, you know, his many generations set up, so he ended up doing an 8 million or eight a year, $184 million contract. That’s a lot of money. I think it was the second largest or third largest at the time. But he stayed in Minnesota in a way that was.

Feasible for the club to continue to function, right? They didn’t destroy the club and make them totally not competitive. And unfortunately he ended up having some injury trouble and in particular, being a roo, I guess, you know, sadly kind of what happens, but that’s just one example for me. And that was one that kicked things off here where it was so refreshing to see an athlete that wasn’t just like, I wanna get paid the absolute most amount of money.

And the reality is that’s pretty common. I think they wanna make the as much money as possible. That’s usually not the only thing they care about. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yeah, the, uh, I read the power of Nice and I really like the points about, um, coming up with creative solutions that meet both sides, uh, desires and, and goals.

And I think, uh, Ron made very good case in there for how often we instinctively see a negotiation situation or a conflict situation. As, you know, somebody’s gonna win it. Somebody’s gonna lose it. And that’s kind of an instinctual in us, an instinctual way to see things often. And he, he made some good points about how so many times there’s more creative ways to look at things and parse who gets what and including, you know, non-financial aspects of the agreement.

Um, would you care to talk more about that? Because I, I think, I think that’s such an important point, not just for negotiations, but for, you know, any kind of conflict situation in general, you know? 

Andres: Yeah. It’s, um, you know, I think, uh, that’s very much kind of in that power of, of nice philosophy in that you’ve really gotta be, I mean, it comes from an emotional intelligence perspective, right?

It’s, you’ve gotta understand what the ascent cares about and part of your objective would, would be to do that. And so earlier when I said, we’re really a B2B company, right? We’re trying, it’s B2B negotiations, and that means, uh, outta sports, right? If you’re a procurement agent at a large aerospace company.

Or you’re a sales person at a tech company. I mean, the selling of something or the buying of something or all of these deals are the beginning or the extension of a relationship. So it just doesn’t go away, right? If you land a hundred million dollars deal, if you’re selling for a tech company, or you land a airplane part that you’re buying $50 million worth of for the next five years, that’s the beginning of the extension of the relationship.

And so this concept that you’re gonna do whatever it takes to maximize at all costs, doesn’t set you up well for the life of a deal. And then certainly not the renewal. And I think that kind of mentality. And so, you know, one of the best examples I think of very simple one, and, and Ron talks about it in, in, in one of his books, is he was a, he was brought in to help, um, settle a kind of a, a dispute and mediate a little bit.

So I mentioned, you know, we, we typically don’t do that, but there’s some exception, and this was one of them that for pro bono, he was helping settle a dispute. Were a concert master who, I didn’t know this at the time, but it’s kind of the, the second position in an orchestra, right? The concept master was world class.

And what he wanted a increase in pay because his pay was not, was, um, not relatively, not, um, kind of up to par with other concept masters and other similar orchestras. And so they were at an impasse because there’s a pay scale that you have within an orchestra that’s, uh, collective, you know, kind of, it’s a, almost an equivalent of A CBA at the time.

This was some years ago. And so you’re, it’s collectively bound. You can’t, or collectively bargaining bound, and so you can’t really just pay whatever you want. There’s, there’s kind of max and minimums and things like that. And so they were an impasse because the orchestra would’ve been willing to pay more but couldn’t pay more.

And, but that they really weren’t providing anything to the concert master. And so what I loved about it is really the, the way that Ron found a solution was that he kind of pulled away from it all and met first with the concert master and then met second with the orchestra leader, completely separate.

It was not about the negotiation, it was not about the pay, it was not about the precedence. It was just about what they’re looking to accomplish. And when he realized very quickly that the concert master loves the orchestra, wants to continue to be a part of it, but just wants to be really appreciated.

And once he realized that the orchestra really appreciated the concept master and they thought it would’ve been worth the increase in pay, but just couldn’t do it because of the restrictions, it, the solution was easy and anyone could come up with it, right? The solution was they could use points on the credit card to upgrade into first class when they travel.

They could give ’em a bigger office there. They could, you know, do a piece in every one of the shows that would give, uh, you know, appreciation and recognition to the concept master. And really you could kind of separate him in a way where it still didn’t kind of break the rules. And so the solution itself is very simple that anyone come up with.

But the way he got there where he just kind of pulled everything away for a second and said, okay, why is this happening? Like, why aren’t you paying him more? Oh, we are, we’re trying to, you know, and then all those explanations, they’re really getting at the root interest. And so, 

Zach: mm-hmm. 

Andres: To me, that’s the win-win, right?

You can overuse cliche, that’s where it’s at its core. It’s really understanding what are you trying to accomplish? What am I, and then finding a way to make it work and, and that change the perspective when you’re actually genuinely thinking about the other party. 

Zach: And you touched on this briefly, but, uh, I really liked in Ron’s book also, the, yeah.

Focusing on, uh, the long-term aspect of, of doing these kinds of, working on these kinds of agreements and negotiations because, uh, so many people, it seems like so many people have this, uh, sense that you need to be really hard-edged and win at all costs to be a strong negotiator. But as Ron, you know, makes the points in his book, doing that too much.

Taking that approach will really burn so many bridges, and then people won’t want to deal with you. And, uh, you know, nobody wants to, nobody wants to make a deal with you. And, but in so many people’s, people’s mind, and he uses the example from the movie, wall Street, Gordon Gecko kind of mentality. And he makes it, you know, Ron makes a good case that in, in, in the real world, if you’re gonna be doing these things for a long time, there, there’s very big downsides to taking that kind of, you know, I’m gonna win every, everybody’s gonna lose approach.

And I’m curious if, uh, if any examples of that stand out for you in your career? 

Andres: Yeah, I mean, uh, a couple quick ones. So one is in sports, I think, um, I like the sports example here because it’s a closed system. So if you look at the NBA, there’s only a certain number of teams. It’s called 30 teams. And so that means there’s only 30 general managers making decisions.

And so what you, what happens is you get general managers that, um. There is trust. So, um, they’re, they’re trusted general managers in the sense that if you have a conversation with ’em, it will not get out in the sense that you could talk about trade opportunities and you could have confidence that it won’t be elite and you have somewhere that’s not the case.

And so what’s interesting is I like that close system because there are teams that I can say, you know, based on experience with certainty that do not get called for trade opportunities, even when they would have a very good matching set of assets that would work for a trade because the other general managers in the league simply don’t trust them.

And that could be ’cause they’re very difficult to work with. It would take forever to get a deal done or that because they leak the news. And so what’s interesting is, I love that example ’cause it is very clearly detrimental that you are being difficult to deal with is costing you a potential trade opportunity.

Mm-hmm. So that’s one. And then at kind of the, you know, the non-sports world, if I think of companies that we haven’t done work with, ’cause it’s not a match, but for example, Walmart. Is known for really, really pressing its partners. We’ve had some clients that work with Walmart and, and struggle with some of those, those, those negotiations and they struggle with ’em because Walmart is, you know, to be able to provide a very low cost to their clients, they need to really squeeze every dollar they can and maximize on the, on the purchasing side.

And so there’s, we have some clients that just will not sell through Walmart, even though that would be a massive account versus, for example, you look at the same clients, and again, this is kind of secondhand more than anything, but with clients we work with closely, there’ll be some that, Costco, for example, is not like that.

They sell at very large scale, but they partner and they truly care about, and, and Costco has that reputation about caring about their partners or employees about everybody. And so they really care about it. So they’re not the type to say, okay, Zach, show me your p and l and I’m gonna drive you down so you’re making 5% profit on my deal.

And if you don’t do that, I’m not gonna work with you. The exact opposite, it’s, Hey, we wanna partner with you, we want this to work for you, we want this to work for us. And so. Um, and then, you know, if you go further down the chain, there is a a, there are a couple of negotiation training companies that still train that way.

And so, uh, do we think it works? No. But in a, in a good way, the market decides for itself, those companies train companies that we potentially would not be a good fit for because we just don’t believe in that philosophy. And equally, there’s, uh, quite a few, especially over the last few years, have come to us saying, look, that’s the way we negotiated.

That’s the way we were trained, but we just don’t believe in this anymore. We wanna move over to this more emotionally intelligent kind of relationship based approach. And so it’s been very successful for us, but I can say, you know, not everyone does it that way, so we don’t believe in it, but it’s, you know, it’s tough to say objectively it doesn’t work.

But certainly that would be our opinion on it. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. And you touched on this a couple times already, but the, uh, Ron also talks about in his book, the, the Power of Nice. He talks about the strength of, uh, talking away from the public eye and having more. Private conversations, because often the, when you do something in public, people need to posture and need to, um, you know, try to win, uh, public favor and win the argument in the public eye.

So stepping out of the public eye can be very valuable, and he had some really good anecdotes about that in there. And I’m curious, you know, do you have any, uh, stories to share on, on, on that front? 

Andres: Well, so, um, sometimes we get asked to do a little PR and interview on, um, negotiations, major League Baseball, when they’re doing their last CBA negotiation or, you know, um, steel workers or any, you know, auto workers, any of those kind of big unions as they, as they do it.

And one of the things we talk about is, is always that, that if it’s going to the public, then typically you’re in real trouble. Because if it’s going to the public, it’s signaling that there’s kind of a, a loss in confidence, right? And so if if Zach and I could work through it together, then we would work through it together.

It’s just easier. You start adding things outside of your control, these externalities. If you start bringing in public opinion. And, and so I think if you’re playing those games now, it’s, I, I get it, right? If, if Zach thinks that he can get a very significant public support and so he decides to play the game publicly, then all of a sudden there’s some leverage change.

But the question is, does that outweigh the loss and trust from the other party? And, and that’s, you know, that’s really the kind of the, the lubricant that makes it work, right? If, if a negotiation, if there’s, if there’s a lack of trust, there’s less sharing. If there’s less sharing, you’re able to reach less optimal agreements.

That, and that’s, that’s the one other thing about this too, is that it isn’t necessarily black, white people think, oh, the power of nice guys. So it’s, you know, we share everything we hope they share back. The reality is, there’s some things that we talk about in our training is that understanding you, you’re kind of prodding and you’re trying to share some information to see if the other side will share back.

And if you’re in one of these collaborative negotiations, which are optimal, you’re gonna get to the best place because you both share. So now you’re looking at a bigger pie that you can. But if the other side’s not playing along, then you can still be nice about it. But you’re certainly sharing less information, you’re adjusting your approach, and so then you’re really trying to focus more on how, where you divide the pie, not where you first grow the pie, then divide it, if that makes sense.

So it isn’t to say that you’re just kind of sharing information at all times, it being, you know, um, kind of negligent in that way of being unrealistic in that way. You do need to, there’s some things you do to feel out the other negotiator and decide how much you share and when to share and how much to collaborate.

Zach: Yeah. That the, uh, reminds me of, I was reading Gary Neer’s book, stalling for Time, which is he, he’s an ex FBI hostage negotiator, and he talks about the, uh, the, uh, the power, oh, what was it? The, uh, the power paradox or the paradox of power or something about where when you push other people that can result in them pushing you back.

And I think it seems like in a lot of negotiations, people don’t understand how that, that conflict can. If they don’t manage the, the, the relationship that can really end up hurting them in ways that they don’t foresee. 

Andres: Well, one quick thing I would say about a, a real life example that I think, um, I’ll, I’ll say generally just, I’m not sure if I have the approval to say exactly what company, but it’s a very large aerospace company that reset us many years ago, maybe seven, eight years ago.

And they were able to do that. They were able to really leverage and press hard all of their suppliers because they were such a big buyer essentially, right? They, they really had the, the economies of scale there. And so everybody wanted to work with em ’cause they’re buying so much. And what they said years ago is they decided seven, eight years ago when they reached out, you know, if things start to change, if what we’ve noticed is if, um, if things change a little bit in one small situation, like, you know, you’re buying a lighting system for your airplanes and all of a sudden a couple of the other suppliers of lighting systems are no longer in business and we have to buy from them and then they get leverage.

They really are aggressive with us because they’re kind of trying to make up for all the leverage you’ve had over the years. And so what, which I give a lot of credit, the leadership for the procurement team said we can’t have the long term, it’s gonna be a liability. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: So before any major issues came up, they ended up changing the way they negotiate, where they’re much more thoughtful about what the other side needs to get out of it.

And they, they really changed the way they negotiate. Now, it’s not that all of a sudden, you know, they started paying 20% more across the board for products, but they would be thoughtful more about, if it’s a tiny company, are you really gonna press them on net 120 days or do you wanna make it net 30 so their business is in a better shape and so they’re able to supply you more effectively because, you know, net one 20 for a tiny company, you can afford it while they can’t.

And, and, you know, there’s many examples of that. And so what I found was incredible and, and this could be one of the other rewarding ones, when COVID hit and there was a lot of shortages they had. Now for three plus years been kind of adjusting the way they were perceived in the market and their relationships with partners.

And so they, in many cases, in most cases, were not getting squeezed back, kind of that payback for all the leverage, but other way around. And so I think that was the test case where two or three years later, you know, something could completely outside of expectation that anyone’s control tested whether they had to advance there or not.

And the answer was a, an absolute yes. Mm-hmm. So I think that was, uh, that was definitely kind of another proud example of this really working and, and being put to the test. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Uh, so you’re the co-author of a book called Persuade The Four Step Process to Influence People in Decisions. Would you care to talk about any, uh, principles from there, or principles outside of that book, uh, that you think might be lesser known that apply to negotiations?

Andres: So, um, I think the, the one that makes the most sense is talk about kind of the four step process that we really outline the book. That’s kind of the basis for the. And I would say this is not completely novel. And, and actually very openly, we talk about how this comes from Aristotle. And so I would, you know, it’s, it’s impossible not to give Aristotle credit for this.

Zach: A note here. Andres talked here about the concepts in his book. To reduce the length of the episode a bit, I’ll summarize the points Andres talked about. Drawing on Aristotle’s classic framework of ethos, pathos, and logos, Andres explains persuasion as a four-step process. First is credibility: if people don’t see you as credible, nothing else matters. Second is emotion: people make decisions emotionally and only later justify them with logic, which is why factors like scarcity, reciprocity, and obligation are so powerful. Third comes logic, which helps people rationalize and defend a decision—often most effectively through clear stories rather than abstract arguments. Finally, Andres adds a fourth step Aristotle didn’t formalize: facilitating action. This means reducing friction and perceived risk—through guarantees, options, or flexibility—so that saying yes feels safer and easier. Together, these four steps explain how influence actually works in real-world decisions. Okay back to the talk. 

Zach: So, uh, as, as you know, I, for this podcast, I sometimes get into, um, behavior reading people type topics, and one of my goals with this podcast, uh, occasional goals is to focus on real world practical, uh, impacts of reading and understanding behavior, whether that’s nonverbal behavior, verbal patterns, what have you.

Uh, so I’m curious to ask you, um, you know, obviously there’s a lot of exaggerated and just plain false information about behavior out there, including, you know, running the spectrum from like very. Irresponsible and just plain deceptive kind of behavior expert stuff to more credible, uh, applications. And so I’m curious, you know, what, in the realm of negotiation, um, how do you view, uh, reading behavior?

Do you see it as a highly important thing when it comes to reading nonverbal or facial expression things? Do you see it as a kind of a side thing that is occasionally use useful? Maybe you could talk about your, your view of that, that realm. 

Andres: Yeah. I, I, so it’s a, it’s a fascinating area and one that we have spent a lot of time, especially more recently, over the last few years investigating.

So I think we lightly touched on that and maybe 5, 6, 7 years ago we started doing more and more. And, and certainly when we published the book, it’s, it’s a full chapter in the book and we’ve invested a lot of time and it’s a continued research because there’s just so much there. So, you know, our stance on it is that it is definitely a tool in the sense that.

There’s lots of tools you’re using when you’re influencing and negotiating and, and reading body language and, and behavior is important. I think what, what we find, and certainly we find the same thing, there’s a lot of, uh, you know, I would say kind of nonsense out there and it’s hard to separate the signal from the noise, but really it’s about consistency.

And so what I mean by that is generally, you know, there, there’s some behavior. For example, I think the average person would be able to look at a picture of me crossing my arms like this and say, that probably is a, is a bad sign, right? In the sense that it’s, it’s, it’s either neutral or negative. Let’s say they would say, and if we were having, if we were having a conversation at a networking event and I went from staring directly at you with my body position at you and I turned 45 degrees and I was continuing to talk, but I had my body now shifted away from you also probably either neutral or negative.

And then if I were, my hands were open and then my hands started to go towards kind of more of a clench fist. So you start to, those are objectively typically likely neutral or negative. But the concept that I have crossed my arms when we’re in a conversation does not mean and is actually very low probability.

It means I don’t like what Zach’s talking about. I am displeased with the question that he asked. If now you are doing multiple things together, if the rate of my voice, the tone of my voice, those could be too potential. Or I’m combining the clench fist and the crossed arms and the 45 degree away, or looking away more, or whatever it may be.

When there’s consistent multiple aspects that are doing the same thing, then you can read more into it. And so the idea is, I think ironically, while we have a chapter on it and we’re talking about some of these things, the arms crossed the face, all these things. It’s not so much about looking out for those.

’cause I think naturally we see those. It’s more about being thoughtful about, you need to see multiple things coming together because I could be crossing my arms because I’m cold and you, you overreact and change the subject and now start getting really sensitive about whether you think this is not resonating with me.

But the reality is, there’s nothing there not to mention that if you typically were a very strong communicator, you could ask something that would help, you know, give them an a chance and an out to change the topic of conversation, for example, and see if they take it or not. So it’s really kind of the, you wanna see the full body of work, what they’re saying, what they’re doing.

And one last thing I would say, and you know, curious your take as well is that this also falls under, so Dr. Mehrabian, A-U-C-L-A, uh, former professor there, um. We had something called the Mehrabian Law that a lot of people call it, which is that 93% of what you communicate is not the words that you say. So it’s the body language or the tone.

Now, um, we did some, we’ve done quite a bit of research on this, and I’m not sure that we’re finding the same 93%, but whether that is or is not, I think it is absolutely the case that what you say is a small part of whether it’s 7% or 20% of what you, and you know, how you say it, your body language, all those things are very, very important.

So even just shedding light on that is super, super important, I think for kind of the behavior, body language modeling, predicting, reading, all those things. 

Zach: A quick note here: you’ve likely seen this kind of statistic that Andres is talking about; you can find alleged behavior “experts”, and other people just talking about behavior in passing, say things like that communication is anywhere from 70 something to 90 something nonverbal. This is just a pretty egregious misapplication and misinterpretation of what Mehrabian had studied and what he was talking about. Also the work he did could be criticized in various ways, also. Clearly our words convey a huge amount of meaning; if they didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to get much meaning from the words I’m speaking now. If you want to learn more about that, one good resource is checking out the Wikipedia for Albert Mehrabian and looking at the sections about misinterpretations and criticisms. Okay back to the talk. 

Zach: These things can be hard to talk about in nuanced ways because it’s like a, you’ve got the, uh, I mean obviously there are obvious examples of people’s body language and facial expressions communicating information, right?

Like that’s, that’s true. We’re all aware of that every day ways that happen, uh, that happens. Then B, you’ve got the, the two separate areas of, you know, reading other people and making use of behavior. And then the area of like finessing and manipulating, uh, your own presentation to other people, which, you know, those can be seen as entirely different topics because you could be, you know, uh, adjusting your presentation even if you know that the things you do don’t necessarily mean much, but they might have an impact on other people.

Um, and then, yeah, so as I’ve told you, you know, to be transparent, people who listen to this, my podcast and I’ve told you my view is it’s actually when you look at, try to look at practical, real world examples of making use of other people, reading other people’s behavior. I find that it’s really hard to find really practical examples of how this plays out in, say, law enforcement or negotiation.

Because for example. Like, I, I think a lot of examples say you were in negotiation or similar situations. I think a lot of the examples you would find of say people like, you know, you reading someone for them, being upset about something, somebody said, I think in a lot of those examples, uh, they’re not actually trying to hide that, right?

Like they’re, they’re, they’re, uh, assuming they’re like pretty, pretty decent, uh, you know, fairly skilled people. I think a lot of the examples of them say, you know, rolling their eyes or getting a, you know, a tensed face, if they’re upset about something in a negotiation, they’re probably gonna say something about that.

So when it comes to like the practical uses of like when reading someone might actually sway your approach or decision, I think it’s hard to find many of those practical examples. And that’s not to say that it doesn’t happen because I think I, I think I’m pretty good at, you know, getting a sense of whether, you know, some, someone might be reacting in a, in a certain way to something somebody said.

But I think. Uh, and maybe, maybe there’s value to getting a sense of that earlier rather than later. Right. Uh, but I’m curious, you know, are, are there examples you can think of where reading somebody actually changed a, a, a major decision about how you approached a negotiation or, uh, you know, a text you, text you took?

Andres: So, um, this will be a, a kind of a crazy two very short stories that deviate us, but hopefully are, are interesting to think about for, for both us and for, you know, for listeners. But, so one is, if I look at, so we’ve got a, a deep bench of facilitators that are world class. So I do very limited facilitation because we have better than me, right?

So just, that’s the reality. You gotta be self-aware of what you’re particularly good at. So I do more of the advising and, and run the company. But there’s, you know, we have so many very skilled facilitators. So what I like to do from time to time is I’ll kind of, if, if I’m anywhere near them, I’ll go watch them do the training programs.

And it could be training programs of six people in a boardroom, or it could be, uh, a hundred people in a big conference for a couple hours. Or it could be a keynote for 2000 people. And what I will find is that our best facilitators are able to make some adjustments that the audience doesn’t realize took place.

But I do, because I know what the plan content was and what the plan was, and they make the adjustments based on reading the audience. They may cut a little bit of content ’cause they didn’t think it was resonating. They may speed something up or add something no one will ever know. And that is done entirely on kind of reading the room.

Right. And, and that is, and reading the room. And, and that is a hundred percent behavioral, like, or, uh, body language because mm-hmm. You know, while a few people may chime in, even our, our keynotes tend to be pretty interactive, but that’s getting a sampling of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 people out of, could be 20, a hundred, 500, a thousand, and.

So that is now in their case, I think there’s, some of it is natural and I think a lot of it is experience based. They’ve done 

Zach: right. 

Andres: A thousand presentations. 

Zach: Right. They get a sense, they get a sense when people are like, uh, you know, starting to look at their watch or shuffling a bit more than usual or like looking 

Andres: Exactly.

Zach: Looking 

Andres: away and they catch it early. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Andres: And that’s the difference, right? I think, you know, so, uh, someone who’s not skilled would, would catch it towards the end and it’s kind of too late to shift. They are so skilled, they can catch it early, make the adjustment and do it so smoothly. No one even knows they made an adjustment.

So I would say there is definitely, and if you look at very, very good presenters like in front of a boardroom, they’re able to engage like, hmm, I think Zach’s gonna be a problem. And so they’ll engage Zach before he has shown almost to anybody else in the room that he’s gonna be a problem. That might be because.

Of some reactions that you’ve had. So I, I do think mm-hmm. There’s some of it there, but yeah, again, I, I think generally it’s overplayed. And then the other one, and 

Zach: there’s a, there’s a map over to, you know, when I interviewed a jury, uh, consultant, there was some map over to that, you know, reading jurys reactions and which I, which I totally, you know, I for sure.

I, I agree. These things can, can, can play a role. Yeah. 

Andres: And those are natural, right? I mean, if you think about, um, I can plan. Yes. I think something you said earlier I think is so important and we, we just, it has to be talked about again. Is that a good negotiator? A sophisticated negotiator will be responding with both what he says and his tone and his body language, right?

So we talk about a tactic might be the wi this is now an extreme, but I think it’s a good example that if we’re working through, and I’m expecting you to make a pitch and I’m hoping you pitch something at a hundred thousand dollars, right? You’re, let’s say you, you’re selling me something and I’m hoping the pitch will be at a hundred.

If you come in at 120. If I’m a sophisticated negotiator, not only when I say, well, that’s too high, right in the moment, I’m probably gonna flip and be like, Ooh, 120. And you know, your eyebrows are raised or something. Yeah, exactly. Eyebrows will raise and I’ll, I’ll lower, I’ll, my head will go backwards some, and my hands will open some and my eyes will open up.

And so, and that now part of that, some of that is natural, right? You were hoping for a hundred, it’s 120. It’s more than you thought, but you exaggerated some because you’re sophisticated and you thought about it beforehand. If they do, you know, if it’s more than 120, if it was more than 150, I might say there’s just no deal to be had here and walk away.

Now that might have been pre-planned, and if you’re sophisticated, you may do that. And so you know, then you’re reading into something. But that body language is really kind of the body of the work. It would’ve been the same if they had no body language. If you were just on a phone call and they said, wow, that’s crazy.

Because you can’t see the body language on a phone call, but because they’re aware of all the, you know, all it’s being communicated, they’re thoughtful about the body language along with the tone along what they say. So that’s that one. And then the last kind of crazy thought, if it’s worth thinking about is there was a, a former classmate of mine from many, many years ago ended up doing a bunch of research and I came across it some years later when they were doing I think their masters of PhD around DJs and they would also do the same thing if there’s some DJs that are particularly in tune with the audience and can change the, so the kinda the beats for a minute, the BPM of the songs they’re playing and adjust the style in order to engage more dancing.

So they would literally have, cameras would track how much dancing was occurring and you could track alcohol sales, these two factors that would say people were having a good time and they did a bunch of kinda experimentation and research and there was clearly some DJs that were more capable of adjusting to kind of that going downhill and then picking it back up and vice versa.

Things that they would be doing outside of the set that was predetermined. Mm-hmm. And so again, I think, and I know that is totally outside of the space we’re talking about in some ways, but I think exactly the space we’re talking about in others where that does have an impact. And, but you know, the million and dollar question is how much of it is nature versus nurture?

How much can be trained, how much is natural and Right. So that opens up a whole can of words, but I, I think it’s worth kind of being open to the fact that it can influence 

mm-hmm. 

Andres: And it can be improved, but I think we should be realistic with both of those. 

Zach: Yeah. It’s tough to talk about because some people, you know, the, in a lot of discussions there can be this kind of like binary sense of like, you think it’s meaningful or it’s not.

And it, and it, the thing I try to focus on is like, well, no, I think it, it does play a role, but I also think like the amount of, there’s, there’s also really exaggerated, uh, a lot of exaggerated information about how big a role it plays. And I guess, you know, one way to, uh, and, and one way to ask the question to you is say you somebody.

Was asking you to come up with a, a training, like a hundred hour training on negotiations, you know, what, what percentage of the time would you actually, uh, include like reading body language in the, in the training? Because I, I, I would guess like zero, but I’m, I’m, I’m curious what you would say that. 

Andres: Well, I mean a hundred hours a long time, so I’d probably put it, you know, two to five hours type of thing.

Um, oh yeah. 

Zach: Okay. 

Andres: And, you know, so very, very minor amount. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: Mm-hmm. You know, the biggest factor would be how much we do that. I think it’s an amazing question. ’cause it’s opportunity cost, right? Mm-hmm. If I’m covering behavior and b language, I’m not covering something else. Right. So I like that, where you’re forced to kind of make the trade offs.

Mm-hmm. So the one other thing I would say is if this was a class for a very entry level, zero 

Zach: mm, 

Andres: absolute zero. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: Mm-hmm. If this was a class for very advanced, it would grow. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: And, and I think it would grow because what I have found is when we do this type of work, the mere modules on body language.

Are, I find, increase the emotional intelligence of the participants. 

Zach: Hmm. 

Andres: So I, it’s, and, and one of the things that we’ve done, and actually is if I force you to try to look very carefully at what you’re doing with your eyebrows and your arms and your legs and, but in subtle things, you may never remember that and use that again, but I have seen for sure with confidence that you will always be more thoughtful of what the other side’s doing.

And there’s this level of authentic interest and what the other side is saying and how they’re saying it, that that in itself actually improves performance. Certainly I can say that with confidence and so Right. 

Zach: Just 

Andres: becoming aware 

Zach: of it more. 

Andres: Yeah. Knowing, 

Zach: knowing it’s a dimension of 

Andres: some sort. 

Zach: Yeah.

Andres: What’s the, it’s like the, what was the main, the factory experiment where they said, Hey, we’re gonna watch you, and the performance went up and just because the mirror we’re gonna watch you, the performance went up. Right. And it had nothing to do with like the lightings that they were doing. And I forget there’s experiment that had that, and that’s kind of the example of that.

Zach: A quick note here: Andres response was interesting to me. It got me thinking about how i’d answer that question when it comes to poker. If you didn’t already know, i’m the author of some respected books on poker tells and behavior; that work is why i ended up creating this podcast. And my stance is that reading behaviors in game-scenarios is entirely different, and much more productive, than in non-game, real-world scenarios; simply due to non-game scenarios being so much more complex, and not involve discrete, granular goals and actions and such . But if someone asked me the same question; asked me to create a 100 hour training on teaching people poker, and decide much would I’d devote to teaching how to read people, i would say something similar here. I would say if it was an entirely amateur, never-played-poker-before audience, i would devote almost no time to reading behavior; i would probably devote maybe 1-2 hours to the concept, and I would mainly focus it on trying to make players more stoic and not give anything away, because trying to get beginner players to avoid common behavioral leaks is much more easy than it is to get them to successfully read and exploit other players’ behavior; there’d be too much opportunity cost to studying behavior much; the focus for beginning players would be almost entirely, like 98% strategy, if i were doing it. I think Andres might say something similar about this; if it were a class for people entirely new to negotiation, you might devote an hour or something to trying to get people to know the importance of being stoic and avoiding the more obvious leaks of thought and emotion ; making people aware of that dimension of information leakage would, on its own, make them more stoic and less likely to leak info. 

And, similar to what Andres says here, if it were a more sophisticated, experienced class of poker players, i would devote a good amount more time to reading people and making use of tells; maybe that would be 5 hours of the 100 hour training, maybe a little more or a little less depending on how experienced they were. Like if they were highly experienced, that’s when i’d start devoting a lot more hours, because there’s less opportunity cost to not focusing on strategy, and also more experienced players will be in a better position to understand and make use of tells. 

This goes along with my recommendations in my own poker tells products, where i make it clear to people they should only be thinking a lot about reading poker tells if they are already a strategically strong and quite experienced player.

Back to the talk…

Zach: I think another aspect that makes it hard to talk about you, you briefly touched on is, is like some people are just. I mean, maybe even most people are pretty good at picking up such things. But then I think you have a, a certain number of people that are just very bad at such things, which, and those are the people that are most likely to be like, oh, I found that training hugely valuable because they’re the people that are, you know, maybe, maybe even the minor percentage of people that are, that are just like, wouldn’t pick up cues that people are getting impatient in a room.

Whereas most people would pick that up pretty easily. So I think that also like muddies the, the field of like, and can help explain why some people will write reviews of such trainings or such books and be like, I found this all to be entirely common sense. And then other people would perceive the same training and be like, it helped me a lot.

Right. So it helps explain that, that range. And I, somebody pointed out to out to me recently a hedge fund, uh, a per person who works in hedge hedge funds in New York, who was saying, you know, we were talking about, uh, I was giving my usual spiel of like, you know, when people ask me. About reading behavior.

And the best, you know, best ways to, to use that in non-game real world scenario is I tend to say like, oh, I would, I wouldn’t focus on that. I would focus on logical deductions about what people say and, and things like this and, and actual logical approaches. But he was saying, well, maybe you undervalue behavior because it’s more intuitive to you.

So you see a lot of the stuff as common sense that other people wouldn’t see as common sense. And I thought that was a good point, and I think that helps explain those very different perceptions of, of the, of the trainings in that area. 

Andres: Yeah, I mean, I think for all these soft skills, I think it gets exactly spot on where, you know, you may pick up on things that people don’t and vice versa.

They’re gonna pick up. Maybe it’s, you know, the tone or the approach or, 

Zach: mm-hmm. 

Andres: Yeah. And I think, you know, we can all think about that if you know a spouse or a friend where you might leave a party. And that certainly happened where it’s really interesting if my wife and I are on the ride back and we might talk about conversations that we are both in.

She’ll picked up on something like, oh, I wonder if this person’s doing okay. ’cause they seem like they were struggling, and I didn’t pick up on that. And she, and I’m like, well, you know, do you feel like he really likes his job because this? And she’s like, oh, like I didn’t get that sense either. It’s incredible that we’re in the same party potentially having in some of this exact same conversations.

Mm-hmm. But what we picked up on was, was different. And so I think that’s, um, and that’s, you know, that’s human nature. And that’s, I think that’s what makes this all very interesting. Right. If you know mm-hmm. If you’re robots, then this all goes away. Right. You just say what you mean. And, uh, it’s very direct and there’s none of this comes into play.

So that’s what makes it 

Zach: interesting. Yeah. There are, there are such different skills we have, because, I mean, sometimes I’ll be completely blind to something and somebody will q cue me into some behavior related thing and I’m like, oh yeah, you’re right. How did I miss that, that, that that was some information.

And then. Other times, you know, other people are blind to things that I, I, I thought were very pertinent pieces of information. But yeah, so it is very interesting the different experiences and skills we all bring to the table. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I’m curious, in, in your book, uh, you talked about, uh, eye contact and how to approach it, and I’ll be transparent, and I’ve talked on this podcast about how I might be, you know, a bit on the autistic side.

I, I, I struggled with, I’ve always struggled with eye contact. It always seemed like something that came very naturally to other people that I had to really think about. Like, how much is too much, how much is too little? And you talk about that in your book, and I’m, I’m curious, is that something, uh, you, you train people on is, is thinking about eye contact and do some people have a, you know, are, are some people maybe more like me and need more, uh, conscious thought about how to approach those things when it comes to negotiations?

Andres: This fits into that category where we’re. We are trying to push them to think about it more than we are training them to do it. Because I think there’s gotta be a level of authenticity that mm-hmm. If you’re feeling very uncomfortable eye contact, we’re gonna have to push you somewhat outside of your comfort zone where you’re gonna have to do some of it.

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: Otherwise, I mean, there’s definitely research to indicate, so this is, this could open up a can of worms, but there’s a lot of AI systems that, uh, do a lot of analysis of everything we’ve just talked about. Right. So like, you’re doing a video role play and the system will, uh, or it could be a real sales call that was recorded and it’ll analyze everything.

And I love it because it brings attention to this. I hate it because. We have so much research to indicate that we’ve done firsthand or secondhand, that there’s absolutely, you cannot say Zach, 70% eye contact is best at all times. You should do that. I mean, that’s, 

Zach: yeah. 

Andres: So 

Zach: you’re saying, you’re saying these, you’re saying these, these people might not know there, there are these programs that are analyzing behavior, including eye contact and eye direction and such, 

Andres: and it would tell you after the fact.

So for example, if you know, and, and what happens is, what I love about it’s, we will come into an organization that says, okay, we want you to train our salespeople to negotiate, and there’ll be 500 sellers and they’re using some of these programs that review all of their video calls they have with clients and it’ll give ’em coaching.

So what I love about it is you’re getting objective coaching in the sense that it is data-driven. Right. It’ll say, for example, definitely if I, if I were to review, so after we do training, sometimes we’ll do kind of coaching in small groups. And if I were to review one and I said, Zach, you talked 77% of the time of the sales call.

I can say with 99% certainty, without looking even more to the sales call, that’s probably not good. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: You should not be doing all the talking for yourself and, and if you’re negotiating on something, it just, that’s counterproductive. Right. You’re missing on so much information, engagement, all these things.

And then I would look, how many questions did you ask? Have the answers to, again, two and 45 minutes. Probably not good either. So that there is objectivity there and, and what I like about is it the application does it or many of, ’cause there’s quite a few do a very good job of that. 

Zach: Hmm. 

Andres: What I don’t like is they go a lot step further and they say, well, Zach, your eye contact on the screen in the sense that like where you were looking away or whatever it may be was 25% and you really gotta get it to 75% when you’re talking.

And so conceptually I appreciate the value of eye contact in that again, objectively. Eye content is important. If you totally don’t look at someone in the eyes at all, they’re gonna think you’re lying. There’s plenty of evidence that they keep there. Right. There’s a perception 

Zach: even if it’s not true. Yeah, 

Andres: exactly.

You to, 

Zach: you have to think about perceptions even if it’s not 

Andres: true. Exactly. And so, so yes, being aware of that, but to say that on every sales call you should be looking 70%, that is, that is such a overgeneralization without kind of understanding context. That, and, and that’s a bit of the concerning part for me, where it’s like we’re just kind of telling people this is a fact when, when it’s not.

And so that’s the eye, like eye contact for me. So people to understand. And so we might show ’em a video or I might do it with ’em and a role play up front where they don’t know I’m doing this, but I’d be talking to ’em and I’d say, you know, and so I’d say, what’s your confidence in me right now? I’m looking down the entire time I looked it up at you for two seconds.

Out of the 45 second role play. What’s your confidence? And everyone in the room is naturally, it just comes out. They’re gonna say, you know, two outta 10, they’re gonna rate it. 

Zach: Yeah, you’re 

Andres: shady. I got the next one. I’m gonna look at you quite a bit. Not ridiculous, not a hundred percent, but most of the time.

I’m gonna increase the confidence in my tone in my voice. Now what’s your confidence in me? They’re gonna say, okay, eight outta 10. Okay, well, so eye contact matters, but to say that it’s gotta be 70% when you’re talking, um, I think it’s kinda like listening. I mean there’s gotta be a genuine 

Zach: Yeah.

Andres: Authenticity. Be authentic to you. Exactly. Yeah. It’s gotta be authenticity and there’s gonna be a general interest and yeah, you might have to remind someone they have to look at it a little bit more, but, but that’s really kind of the, the box in which we operate. 

Zach: Well, now you’ve got me, uh, this is opening up a whole new area of interest.

Can you name a few of the products that do this kind of analysis? I wasn’t really aware of these things. 

Andres: Yeah, yeah. So, uh, a couple. So Gong, it’s gong.io and then Chorus is another one. There’s quite a few. 

Zach: Hmm. 

Andres: So, and what’s interesting, so for, for us this is, is we’ve got a bunch of patents pending in this space because we have our own video role play apps.

And that’s what we differ from ev, almost everyone I’ve seen in the market, which is I want the objective things like, I want your speech pace because I wanna be able to talk about that. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: I want your tone because there’s some aspects of that that are completely objective. I want how much you spoke, how many questions you asked, all of those things.

How long were the times you spoke in a row versus interruptions from the other party. All of those things. How many ums you used. Okay. Those are all objective that you can review and potentially you could with a coach or by yourself, improve on. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Andres: Mm-hmm. What we don’t wanna do and stay away from is some of these things that are just gonna, like I said, you know, it’s gotta be 70% eye contact.

You have to ask five questions per hour. 

Zach: Right? 

Andres: Right. And so that depends. This is a first call, a discovery call. You should probably ask 10, if this is a closing conversation, it’s 10 minutes. You may not want to ask any ’cause you want to come, come off as like. You know, there, there may, it depends on Myra, your strategy.

I can’t tell you how many questions you should ask if I don’t know your strategy. Right. And so that’s kind of where I’ve become, you know, um, hesitant to 

Zach: Yeah, that 

Andres: portion. 

Zach: I mean, that’s what get gets me about some of the, you know, the, the behavior experts who try to coach people in presentations. Like I, I, I understand it is important as you, as you say, there’s, there’s nuance in terms of, uh, adjusting, trying to manipulate perceptions is important because whether it’s, whether the presentations are true or, or not, the perceptions are real.

But then if you, yeah, like you say, if you, if you lean too much into do this, do that, do this, but in some sort of rote way, you end up creating, you know, like an army of all the same people who might come across as inauthentic because it, they’re just like doing these. Behavioral things that, uh, you know, there, there’s, there’s, there’s like the risk of coming across like some, you know, the stereotypical used car salesman, like full of confidence and, you know, trying to, trying to manage you.

And, and people can shy away from that. So you want to, you want to have some level of authenticity and comfort in your shoes and not come across as somebody who’s managing perceptions too much. Yeah. 

Andres: And one last thing I would say about this in a little bit related is that one of the fa fa or favorite programs that I have, and I mentioned I don’t typically teach much, but there’s a two person, so there’s two facilitators we do for kind of the larger, uh, advisory accounting, you know, the big four type of, of companies.

And so we’ll, with a partner or director, they’re, they’re very seasoned and we do some role playing with them on camera and then they get coached. 

Zach: Hmm. 

Andres: And one of the reasons we, we, I, I, I particularly enjoy this one from time to time, I’ll just do it to kind of stay sharp, is that the coaching isn’t. Zach, why’d you do this, Zach?

Why’d you do that? The coaching is entirely based on what was your intent and did you accomplish it? And it changes the way they see it, right? Like they’ll start off a meeting with something negative or positive. And so then the question is, why did you do that? What was your intent there? Now sometimes they’ll say, here’s why.

And so whether it worked or didn’t work, then it’s about execution. But sometimes it’s, I, I didn’t have an intent there. I that just kind of came out naturally. It’s like, well, then probably we should think about how we start our meetings because you kind of directed down this path that you never got away from in the entire meeting in this role play, and you went down that path.

So if you did it intentionally, and then whether it worked or didn’t work is one thing, but if you didn’t do it intentionally, it just, it just was happening then that is the first learning is there’s gotta be a, you know, you, you have to understand that this has an impact or the way you open a meeting, right?

If I were to say, you know, Zach, these are the three things we disagree on. I want to meet with you today to make sure we can figure out all three. That is a very different tone. If I were to say, Hey, Zach, I love that we’re on the same page about working together, and out of the 57 things we’ve agreed on all but three, which is awesome.

Mm-hmm. And so what I wanna do is just work on these last three things. Mm-hmm. That is a completely different opening that will lead to a complete different meeting. Mm-hmm. And I can tell you that for sure, being, advising a lot of these and doing role plays with, you know, real, these negotiations that are kind of based on real negotiations that occurred.

And so that’s the piece that I find very interesting is, so with them it’s about intent and execution of the intent. And so that’s why some of these apps can’t tell you whether that’s right or wrong because it doesn’t know what you were trying to do. It can tell you whether, you know, it was effectively done, but the reality is you don’t know what the intent was.

So I, that’s the context with, I think it has to be seen. Mm-hmm. Now, obviously if some things are totally wrong, right? If, if I, and we could go into those, but that, that’s, those are typically, especially at a partner director level of big four, they’re not gonna be that common. They’re not making atrocious, you know, obvious mistakes generally.

Zach: Um, yeah, this has been great. Andres, uh, do you, before we go, do you have any more, uh, stories, anecdotes that come to mind related to reading, opponent behaviors in a negotiation setting? Or, or anything? Anything come to mind there? 

Andres: Not, not that I can think of. Okay. 

Zach: Not, 

Andres: not 

Zach: sure 

Andres: was worth sharing. 

Zach: Okay, cool.

Uh, I think we’re good. Yeah. This, this has been great. I really appreciate you coming on and talking about some of these things and, and more nuance than I, you know, than I think is often talked about. I thought it was a great talk. 

Andres: Same. I mean, it’s, it’s a pleasure. I think, uh, as I mentioned, I think we’ve put a lot more time and effort into research in this and, um, and, you know, it’s interesting to me personally, it’s certainly interesting to us and I professionally, um, so yeah, I mean it’s, it was a, it was a very interesting conversation that I think kinda inspires me to continue to, to look into this and the way the word used early was practical, and certainly that’s the piece, right?

It’s like. All this research then has to go into something that’s practical, whether it’s practical guidance of what to do, what not to do, what to be aware of or, or whatever it may be. 

Categories
podcast

FBI agent on interrogation techniques, reading body language, lie detectors, and more

A talk with Eric Robinson, a recently retired Federal Bureau of Investigation agent and former pastor, about what actually works in real-world interrogations—and what doesn’t. Eric is the author of a soon-to-be-published book with the working title Irreverend: From Saving Souls To Chasing Sinners In The FBI. Drawing on 24 years in the FBI, in this talk Eric explains why techniques like friendliness and rapport are so powerful, discusses the use of silence to induce information-sharing, and talks about the importance of asking only a single question at a time. Eric also explains why he thinks nonverbal “body language” cues are not useful in law enforcement and interrogation settings. Other topics include: the reasons why so many people talk at length to police, despite it being so well known that you should ask for a lawyer; the downsides and risks of deceiving people to try to get information and confessions; some body language ideas discussed in Joe Navarro’s books; Eric’s opinions on the lie detector; and more.

A transcript is below.

Episode links:

Related resources:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcripts are generated automatically and will contain errors.)

Eric Robinson: The one that I learned along the way, coming from a young agent and then seeing how interrogations go, was not to interrupt silence….I found that asking a question and then just sitting. it feels awkward… And then I realized. Oh, if I feel bad, this guy’s gonna feel terrible… Oh, that’s great. Let’s use that. And so I would just sit there because the question remains. I asked you when was the first time that you met the victim? You’re sitting, you’re sitting, you’re sitting, and I’m sitting, I’m sitting. Mm-hmm. And you have to do something with that question…

Zach Elwood: That was Eric Robinson, a recently retired FBI agent, talking about some interrogation strategies he’s found effective. Eric is the author of a book that will be published later this year about his career in the FBI, which has the working title Irreverend: From Saving Souls To Chasing Sinners In The FBI. The title Irreverend is a play off the word irreverent, and is making reference to Eric’s career as a pastor prior to joining the FBI. The book was a good read, full of many stories, some disturbing and some funny, and all of them interesting. When the book comes out, I’ll be sure to mention it on this podcast.

I learned about Eric when I was talking to his wife, Becky Robinson, who has a marketing company called Weaving Influence and who I was consulting for help on promoting my books. Becky also happens to be a co-author of the book Beyond the Politics of Contempt, whose other co-authors, Doug and Beth, I recently interviewed for this podcast. Becky mentioned her husband was retiring from the FBI and had written a book, and here we are. 

Topics we discuss include:

  • The differences between FBI work and general law enforcement work
  • What Eric has found most useful when it comes to interrogations and information-gathering
  • The importance of asking one question at a time, and avoiding multiple questions
  • The importance of being friendly and non-threatening in maximizing the chances people will talk to you
  • The reasons why so many people talk at length to police, despite it being so well known that you should ask for a lawyer
  • The reasons why Eric sees very little use for reading and analyzing nonverbal behavior in law enforcement and interrogation work 
  • The downsides and risks of deceiving people to try to get information and confessions
  • The usefulness of the lie detector

Along the way, Eric discusses several interesting scenarios from his career. 

We spend a good amount of time here talking about nonverbal behavior and the difficulty of getting practical use out of that in real-world, high-stakes scenarios. I’m going to be focusing on this for the podcast in upcoming episodes, so if this interests you, please hit Subscribe where you listen to this. I’ll be talking to a former CIA operative about nonverbal behavior, another FBI agent who is quite well known, a professional negotiator, and more. 

Here’s a bit more about Eric’s career:

He spent a dozen years in Christian ministry, and that included pastoring a Baptist church in Western New York. In 2002, he changed careers to join the FBI, where he served for 24 years, investigating drugs, gangs, crimes against children, organized crime, and counterterrorism, among others. Eric was a firearms instructor, tactical instructor, fit instructor, and spent 15 years as a SWAT operator and Breacher. Married to his wife, Becky for 33 years, they have three children and reside in SE Michigan. 

Ok, here’s the talk with Eric Robinson:

Zach: Hi Eric. Thanks for joining me. 

Eric: Pleasure to be here. 

Zach: Yeah, I really enjoyed your book, uh, found it very enjoyable. Read lots of interesting stories and observations from your career. Maybe you could talk a little bit about what led to you wanting to write that book, write that book. What was that journey like?

Eric: Sure. I am a week into retirement after 24 years in the FBI and was looking to consider what’s next in my life. My wife Becky, who runs a marketing and publishing company said, you should write a book. And I said, absolutely. But, uh, after all these years, I’d never written down anecdotes or stories. Always had wanted to do that.

And so Becky gave me a book that said, well, here’s how you write a book. And I read it and one of the things suggested is. Probably to plot things out first. So I sat down at the computer to plot out what a book might look like and thought, well, let me, let me, let me start with the beginning and just went from there.

So I didn’t end up graphing it out, I just started typing. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And literally it, the, the base of it was five weekends and I would spend all day typing and I’d tell Becky, oh, I’m at 10,000 words. And she’d say, how are you at 10,000 words? I said, I don’t know. It’s just coming. 

Zach: And yeah, the stories are just flowing.

Right? 

Eric: They do. And it’s very natural because if, if we’re sitting around, uh, after an op or search warrant or we’re waiting on an informant to show up. Agents start telling stories, Hey, you remember that time that, uh, you got caught doing this? And then the guy came out and people just start telling stories.

And for us, like, we’ll chuckle and laugh, but I can easily take myself out of that and think, actually that’s, that’s pretty cool. Mm-hmm. So through 24 years I got to do some cool things and enjoyed exposing on them, just giving information of what happened, what I went through, and some of the lessons learned from that over the years.

Zach: Yeah. And as you point out in your book too, the, the fact that you often do kind of, um, retrospective analysis after cases, that was kind of the structure of your book too, to, to go into, you know, what you learned and looking back on what happened kind of thing. 

Eric: Yes. Uh, that’s something that we’ve done for a long time.

I’ve been on the SWAT team for about 15 years, and we do an after action, which is just a review of what did we do well, what did we do poor, what do we need to keep, what do we need to throw away? How can we handle this better? And over the years as well, my investigative squad began taking that on. Look, we just arrested somebody.

Uh, how was this set up? What did we do well? What, what mistakes did we make? And so those after actions are what I placed in the book then of, well, here’s a, here’s a funny story. Here’s something I thought was interesting. Here’s a few other related anecdotes. And now. What did we get out of this? And what I try to do in the book as well is I, I feel like I come from a bit of a unique experience where I spent 10, 11 years in ministry.

I left a Baptist church last preached April, 2002, uh, in Easter. And then the next week I was in Quantico, Virginia at the FBI Academy. And then the week after that I preached again because they didn’t have a chaplain and they knew, uh, I could do that. So 

Zach: mm-hmm. 

Eric: That’s a bit of a unique position. I had not met anyone who came from a full-time ministry position through my 24 years, so 

Zach: mm-hmm.

Eric: Though many people are religious. Uh, that was a little bit. So tried to connect that to my background as a pastor too. 

Zach: When I was started asking you questions, one of the topics that came up that I realized I part partly why I wasn’t asking the best questions, was the differences you pointed out between, um, FBI work and regular, uh, law enforcement work.

Maybe you could talk a little bit for, for people that don’t understand those differences, what are the, the Major D differences between FBI and, and general law enforcement? 

Eric: Certainly, uh. Law enforcement, the police on the street typically do policing, which is you see something suspicious down the road, or there’s a car accident or there’s a break in, and the police come to clean up that problem, which might be just a quick investigation, gathering details, and then coming back to a prosecutor to say, here’s what we’ve got.

Um, do you wanna prosecute this? Um, are we finding someone, so for the most part, police, many times just get thrown something. Here you go. You need to solve this. And even if it’s a detective or an investigation that carries on for some period of time, they’re much more at a need to clear those cases. So even if someone is looking into.

A long-term investigation, their long-term is much different than the FBI. So an FBI investigation comes from, uh, informant work, from complaints, from tips. Might even come from a newspaper where you look at it and think, that seems suspicious, but our long-term investigations can last years. I had one that lasted probably five years, and I was doing other investigations along the way too, so we have time to build cases to work on digging out the route.

I had worked drug cases early in my career and that entails not grabbing somebody off the street doing a dope deal. It involves doing a dope deal. Pulling, they got off the street and now working up the chain to suppliers eventually. So that might mean taking some, uh, doing a drug deal, ripping the drugs, sending the guy back on the street, and then writing a title three or a wiretap on that person’s phone until we hear who the next guy is.

And we move up from there and do more deals, pinching more people along the way. Mm-hmm. And that takes months and months. Uh, it takes a lot of labor. A wiretap is very manpower intensive, and I sat on many of them. And it takes an entire squad of agents. So typically your local law enforcement just doesn’t have the time or manpower to f find out who major suppliers are, who don’t even live in their area.

Their job is to try to get rid of that guy. Right there. Who’s selling drugs on the corner? Let’s get rid of him and deal with the next problem that comes up. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Is another major difference generally, that you, you tend to more often know who the, who the bad guys are. You already have that sense and you’re more building stronger cases and getting more information about other people and, and such compared to general law enforcement.

Eric: Absolutely. So many times local law enforcement will be thrown into a scene and have to make a decision on who’s the aggressor here, who’s at fault. Um, for us, I have a case on this known subject. Through the investigation, I very well may find other individuals who are involved. I worked white collar cases, financial cases for a while, and that begins with this person seeming to have stolen money from investors.

And then throughout the investigation finding out, oh, here’s attorneys who are involved. Here’s an accountant who’s involved. How involved are they? Did they know what was going on? Can I prove it? And so through the subpoenas, through interviews, through bank records, now we’re gonna find out more who else is involved in this?

Is it just the one man who had stolen money or are others complicit in this too? So we have that time and we, we work more comprehensive investigations. So for the most part, the FBI has more patience and the ability to do that. So 

Zach: Right. 

Eric: We hit a case, it’s higher profile because we spent nine months on it.

Zach: Is it also true, would you say that it’s less about getting confessions than about gathering information? It seems like a lot of the general law enforcement work is, is about. Getting confessions and seems like that would be less true for FBI. Is that, is that right? 

Eric: It is. Obviously everyone, if you have a confession, you’ve, you’ve sealed a coffin.

So not only do I have this case on you, but you’ve admitted Yes, I did that. So in doing that, we’re done. That gets presented to the defense attorney and he looks at it, and now he’s just looking to make a deal. So everyone in a post arrest interrogation is looking for some type of confession, but also if it doesn’t come, we’ve, we’ve got all the evidence we need.

So I, I’ve been there on dope cases where I’ve sat for two hours trying to elicit a confession from a drug dealer who just refused to do it and he, he, he didn’t mind talking, but in no way would he admit to what he’s done and. Brought up crazy stories of explanations, what these statements were that he was making on the phone.

And ultimately I just ended the interrogation because it wasn’t going to happen and I now I’m just wasting my time. So. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: Yeah. When we come to arrest the FBI has you dead to rights, could lose a case, but the confession is just the topping. 

Zach: Yeah. I, I want to ask you a few questions about interrogations.

I’m very in, interested in, in interrogations as clearly are many people, the interrogation videos are so popular on YouTube. You know, you, you probably know that. Uh, so one, one question I have, I often wonder this is, uh, why do you think suspects so often talk to police? You know, you see all these popular videos of, of various people talking to police and giving information to police.

In, in all of these interrogation videos. And it, and it’s, it’s surprising to me just because you so often hear in culture, in, even in pop culture, about how, you know, you should ask for a lawyer immediately, don’t talk to police, it’s bad to talk to police, but yet you so often see people, uh, engaging in these long, drawn out discussions with police in the interrogation scenes.

And I’m curious, what do you think helps explain that? Uh, what, what do you think the major factors are there? And then also I’m, I’m curious, maybe, maybe it’s a distorted view because obviously we only see the cases on YouTube and such where they are talking to police for an extended period of time. So those might actually be the outliers.

I don’t, I don’t really know. 

Eric: Well, two things with that. The, the second question first, I, I think what you see on YouTube is. The bullseye effect where, um, somebody shoots an arrow into a side of a barn and then draws a bullseye around it. So absolutely, you can point out, this did work. This is a person who spoke because why do you wanna watch a video where a guy just obfuscates for for hours?

So yeah, we’re gonna show you the ones at work 

Zach: or immediately a or immediately ask for a lawyer. That, that was kind of my, that was kind of my joke where I was like, I, I wanted to create, uh, my joke was I wanted to create a YouTube channel about like genius criminals, and it would just be short videos of them immediately asking for, for a lawyer.

But yeah, it’s a, theres a, there, there’s a big selection bias and like what we see on, uh, the shows and such. Yeah. 

Eric: Right. Those would just be reels. Just a 15 second, I want an attorney. And then you play the music out 

Zach: masterminds. 

Eric: Exactly. But, but the reason that people who are guilty and they know they’re guilty, it’s not somebody who’s.

You know, just a suspect. But this is someone that we know is guilty and everyone in the room does the reason they talk. And this is something that I always try to utilize, is that they need control. Uh, so if you imagine I walk into your house with 10 of my friends and we have guns, and we set you down, and I simply say, you’re under arrest for this charge.

Let’s go do, do you want to know anything you, you need, you need to, you have this feeling where you need to find out what’s happening to you. And, and I would use that often. We had a case once where we were executing a search warrant and we’re looking to gather more details that could charge, uh, a white supremacist who hated police, hated the government, and here we were, the government coming into his workplace.

And I really wasn’t sure if he was going to talk to us because he had no reason to want to. But I began with telling him, well, right now my colleagues are at your house, your family’s fine. And they’re executing a search warrant. I’m sure you have questions, but if you’d like to talk about this and learn more about what you might be facing, I’m gonna read you your rights and if you’d like to talk more, you can waive those.

So at the very least, he wants to know what’s going on. And then once we’re engaged, and though I’m engaged in an interrogation, from his point of view, it’s, it’s just a conversation. 

Zach: Right. 

Eric: And I wanna bring it forward that way. I want the subject to feel like we’re talking 

Zach: It’s low stakes. Yeah. 

Eric: He’s asking me for information.

I’m giving it to him. Uh, I’m not threatening him. I’m not. Challenging everything that he says. And what’s more on building rapport? So this individual liked guns. I like guns. So I’m talking to him about hunting that he did with his father when he was young. What platform does he use? You know, what type of rifle and what does he have decked out on that.

And we’re engaged in that. And we’re also now talking about some of the threats that he was making online towards Obama, Pelosi and Biden. And what did he mean by those? And I’m trying to. Give him the sense that I’m on his side in, in as much as I can, because here comes the FBI and he hates the FBI. And I tell him ahead of time, look, just like your boss tells you what you have to do, we have a job to do.

Department of Justice tells us we need to come and address these statements you’ve been making against political figures, 

Zach: right. 

Eric: We have to do this. So 

Zach: making it very impersonal. Yeah. You’re not, you’re not invested. Yeah. 

Eric: I I I’m not the bad person. 

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. 

Eric: I’m, I’m just an instrument and I’m playing to his perception of the government manipulating people anyway.

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And yes, I am being manipulative as I’m doing this, but I’m trying to bring this conversation to a place that’s as normal as anything else that he’s had. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And what’s more, he’s been online saying these hateful things and there’s no change. Well now the government’s in his office. And maybe he can do something now.

He can speak directly to these people that he hates. Right? And tell them what he means and say, yes, I meant that to threaten this person’s life. Of course I did because this guy is a traitor, because he needs to be hanged and I’m looking for avenues. Fortunately, he bit on all of them. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: To tell me and gain some control, find some purpose in all the things that he is always said.

Now he has an outlet. But to your question, uh, if when I come to him and I say, look, we’re executing a search warrant at your house, just wanna let you know that, and then walked out, I mean, that would fry your brain. So if you can imagine how that is giving someone a chance to have some. Bit of control over their lives that we just came and disrupted is very appealing to almost everyone, 

Zach: right?

It seems like there’s a number, can be a number of factors. It’s also, I, I get the sense I could be wrong, and then there’s also the selection bias aspect. But sometimes it seems like, um, there there’s a sense that yeah, they’re trying to control, they’re trying to manipulate and, and they, and they think that to ask for a lawyer immediately would seem guilty.

So some of them have a inflated sense of how much they can control it. So they’re in their minds, they’re like, well, I’m gonna act really innocent and act and try to act like somebody would who wouldn’t ask for a lawyer. And maybe I can manage it and deflect them enough, or they don’t like go down the route of looking at me more.

But I, I, I don’t know what you think of that. 

Eric: Uh, well, uh, I’ll tell you, if, if somebody does ask for a lawyer, I immediately do think they’re guilty. It it, it’s how it is. I, right. 

Zach: I, 

Eric: I’ve, I’ve interrogated lawyers. Or interviewed lawyers and they bring a lawyer in with them. And that second lawyer is just a totem.

It’s, it’s just a, it’s a, it’s a rabbit’s foot for them to rub. Because if, if I talk to you, if I came to your house and I said, I’m doing this investigation on a company used to be part of, so there’s maybe a slight implication that you could be guilty, or at least you think that I might think you’re guilty.

You are smart enough, you should be to know what you should say and what you shouldn’t. And, and as I sit there interviewing a lawyer and his lawyer’s right there, the second lawyer just sits. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: Now, part of how I would put people at ease too, is I tell them the truth, which is, if at any time you feel like ending this discussion, we can do that.

If at any time you don’t wanna answer a question, I’d prefer if you just say, I don’t want to answer that, as opposed to telling me a lie. And now we’re setting up an expectation of honesty. And at the same time, if I ask you a question, Zach, and it seems to implicate you, and you say, I’d prefer not to answer that, you know, oh, I’ve just told him I’m probably guilty of that.

So now you’re going to just keep talking. So yeah, the idea of asking for an attorney, you’re right. You look guilty. And I think that is a part of people thinking they. Might. 

Zach: Right. They can avoid that by going the opposite way. 

Eric: Yeah. 

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. 

Eric: So, 

Zach: and then they end up, then they end up just saying way too much sometimes, which is what we see on the YouTube channels and such, but Yeah, they don’t always do that.

Yeah. 

Eric: Which is what we see. And, and, and Zach, I’m, I’m gonna make a wild assumption, not knowing you well, but you’re probably smarter than you. You know, you’re on the, uh, other, you’re not at the hump of the bell curve that you’re likely smarter than most. And most of the criminals that we encounter are not, uh, also when we have arrested them or are executing a search warrant, it, we’re not doing this.

So you and I are talking, and this is calm. Their heart rate is flying. They’re, they’re trying to think of these things while answering my question. So they’re thrown off too. They’re at a disadvantage. And so if I try to keep this as a normal conversation, that perception. Or 

Zach: lowers their guard. Yeah. 

Eric: They, they’re, they’re willing to take that because they’ve got so much going on right now, they’re just going to accept that Yep.

This is just a conversation and it’s normal. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Totally. Yeah. No, it makes sense. I mean, and that, and it helps explain why the lower aggression techniques are so effective in general. You know, you that it’s kinda like the Yeah. The, the more you push people, the more likely they are to clam up and go the opposite way and Yeah.

Eric: Oh, absolutely. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: And I’ve, I’ve never come to a place where I’ve ever used aggression on someone or played bad cop ba, bad cop just shuts ’em up and bad cop comes when I’m fighting with a guy to put handcuffs on. That’s it. But in an interrogation, it’s, it’s all rapport, rapport building, iso empathy, all those things that, all those things that work when you’re on a date trying to impress somebody.

It’s, it’s the same. 

Zach: Right. Um, do you have any, uh. Any lesser known, um, strategies that you’d care to share about interrogation and techniques that you think are effective that may be, uh, lesser known by general audiences? 

Eric: I don’t think it’s anything special. I, I feel like I had a positive method of interrogating and it, the FBI teaches interrogation methods.

If you asked any agent who’s been in over 10 years, what they learned, they’re not gonna remember anything. Um, if you’re a good conversationalist. You’re likely going to be good at interrogations too. Mm-hmm. Because that’s going to draw people out. The same things that you do on your podcast to draw people out are the same things that you would use if you have someone in front of you that you think is guilty of a crime and draws ’em out.

The the one that I learned along the way, coming from a young agent and then seeing how interrogations go, was not to interrupt silence. And I found myself asking a question, often asking, uh, a compound question, do you remember where you were on this night? And was there anyone with you? And can you explain why people might have said they saw you there?

So here, here’s a compound question. What, like, how can I take the third part first? 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: It 

Zach: mu it muddles the muddy, muddies the water about what they even say. Yeah. What, what are they replying to Exactly. Yeah, 

Eric: absolutely. Oh, and, and if you did that, that would be a poor interview technique as well. 

Zach: Right.

Eric: But I would have subjects pause to answer, and they’re trying to think through the best way that they can answer this as truthfully as they want to. Because people naturally want to be truthful. Even if they’re trying to be deceptive, they want to hang onto some type of truth. And they would pause, and then I would break in and ask another question.

Which completely negates all the questions I had before. And now they don’t have to deal with that. 

Zach: Right. 

Eric: And now, and now I come back with something else. They’re off the 

Zach: hook. Yeah. They, they’re like, oh, great, I can move on to something else. Yeah, 

Eric: exactly. And even if that question is a, a better one, now we have, now we’ve gotta backtrack to get the other.

So 

Zach: yeah, 

Eric: I found that asking a question and then just sitting, and people don’t realize how awkward it is unless they have a friend who’s like this, where if you ask a question and the person sits there for just five seconds, not answering 

Zach: five seconds is a long time. Yeah. It feel, it feels really awkward.

Yeah, 

Eric: it feels awkward. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: And so I felt awkward. I felt the stress of the situation, and so I was looking for a way to relieve that for myself. And then I realized. Oh, if I, if I feel bad, this guy’s gonna feel terrible. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: Oh, that’s great. Let’s use that. And so I would just sit there because the question remains.

Mm-hmm. I asked you when was the first time that you met the victim? You’re sitting, you’re sitting, you’re sitting, and I’m sitting, I’m sitting. Mm-hmm. And you have to do something with that question. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And I’ve sat for 30 seconds waiting for an answer. And that is, that’s hard to do. Mm-hmm. But that shows the subject, they, they need to address this one way or another.

And so that silence, that pausing, not interrupting myself, not interrupting them, uh, was one of the things that I learned 

Zach: to be 

Eric: effective. And, 

Zach: and related to that, I think you also talk about this in your book is. At the end of their response too. So to leave that room also. ’cause sometimes they’ll, they’ll start adding more stuff to the end too.

Maybe you could, I think you talk about that in your book too, right? Maybe. 

Eric: Maybe. But, but because, 

Zach: because sometimes there’s an awkwardness when they have answered somewhat and, but they, they clearly, or, or you get a sense that maybe there’s more to say and you leave them some more room and they keep going.

Eric: Absolutely. Yeah. I, my silence suggests that you’ve, you need to say more. So Yes. Asking, uh, when did you first meet the victim? Now we pause. We pause. I’m not sure. Well, I’m not gonna respond to that. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: It may have been 2010. Still waiting. No way. It, it was 2012. ’cause I remember it was after college and, and it.

I’m letting them work that through. And then if they’re saying things that I know are wrong, I’m gonna let them finish until I can confront them with, well, by my understanding and talk, talking to the victim. They say it was 2010 and they remember because of this. How do you respond to that? Oh, okay. And then let it go again.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I think, uh, to your point about these are just, some of these things are just general, uh, information gathering techniques, no matter what line of work you’re in. When I was, uh, I have a video film degree and I started out in commercial video production, which involved a lot of interviewing of, of people.

Um, and I pretty quickly learned there too, where, you know, it, it was a, making sure your questions were muddled, b giving them a lot of space to respond, including, you know, sometimes the most valuable stuff from a production, um, standpoint was, was when you. Ask them a question, they would respond and then you would give them a few seconds pause to say more.

And sometimes they would come out with some of the best, most emotional things because there was this like kind of awkward pause and they were kind of like thinking, should I say more here? And then they would come out with something a little bit more heartfelt almost. And that often happened. And I think, yeah, I think, I think it ties into, to so many of these, these areas where giving people, people a little space to breathe and maybe feel a little bit of tiny bit of discomfort or a lot of discomfort can kind of get them to cough up something, something valuable sometimes, you know?

Eric: Well, and some of that, I came to realize it, it’s, it’s almost stepping out of being an agent and being in the front yard and looking at, wow, this is what’s going on. I, I came to realize that, oh my goodness, like unexpectedly, a dozen people just broke down this person’s door and pointed guns and. There is, we, we have just shown the, the greatest amount of power that they’ve ever experienced.

So I am in control, and so I’m, I’m going to, I’m going to use that, I’m going to recognize that they are in this a jumbled mind fried situation. You, we, here we are, waking them from bed with lasers pointed at them, whatever it might be, and that is something that I can use. So as we’ve thrown them off, I, I don’t need to show I’m in power.

I don’t need to yell, I don’t need to make demands. We just, we just did that by breaking in your door or coming to you, grabbing you in the streets, you know, on your way to your car. We have just shown the power that’s there, and so I’m recognizing that and letting that underlying. Stream play through, right?

As we now conduct the interrogation. 

Zach: It’s almost like a built-in bad cop, good cop dynamic by the show of force almost gently. 

Eric: It is. And, and again, even if it’s, and I’ve arrested people this way of like just coming alongside them with a couple of us, grabbing them by the arm gently and saying, with the FBI, you’re under arrest.

Just that like again, you imagine coming outta targets and walk into your vehicle and somebody says, Hey, you’re under arrest. That it’s shattering. It’s, you’re just thinking, I can’t wait to eat these honey nut cheerios when I get home. And all of a sudden your life is different. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, does anything else, um, anything else come to mind for lesser known interrogation techniques?

You care to share

Eric: the I. One of the more significant things, as, as you and I have talked offline, is the basic, the basic way that an interrogation works. For the FBI typically is, uh, two people. Two agents or a task force officer, and an agent with one being the main interrogator, the main questioner. The other taking notes or just making observations, keeping a mental track of what avenue you’re going on, and then what we may have discussed prior that I’m getting away from that this, this secondary person can remember and bring back later.

But without interruption, letting one person just have that straight line of thought, if I’m doing this, I’m asking you this, then this, then this, knowing I’m trying to get to here and, and I’ve been there where. I start asking questions and the other person jumps in with a great idea, wonderful question, but has nothing to do with my line.

And now we’re off of that. And so just having one person do that interrogation while the other is there to keep tabs of where this is going. Maybe taking note where, oh, he says he had a blue Pontiac, we need to come back to that. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Eric: But letting the, the primary person go along the way. So that’s the setup.

It’s, um, we, we may do it videotaped in an office. We may most often do it in a kit in the subject’s kitchen, wherever we feel like we can get the, the best out of this. And it’s, it’s not the two-way glass. It’s not someone. Watching each little bit of behavior and, and considering what that means. It is really just a one-on-one with another person there to support without it being too much of a show of force to, um, make them ill at ease while they’re answering the questions too.

Zach: And speaking of working with the, the partner, you talked a bit about, uh, in the book you, you wrote about, um, some little signals you can have with your partner. For example, like the instance of your partner jumping in with a question you’d rather not have them jump in with you. Can you like put, you know, touch their, touch their knee or something like little signals, let ’em know, like, hey, hold off on that kind of thing.

And there’s some of those, those kind of communications that go on Right? 

Eric: There is a bit, for the most part, when I’m going to be primary interrogator, I’ve done homework, I have, I, I very literally almost have, um. A presentation ready where I have an idea of what route I’m taking. I’ve got the facts and I’ve got the idea.

And, and now I’m talking through that with my partner too. So, so we’re on board with each other ahead of time. And in this case, you know, my partner had jumped in and it was in a, in a situation where the subject was just, each time I’d ask a question would go, and it was long. And so my partner was jumping in, I placed my hand on his knee.

Uh, any other occasion if I had done that, they’re gonna send me to hr. But this time we’d worked it out that, Hey, let, let’s come back to the way we go. But we don’t have too many signals that, that we use along the way. 

Zach: Mm. 

Eric: It’s, it’s, it’s really very practical. Mm-hmm. So I hope people aren’t really bored as they were looking for amazing secrets from the FBI, because for the most part it’s, it’s really just.

Trying to win an audience with somebody. Mm-hmm. 

Zach: Rapport or getting them to talk, making suddenly them at ease. 

Eric: Yeah. I mean, it’s very manipulative, but on the surface it’s just the same thing that we’re doing right now and having a conversation and you don’t even realize I’ve gotten you to admit to so many things that you’d be 

Zach: Yeah, I, yeah.

I’m, I’m now, I’m, now I’m worried I’m gonna clam up. I’m gonna ask for my, uh, podcast attorney to join us. Um, so I, I, I was curious, one thing I’m curious about, um, I mean this ties into my behavior, nonverbal interests. It’s, it can be hard to get a handle on. Um, and I’m sure they don’t, you know, advertise this either, but I’m curious what the general, uh, principles and, and, uh, trainings are that, uh, FBI agents go through to learn about interrogation techniques.

And maybe it’s quite minimal. Maybe, maybe it’s mostly like you’re, you’re learning on the job and you know, learning it as you go and you’re learning directly from the people you work with to start and, but I’m, but, but I’m curious, are there recurring. Or a lot of upfront trainings related to like, here’s all these interrogation techniques.

We’re, we’re gonna teach you that kind of thing. 

Eric: At Quantico, they teach interrogation techniques, uh, much of it being rapport, building minimization, um, giving subjects and out like, oh, it it, you 

Zach: Right. You were, you were emotional. Uh, you, it’s understandable you were upset. These kinds 

Eric: of things. Yeah. Ab anything that allows them to say yes.

Zach: Right. 

Eric: But as you said, it is, it’s on the job. Um, any training that I got was from practice observation and then reading books on my own to, to consider, okay, this might be something useful to do. So someone who’s good will sit in as much as they can. With a senior agent to watch them and observe, take notes, even do an after action from that.

Why did you ask this? What was your thinking? Um, and I think the bureau is just fortunate that they hire good people who are fairly intelligent. And so by and large, just by circumstance, most of the folks who come in are pretty good at what they do. They have an ability to communicate anyway. Part of the process to hire involves a period of it.

It’s almost an interrogation of the applicant of, tell us a time you did this. And it’s 15 different questions of, give us an example when and if you can’t speak well to that, if you can’t think on your feet, then. You’re probably not getting hired. 

Zach: Mm. 

Eric: So much of it is just the experience that you’re gonna learn along the way.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Well, and I, I could be off base on this, but one thing that it strikes me in that, in that area is there’s theoretically an incentive to, for the FBI or any law enforcement agency, to not give too much hard and, uh, hard guidelines or hard requirements, uh, about these kinds of things because the more you make it a formal, kind of like, here, you must do this, this, and this, or you should do this, this, and this, it’s kind of harder to defend all those various rules.

And, and, uh, you, you, you can theoretically face more pushback. Like if, you know, the, the, if it gets leaked that, that these are the official trainings for interrogation, right. There’s theoretically more things you have to defend versus, you know, let’s let our agents, let’s let, let’s let our, um. Officers and agents learn from each other about what the, you know, most valuable techniques are and not be too, like these are all, you know, hard guidelines for how you should do it.

Um, but I, I could be off base on that, but it, it, it strikes me in terms of sometimes, sometimes there’s been these controversial things that get out about like, oh, they’re training on this, or they’re training on this. And it seems like the, the more you can reduce all the granular trainings, the, the less likely you are to face, you know, controversial, uh, you know, objections about what you’re doing basically.

Eric: Well, and you may be right, I’m haven’t been part of the decision making process, so I don’t know. But also it’s, it, it’s, it’s subjective, right? So if you gave me, this is what you need to do in an interrogation, but that doesn’t fit my personality, then well. What’s to say that this manner is the best. 

Zach: Right?

It is so much of it. So much of the, the granular things are, are, are subjective and it needs to fit. You need to be comfortable with it. To, to do it. Yeah. 

Eric: Absolutely. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Eric: Which, which goes to one of the discussions we had offline was dealing with, uh, deception. So whether I feel comfortable with deception, and this is one where I feel absolutely anybody, any police officer can lie as much as they want to, to get whatever they want from that lie.

I’ve never lied in an interrogation because if someone is lying to get somewhere, I, I simply wanna know, what value are you thinking you’re getting from this? So if that was part of what the FBI says, like emphasize reuses and deception to. Find out how people react. Well, as soon as I say Zach, we’ve got your DNA on the weapon and you know that we don’t 

Zach: Yeah, exactly.

Eric: Yeah. By something, I have no credibility. 

Zach: Right. 

Eric: Anything that I say, now, I, I’ve got a solid case against you. But now when I tell you, well, we got back the bank records and we can see money moving from this person to you, you’re like, how do I know that? Mm-hmm. So I’ve, I’ve never used deception because I can’t see the, the value I had.

We arrested a guy once when I was a new agent and another new agent told him that we had satellites trained on them, and that’s how we knew there was gonna be a drug deal. And I thought that is the stupidest, like, this guy’s gotta be very, very dumb to believe that we’ve got. Access to satellites and we care about some Latin King drunk dealer in Chicago.

Mm-hmm. And that struck me early, that if there’s value, I’ll do it 

Zach: right. 

Eric: But I’ve never come across a situation where I considered, yeah, it might be useful if I use some type of ruse in this situation. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, that’s a really good point. Yeah. You don’t know what they know. You don’t know how it’s gonna make you seem less credible depending on what they know.

I was curious how, what are your views of the, the polygraph and I mean, my, I I’ll say, I’ll say what my perception is. It mainly seems to be a, a tool used to, you know, for intimidation purposes because it’s not, you know, obviously not admissible in court.

But, uh, I’m curious for your take on it and maybe your take on how the views of polygraph have, have shifted over your years in the FBI. 

Eric: Well, I, I think you and I probably have the same idea of polygraphs. I just have seen it used successfully, o obviously because being on the inside. So polygraph is a regular tool that the FBI uses most often in, uh, child sexual abuse cases.

Because if we have an individual whos, uh, downloading child pornography, child sexual abuse material. We want to know if there has been hands-on events and we want to find victims. So I’ve seen the polygraph used many times and it’s, uh, I listened to your, uh, episode, um, talking about polygraphs and I liken polygraphs to they, they are a tool.

It’s, it’s like a gun. If I put the gun in the hand of an officer who is just and honest, then it is a tool to get bad people to comply. If I put the gun in the hand of an officer who is wild and corrupt and untrained, then it, it’s could be dangerous. So the FBI uses POLYGRAPHERS regularly. They’re well-trained and they are are best interrogators.

So they are tr trained well to interrogate 

Zach: Mm. 

Eric: But also they’ve got enhanced tools. So I can use this polygraph to give me a suggestion where you may be telling lies or trying to hide something and I’m gonna use that to root it out. And depending on how you, as the bad guy accept this, this might influence you.

Mm-hmm. I have seen, I arrested a man who had sexually abused a 13-year-old boy. We interviewed him at his house. He had continually denied any involvement. And then our polygrapher said, well, how about if you come downtown for a polygraph? And the next thing I know here he is admitting to things even the young boy had not told us.

So it, it can be very useful. And I definitely understand there’s situations where it has been used to abuse as well. Um, 

Zach: yeah. But it sounds like you, you, you, you would say it gets a, a bad rap, which is kind of my, I I’ve, I’ve often wondered that like it’s, you know, it’s really hard for me from the outside to know how it’s being used by practitioners and such, but I, I have often thought like I could, I could understand because it is, even if it’s far from a hundred percent reliable, obviously.

Eric: Yep. 

Zach: It’s, it, you you’re saying because it is accurate enough, um, you know, by and large, you know, it’s, it’s significantly above, um, you know, uh, random, uh, chance obviously. So the fact that it, a, it is fairly reliable to detect lies for general population and then even if it does, you know, get things wrong and that, but then b.

In concert with a skilled, uh, interrogator and practitioner, that it can be used as a useful tool to be like, Hey, uh, you, you, you, you should, you should, uh, allow for that. Let’s dig into that more. And they follow up. And so, yeah. I mean, I get your, I get your point and I can, I’ve often wondered that, ’cause it’s really hard for me to understand the, the nuance of how it’s being used.

’cause that’s a good, it’s a good point to hear your observation. Yeah. 

Eric: Well, for me it’s, um, I was not a sniper, uh, for our SWAT team, but I have shot a sniper rifle and if the sniper set me up and said, here you go, get down there, and you, it’s, it know, whatever, it’s all worked out. I can, I can hit targets as well as they can, but I don’t know how to do the complications and all the mathematics for it and how the rifle is set up.

So if you gave me a polygraph and I started working on you, you know, maybe I’d do okay, but without that training. That the polygraphers have, I, I know to trust our guys fairly well. Mm-hmm. That being said, I had a colleague who was coming through to apply to the FBI, very, very close person to me, and they failed, or they had questionable results on drug use.

And I said, I talked to the polygrapher and I said, what are the chances that you might’ve made a mistake here? He goes, maybe you don’t know your friend as well as you think. And I thought, no, I, I do. There’s zero chance this person has done drugs and you’ve made a mistake. So I know they, they don’t, they’re not perfect.

Zach: Right. 

Eric: So when you say getting a bad rap, I don’t think they get a bad rap. I think they get a fair rap. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: They’re just not as understood that here’s how they can be used with someone who is confident and not abusive. 

Zach: Right. Yeah. I think, and I, I, I’ve had a few of these conversations for the podcast where.

I, I think, uh, there can be overly pessimistic views about this or about, you know, the use of nonverbal behavior in law enforcement scenarios, because I think, I mean, I think the worst case scenarios are when someone uses the results of a polygraph or their vibe about somebody’s nonverbal behavior or something to reach like an, an extremely certain conclusion.

But if you’re only using that as a tool to investigate further and you know that, you know, these things are just tools that can be fallible, then you’re not, then you’re avoiding the, the bad things because you’re, you’re using them and, and being like, well, if you’re, you know, if you’re using a polygraph to interrogate, you know, somebody who may have molested children or, or whatever, uh, if you’re getting information out of them, that, that you can then verify is correct, and that is, that is a good use of it.

And, and, and it was a meaningful. Use of it, but you know, on, on the, on the opposite end of if you’re using it to like, reach overly certain conclusions that then go in the face of evidence, that’s a bad use of it. Right. But just to say it’s a, like a lot of things, it’s a, it’s a nuanced area. Yeah. 

Eric: Well, and this is much like your question about, uh, why do bad people sit down to speak with officers post-arrest?

Why are they willing to talk if I’m polygraphing you and I say, it looks here like you’re lying and I have a very good friend who’s a polygrapher. Like, if you wanna stick to it and go, I’m not lying. Okay. 

Zach: Yeah. That’s kind of the end of it. Yeah. 

Eric: That’s the end of it. Yeah. Like, I can’t put that in. I, I, I, I can’t charge you with that.

So, right. If, if I wanna lie on a polygraph and you call me on it, I’ll just go, Nope. Tell ’em the truth. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And we can sit there as long as we want. Yeah. Or, 

Zach: but if they, if they start volunteering information, then yeah. That’s then, so, you know, that’s great. Yeah, 

Eric: absolutely. 

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s a good, it’s a good point because yeah.

I, it’s a, it’s a nuance I think is often lost with a lot of things. There’s so many binary views of, of things these days in general. Yeah. Um, so yeah. Let, I was gonna ask you, um, uh, sorry, I’m looking at my notes here. Um, I had an idea, I’m try to remember what I was gonna say.

Well, maybe we can, uh, maybe we can pivot to the, the nonverbal behavior aspect. I mean, that’s one, been one focus of my show and especially the last year or so, I’ve, I’ve been more focused on a lot of the, um. Exaggerated or just plain wrong information about behavior that, um, sometimes is used in law enforcement, but then also is just the source of a lot of, um, you know, general life advice things about how to use or exploit, uh, nonverbal behavior.

So I’m, I’m curious, uh, can you think of, uh, you know, what, what are your, what are your views on that area in the law enforcement space? Are there, are there times that, you know, you, you’ve, you’ve based major decisions on things in the nonverbal body language sphere? 

Eric: Boy, I, I would think anybody who bases major decisions on body language is making a huge mistake.

So I have never run into. An FBI agent who has said that they use that. It’s not to say that some don’t, but I’ve never met one. I’ve never done it myself. As, as I set up the interrogation scenario for you. It’s me. I’m a primary interrogator, and then my colleague who is scribbling notes and trying to remember things.

There’s no space for in the moment watching what’s going on. Moreover, if I can’t testify to it or put it in an affidavit, it just has zero value. I, I won’t say zero value. It has very small value, so I cannot write in an affidavit when asked, did you kill your wife? He looked down into the left. That, that doesn’t do that.

Doesn’t do anything. If, if at all, if there’s anything, it would be something I just tuck back and think, well, let me come back to that. ’cause that was a little odd that he did that. I had a, uh, friend in college who was a super nice guy, and we would talk, and whenever he talked, like he’ll, I’ll talk to him and he’ll look at me.

But as soon as he started talking, he never gave eye contact. It was a, it was an odd tick that he had, but he would never give eye contact when he was talking to anyone. And God forbid, something terrible happens to his wife where she dies strangely, because that guy is gonna be a suspect. But I, I don’t know your life.

I like, maybe I would trust that I know how my wife reacts to questions, but body movements. Micro movements, I would never trust, I would trust much more, uh, verbal and trying to keep a sense of that. For example, I asked an individual once, like, uh, have you ever done this? And their answer was, I typically do this, this, and that, which didn’t answer the question.

So trying to tell the truth, which is, yes, I typically do this, but your question about this event, I didn’t. But it is true that I typically do that instead watching, listening for those rather than micro signs mm-hmm. Of behavior. There’s no space for it. 

Zach: Yeah. I mean, and and by verbal you mean the content of what the actual communication people are saying?

I mean, that’s, that’s what I, when people have asked me, because I. Because I do this podcast because I’m interested in, I’ve done work on poker tells. I often get people asking me, oh, what nonverbal body language stuff should I focus on in everyday life? And I, my general answer is, you shouldn’t really focus on that.

You should focus on what people are actually saying because what people actually say, I think it’s very different in games and sports because there’s like little clues you can pick up and it’s a very formalized environment, but in real world non-game scenarios, my stuck answer is exactly what you related to what you said, where it’s like you’d be much better off spending your mental efforts thinking about what people say and what they don’t say.

Yes. Like are they avoiding the question? Are they, did they not answer what you asked? Or do they seem to do, do things not add up at this meta level for their stories? You know? So just to say that there’s a, an abundance of information there and then you have like all this ambiguity and variety and the body language would, so to me it’s like to spend.

A significant amount of time on the body language is just a huge mistake in any kind of high stakes situation. Real world, non non-game, I mean, yeah. 

Eric: Well, well even take it to game, obviously in poker it’s all about lying, but, and trying to hide things from your opponents, but to what degree, even if you feel like you have a pretty good idea of poker tells, and you have a half million dollars to bet on this, do you really trust it that well, and, and then it comes to objective facts, which is this person may be lying, but their hand is still better than yours, so mm-hmm.

Tho those little, yeah. There 

Zach: can be a lot of ambiguity even. And, and to be clear, like, yeah, I would agree because in my, in my work, I often emphasize that there’s a lot of ambiguity and you might only use a poker towel to sway a decision in like a couple times in like an eight hour session or something.

Zach: A quick note here: I have a lot of thoughts on why nonverbal behavior is much more useful in game scenarios than in real-world, non-game scenarios. I see them as entirely different scenarios for a few reasons – one reason is that there are much more granular, discrete actions and goals in games (for example, physically trying to score a goal, or making a bet) whereas those discrete events are not present in non-game, real-world scenarios. Also, because many game-scenarios are often so close in terms of advantage, even a small clue, even if far from 100% reliable, can bring an advantage; and that has little correlation to non-game scenarios. Also, contrary to what Eric said here, in poker there is no lying; a bluff is not the same as a lie; and getting a clue to whether someone is bluffing or not is not about deception detection but just about sensing variations in relaxation and tension and such. The various differences present are why I think behavioral information is much more actionable in games and sports, and yet mostly non-actionable in non-game scenarios. I’ll probably soon do an episode and write-up about my thoughts on that. I talked about that in a previous episode from 2025 with deception detection researcher Tim Levine, if you wanted to hear more thoughts on that. But, to Eric’s point here; yes, behavior even in game and sports scenarios is still often still quite hard to read; there is still a lot of ambiguity; that is something I stress in my own poker tells work; and that fact is especially true the more experienced the player is. But it’s also true that making practical use of such things is just much much more hard in non-game, real-world scenarios than it is in games. And while I’m on subject I’ll mention that I wrote a book titled Verbal Poker Tells, and I think that verbal aspects, the things people actually say in poker or other games, are also just so much more meaningful and reliable as clues than nonverbal aspects; so that’s true across the board.  Ok i’ll get off my poker tells high horse now and get back to the talk…

Eric: Well, and, I’ve seen for example, uh, Chris Watts who had killed his family in Colorado, and people go back to the video and say, look at this, see how he’s not crying?

And, and, and, and his is kind of a bad example ’cause it’s, it’s fairly egregious and you can see Yeah, that’s, that’s pretty bad. And yet they still had to get a confession. Just looking like you’re guilty doesn’t help. But I don’t know Chris Watts, I don’t, I don’t know how somebody deals with a tragedy like that.

I don’t know. Why are you not crying? I, 

Zach: and I, and I would say for, I 

Eric: would cry, 

Zach: I would say for Chris Watts. I mean that, that’s a good thing to bring up because I actually did, you know, speaking of like verbal. Patterns. I actually wrote a piece on Chris Watts about the, the verbal, like what he actually said.

But, and, and I think it can be hard to separate those two things from the non-verbal behavior because you watch, you watch somebody like Chris Watt, which as you say was, I, I think, I also think it’s a rather egregious behavior when you, uh, when you add up all of the things, right? When you add up the, the, the way he reacted in various spots, you add up the things he said at a meta level.

I think, I think it, it, it can be hard to separate the, um, the nonverbal from like what act, the, the meta level things of how people are responding, what they say. Uh, so just to say, I, I think it can be hard. A lot of people might be like, oh, he, this person acted strangely in some nonverbal way. But if you took away, like, did they really act strangely?

Like if, if you had replaced what they said with more reasonable. Things would you have really drawn attention to the nonverbal. Right. So that’s just to say, I, I, I think it can be hard to separate those fears, which, which helps explain I think why some law enforcement or other people might watch an interrogation, uh, footage or do an interrogation.

They’re like, he’s acting weird. But it’s like, I I Is the weird part about the nonverbal, or is it mainly about the, the ways somebody’s responding. Right. It’s like, yeah. It’s, it’s hard to separate sometimes. 

Eric: Well, and so here’s a case with Chris Watts and the investigators still have to find the bodies, get a confession.

So, you know, and his girlfriend, you know, tells thing, so Right. They still need the 

Zach: information. Yeah. You 

Eric: still need to prove, 

Zach: you still 

Eric: to 

Zach: prove it. Right. 

Eric: And it, it, it’s a, it’s a bad example ’cause he’s the husband and that’s always the first you look at. But if he was the neighbor and you look at that like you, an investigator can’t make that.

So strong of an influence that now I, I’ve blocked out other possibilities. I’m so biased that this is my guy. ’cause look at that, that I’m ignoring or dismissing other evidence along the way. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Because I, I mean, I, oh, go ahead. Yeah. 

Eric: Well, to your question about like, so law enforcement, behavioral analysis and listening to the words is one thing, but even bringing this up as to going on a date and trying to read people or your boss, it’s, it’s so negative.

So in law enforcement, I’m, I’m trying to determine if this person is a killer, if this person’s a drug dealer, if they’ve stolen money, I think people tell the truth. So if I’m trying to read you as we talk, why, why am I, why am I so. Cynical that I want to see if you’re lying to me or what your true intentions are.

If I wanna see what your true intentions are, I’d say, Hey, Zach, you mentioned this. Can you tell me more about it? Hey, look at that. Look at that. Some 

Zach: actual, some actual words to analyze. Right, 

Eric: right, right. 

Zach: Yeah, you were a 

Eric: little vague. Can you expand on that? 

Zach: Right, totally. No, that, that’s where it gets into, like, don’t, don’t waste your efforts delving into that stuff.

Focus on asking questions and interpreting responses. Right. Like, yeah. Um, and to your point too about the, you know, the Chris Watt thing, it’s like, uh, like it’s, it’s basically never gonna happen where you’re gonna base a major decision in a law enforcement scenario based on some nonverbal stuff. Like, usually if in the cases where you think somebody is acting weird in some nonverbal, you know, body language way, I, I would say.

Almost all the time you have some sort of evidence to act on, like you there, there’s a story not adding up or you have some physical evidence or whatever it may be like. So the idea that yeah, like you said, you have to get the evidence and, and usually you’re gonna have more to, a lot more to go on than any sort of body language thing.

So yeah. 

Eric: At at the very best it is a, it’s a clue. It’s, 

Zach: yeah. It, it inter it can be interesting. 

Eric: Sure. And, and the, the one example I can ever think of where body language played into a discussion I was having, we had an investigation into John Burge who was a police commander in Chicago in the seventies and eighties.

And he and those with him were accused of regularly torturing subjects, almost exclusively black males. So we had one of the subject victims who told about how. Burge and his men beat him, got a confession, and then took a picture of him in a lineup. After that, he then spoke to the Cook County prosecutor, who then took down his confession as was the process, and I asked him, is there any way that this prosecutor could not have noticed your condition?

He said, absolutely not. I could hardly stand. I was bleeding. I was clearly beaten. So we had a photograph of a photograph of a photograph of him in a lineup, and the Assistant United States attorney and I then flew to speak with this former Cook County prosecutor, who at the time was working in the Department of Justice Civil Rights Division, ironically, and when we confronted him, showed him the picture.

And I asked him if he remembered this. He was holding up the, the, the fo he was hiding behind it. 

Zach: Mm. 

Eric: He wasn’t looking at it. He was hiding behind it and very clearly was lying to us. 

Zach: Mm. 

Eric: And then we walked away and that was it. Because I can’t charge you with hiding behind a picture. 

Zach: Right. You can’t charge Yeah.

You can’t charge somebody with just reacting in some suspicious way to something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well that, that, that’s a good segue to, I mean, I recently reread Joe Navarro’s book, um, what everybody, what Everybody is saying, and he’s a former FBI agent, but I reread it with a focus on, you know, what are the things in this book that are actually practically useful.

And, um, he starts, and I’ll say. I found very little in the book that I would think would be practically useful. There was only not even that many examples from law enforcement. Um, like I, things I would actually like sway a decision in, in law enforcement, even in that book. But he, the, the, the things that stood out as being theoretically the most useful or practically useful were the, were this idea similar to what you said, where Joe, uh, or maybe it was other, somebody else going through a list of items to a suspect where the first thing he opens his book with is going through a list of murder weapons and getting a nonverbal reaction to a specific murder weapon.

And then there’s another example he gives later in the book of going through a list of associates and seeing someone react to a specific one. Uh, but I would think, I mean, I, I, I’m skeptical. As to how useful that is in practice for the reason you mentioned. It’s like if they don’t, if they don’t continue talking, there’s, there’s nothing you can do.

And then b how useful is that anyway? I I, I would predict that if you actually studied that with a lot of people, you might get a lot of false positives, especially if you’re talking more subtle behaviors. Like your example was quite, it sounded like it was quite extreme, but just to say, and then another reason I’m skeptical is like, if that was so valuable, I would think it would be trained as a technique in the FBI and you would’ve heard about that kind of like, well, let’s go through a list of items and see how people react to get information.

But I’m curious, yeah. What, what are your thoughts on all, everything I just said there? 

Eric: Yeah. So the only thing I would say, so if I show you a murder weapon and you respond oddly again, that’s just a cue to me. Mm-hmm. So now all the rest of it is Zach. Uh, I noticed you flinched when I showed you that. Tell me why that might be.

And, and you could lie to me and I can, but it’s, it’s still gonna be verbal. I’m gonna come back and I’m gonna drill down. Uh, 

Zach: right. 

Eric: One of the things that often police officers are, are taught is the read technique. And I sat in on a read class when I was probably one year in the bureau just to learn some investigative techniques, and their methods are to start with a factual basis.

And then second is behavioral analysis, which is just god awful because I, I’m not a human lie detector though anything that comes through with that I really shouldn’t put any weight on. But then everything that follows there is like setting a pattern for my interrogation, dismissing your denials. And, and this is if I believe you two, possibly or likely be the subject.

But if I dismiss your denials or your claims of innocence, I’m missing out on what might be useful. 

Zach: Hmm. 

Eric: So if I say, Zach, I believe you killed your neighbor on December 8th, and you say, no, no, I, I didn’t. And I, and I stop you, and I don’t listen. Well, if you tell me, well, I was at the Steelers game and I’ve got ticket stubs, and I took pictures on my phone that has metadata.

Like, well, okay, well that’s gonna help me instead of shutting you down repeatedly. And if you, if I shut you down and I don’t listen, and we don’t have the conversation, if you, if you say I’m not guilty, and I say You are guilty, and here’s why. But if you say, I’m not guilty, and I let you, and I say, well, please explain to me why you’re not guilty and I’m open, I’m curious, rather than shutting down, you say.

Well, I’m not guilty because he came at me first with a knife. Well, now I have you admitting to it, but we can let a jury determine whether or not you are guilty. But the idea of shutting people down of using these behavioral techniques to lock into a belief are gonna get you down the wrong path. And I’ll emphasize one more time.

The, the, the openness and the curiosity and the listening, that’s the method that I’m going to get. I’m gonna get good information from, even if you start lying to me, I’m getting good information. 

Zach: Yeah. The, um, made me think of, you know, the example in Joe Navarro’s book of going through like the list of murder weapons.

And then as you say. Getting any value on that Depends on if that person will really follow up and talk. So it almost seems like if you were gonna use that method, you might as well just like fake it and read them a list of murder weapons and be like, and, and just claim to have seen something which is getting into the highly deceptive, you know, losing uh, 

Eric: right 

Zach: report territory.

If you were just gonna be like, oh, I saw you react when I said candle. You know, when I read candlestick, like if they’re guilty, maybe they’ll give you something. Um, but then you all, then you risk, you know, losing rapport in such way if you, if you do that, you know, wrongly, or, or, or, or, you know, I, I guess it all depends on, it seems like a lot of it can tie down to like, is this a person that’s going to easily break under interrogation in the first place, you know?

Eric: Yeah. Well, and, and, and I don’t want that either. The difference is, again, with the FBII, I. I had a defense attorney question me once. He said, you, you were telling witnesses that my subject was guilty. I was on the stand for this before he was even charged. And I said, yeah, I don’t investigate people that I don’t think are guilty.

If I find out they’re not guilty, I stop investigating him. So coming into this, I, I have an advantage where I pretty much know that you are guilty. Um, that allows me, I 

mean, 

Zach: especially in the FBI as you’re 

Eric: right. 

Zach: You know, you not compared to general law enforcement. Yeah. Yeah. 

Eric: And that allows me to maybe lock in more to these, this isn’t true, you’re lying to me.

But if, if I’m just out there throwing things out, now the problem is I, I’m biasing the path I’m going on. If, if I’m not curious and open and I’ve locked into, I’m gonna get a confession out of you. I might. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And then it might be false. And that should be the last thing. That I want. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Were there, um, I know you had mentioned the Reed Technique trainings in the FBI.

Is that something you’ve seen change over the years? Um, ’cause I know, you know, there’s been more criticisms of things in the reed technique area. I’m just curious, have you seen that change over the years? 

Eric: Uh, I don’t know that I really say I’ve seen a change, but when I was offered this opportunity in the Chicago Field Division, it was maybe 2003 or four.

And I’ve never come across another opportunity. It’s not one that I pay attention to. So it might be something they’ve gotten away from, there’ve been a lot more criticism about it since then. What we have seen is, uh, the FBI developed what’s called a fly team. And so these are agents who fly to different locations to interview high value subjects who’ve been captured.

And they have methods that they’ve gone through that, uh, are along the lines of ISOM and rapport building and empathy and openness. It’s, it’s like these guys really should start their own dating app because everything about the FBI investigative tools are the same kind of things you’re trying to win a date over for.

I am curious about what you have to say rather than shutting you down, which is contrary to the read. I am letting you talk instead of controlling the conversation. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: I am, uh, giving you the appearance of, um. Agency where I ask you to sit where you want, and um, I speak to you in terms that show that I care.

Like, that must have been difficult growing up that way. I can imagine that would be hard. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Eric: So all of this, it’s the same thing that I do if I’m on a date and I’m trying to impress somebody. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Eric: And, and that’s manipulative too. So this also is, but it’s to bring the person to a comfortable level where they feel like they can make a confession.

If, if I get to a place where you feel comfortable enough that you want to tell me what’s true, that’s what I’m looking for. Mm-hmm. 

Zach: That. 

Eric: Ultimately, you don’t think we’re at odds? I’ve given you a great opportunity to get things off your chest or to make things right? 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And not only is it more effective, you, you don’t have the perception or, you know, it’s very unlikely you run into false confessions in that type of en environment too, so, 

Eric: right.

Categories
podcast

Some object to polarization-reduction efforts: What are they missing?

This is a talk with Doug Teschner and Beth Malow—co-authors of the book Beyond the Politics of Contempt—about an aspect of bridge-building/depolarization-aimed work that rarely gets discussed: the backlash. We dig into the criticisms and skepticism that people on both “sides” throw at depolarization/bridge-building efforts—claims that it’s naive, weak, morally compromised, or even a form of complicity with the “bad guys.” We talk about why contempt can feel justified and righteous, how protest and resistance can unintentionally fuel us-vs-them cycles, and why simply “listening” is often seen as legitimizing harmful views. If you’ve ever thought “that empathetic bridge-building stuff all sounds nice, but now isn’t the time”—or if you’ve rolled your eyes at such work altogether—there’s a good chance this conversation addresses some objections you have. 

Episode links:

Related resources:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcripts are automatic and do contain errors.)

Doug: I do post about the book and some of our ideas in the book and the work of Braver Angels and yeah, I’ve had some family members come on and make some really nasty comments…

I had a comment that, uh. For instance, the other day that contempt is better than complicity. Mm-hmm. So the implication is that somehow, uh, it’s okay for me to have contempt, because otherwise I’m accepting what other people say is, you know, I’m giving into them…

That was from a talk I had with Doug Teschner and Beth Malow, co-authors of a book aimed at reducing toxic political polarization, which is titled Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times. You can learn about their work at https://beyondthepoliticsofcontempt.com/ and they have a substack at TogetherNow.substack.com . You can read some reviews of their book on Amazon; it’s been getting a good number of sales and reviews. https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Politics-Contempt-Practical-Relationships-ebook/dp/B0FMYSXN1Z 

If you didn’t know, I myself have written a couple books about polarization, which you can learn about at american-anger.com. That’s why I sometimes discuss polarization-related topics for this podcast. 

For this talk with Doug and Beth about their book and work, I wanted to take an approach that might make it more engaging for some people. As someone who has talked about this topic a good amount, i’m always worried that people will think “i’ve already heard this before.” So for this talk, I focused on the pushback and criticism those of us doing this work can receive from people on both quote “sides”. And some of these criticisms we’ll talk about there’s a good chance you yourself have (believe me, even just a few years ago, I would have had many objections and criticisms of this work). So if you are skeptical or critical of this work, i hope you stick around and listen a bit. For example, if you’re someone very scared about what Trump’s doing and you think ‘I don’t see how I could be a part of this, with the fears and concerns I have,’ I think you’ll find some answers to that in this episode. 

I’d also add that my own books on this topic are specifically focused on objections; I start my books with a list of objections that many people on both quote “sides” have; even as they may word those objections in very different ways. 

A little bit about my guests: 

Doug Teschner ran the Peace Corps in Ukraine and led a community education effort to end the Ebola epidemic in Guinea. As Braver Angels New England Regional Leader, he led the effort that led to the creation of a bipartisan caucus in the NH House of Representative where he previously served as a GOP legislator.

Beth Malow is a neurologist and science/health communicator working in public health and climate change and has given a TEDx talk, The Art of Communicating Science. Beth has appeared on NPR-1A, PBS Newshour, and other news outlets. She moderates workshops and debates for Braver Angels, the bipartisan non-profit grassroots organization focused on uniting Americans in our divided time.

Okay here’s the talk with Beth Malow and Doug Teschner, co-authors, along with Becky Robinson, of Beyond The Politics of Contempt.

Hi, Beth and Doug. Thanks for joining me. 

Beth Malow: We’re happy to be here. 

Doug Teschner: Delighted. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. So I thought, uh, you know, honestly, I, I think a lot of the talks about polarization can be a, a little boring and, uh, repetitive, especially as I’ve done a good amount of them for my own podcast. So I think my, my own audience can be.

A little bored of hearing about it. So I thought for this talk we could delve into something a little bit more, you know, controversial and exciting, and, and talk about the pushback and the skepticism that you and and I and others doing this work sometimes hear from people who are skeptical or outright hostile to the idea of reducing, uh, toxic polarization and, and contempt and such.

So, um. Maybe with that, uh, with that focus, we can start with, you know, how do, how do you all in, in a nutshell, if you were trying to describe what you were trying to get people to do at a practical level, um, in like a few sentences with your work, uh, what, how would you describe it? And, and maybe I’ll, I’ll go first real quick in a, in a real quick, high level.

Approach. I think what I’m trying to do is, is basically just get people to see how there is a self-reinforcing cycle of conflict going on and to even as they’re doing their activism and even as they’re being. Quite angry and pushing hard against various things. They don’t like to see how they can unintentionally feed into that toxic conflict cycle and try to try the best they can to avoid unnecessarily ramping up toxic conflict and contempt and such.

Because it’s a self-reinforcing cycle. So that’s kinda like the high level view. But I’m, and maybe I’ll kick that off and, and pass it to one of you to talk about, you know, what is it you want people to do with, you know, the, the work that the, the book that you’ve written and other, the similar work that you’re doing.

Beth Malow: Why don’t you, why don’t you get started and I’ll add, 

Doug Teschner: um, you know, I think we’re trying to give people, when, when we really drill into it, we’re trying to give people some hope. You know, people, there’s a lot of despair, there’s a lot of anxiety, there’s a lot of, of, uh, anger. Uh, and, and, and, and what, what can people be do that’s gonna be constructive?

I mean, I think that’s when what we’re trying to do. So we’re trying to create a hopeful roadmap for Americans trying to make sense in this dark moment. And the goal was really to transform the politics of fear and contempt into the politics of hope. And, and we think of it as multiple levels. You know, we begin by, uh, thinking how to better our lives, which is kind of what, what, what you were referencing.

We talk a lot about relationships and bettering our relationships and our conversations over the holidays with local Fred and as well as our communities and, and our country, but we think it can start from the ground with our own little actions that can make a difference. 

Beth Malow: Yeah. I, I just wanted to add and maybe elaborate on your specific questions, Zach, about the.

Idea that when we protest or uh, resist that it can add an element that of that anger and that contempt that can then cause others on the other side maybe to react and then you start getting into this us versus them. I, I, I definitely view myself as predominantly a bridge builder as, as does Doug, and I think that really motivated us to write this book.

However, I’ve learned through, um, my interactions with a lot of different people since the book came out. And being a liberal myself, um, leaning more to the left, I, I, I definitely see. The the anger, and I think it’s important for bridge builders like us to realize that it’s hard when people feel that the world is on fire, right?

That the world is burning down to. Understand the work we’re doing and, and, and embrace some of what Doug is saying and, and what you write about so eloquently in your book. And, and what I truly believe in my heart, which is that if we’re gonna get the fire to go out, if we’re gonna stop the fire, we need to start with hope.

We need to start with civility. We need to start with dignity and respect. Uh, so what I’ve tried to be do is become really curious, uh, and really try to listen, uh, and understand people who are really upset and really angry, and give them the same level of curiosity that I give some of my friends on the right, you know, who, uh, I sometimes feel, um.

Like I am, I’m really stepping out and, and being respectful of them, even if I don’t agree with their policies and, and just affording that to, to people on the left as well, because I think we’re all, as Doug says, we’re all looking for hope. We’re all trying to make this a better world. And when we get at our values.

We often find we have the same values. It’s just our ways of expressing them can be different. And, and, and Doug, I love how much you emphasized values in the, um, the first draft of the book. That, that truly made me wanna join you as a co-author. 

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Yeah, I think, uh, oh, go ahead. 

Doug Teschner: I would just add to that, that, you know, we are asking pe people to take a, take a look inside themselves and, and their own and take a look at your heart and, and, and, and it has to come now, start from there.

I mean, the, the, you know, we talk about the conflict entrepreneurs who are the people that are driving a lot of this division, but we don’t wanna be conflict enablers, which is to, to contribute to that. I think a lot of this that we talked about is, is how do we step back and, and, and take a little look at our own behavior and not, not only in terms of are we contributing, uh, but are we, how are we feeling about it?

You know, how are we, people get so caught up on their cell phones and doom scrolling and. Is this really working for people? So, so I, as I, as I, and we started off talk, writing the book making about how can we change our country, but, you know, how can we coverage people to be, uh, to, to get involved, uh, like we do with Braver Angels, the national organization that we’re involved with as volunteers, but we think it’s really has to start with a little stepping back.

A little, a little more, uh, what can we do to help you with, with Uncle Fred or with, or at Thanksgiving or the holiday dinner, or, or what can we do to make you feel a little better about yourself as you’re dealing with this, uh, uh, this challenging times in our country? 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. I think, um, I, I was gonna ask you all, um, you know, I, I’ve gotten so much.

Pushback and just outright hostility doing this work. And I think, I think it is, it is important to delve into that. I think. I think sometimes it can, you know, by addressing that. Addressing that head on can be important, I think, because as you say, yeah, so many people do have these skepticisms because I think a lot of that skepticism and hostility is due to misunderstanding what the work is about, I think, um, and also just the fundamental aspects of how conflict works makes people skeptical of attempts to reduce the conflict.

But I, but I wanted to ask you both, uh, do, do you have stories that come to mind of, of, uh, instances where you got. Some hostility about this work and even places where you were surprised to find that pushback and hostility. Do you have any stories to share? Uh, maybe in person or just. Online comments or things like that that come to mind?

Beth Malow: I think Doug has some Facebook to share. I don’t know if you, 

Doug Teschner: I’ve had, I’ve had, um, family on both sides of the issue and, and, and some of them have gone at each other. But, um, you know, and, and sometimes, sometimes I know, I, I think, I think politics on Facebook and social media. Mostly, uh, unwarranted and I really try to avoid it, but I do post about the book and some of our ideas in the book and the work of Brave Angels and yeah, I’ve had some family members come on and make some really nasty comments.

Um, and you know, I had a comment. I had a comment that, uh. For instance, the other day that, uh, con contempt is, uh, better than complicity. Mm-hmm. So the implication is that somehow, uh, it’s okay for me to have a lot, have a contempt, because otherwise I’m, I’m, I’m accepting what other people say is, is, you know, I’m, I’m giving into them.

And we’ve had a lot of conversations with people where, where they’re saying things like, um, I can’t talk to them because I don’t wanna. I, by talking to them, I’m gonna be somehow acknowledging that I, that they have the right facts. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Right. You’re, yeah, there’s, there’s a, there’s a sense that you’re.

Enabling or helping people in a way by engaging with them, 

Doug Teschner: having a conversation with somebody, you’re actually enabling them. 

Zach Elwood: Right? 

Doug Teschner: And, and so this just pushes people away. And, and, and, and I, and I, you know, I think we’ve gotta create a climate where people feel. By doing that, aren’t you just reinforcing the problem?

Mm-hmm. Because you’re, you’re by, by pushing people away saying, I’m not gonna talk to you. Then, then they’re just, they’re just, you know, buying this, this, this, the idea that you, you, you’re shame, you’re treating them with shame, right. And, and 

Zach Elwood: contempt leads to contempt. It’s a 

Doug Teschner: Exactly, and, and, uh, now, but the, the, the key is how do we do it in a gentle way and how do we do it to win people over?

And how do we do it in a way that’s, that’s, um, uh, you know, how do you connect with people who are who, who feel this way? And, and you know, it’s just little conversations and, and, and, and, and you’re not gonna get to, you’re not gonna reach everybody, unfortunately. I mean, we talk about, uh, a lot in the, in the book about the Hidden Tribes report, uh, the exhaustive majority that talks about how they put people in different categories.

And this was done by a study, by, uh. Um, more in common 

Beth Malow: Hawkins, 

Stephen 

Doug Teschner: Hawkins. Stephen Hawkins is the leader of this, of this study. And, and, um, you know, the, what, what happens is the people on the extremes are kind of dominating or the, when I say the extremes are the most, the most, the most passionate people about this are the ones that are driving the agenda.

But there’s a, a majority of the country that are kind of looking at this and seeing. You know, some know that something’s wrong, that something, this isn’t working very well. And so we have, we have to start with the exhaustive majority, kind of get them to, uh, to sort of rise up and say, wait a minute, we, we, we don’t want this.

And the people on the extremes are, are more challenging. I mean, there’s no question about it, but we, we still gotta work at it. But, you know, I just try to keep. I, I keep, I don’t see social media as a, as a very, very positive way to engage. So I don’t engage in those conversations, but I try to have a, a personal conversation when we’re, when we’re, uh, uh, in, especially in the same space, uh, with people as opposed to, uh, uh, any kind of, any social media isn’t gonna work.

I don’t think email would work very well. Maybe a phone conversation. But, uh, these, these conversations are hard and sometimes if people, people are just, are digging in it, it doesn’t create a lot of, uh, a lot of opening and you kind of have to accept that. 

Beth Malow: Yeah. I wanted to add a story. Uh, it’s in our book.

It’s on page 42 and, um. I’ll, I’ll just, I won’t read the whole story, but I’ll just, I’ll just um, mention a few things. It starts with, after the 2024 election, many of my friends and family members could not understand how President Trump had won the election, especially the popular vote. They considered anyone who voted for him to be misguided at best, and I saw it differently with the economy and immigration and other issues playing an important role.

And when I tried to explain to my friends on the left that some of the people I talked with who voted for Trump were actually thoughtful, kind and respectful. I didn’t get anger, but what I got was this, it’s wonderful that you’re so nice, right? Right. That you’re naive, you’re nice. And there are moral issues at play here.

You know, we’re on a higher moral ground. And it was very painful for me, uh, because I really did and do feel that, uh, people have different opinions and, uh, the higher moral ground has always, I’ve always struggled with it. I’m Jewish and I’ve had Jewish friends say to me, well, this is just like the 1930s with the rise of Hitler.

And it’s really been hard for me, uh, with my friends. To counteract that. Um, but what I’m trying to do as a true bridge builder, I really wanna, wanna step up to that, um, that distinction is, is try to cross a bridge and talk to my friends on the left and try to understand where they’re coming from and sometimes.

If I can listen to them and use the same skills that I used with people on the right it, I do break through and then I agree with Doug. Like then I’ll invoke, for example, the conflict entrepreneurs and say, look, it’s not that everyone on the right or everyone voted for Trump or whatever is necessarily divisive.

Some people just. Had other reasons and, um, just trying to let people also see how easy it is for people on the right and on the left to be dated by the conflict entrepreneurs and social media. I mean, I I not only hear it on, um, conservative talk shows, but on liberal talk shows as well. Um, I, I hear these.

Uh, I mean, I’ll just start getting riled up myself, right? Mm-hmm. When I listen yeah. To some of these shows, and it’s not on one side or on the other. It’s, it’s truly on both sides. And, um, it’s, uh, it’s not everyone, but it’s, it’s enough that people, uh, get baited by it. 

Doug Teschner: Yeah, we people in categories, us versus them.

Beth Malow: Mm-hmm. 

Doug Teschner: But we don’t even know what them is, you know? I mean, humans are, is people, individuals. You know, we make assumptions about people, we make assumptions about how they voted. And, you know, everybody has a story to tell. You know, it’s quick. We’re all quick to make assumptions. Somebody walks in the room and you look at, you sort of look ’em over how they’re dressed, whatever.

You kind of, it, it’s natural, but I think, I think for all of us to be really, and I, I try to be really, uh, aware. Of when I’m making a lot of assumptions. I is this, is this, is this really fair to, to other people? Are they, what, what are the assumptions they’re making about me? And, and, and so this us versus them and, and, and if we can’t talk to them.

How are we even gonna know what they believe? You know, people are so siloed nowadays or, and sorted and geo geographically, and, and even though we have a lot of Facebook friends, they all think like us, you know, or, or there’s more and more of that and, and, and, um, so people are really in bubbles and it’s, it’s very concerning.

Uh, when we, we find ourselves in this kind of, uh, a, uh, mentality. And then as, as Beth said, we’ve gotta do a little pushback on our own side a little bit, which this is, this is kind of critical that, that, you know, if you don’t stay in your own lane and you start questioning some of what you, you, your people believe that, that you can end up sort of out in the middle with no, with no, uh, no, no alliances at that.

And it’s, it’s kind of a scary. I 

Beth Malow: touch on one more thing if I can, Zach, which is that that different set of facts that, that Doug alluded to. ’cause this comes up a lot when we talk about the book, when we do our workshops with braver Angels, is people say, I get it. I wanna speak to people on the other side.

I understand the importance of speaking to my sister, whatever. Um, but how do I talk to people who are operating with a completely different set of facts? And one of the things that Doug and I have, have started talking about is well dig deeper, right? Dig deeper into the values. Uh, for example, Doug and I were, um, you know, we were, I was doing, actually, I was doing a workshop on COVID during COVID.

I, I brought people who believed in the public health response and that it was generally good. With people who were questioning it. And, um, you know, we on the public health side had a whole list of, of recommendations about vaccines and masking and whatever, and on the app. On the questioner side, they really wanted to talk about Iber, ivermectin and, and, and other therapies.

And what we ended up doing that was very powerful is talking about what we wanted for our communities and. Some of us wanted to eradicate as much COVID as possible so people wouldn’t get sick, particularly elderly people. Um, but the questioners also cared about the community. They cared about the schools being open.

They cared about the, the businesses being open, that the community continued to be healthy, uh, especially if there were relatively low rates of COVID in that community. And it, it really hit me hard that. You know, we, we might question each other’s facts, right? They may question our facts on vaccines. We may question their facts on Ivermectin, but we agreed on the value of the community and the health of the community.

And that’s, I, again, if I break through to someone, that’s the kind of, um, story I try to share. Um, but breaking through to folks is, to me, the hardest part, right? Is, is really getting them to. There’s such a barrier with the, as I said, the higher moral ground and the If I, if, if I listen, even if I don’t agree, I’m somehow giving weight to anti-democratic norms and I we’re still struggling with that, how to break through that.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. The, uh, speaking of the, I mean, I think one of the most common reactions, um, negative reactions from people who are skeptical of this work is, you know, what do you said about saying that? Well, that’s all nice and, and stuff, but it’s naive of you to work on that. Right? I, I mean, I get that a lot. I get, I get that from friends and family.

Um, they don’t, even, the ones that don’t outright say it, I can tell that’s how they feel. Right? ’cause I know that they. Don’t really care about the work or they, you know, kind of dismiss it. Uh, so I think, but, but I think it is, IM, and I think it is important because, you know, toxic conflict inherently comes with more people scoffing at such work, right?

That’s the nature of how conflict works. But I, and I think it’s important to make people see or try to get them to see that. Maybe I’m not, maybe we’re not being the naive ones. Maybe. Maybe you scoffing at it is, is the naive thing that maybe you’re not looking at the conflict from a holistic enough perspective to see that this is such a common human dynamic and to see that there are many ways that toxic conflict makes us so many of us act in ways that amplify the conflict.

I think people that are naive when they scoff at or act in, uh, conflict amplifying ways that they would judge other people for, you know, hypocritical ways. Mm-hmm. I think many people are being. Naive themselves because they’re just not seeing like, Hey, maybe you don’t have to act in those ways. Maybe you can pursue your goals without acting in those ways that, you know, insult and throw contempt at a wide range of people and so on and so on.

These kinds of things. So I think, I think it is important to, and I, and I, and I think that’s, uh, I think trying to get that message out is a big part of this because just, you know, it’s understandable as you said it, it’s completely understandable why people. Our skeptical of this work, it feels very, it can feel very, you know, milk toast and weak when we’re, when we have so much emotions and, and we’re upset about so many things.

But I think getting, trying to get people to question like, Hey, maybe, maybe you’re, you’re the one being naive at not in trying to embrace this work and. And, and maybe there’s a reason me and many other people Yeah. Like yourself, see this as the most important work and to try to see how these ideas can live alongside activism and things like that.

So yeah, I think, I think it is very important to, you know, and, and I think, yeah, we, we, we often get that reaction. It’s like, Hey, that’s very nice of you. You’re such a nice person. But, you know, go away with that for now. We, and I, yeah. One specific message stands out that I put in the book was. You know, somebody saying like, I think we can reserve trying, you know, we can wait on trying to reduce contempt until after we defeat Trump.

And you know, right. It’s like, but, but that’s exactly the kind of mentality on both sides that just. Amplify the toxicity and get us to more extreme us versus them approaches and so on and on. Yeah. 

Beth Malow: Yeah. No, I, I agree. And um, there was something I clipped in your book that I just wanted to say. I really felt like you hit the nail on the head with this particular issue.

Um, you wrote on page 32, if you’re trying to reduce polarization, you’re wrongly and naively. Valuing civility and unity more than morality and justice. And when I read that I was like, that’s it. You know? That’s the key thing. Um. The other thing you wrote right after that though, really gave me a lot of pause, which is ’cause it reflects me in a way.

Working on reducing polarization is a mark of privilege. Some of us have to fight hard against ideas and people who threaten us and. And in some ways I am very advantaged. I, um, I’m working part-time, I’m a physician, but I’m not like where I was 10 years ago with my grants, where my grants, my, my National Institutes of Health grants might have been canceled by the new, um, administration.

Uh, I am, um, I’m in a, in a much. Better place. I’m, I’m living in New England right now. I’m living in a blue state. I used to live in Tennessee, which is red State. I’m just in a different place and I realize that I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s not as easy for everyone to embrace the idea, Zach, that we are putting forward and you’re putting forward about being bridge building and.

And I’ve wondered if I can ask you a question. I mean, is there an emotional side to this that you’ve thought about how you can break through? Because I mean, we can give people skills, we can talk about values, we can talk about conversations where they listen to others and then they state you state your own opinion.

Right? I mean, there’s lots of steps. Um, the step that has been the hardest for us. Has been overcoming that, that emotion and that anger, and I’ve just wondered if you’ve had any insights into that. Well, 

Zach Elwood: well, I think, uh, I mean, I think practically in a, in a practical sense, people that have that objection, like it’s a mark of privilege or, you know, we really need to work on these things and it’s a, it’s a market privilege to be able to work on the bridge building. 

I think it kind of. Is actually a cover for them not agreeing with the work, because I think if they actually agreed with the work and saw it as valuable, then you wouldn’t reach for these, you know, reasons. Mm-hmm. To dislike it because, you know, I, I mean there’s, there’s plenty of, I’ve talked to plenty of people who are passionate about views on the left, passionate about views on the right, who believe in this work. 

So it’s not as if these things can’t live alongside each other. And I think. I think a lot of times that’s covering up hostility to the work and just saying like, oh, it’s a market privilege. Whereas like, well, but do you agree that it’s a good idea or not? So, and I think, I think that everybody should agree it’s a good idea and let you know, with the exception of people who actually want to make the conflict more, more toxic, which those people exist too, but I think people that genuinely want to achieve their goals.

Not, you know, not amplify toxic conflict, should see this work as good. So I think, I think a lot of times, I would say for people that throw out the privilege, uh, comment, uh, I would ask, well, do you, do you think it’s good or not? Like, am I persuading you it’s a good idea or not? Are you persuaded or not?

’cause that’s really the important thing. ’cause then it’s like, well, okay, maybe if you don’t wanna work on it, at least you can be supportive of people that do work on it. Right. So, and I think that there was a good book too about, um. This book, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. It was called, um, the perils of Privilege about the, the unpaper persuasiveness of, of, of, uh, frequently using the privilege mark to try to, you know, throw shade at, at various things people are doing, which is a, some often just a shield for like, I don’t like the work you’re doing.

And then be, um, not a persuasive approach because I mean, you can be a, you can be, be a very, uh, you know. If you can be someone who’s struggling with all sorts of things and still do this work, right? Like there’s, there’s nothing That’s a good point. They’re, they’re not, yeah. We shouldn’t see these things as like blockers to other, but I think that’s, that’s what toxic conflict does to us.

It makes us think like, well, trying to reduce polarization cannot live alongside my passion or even my anger, even my. Contempt. But I think it’s important to get people to see, like these things can live alongside each other and I think actually make political activism more persuasive and more effective.

Yeah, 

Beth Malow: I agree. It’s like Dale Carnegie, right? I always tell people how to win friends and influence people. If you, and Doug says this too, if somebody thinks you’re treating them with contempt or, or thinks you feel they’re stupid or not a patriot or deplorable, or whatever. They’re not gonna listen to you.

So, um, really connecting with people, listening to them, um, getting beyond that I am, I’m acknowledging, um, things that are not moral, whatever, you know, just listening to them, connecting with them, and then being able to share with them what you think, whether it’s bridge building is important, or some of the policies that the left feels the right.

Needs to, um, be educated on is, is so important. 

Doug Teschner: Yeah, I’d add that, you know, I mean, contempt and when I would, I would say to a relative that what, is that where you want to be? Is that where you want to be? Is contempt, is that who you want to be? And so the, this, we talk a lot about values and stepping back on our values and or, or we got this system where I can treat people with kindness if they’re us.

But I treat people with, with contempt who are uh, who are them. But I think a big part of this is we really need to step back and look at the, look what’s driving this. Look at the factors. We, we spend some time in our book talking about the factors that are driving the polarization. And, and you know, a lot of it is so, uh, social media algorithms and the conflict entrepreneurs.

And by the way, we used, uh, we, we wanted to make our book really user friendly and. You read and we added graphics like, uh, we have a, we have a crocodile trying to eat the American flag as an example of a, of a conflict entrepreneur. And they’re not doing it. They’re not doing it for the country. People are doing it to divide us and, and for their own power and their own benefit.

And a lot of this is foreign powers. I mean, this is, so, I think people are gonna really step back and say, wait a minute. Am I being manipulated here? Am I, am I really, am I really, am I behaving in a certain way that’s being driven by other people or am I reacting, and this is how the social media algorithms work.

They’re playing on people’s fears, they’re playing on, they’re trying to reinforce a lot of bad behavior. So I think it has to, it has to start with a little stepping back. Yes, we can teach people skills about how to engage with difficult conversations. But it has to start with your own, your own, looking at your own heart and your own values and, and, and embracing, uh, listening skills which have kind of fallen out of vogue.

I mean, we listened to, to reply, not to understand which, and that was one of the se the seven gr categories from Stephen Covey’s great book, uh, and of, of, of success. Successful people listen to understand, not to engage. So listening skills. Humility, humility. I mean, whoever talks about that anymore, being a little, you know, and, and, and curiosity.

Being curious and not furious as be says. So the, these are things we kind of, we, we kind of walk through the book and show people where they can, where they, how they can move and how they can embrace things and how they can feel better about themselves. ’cause that is a big part of this. And feel better about those, those difficult conversations at, at the holiday gathering.

Zach Elwood: I was gonna, uh, another, I think another area of skepticism that comes up, pushback from people on the right and the left is this feeling like, uh, well, what, what do you, what do you mean? Uh, you know, our side has contributed. It’s all the other side’s fault. Like, what do, what do I or people on, you know, my side of the divide.

We, we haven’t really contributed to this, to this problem at all. That, you know, I, I think you, you and i’s, uh, work is aimed at a more liberal, you know, uh, anti-Trump audience. I think it, it kind of goes in that, uh, those realms. And so the main, I’ve heard it on both sides, but the main, uh, pushback I’ve heard is from more liberal people who say like, well, what do you mean, you know, liberals have contributed and, and I think people that are curious.

About that. Well, first I’ll just open up to you. Do you, do you often hear that, uh, that kind of, uh, pushback or skepticism from people as, as a blocker to, you know, absorbing these kinds of ideas? 

Doug Teschner: Well, sure. But you know, how do we help people to, to get there where they’re doing a little self-examination? I mean, we, we, we use the term conflict enablers, you know, are, are, are, are you, you might not be a conflict entrepreneur making money conflict, but are you an enabler?

I use somebody, uh, who’s like, who’s like, if, if, if you see some um, nasty post on on Facebook, you uh, repost it as opposed to, you know, are you, are you feeding the beast? And I think that this is where we’ve all gotta step back and encourage, we’re trying to, you know, edge people over towards thinking about it.

And again, you know, how we say it and how we do it. Is, is is not telling people they’re wrong. It’s has, it has to kind of come from the heart and how we care about people. And, and, uh, you know, we, we, we, we have a lot of quote in the books and, and, and, and I like, I like some from, uh, one of my favorites from Abraham Lincoln.

I, I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. And, and, and, and there’s another great one from Lincoln. Uh, he has a right to criticize who has a heart to help. I love that quote. He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help. We’re so critical of other people, but are we doing it with a heart to help?

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. 

Doug Teschner: I, I think that that’s an area that can really, you know, to, to work and help people to, to take that within themselves and ask that kind of, those kind of questions. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Yeah. I 

was 

Zach Elwood: just gonna, oh, go ahead. 

Beth Malow: Um, I was just gonna say one thing about activism, though I do believe. Through the work we’ve done and the people we’ve come into contact with, that activism can be a very powerful, positive force.

I think if you can take the contempt out and you can add just a smidgen of bridge building or at least respect for those who are doing the bridge building. We don’t all have to be bridge builders. Uh, I think that activism does have a role and I just wanted to get that in here on this podcast. Um, I’m watching, for example, Ken Burns the American Revolution.

Now it’s a great series and you realize how. Activism played a role in the formation of our country and how powerful that was. And I just think that, um, it’s important to respect activists and when we do that, I think we can also get through to them and say, Hey, you know. Don’t demonize the other side. I, I think, as you said earlier, Zach, two things can exist at the same time.

Um, one can be an activist and a bridge builder, or at least can be an activist who tolerates bridge builders, uh, in our world. That’s all. 

Doug Teschner: Yeah. Also, you wanna bring people to your side, right? Don’t you wanna bring, what don’t you wanna expand you by when you push people away, 

Beth Malow: right? 

Doug Teschner: It just reinforces it by engaging with people.

You can, you, you, you might, you might win ’em over, you might not. 

Zach Elwood: You need a bigger tent to be effective, basically. Like, yeah, 

Beth Malow: exactly. Exactly. 

Zach Elwood: Um, yeah, I did want to throw in Yeah. ’cause we’re coming up on the time. Yeah. But I, I wanted to throw in like a big objection. I think people listening to this, uh, if, if people skeptical of this have gotten this far, I think a big, uh.

A big objection they’ll hear they’ll have is they’ll hear like, well, but I really do think people like Trump or other people, you know, various specific people, I do have. Great contempt and judgment for them. I don’t need to get to know them. I think they’re very bad and that’s a common source of obstacles to getting people to absorb this too.

But I think, I think the way to overcome that is to see that like even if you think specific leaders and activists are, are very bad and harmful, I think it’s important to see that. More us versus them. Approaches are a product of this increasing contempt and polarization. So I think it, it helps to see, like say you think Trump is a very toxic person, us versus them person as I do, I also think he’s.

Been, uh, you know, people take the worst case interpretations of various things he says and all these things. I, I think it’s important to see that people that you see as taking highly us versus them, high animosity approaches are more of the product of a very polarized system, a as, and see them less as the cause of it.

Because a system is very complex, so, you know, a system. Like, say, say if Trump suddenly took, uh, you know, low animosity approaches, it, it would help. But I, I also think the system is such that it would lead to, you know, all the contempt in the system and, and us versus them thinking would lead to more support for, you know, people who took highly us versus approaches.

And the system is very complex. It manifests in different ways on different sides. There’s different factors in the groups and et cetera. So I think getting people to see that. Even if you, you know, your dislike or, you know, judgment of one person or specific people on the other side doesn’t mean that all those people on the other side are like that.

’cause groups are very, not the, not the same. We know that they’re not the same, even though our minds make us think that they’re all like that. Right. So I, I think getting people to see the complexity is very important. ’cause I think that’s like one of the number one obstacles is like, well you’re telling me to listen to the other side.

I don’t wanna listen to Trump, or I don’t, I don’t wanna listen to. You know, Kamala Harris or whatever it is, you know, there’s these obstacles that they’re like, well, I’m not doing that, so I’m not gonna listen to your, your ideas. Right. 

Beth Malow: Amanda Ripley wrote a wonderful book called High Conflict that I’m sure you’re familiar with, and, um, she has a technique for reducing polarization, uh, called um, complicating the Narrative and introducing Nuance.

And Zach, when you speak, it reminds me of that. And just being able to stay. It’s, it’s much more complex than we think. I’ve had people tell me that Trump is a product of the conflict rather than Trump causing the conflict. And I, I can see that, uh, going back to the roots of polarization, it’s been going on a long, long, a lot longer than Trump, you know, being president.

So, uh, yeah, I, and it’s worth throwing in 

Zach Elwood: there too, that, you know. For people that are Trump’s supporters or Trump voters. It’s like that the, what we say can be true. And also there are very rational reasons why people, you know, voted for Trump because they’re upset about things on the left. Right? So e even if we’re talking about one specific area, it’s not to say that that, you know, Trump was elected only because of polarization.

There there are like rational things people are upset about. So Exactly. Just to say like there’s all sorts of ways people can interpret. Anything we say. To kind of like, you know, want to disengage or not pay attention to these polarization ideas, but we hope that people listening will be curious enough to go down the rabbit hole a little bit more and 

Beth Malow: look at these ideas more.

A lot of times people, right, a lot of times people vote against what they believe rather than for what they believe. So just feeling, that’s what I tell other people, like when you, they vote against what they’re, what they dislike. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. 

Beth Malow: When you talk to your relative, you may actually be preventing, you may be getting what you want.

In the end by damping down some of the hate and animosity toward the left, you know, because you are trying to connect with people. So, um, yeah, we have a lot of reasons why being a bridge builder is a positive thing. Uh, we just have to crack that, that, you know, anger and frustration and, and we’re still working on, get the message out there.

Work in progress. Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: Well, I want to thank you both. I know we’re getting near the top of the. Hour there. Is there anything you all wanted to share? 

Beth Malow: Yeah, I just wanted to throw out, and then maybe Doug has something to add, is we do have a substack, um, which is together now. Do substack.com. It’s also called together Across Differences, and these ideas continue to evolve.

Uh, I’m gonna be posting, for example, a. Uh, article on the intersection of Bridge Building and activism, uh, very soon. And we’ve, we also have guessed. Um, you know, we’d, we’d be happy to have you, Zach, post. Uh, we have lots of, um, different ways that people can absorb the material in our book beyond the politics of contempt, uh, in, um, in their lives.

We encourage everybody to look at that substack together across differences. 

Doug Teschner: Yeah. I, I just, I, I thank I thank you a lot, Zach. I appreciate your book and, and, uh, that we both came down on contempt and so kind of a key word, which I think is really important. Mm-hmm. You know, we wanna give people hope. We’re, we’re trying to make, we’re trying to make our vote.

Our book, very practical and very easy to read. Send questions that you can reflect on. And, uh, we encourage you to, uh, you know, connect with us, connect with the, uh, substack, and, and have a little more hope in, in, in your life. And, uh, we hope that, uh, we hope that, that we can offer that.

Categories
podcast

Ex-CIA officer on “intel frauds” Wayne Simmons and Chase Hughes

A talk with former CIA officer Kent Clizbe about his exposure of Wayne Simmons, a man who spent more than a decade on Fox News posing as a CIA counterterrorism expert—but who was a fraud and serial liar.

And we talk about how that case mirrors what we see with self-proclaimed behavior expert Chase Hughes, who claims to be in possession of advanced, top-secret military intel and techniques, but who is a clear fraud.

Topics discussed: how Kent met Wayne Simmons; why Kent suspected quickly he was a fake; how Kent’s intuition about Wayne relates to Kent’s system of holistic contextual analysis; and the negative impacts on Kent’s life from questioning Wayne Simmons. We dig into the psychology of belief and gullibility, the social and career incentives that keep scams alive, and why fans and followers resist evidence even after it’s laid out clearly. This will be one of two talks with Kent Clizbe: the second one will focus on his view of the importance of nonverbal behavior in law enforcement and credibility assessment scenarios.

Episode links:

Related resources:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcripts are done automatically and do contain errors.)

Kent Clizbe: This guy was on Fox News seen around the world for 13 years, and he was touted as a C, Fox News’s, CIA counter terrorism, Islamic extremism expert…  13 years, CIA, people saw him all over the world. Not a peep. Nobody ever said a word. After he’s arrested many CIA people, uh, came to me and said, oh, yeah, yeah, Uhhuh. Yeah, I, I had questions about him from the beginning. Bottom line is nobody said anything. Nobody did anything except me.

Zach Elwood: That was ex-CIA officer Kent Clizbe, talking about a popular Fox News contributor, Wayne Simmons, who claimed to be a former CIA operative but who Kent helped expose as a serial liar and fraud. A 2016 NYT article covered how Wayne Simmons was exposed. On Kent’s site, he references that article, writing:

The shocking story of how Kent uncovered and brought down an in-your-face fraudster–on a par with Bernie Madoff.

For 13 years, Fox News, the political/military establishment, and millions of Fox News viewers were scammed.

Kent Clizbe, applying his proprietary Holistic Contextual Credibility Assessment technique, revealed the fraud in minutes.

How could millions of Fox viewers–including legions of former, retired, and current CIA officers–be unaware the network’s leading “CIA counter-terrorism expert” was a fraud?

Isn’t the CIA’s job to vet people? To be sure they are who they say they are?

The answers will shock you. One man grasped the truth. And he pursued it to its conclusion.

Kent recently reached out to me regarding the con artist Chase Hughes, whose many lies and unethical behaviors I exposed in 2024 on my podcast. Kent had been interested in outing Chase as a fraud and then saw that I’d already done a lot of that work. 

So in this episode we’ll talk about Kent’s work in outing Wayne Simmons; how he was introduced to Wayne; what it was that quickly tipped Kent off that Wayne was a fake — and how that immediate sense of fakery relates to Kent’s own credibility assessment method, which Kent has written a book about. We’ll talk about the pushback Kent got from powerful people in the government who knew and supported Wayne Simmons, and how his efforts to expose Wayne affected Kent’s life. And we’ll talk a bit about Chase Hughes: how Chase Hughes’ claims of expertise in military and intel and psy-ops areas map over to Wayne Simmons’ lies. Although if you really want to know about that, I recommend reading the expose on my site behavior-podcast.com; go to my site and search for ‘chase hughes’ and look for the piece titled ‘The many lies of Chase Hughes’. 

Kent is a harsh critic of self-proclaimed behavior experts, in general. He argues that systems for assigning meaning to “nonverbal behavior” — specific body and face movements — is worse than useless in law enforcement- or espionage -related work, or other high stakes real-world environments. In Kent’s book Holistic Contextual Credibility Assessment: A Reality-based Alternative to Deception Detection, he lays out an overview of the work of the well known behavior researcher Paul Ekman  and makes the case that Ekman is an irresponsible liar and con artist. I have to say that I largely agree with Kent; Kent is of course not the first person to call Paul Ekman out for bad science; there are many fellow researchers who have harshly criticized his work. On this podcast, I’ve talked to respected deception detection researcher Tim Levine about the weakness of Ekman’s work. Kent’s view of Ekman is a lot more pessimistic than most, but I think he makes a great argument for why we should see Ekman as an extremely untrustworthy person – someone who the record shows is not interested in the truth and much more interested in promoting himself as a genius.

This episode will only be the first part of our talk, though; this talk will focus on the frauds Wayne Simmons and Chase Hughes. The second episode that I’ll air in a couple weeks or so will focus on nonverbal behavior and its role — or its non-role — in law enforcement and credibility assessment scenarios. So look for that later. 

Here’s a bit more about Kent’s career from his website kentclizbe.com:

Kent served as a staff CIA case officer in the 1990s, and as a contractor after 9/11.  ** He has worked in various capacities in intelligence positions in Southeast Asia, Africa, Europe and the Middle East.  His specialty is Counter-terrorism and Islamic Extremism. 

Kent has also worked Counter-intelligence, Counter-proliferation, Counter-narcotics, and other targets.  In addition to extensive liaison work with foreign intel services, he has worked in the US Intel Community in inter-agency, inter-governmental intelligence operations since 9/11.  He was awarded the Intelligence Community Seal Medallion, the highest civilian intelligence agency decoration for contractors, for his counter-terrorist operations in the Philippines, Indonesia and Malaysia.  His work in the Philippines was described in an article by Mark Bowden in the Atlantic Monthly in March 2007, “Jihadists in Paradise.” 

Okay here’s the talk with Kent Clizbe:

Zach: Hey Kent, thanks for joining me. Sorry I said that right as you drink 

Kent: to be with you today, Zach.

Zach: Sorry, I said that right as you were drinking coffee. That’s alright. Uh, good. Off to a good start, but we’ll keep going. That’s kind of funny. Uh, okay. So yeah, maybe we could start out with, uh, what, what made you, uh, what got you reaching out to me if you’d care to share that, uh, story. 

Kent: So I’ve been following Chase Hughes for several years.

Uh, I was introduced to him. Probably four or five years ago, uh, by some former associates of his. So I, they, they had given me a background on Chase Hughes and I, I had never heard of him, so I had started following him and, uh, did a little bit of due diligence and saw that he was, uh, he, he was not what he claimed and that whatever it was he was selling was snake oil.

Um, I’m sort of one of my, uh, one of my, uh, interests, professional interests is exposing people like that. So I had been developing a dossier on him. It had fallen to the back of my, uh, of my things to do. I have other things going on, and I hadn’t heard of him or seen anything from him in quite a while until late 2025, probably in the fall, early winter sometime, uh, I saw an interview of him, uh, that he did on some national podcast.

It was either Joe Rogan. Was he on Joe Rogan? 

Zach: Yeah. But late, uh, yeah, he was on Joe Rogan. He was also on some other big ones like Diary of a CEO, uh, which is pretty popular. 

Kent: Yeah, some actually I don’t see any of those, but I saw a clip, uh, of what? Of a big one, and I’m pretty sure it was Joe Rogan, but that’s when it suddenly hit me.

What in the hell? I thought this dude was gone. 

Zach: Yeah, 

Kent: I thought, I thought he faded away and here he is showing up on this very high profile, uh, uh, uh, media. So I went back and started, you know, re re reenergized my Chase Hughes, uh, project. And in the course of that I did a couple searches. Is anybody else looking at Chase Hughes?

And boom, uh, you showed up. Uh, Zachary Elwood, uh, poker Tell Guy, uh, has a a 

Zach: I got my own dossier. 

Kent: Yeah. Had had a fantastic article on your substack or your, your, uh, your website. And as I read that article, I was like, man, this guy has done way more than I have you. Your dossier, your, your background, your, your analysis of Chase Hughes was extensive.

And that’s when I reached out to you, uh, to said, just, just offer my. Uh, let you know there’s a kindred soul out here who’s, who’s also offended by the Chase Hughes scam. And, uh, 

Zach: yeah. 

Kent: Wanted, wanted to see if we could somehow collaborate. 

Zach: Yeah, there’s, and as I told you and other people, it’s like, we need more people talking about it.

’cause he’s, he’s continuing to peak in the, uh, popularity, which is kind of amazing. Um, amazing what he’s been able to do in that regard. But, yeah. Another funny thing too, when, you know, you, you reached out to me via LinkedIn last, like a month ago, and I had missed your message, and then I randomly unrelated, stumbled across your work because I was doing some research on Microexpressions and, you know, Paul Ekman’s work the other day and saw your critiques of him.

So it was kind of funny that we ended up connecting because we, I was, I was reaching out to you and you were reaching out to me, which is, you know, 

Kent: totally independent of each other, coincidentally reaching out to each other at the same time. Yeah, that’s, there’s, there’s some kind of karma or something there it was meant to be.

Zach: Yeah. Uh, and maybe we could, uh, I mean we could talk about Chase for a long time, but we’ll leave that aside for now. But I, I wanted to ask you about your work outing Wayne Simmons. Uh, that that was a, that is just a very interesting case and I, and I had not, somehow, I had not heard about that at all when you, when I looked into what you had done, I think there’s a, is was it a New York Times or some article about you exposing him or helping expose him?

Kent: Yeah. Yeah. There was a, a front page on the New York Times Sunday magazine. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: Uh, story extensive went into great depth of 

Zach: That’s 

Kent: great. I I, I didn’t like the headline, uh, something like, uh, the Operation to Out A Fox News. 

Zach: Uh, 

yeah. 

Kent: I 

Zach: didn’t like that headline either. I was like, what? That is not at all.

Like, it made it sound like there was something, uh, uh, you know, underhanded going on. It’s like that. 

Kent: I didn’t like the headline 

Zach: either. Yeah. Uh, 

Kent: but so I, I, I, I worked really closely with the guy that wrote the article and the guy that wrote the article totally understood. And if you read the article, uh, it is not an operation to out a a Right.

A Fox News commentator. It was a expose a liar and account exposure of fraud. 

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. 

Kent: And so, so it turns out that the guys that write the headline are totally separate from the guys that write the article, but 

Zach: Right. Anyway, yeah. I’ve had that experience too. Uh, yeah, I was wondering, yeah, maybe we could, uh, I mean, there’s so much to say about, just about the Wayne Simmons thing too.

We could spend a long time with that. But I, I am wondering, I mean, people should definitely read that article and, and look into that. It’s a very interesting story, but I wanted to ask you about that. Maybe you could talk a little bit about how you, fairly quickly, what, what instincts you had about how, uh, he was likely a fraud and how quickly you knew that and what those circumstances were.

Kent: Yeah, so I, I think really the most important. Takeaway from that. The, the, the operation that I ran, if you want to call it that, to expose Simmons as a fraud, was the fact that this guy was on Fox News seen around the world for 13 years, and he was touted as a C, Fox News’s, CIA counter terrorism, Islamic extremism expert, CIA offices at that time during the Global War on Terror, all had big screen TVs that were on all the time, and many times kind of depending on the politics of the, uh, of the management.

But uh, at that time, Fox News was probably predominantly the choice for running 24 7 on these TVs and in headquarters head, CIA headquarters. There’s Fox News is on everywhere. C the Counter-Terrorism Center everywhere. It’s on 13 years. This guy. Was blatantly in your face. It’s not like he’s hiding, you know, sneaking around in the backyards, whispering in people’s ears.

Hey, I’m a CIA guy. Let me give you a secret. He was in your face, Fox News Day after day after day, 13 years, CIA, people saw him all over the world. Not a peep. Nobody ever said a word after he’s arrested many CIA people, uh, came to me and said, oh, yeah, yeah, Uhhuh. Yeah, I, I had questions about him from the beginning.

Bottom line is nobody said anything. Nobody did anything except me. The, as soon as I, I, I met him. A, a mutual friend introduced us. I, I didn’t have cable, didn’t watch Fox News. Don’t watch Fox News. So, never heard of him. Never seen him. Our mutual friend said, Hey, you guys are just alike. Counter-terrorism operators, you guys.

Oh, I, you gotta meet him. He is plugged in. He is a cool dude. Sure. Let’s have lunch. 

Zach: Quick, quick question. 

Kent: Sat down. 

Zach: Quick question, Kent. Yep. Did you, did you have suspicions about him based on, you know, your read of the situation before you met him, or did your suspicions ar No. Okay. Yeah, go ahead. 

Kent: I, I did, I did no due diligence before meeting him.

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: I, uh, I just took the word of, uh. This mutual friend who now is clear, uh, had no idea what he was talking about, and he was misrepresenting himself as well. I knew, I knew the mutual friend through at the time. I was, uh, uh, teaching, instructing, facilitating instructional, designing in, uh, intelligence training for both civilian and military human intelligence.

Uh, I, I knew him through a professional, um, um, organization, intelligence educator. So International Association for Intelligence Education. I knew him through that, had never met him, but assumed his. There’s, there’s no, no reason that I needed to do due diligence on this guy, but I assumed his competence turned out he’s, he’s totally incompetent, and he was a borderline fraud himself.

He was a, turns out he was a, a, a a, an air force cop who was, uh, spinning him trying to create a new, uh, a, a new career spinning himself as an intel guy. But anyway, so he introduced me. I, at the time, I took his word for it. Yeah. My colleague, mutual friend says, I should meet you. I didn’t do due diligence on Wayne.

All I knew was the sort of headline. Wayne Simmons, uh, CIA counter-terrorism expert, uh, he’s on, been on Fox News for the last 13 years. So that, that was, that was the setup when I sat down to have lunch with him.

Zach: So yeah. And then so when you met him, you fairly quickly had a sense that, that things were off based on what he talked about and the way he talked.

Yeah. 

Kent: As soon as we started talking, um, he, he, there there’s, I I, I call it, it’s like when dogs sniff each other’s butt, that’s it’s butt sniffing. When you’re, when you’re a CIA officer and you meet some another CIA officer, there’s sort of, it’s not standard, but, you know, you, you, you ask about assignments, you ask about training.

When did you go through training? Uh, where were you stationed? Did you know somebody that, you know, Joe, who was stationed there the year before? 

Zach: Right. 

Kent: Um, which yeah, the 

Zach: language they used to describe the positions, that kind of stuff. Yeah. 

Kent: Yeah. It’s the context. It’s, it’s what, what I ended up at the time, I had, I, I had in my head my system of credibility assessment, but I had never, it, it, it was all, um.

Implicit, I never explicitly 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: Extracted it from my head and said, okay, here’s how I do credibility assessment. I did extract it and make it, IM, uh, explicit later, and now I can use that. That language is, I had a gut feeling. And what a gut, your gut is based on contextual. It, it’s, it’s the, uh, sum of your experiences in context.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Kent: So your gut, my gut is totally useless in brain surgery. If I sat down with a brain surgeon or somebody pretending to be a brain surgeon, and he starts babbling about, whoa, you know, I was cutting into the hypothalamus the other day and the vagus nerve was blah, blah, blah. I’m like, yeah, okay.

Sounds good to me. Right. Because I have no contextual expertise. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: My contextual expertise, uh, I is, was totally wrapped around Wayne Simmons scam. Mm-hmm. I, I have a gut for that context. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: Uh, when, um, I can smell a rat. Because of my gut, because of my contextual competence. 

Zach: You know, the domain, it’s like domain specific knowledge, 

Kent: domain specific.

Exactly. I call that context. Yeah. It’s it’s cultural language profession. Uh, so this guy had no clue. He was, I I was at the time, uh, formulating the explicit, uh, form of my credibility assessment. Mm-hmm. Uh, approach. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: Mm-hmm. And his case was, was just this, it was like a god-given case study of here you go, man.

Apply your expertise here. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: Mm-hmm. So here that, that’s a long, long description of why I knew he was a fraud within five minutes. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Kent: He was, he had been, turns out who he fooled and who he scammed were military guys. He had a very, uh, high level network in the military. Hi. His sister was an under Secretary of defense.

She was like rumsfeld’s, admin guru. Evidently she went everywhere. Rumsfeld went. She went, she was Assistant Secretary of Defense for admin or something like that. Simmons was a. Lifelong screw up. He’d been kicked out of the Navy in, uh, in, in, in basic training. He had been arrested multiple times for DUIs.

He had been, uh, he had some kind of record with, uh, dealing drugs. It appears to me, looking back at it now, his sister wanted to help him, and he may have spun a story to her that he was CIA and she went to Rumsfeld and said, Hey, my little brother Wayne, you know, uh, he’s, he, he’s, he’s fallen on hard times, but, you know, he was a 30 year CIA guy, and he really could use some help.

And that then comes the global War on Terror. And, uh, Rumsfeld is his, is his angel, is his top cover. And Rumsfeld was tied in with Fox News. And that just, he, he, he had, he had Rumsfeld’s Rumsfeld was vouching for him. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: And everybody in the DOD in, in the military was terrified of Rumsfeld. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: If Rumsfeld said it, it’s, it’s from, from God’s mouth to Rumsfeld’s ear.

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: It’s, it’s may as well be the word of God. Mm-hmm. So the, the military was terrified. Uh, of, of Rumsfeld. And if he, if he vouched for Simmons, then Simmons was what he said he was. 

Zach: Right. 

Kent: That, that’s, that’s what I discovered as, uh, as this went on. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: So he was used to, so the reason I give you that background is he was used to conning military guys and military guys have this, um, ha have a misconception or a stereotype or a idea.

They think they know what the CIA is and what CIA officers do, but they don’t, they, they may as well, they, their, their concept comes from watching movies, generally speaking. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. 

Kent: Mm-hmm. So Simmons was able to use his top cover from Rumsfeld with the military’s misunderstanding of civilian intelligence and scam his way.

Right, right. Through anything that the military touched, he was able to be the CIA guy in there. So I’m not, I, I’ve been in the military. I, I, I’m also, I also have military, uh, expertise. I have the con contextual competence, so you can’t scam me military stuff either. But he was trying to scam me at just like he scammed the military guys and.

Uh, it, it was alarm bells go off within five minutes before they even brought my water in, in the restaurant. I knew this, this motherfucker is, is trying to play me for a fool. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: And, and the only thing I, I, I don’t, I don’t have a temper, but the only thing that pisses me off is somebody trying to play me for a fool.

He did. And that pissed me off. He didn’t know it. 

Zach: He played a lot of millions of people for a fool. Yeah. Uh, I want to, I want tie some, he didn’t 

Kent: know it. 

Zach: I wanted to tie some of the things you said into the Chase Hughes stuff because there’s a lot of overlap here. Uh, so for example, I’ve had a couple people, uh, who, who were ac were actually did work in military and intel kind of things, reach out to me and say they, either they or people they knew had encountered Chase Hughes at events and tried to talk about like these, the alleged experience, you know, military government experience that Chase Hughes claims to have had in, you know, Intel or interrogations or PSYOPs or whatever the various things that he claims to have had.

And, and, uh, it was very clear, like they, they were, they, their bullshit meters immediately went off too, where they’re like, this guy didn’t talk about it in any sort of way that made, made sense. You know, their bullshit meters went off. Uh, then you also have the aspect of Chase, you know, claiming that he has these, some, some of these books.

And, and things on his site and things he talks about where he is like, these are top secret military secrets that I’m sharing. You know, this kind of Jason Bourne kind of stuff. And it’s like, sort of like you said with, uh, Wayne Simmons, it’s like if these were, uh, you know, really, uh, top secret things that required a lot of clearance to have, like, would he, he can just hand these out on his site or give, you know, give them to people and there’s no problem.

Like, that alone is a sign that something’s off because like, the military is not just gonna let somebody like, share all these alleged top secret, uh, things, which kind of corresponds to what you were saying about Wayne Simmons over 15 years claiming to be this like, you know, into all this espionage, espionage stuff.

But like, nobody talks about ’em or, you know, nobody. He, and, and he’s talking about these things openly. Um, so just to say there can be these various clues and then you also have, I think there’s also the fact that this kind of, you know, the espionage, uh, CIA type of things kind of lend themselves to bullshitters because it’s kind of a perfect cover where people can say like, oh, of course you can’t find any evidence of me doing that.

I was so, you know, it’s undercover stuff. It’s plausible deniability stuff, uh, which is what, you know, Wayne Simmons did. It’s also, uh, what I think what Cha Chase used. I haven’t heard him do it recently, but it’s also what I see a lot of his fans say. They’ll be like, oh, he was just so deep undercover.

Nobody knows about the stuff he’s done. I’m like. Okay. Uh, yeah. Right. It’s, 

Kent: yeah. That, that is, that is exactly Simmons’ approach as well. Right. And yeah, 

Zach: even when he got arrested and such. Yeah. Yeah. 

Kent: Say again? 

Zach: Even when he got arrested and afterwards he was trying to say like, oh, I, you know, and he never, he never went back from his story because he was like, no, I was just doing such top secret stuff and nobody, uh, knew what I was doing.

You know, nobody can talk about it, blah, blah, blah. You know, e 

Kent: except, yeah, absolutely. He, he, uh, till today, uh, I, I haven’t seen anything from him in a while, but even while he was in prison and when he got outta prison, same thing is I’m, I’m on a quest to, uh, to, to exonerate myself. I am who I said I was.

That’s, that’s the last I heard from him. 

Zach: Yeah. Yep. 

Kent: Except, uh, I ran an operation with, with my, uh, my buddy who was an old boss of mine in the CIA, uh, he was retired at the time. He’s passed away since. Um, but, uh, he, he was, he was a real 30 year veteran, had done everything in the, in the agency, been everywhere, manager level, highest, highest kind of manager level.

And I, I convinced him, uh, that Simmons was fake. He was a Fox News watcher, and he had, he as a veteran, CIA, uh, officer accepted Simmons because. There are many compartmented operations that not everybody knows about. And that’s, that’s what my friend Jim assumed is Yeah. You know, it doesn’t sound right, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

Uh, Fox News has to be vetting their people as this is his thinking. 

Zach: Right. 

Kent: Fox News has to be vetting their people. They wouldn’t let a fake on. And I, yeah, I knew pretty much everything, but not everything. And maybe he was in one of those compartment operations. So when I first started, uh, doing my vetting of Simmons and reaching out to my network of, of former CIA officers, I talked to him and it took a little convincing.

I had to present it. I I, he wouldn’t just say, oh, yeah, your gut told you he was fake. I had to, I had already built a dossier that, that showed, uh, convincingly that, that Simmons was a fake. So I, I got him onto my side and I was in touch with Simmons on Facebook and Simmons would, uh, chat every now and then.

You know, he didn’t know I was gathering details. And, and I, I, uh, suggested that he meet. A fellow, CIA officer, my friend Jim. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Uhhuh, he, you know, he is Simmons was happy to, to network. So I put those two together and then Jim and I came up with a, uh, an approach in effect, it was an operation.

Mm-hmm. It was an operational approach. I, I did, I did the turnover, and then I sat back and let, I, I was kinda like good cop, bad cop. Uh, Jim established a relationship with him, started talking, and then he started asking very, uh, specific vetting questions. The, the best one is, um, every CIA officer has an employee identification number.

If you are an employee, you have an EIN. It doesn’t matter what your status is, what your cover is, doesn’t matter if you’re deep, dark, undercover, triple secret, or you’re a knock, you are, uh, overt, you’re covert. You have an EIN that is your agency identifier, and everybody knows it off the top of their head.

So Jim started asking him things like that. What’s okay, Wayne, what’s your EIN Who, who was your, you were a knock. Who was you not there. There’s a trade craft of running knocks. Uh, every knock will have an inside officer handler who takes care of his admin stuff, meets him occasionally, they swap receipts or, uh, or, or advances or whatever.

What’s your EIN Who was, who were your handling officers through your 30 year career? You know, you’re handling officers. They are, uh, your lifeline to the bureaucracy, to your career, you know, e everything there, there’s all the admin issues. Um, your pay, your advances, your expenses, your retirement funding, all of those things come up all the time, and you’re dealing with them as a knock through your handling officer.

Jim starts asking him these questions and very quickly it got, um, it, it got, uh, uh, uh, uh, aggressive and finally, uh, Simmons, you know, became very defensive. And this is all [00:27:00] on Facebook chat. So we have the transcript. Sim Simmons gets defensive and says, oh, you, you know, you don’t trust me. I am who I said I am, blah, blah, blah.

They come back the next time and maybe a day or two later, Simmons had time to sleep on it. And Jim tells him, Hey, Wayne. You know, you’re, you never, you’re not CIA and you never were. It’s very obvious. And he and Wayne in the chat says, alright. Yeah, I, I admit it. I I will never again, um, present myself as a CIA officer.

You were right. And, um, and, and Jim said, okay, well you need to make a public announcement or something like that. And at the time, I was writing a, um, an article to go out to expose him. And that was the final piece that I needed. I, his, I have a transcript of his admission. 

Zach: Yeah, 

Kent: you got the confession 

Zach: put in there.

Yeah. 

Kent: Confession. Put it in the article. Send it to and send it to Simmons. It said Simmons. I’m gonna, I’m gonna publish this as soon as possible. Give you a chance to respond. And, hi. His response was, this is bullshit. I never said any such thing. If I did, I retract it. I was a 30 year knock and you are gonna pay for it.

Frisbee, uh, you know, a, a threat. He followed through on that threat he had. He did have a very, and he still has, he has a high level network of military. It’s pretty much all military. There’s one CIA officer who, uh, a woman who’s been totally on his side, just unbelievably, but the, the rest are at retired admirals, retired generals, you know, four or five stars, uh, you know, the, the highest level, uh, military brass.

Um, and, and he was connected throughout the media. So when he said, I’m gonna, you’re gonna, you’re gonna, you’ll hear my response. So his buddy, the one that, um, that introduced us the next day, published an article in an online, uh, uh, military Special Forces military soft rep. It was, it was, back then, it was widely read, and I don’t know if it’s still read, but, um, article denouncing the attacks on Wayne Simmons.

Uh, and I don’t think they, he, he, he mentioned me by name, but it, it was clear exactly who he was talking about. And then when I tried to place that article exposing him, everybody, no one would accept it. None, none of the usual websites that I had published on would accept it. So he did use his military contacts to, to shut it all up.

Zach: Right. 

Kent: Uh. 

Zach: He, um, and, and maybe you could talk briefly about, I mean, did he make your life harder? Did, how hard was it for you? Did you suffer much or did you just kind of like, were, were you thinking like, well he eventually the truth’s gonna come out, talk, maybe you could talk a little bit about that process until he got in trouble eventually.

Kent: Well, well after that, um, that, that I was pretty much blackballed, uh, I was not able to, uh, place any more articles, uh, until I, I don’t know if it was a year, maybe, maybe a year and a half before he, that, that before he, uh, um, spread the word that I was, you know, harassing him or whatever, or that there was a, an operation to, to denigrate him.

And he was, uh, and his great reputation, um, I, I wanna say it was a year, maybe more before the FBI contacted me and I shared my dossier on Simmons with them. And he was arrested probably within a several months after that. Uh, but in that time I was unable to, uh, place any articles anywhere. I was, I was the real deal.

I was a real, uh, CIA counter-terrorism expert. I’ve done the operations, I’ve been all around the world. Uh, Islamic extremism, counter-terrorism, uh, counterintelligence, and, uh, in, in, in, instead of, and, and there’s many other people like me as well, who lost opportunities because of Simmons. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Kent: Um, not that he was, he was bad badmouthing them specifically, but he was filling a slot that could have been filled by a real person.

Zach: Right. 

Kent: But yeah, he, he, uh, blackballed me, him and his military buddies blackballed me and I was unable to publish anything and nobody wanted, wanted anything to do with me until he was arrested. Uh, and that was sort, sort of indication, my vindication. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: And then when that New York Times article came out, you know, then it was, everybody knows.

Zach: Did you start getting, uh, any, any media invites when you got vindicated? Did you appear on any, 

Kent: um, those, or you got, got contacts from people who, uh, from media who never would’ve been in touch with me before? 

Zach: Hmm. 

Kent: Uh. The, my, the, my previous places that I had, uh, websites that I had wrote for, none of them called up and said, oh, hey, sorry about that.

Uh, can you, can you give us something new that that didn’t happen? 

Zach: Mm. 

Kent: Uh, but, but it did open up a whole new, whole nother channel of, you know, the, the New York Times article ended up opening eyes of say, uh, um, producers of like, I, I think that they, they did a couple podcasts. Uh, they, they, there may have been some kind of, I don’t know if, if like Discovery Channel or somebody did something on it.

I, they, they did do a, a, a couple of shows on an operation I did in the Philippines. So I’m getting kind of confused. I confused the two. I don’t know. I don’t know what they, but it did open up, um, a lot of publicity for my, my skills. 

Zach: Yeah, it seems like you could write a whole book just about the outing of, uh, that person and Yeah.

That, I mean that whole story is, is so interesting and just talking about, yeah. Maybe you could work Chase Hughes in there too, if you do. I mean, I still think you should. I still, I mean, I still think you should do your own, uh, e expose of Chase Hugs. ’cause, because we just need more people talking about these people.

I mean, the thing I’ve, I’ve told you and other people is like, a lot of people think like. Oh, I did the work. You know, other people don’t have to do it. But it’s like, I, I get people reaching out to me, chase Hughes fans that are like, you’re just a bitter person lying about Chase Hughes. If it was, if it was really a story, you’d have more like, uh, journalists and, uh, you know, people with experience, uh, covering it, talking about it.

So just to say, I think the more the merrier because I, I think there’s a lot of people that, it’s kind of like this assumption thing you were talking about with Wayne Simmons, where it’s like, people will will say to me and publicly on these Reddit threads, they’ll be like, well, if Chase Hughe was really such a fraud, you wouldn’t have like Joe Rogan promoting him.

You wouldn’t have diary of a CEO guy. You wouldn’t have Dr. Phil. You wouldn’t have these guys who work on this behavior panel show wouldn’t work with him. And I’m like, well, it’s clearly wrong because he’s clear, clearly a fraud and a, a serial liar. So you have to examine your assumptions about, uh, what’s going on there because your assumptions are, are leading you way astray.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Kent: I mean, people don’t want to admit that they’ve been, that they have been played for fools. That they have been scammed. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: I mean, there’s so many case studies like this and Simmons is a great one. Mm-hmm. Because the exact same, uh, the exact same responses when when I expose Simmons is same thing.

People don’t want to believe it. They’re bought into it. Bernie Madoff. And that’s billions of dollars. Perfect example, you know, these, these, chase Hughes is is a, is is small fry. Yeah. Simmons is small fry. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: They, Bernie Madoff was billions of dollars and people didn’t want to hear it. It’s, oh yeah. He’s got, he, he can beat the market consistently.

No freaking way. 

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: You know, anybody who has, who’s ever put their money in a bank account or who’s ever bought a share of stock knows nobody can consistently create that kind of return. But people, especially those who were in on it, who had, who were getting their paper profits. Right. So people who are somehow invested.

Zach: Yeah. They’re invested financially or emotionally or something. It’s like you believe or you have 

Kent: money ethnically too. Yeah. The Ponzi schemes are, are almost, they started out at, uh, the Ponzi was an ethnic Italian and he preyed on the Italian immigrant community. Uh, Madoff was an ethnic Jew. He preyed on the Jewish community.

He, he was a huge, uh, donor to all kinds of Jewish causes. 

Zach: It’s like he’s one of, he’s one of us. He won’t, you know, he’s, he, it increases the loyalty aspect. I mean, we see this with the political polarization aspects where people are more likely to believe people who they see as, like on their side, on, uh, for any.

Cause or, or, yeah. Goal. Yeah. 

Kent: And once they’re invested emotionally or financially, it’s very, very difficult to bring people around to the truth. So it’s a a a long way of saying, you know, confirming what you’re, what you’re saying is with, with Hughes is that these people who are bought into the cult, whether financially or emotionally, don’t wanna be told, don’t want, they, they don’t, not just told, they can’t, cannot process it intellectually or emotionally.

Right. I mean, there’s, back in, back in the, I guess seventies and eighties, there was a whole, uh, industry of, uh, deifying, or I can’t, I forget what they call it. They have, they have a deprogramming. 

Zach: Yeah, 

Kent: deprogramming, yeah. Yeah. Deprogramming. Which is, they, you know, they, there’s these, uh, different cults back then, and I’m, there’s cults now.

Mm-hmm. The same way. But maybe they’ve made it illegal to kidnap your kid and, and deprogram him. But I, you don’t hear about it anymore. But they used to be a big industry of kidnapping. Usually young adults who had been, who had been recruited into cults and deprogramming them. And that deprogramming process was long and arduous and not always successful in effect.

You know, they, they, they put ’em in prison. They, you know, they put ’em in, lock ’em up in a hotel closet or something and separate them from their cult experience. It’s the same thing with Hughes or Simmons, or Madoff or Ekman, acolytes. They’re so invested emotionally, financially, intellectually, they cannot see reality.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Kent: I give up, I, I, I never even try to, um, deprogram someone. I just, I see my role. I’m really good at vetting, uncovering the truth, and laying it out there for people to see. Um, I cannot co change someone’s mind. Uh, I don’t think I, if they, if they see the truth and they decide to change their mind, fantastic.

Zach: Yeah. 

Kent: But 

Zach: it’s hard. 

Kent: I don’t know. I, I might be, I might be up for, uh, starting a new deprogramming service. 

Zach: Well, you know, uh, you, I don’t know if you know, but Chase Hughes claims to be an expert cult deprogram or too, that’s one of the many things he claims he’s an expert.

Kent: you are kidding me. 

Zach: No, that’s one of the things, there’s a Reddit, there’s a Reddit thread joke.

There’s a Reddit threat about him being an expert, cult de programmer. People are like, is he really? And you know, it’s just, he’s claimed to be an expert in literally everything psychology related. It’s just, it’s so funny, you know? Uh, 

Kent: Pitiful. Pitiful.

Zach: That was a talk with ex-CIA officer Kent Clizbe, author of Holistic Contextual Credibility Assessment: A Reality-based Alternative to Deception Detection. I thought the book was good; it includes a lot of interesting stories from Kent’s career and from the spycraft trade in general. You can learn more about him on his website www.kentclizbe.com

In a future episode, I’ll share the second part of this talk where Kent and I discuss nonverbal behavior and its non-importance, as Kent sees it, in determining veracity and credibility. 

This has been the People Who Read People podcast, with me, Zach Elwood. You can learn more about this podcast at behavior-podcast.com

Thanks for listening

Categories
podcast

The psychology of post-separation abuse: when leaving a narcissist is only the beginning

I talk with Jackie Miller, host of the podcast “Out of Crazy Town: Your Guide to Divorcing a Narcissist.” Jackie shares her personal story of escaping a coercively controlling, psychologically abusive marriage—and how that led her to try to help others navigating similar nightmarish situations. We talk about how these relationships evolve from subtle manipulation into abusive domination and control; and we talk about the mind-bending psychology of narcissistic abuse—projection, gaslighting, smear campaigns, and the delusional self-justifications that make these people so hard to understand. Jackie also describes why victims often seem “crazy” to outsiders, how abusers weaponize children and the legal system, and why staying calm in the face of harassment can be the most powerful defense.

Episode links:

Related resources:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcript is done automatically, and will contain errors.)

Jackie Miller: “And after a relationship with a a disordered person like this, you end up this shell of yourself. And I’m thinking, how did I start out this really successful, independent, um, owned my own home, was a, you know, climbing the corporate ladder, making a lot of money. How’d I go from that to 16 and a half years later? I don’t have my name on one bank account. I don’t have access to one penny.”

Welcome to the People Who Read People podcast, hosted by me, Zachary Elwood. In this episode, I talk with Jackie Miller, host of the podcast “Out of Crazy Town: Your Guide to Divorcing a Narcissist,” about her personal experience in a psychologically abusive marriage and the insights she’s gained helping others leave highly narcissistic and abusive partners. She created her podcast to give people practical advice on surviving post-separation abuse—which is when controlling individuals escalate their behavior after their partner leaves them, using legal, financial, and emotional abuse and manipulation. 

Topics we discuss include: the various ways toxically narcissistic people respond to being left by their parnters, which can include smear campaigns, stalking behaviors, stealing email and phone accounts and devices, trying to turn the kids against the other parent, legal harassment of various sorts, and more. We talk about the common patterns of behavior and thinking malignant narcissists have: their inability to ever admit fault, their obsessive need to control narratives, and their patterns of projection—accusing others of the bad things that they themselves have done and are doing. We also talk about psychological factors: what motivates these people to try to make their own partners’ and children’s lives a living hell? What makes such people so weak that they can’t bear looking inward and always must be lashing out at others? It’s admittedly very hard to understand; but we should try to understand it, as it helps us recognize such personalities and deal with them. 

You can learn more about Jackie Miller at her website https://www.jackiemillercoaching.com/. Or search for ‘out of crazy town’ on youtube or other podcast platforms; I’ve listened to quite a few of her episodes and there are some really good and helpful talks in there for people dealing with such abuse. 

Narcissism as a label is so overused these days; the word gets thrown around way too much; but there are clearly some people who are highly narcissistic and who, as a group, show many common and predictable behaviors. If you enjoy this talk, I think you’d like a previous episode where I talk with Craig Malkin, author of the bestselling book Rethinking Narcissism. That was a popular episode, as we delved into the nuance of narcissism; from the more healthy and normal forms to the more toxic, malignant forms.

If you like this podcast, please subscribe to it on the platform you listen or watch on, and please share episodes. The podcast has been doing pretty well these days; a typical episode is getting between 7,000 to 8,000 listens in the first month of release on audio platforms, and some episodes get quite a bit more views on youtube. Getting more listeners is the main way I’m incentivized to work on new episodes and keep this going. If you’ve enjoyed listening, sharing episodes and subscribing are the best ways you can encourage me to work on it more. 

Okay, here’s the talk with Jackie Miller….

Zach: Hi Jackie. Thanks for joining me. 

Jackie: Hi, how are you? I’m so glad to be here. 

Zach: Yeah, thank you. I’m, I’m good. Uh, so maybe we could start with. Uh, how did you start your podcast? What led you to that? 

Jackie: Absolutely. Uh, so I have a podcast called Out of Crazy Town, your Guide to Divorcing A Narcissist.

And that’s because I divorced one and, um, I, I named it that and used that word because it’s just widely recognizable now. But it’s basically about divorcing individuals who are pathological, um, and very disordered and. They [00:01:00] just end up in a, a level of conflict you can’t even imagine. And, and, um, I know that you had mentioned this e even in our written correspondence, but we use high conflict all the time to describe these divorces.

I. And that’s not really what they are. There’s one disordered individual causing 99.999% of the problems, and the other person just wants it to stop, but they can keep the damage, the chaos going for a very long time, and it’s terrifying. And when I got into the family court system, I couldn’t. Believe what happened.

I couldn’t have ever guessed what the, those court professionals think or how they approach things. Um, there are so many pitfalls that just the average person doesn’t understand until you get into that system. And, and attorneys can do their best, but they, you know, you can’t sit with them all day long and, uh, you know, have them explain everything to you.

That’s too expensive. And, um, you sound [00:02:00] crazy sometimes when you’re trying to tell people. What’s going on. They just, they can’t believe it. And, you know, eventually their eyes glaze over. And so I thought, you know, I have to create a resource that people can go to and get information, you know, that’s a little bit legal, a little bit mental health, a little bit, you know, real world and, and just hear what other people have gone through.

And so that’s why I started my podcast. 

Zach: Yeah. That’s what stood out to me. I was, when I was searching online for this kind of thing, your, um, your work definitely stood out. It didn’t seem like there were many other people. Doing what you do. Try to, trying to help people. Oh, sorry. Trying to help people through those situations.

So that’s, um, yeah. Very good. You’re doing that. Um, do you want, do you wanna talk a little bit about, I don’t know if you want to, if you talk about this, but do you wanna talk about your story? Uh, yeah. In a little bit more detail if, if you’re willing. Sure, 

Jackie: sure. So I was married for 16 and a half years and, uh, I often say that.

After about three years, I knew I was in trouble. Um, but I knew that [00:03:00] leaving him was going to be a nightmare. And we had two children right away. And, uh, I just thought I can’t. For me, it was my personal decision and everybody’s situation is different. I couldn’t fathom leaving before they could really talk and articulate themselves and know they’re at his house probably 50% of the time.

Because most states love 50 50 regardless of what the other parent, you know, the other parents. Like if, you know, we have a saying, if, if you have a pulse, you’re a great parent in the family court system, so. It, I, I, I, it took me a long time to muster not only the courage, but there was a lot of financial control and financial abuse, frankly.

And I had no access to any money after 16 and a half years of marriage. And there was plenty of money. I had no access. My name was on nothing. And you, for people that go through something like this, um, part of the reason I started the podcast as well is I wanted to let. [00:04:00] People know, I wanted to validate them, that you can be this really intelligent, outgoing, successful individual.

And after a relationship with a a disordered person like this, you end up this former shell of yourself. And I’m thinking, how did I start out this really successful, independent, um, owned my own home, was a, you know, climbing the corporate ladder, making a lot of money. How’d I go from that to 16 and a half years later?

I don’t have my name on one bank account. I don’t have access to one penny. Nothing is in my name, like, and it was a deliberate, slow, insidious. You know, um, exercise of control over me over time, that included isolation and financial control that you don’t see happening in real time. And it’s not until you look back that you realize, oh my gosh, this is how I ended up here.

And so, because I went through that and then when I entered the family court system, you, you may [00:05:00] be experiencing abuse in your marriage. But once you leave what’s called post-separation abuse kicks in and that person has lost control over you in the normal ways that they had control when you were under the same roof.

So now that they have to pick up different tools. And to sort of try to continue to maintain that control and abuse of you. And so it turns into legal abuse. It turns into financial abuse using different tools. It turns into, you know, weaponizing the children. So they pick up these other tools to continue the control and abuse.

And there is literally a wheel now called the posts post separation abuse wheel that you can look up and see all of the tools, um, even if the person wasn’t necessarily. A stalker during the relationship. Many of them pick up stocking tools because. They don’t know what’s going on and they need information to control the narrative.

They need information to continue the smear campaigns. [00:06:00] They need information to be able to manipulate you better in court and manipulate the way people think about you. So they very often will engage in, um, you know, higher sort of elevated stalking mm-hmm. Uh, practices to try to maintain that control and gain information about you.

Zach: Right? Yeah. Uh, yeah. It just seems like thinking about these cases. It seems like there’s so many, uh, aspects that are demoralizing that, you know, like you said, can make you feel like a shell of yourself. I mean, there’s the fact that it just, it, it’s so, uh. It’s so demoralizing and, and, uh, crazy making that someone would do these things.

That’s, that’s the one aspect that knowing that someone who theoretically is supposed to be, you know, care about you would do these things or anyone really would do ’em. It’s disturbing. Uh, and then b it’s like knowing that, you know, beating yourself up a little bit, maybe thinking like, how did I let this happen as a part of it too, even though, you know.

[00:07:00] That shouldn’t be a part of it, but it just seems like there’s multiple areas that can make you just really feel like, who am I? Like how did I get to this? Place a absolutely life. Yeah, absolutely. 

Jackie: And depending on, on the dynamics too and the relationship, you know, and I meant kind of hinted to this earlier in mine, I was afraid to then create a situation where my children were alone with him and not have, you know, any coping skills or just be, you know, defenseless if, you know, he becomes volatile or you know, they just start really.

Saying bad things about you and, and putting the kids really in the middle and forcing them to choose and like, you know, just have these loyalty conflicts, you know, between parents and that’s a whole nother dynamic. But the, the coercive control, which is a word I didn’t have, you know, until well after my.

Uh, divorce, uh, that term really didn’t exist in everyday conversation, so I didn’t understand, for instance, why he wouldn’t blatantly say I [00:08:00] couldn’t go out with my friends. But if I, I look back over the relationship, he let me know so many different ways that if I went out for a glass of wine with my friends, I was gonna pay for it, right?

Uh, there’d be days of silent treatment. There would be. Um, underhanded comments to, while we’re out with friends about, you know, I just go party all the time and I don’t take care of my kids. Like things that just are blatantly not true. But I would have to suffer death by a thousand paper cuts if I did something like go out and have a glass of wine with my friends.

And so I would very often make plans, and then at the 11th hour when I was supposed to leave, I would call them and back out. Because I couldn’t, I was too afraid to tell him. Mm-hmm. I was walking down in know downtown three blocks and I’d be back in two hours. Like, you know, we all deserve a little alone time, you know?

And to hang out with our friends. That’s a very healthy thing to do. But that was the coercive control. Could I point to a time that he said, you are not allowed to go out with your friends? No, I couldn’t. Right. But, but [00:09:00] now I understand the slow insidious control, you know, that was happening and the modalities, he used to exact that control.

Zach: And it seems like in a lot of cases those things ramp up, especially at the point when somebody actually leaves, that’s when it reaches a whole new level or, or before that. Uh, I mean that’s, that’s when it, and, and maybe that’s a good segue into, maybe you could talk about. Some of the people that reach out to you for consulting or, or stories you hear about?

I think, I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding some of the, how common this stuff is and, uh, and just how bad it is. Maybe you could talk a little bit about some of the stories of clients you’ve had or, or, or people you’ve consulted for. 

Jackie: Sure. Uh, you know, it really runs the entire gamut of, I’ve had clients that have endured a lot of physical abuse, um, but they’re still dealing with a court system that says that that’s a, it’s ignorant.

I. On domestic violence, and [00:10:00] b, it’s willing, willful ignorance. We don’t want to deal with it, in other words. Um, so they will say things like, well, he may have been hitting you, but he wasn’t hitting the kids. So he can have 50 50 or she can, you know, and it happens both ways. You know, she may have been doing these awful things, um, but she wasn’t doing them to the kids.

And I, I personally believe if you’re abusing. The parent of your children, you’re abusing your children. How are your children supposed to function healthily and it it, you know, have a healthy mental health? When they know, even if it’s instinctual and they haven’t witnessed it, they instinctually know that one of their parents is abusing the other parent.

It’s, it’s abuse by proxy. It just is. There’s, there’s no argument for it. But in the family court system, again, if you have a pulse, you’re a good parent. So yes, that parent gets the children. And how terrifying is that? Because sometimes the, you know, the, the one child becomes the new target. In your absence, [00:11:00] um, you know, and then you watch the other dynamics play out where there’s a scapegoat and a golden child and you see them pitting the children against each other.

And so you’ve worked so hard to have your children have this wonderful lifelong friendship and sibling relationship because, you know, you know, once you’re gone, that’s all they’re gonna have in the world, you know? And you, that was for me. I really want my kids to be close. I want them to be able to talk about anything and rely on each other.

And I saw dynamics at play where a wedge was trying to be driven between the two of ’em, um, by making one scapegoat and one a golden child. And so there’s so many dynamics, um, that I see that my clients come to me with, even though that was an example of I gave myself, they’ll be dealing with those kinds of things.

They’ll be dealing with the, um, we had $10 million in the bank when I filed for bankruptcy, and he has stopped all the money. Blocked it off and, and no one’s doing anything. I’ve already paid my attorney $25,000 and nothing’s happened yet. I hear that story all the time, like, how can [00:12:00] this be technically?

Is he allowed or is she allowed to block all the money? No, they’re not. But by the time it gets in front of a judge and you have a hearing and you jump through all the hoops of the one attorney’s supposed to ask the other attorney nicely, but then your attorney needs a $20,000 retainer and now they need another 10,000 by the time you get there.

Where you get to tell on them or her, you know, to somebody who matters, who can actually make a court order, a lot of time can pass. Mm-hmm. And you can spend a lot of money. And so we, I spend a lot of time strategizing with clients on how do we get from A to B, the, you know, the quickest. It’s not gonna be easy, there’s gonna be a lot of potholes.

How do we save the most money? What are some tips and tricks that we can come up with? You know, and, um, so again, I’ve seen everything from physical abuse, cops being called, you know, restraining orders 

Zach: to devices, uh, being stolen and spied on that, that kinda stuff. Yeah. 

Jackie: Oh, absolutely. I, my daughter found a military grade [00:13:00] GPS tracker in my car.

I. Um, you know, and I was just like, what? So that, you know, and yes, laptops being stolen and Yeah, absolutely. P phones being stolen and Oh, ob 

Zach: obsessively, uh, contacting every, you know, all the contacts that people know to try to ruin the other person’s reputation, that kind of thing. 

Jackie: Absolutely. So one of the spokes on the abuse wheel is this, you know, the smear campaigns.

Mm-hmm. And the reasons for that are a, you know, it helps them control the narrative. Um, b it. It helps it isolate you If they can get everyone to be thinking against you and see, it’s to just show you that they can. Yeah. And it’s very scary. But the, the interesting thing about the smear campaigns is I.

Most of my clients will find, and I found they started much earlier in the relationship and you didn’t even know about it. So it was a, a comment behind your back when you’re out with friends, like, oh, she’s got really drunk again. You know, or, or you know when that never happens, or, oh, [00:14:00] you know, when they’ve been feeding you wine all night and you’re like, oh mom, look at my husband or wife being so nice.

Keeps up and getting me drinks. Alright, sure. I’ll have another one. God, they never act like this. This is great. Well, it’s intentional. To, you know, so you get a little more drunk than usual, and then they look over at their friend and they’re like, oh God, this is what I deal with all the time. So it’s, you know, it’s, but it’s mind blowing Yeah.

To think someone’s been doing that. 

Zach: Yeah. Well that’s, that 

Jackie: the relationship, let alone after 

Zach: that is really the, you know, the, it is really mind blowing. Like some of this stuff, I mean, listening to the stories on your podcast or the, you know, the people I know, uh, it is pretty mind blowing in terms of like.

This is really cr like, it’s really hard to wrap your mind around like, you know, in, in, in the same way that a lot of personality disorders are. It’s really hard to wrap your mind around, well why would they do this and why would they do this over years? These are people that are the only people, the main people in their life, and that’s how they treat them.

You [00:15:00] know, it’s, it’s really, it is really hard to, to wrap your mind around, I think. I think that’s actually getting into, you know, why sometimes these people. Can get away with this or convince other people that they’re, that they have valid points because it is so hard to believe some of this stuff, right?

It’s like, you know, you, you’d hear somebody say this, my ex or my current husband has done all these crazy things to me. And you know, at some level I think a lot of people who have, who don’t know about these things are thinking like. That that sounds completely wacky. Can that really be true? You know, and so they’re thinking like, there’s gotta be more to this story here, right?

I think that’s what accounts for some of the power some of these people have maybe in court or even just talking to other people. But I’m curious what you, what you think about that. 

Jackie: Absolutely. One thing I see, one tactic is that they will create a story that’s so outrageous. It has to be true. And, you know, and no matter how much, the more you defend yourself, the more [00:16:00] guilty you look at it.

And, but so I, I’ve seen that happen. Well, they’re just come up with something that’s just so, like, you know, I didn’t tell anybody about this, but this is what was going on. And you’re just like, wait, what? Um, just completely outta left field. So there’s that. And then there is, you know, some of the more subtle manipulations.

But I, again, going back to the mind blowing, most of our brains don’t work like this. We don’t have this inherent, just really instinctual ability to manipulate. All the time. And they, 

Zach: and desire. And desire to constantly, constantly 

Jackie: manipulate it would be exhausting. Oh, I know. That’s what strikes me for 

Zach: It would, yes.

It seems exhausting. I can’t even imagine, you know, living like that Yeah. Would seem 

Jackie: exhausting. But it’s instinctual. They, they, they just have, they see these openings and that is why I believe, and again, I’m, I’m not a PhD, but I. Believe that that is why. Um, and I’ve had this described to me this way, like in the diagnostic, you know, [00:17:00] manual where they, they identify personality disorders, which narcissism falls under one of them, but the cluster B personality disorders, these individuals basically wake up every day and decide to behave this way.

They do not have a mental illness. It’s not, you know, so there’s not, a psychiatrist isn’t necessarily gonna be able to prescribe a medication like for schizophrenia to make it better. These are disordered individuals, but the reason they can stick them in a diagnostic manual is because they all displace similar behaviors.

Right. That’s the crazy thing. Yeah. Yeah. So it looks like they’re all following the same script, even though they’ve never met each other. They’re not related. They didn’t grow up in the same family. They all use similar tactics. So it is a personality disorder, um, but it’s not a mental illness and it’s a, it’s an interesting nuance to sort of consider.

Zach: Yeah, I mean it’s, I think there’s a lot of nuance there. ’cause it’s like, I think it’s some level, these [00:18:00] people really can’t control it. Like they, you know, it’s, and in many cases it’s been instilled in them in some way since they were. Kids even. But I think there is something there, like I think the, the main thing we can say is like, if you don’t want to get help, you’re not gonna get help.

And these people. Do not want to get help. Like, you know, 

Jackie: they, they do not wanna get help. And, and it, that is a really good point because, and I dunno if you’ve heard of Dr. Peter Salerno, but he has a book called The Nature and Nurture of Narcissism. And he does talk about how there are a lot of clinical studies that you can have two children, you can pop one out that, you know, uh, it’s just kind, loving.

Empathetic and the other one will come out with kind of predisposition to have some of these traits. So, so he does see a nature side of that. Um, but you’re right, they don’t want help. They don’t get help, they don’t get better usually. Um, they don’t improve. And so it’s. It’s, and, and you had mentioned something too in your writing about just this super fragile ego, you know, and they, they have to [00:19:00] just sort of protect that at all costs.

So they can cannot take blame for anything. It’s, you rarely ever hear the word, I’m sorry. And if you do, it’s a manipulation to get something. 

Zach: Yeah. And I think, yeah, to talk to you more about, I wanna talk to you more about that because it’s like, to me, and obviously I’m not the only person who thinks this, but.

It really seems like the fact that these people will never self-examine the fact that they will never say, I’m sorry, the fact that they will never admit blame, and they so often project everything on everyone else. I mean, I think that’s key to understanding their fragility because at some level they find it so hard to self-examine something that everybody, you know, most of us find easy to do.

For whatever reason, you know, nature, nurture combination. They, they find it so hard to be honest with themselves and to self examine and they have some instinctual desire to always be casting all the blame on everyone else and, and seeing everyone else’s enemies. But I think that’s, you know, I’m curious if you have any [00:20:00] thoughts.

I know neither of us are psychologists. Sure. With all your experience, I’m sure you’ve thought a lot about what drives, you know, the, these kinds of behaviors. 

Jackie: Yeah, it’s, and you’re absolutely right, the victim. Mentality. And, and, and that’s the, you know, usually the, at the crux of, say the smear campaigns or you know, when you read these declarations that they write for court in family court, I mean everything is victim, victim, victim.

In fact, I often will tell clients like, Hey, look. They’ll usually get some early wins in family court because the judge is like, whoa. You know, they’re writing all these outrageous things in their declarations and they’re the victim. They’re the victim. Um, it’s a chip away mentality in family court. It is a or, or just when you’re dealing with these folks in general, even if court’s gone, um, and you’re in the aftermath dealing with co-parenting or whatnot, but it is this chip away mentality.

It’s a marathon. Hold on tight. Stay the course. I will often say to, um, you know, point out [00:21:00] behaviors. Obviously we never label anyone because most of us aren’t qualified to do that, but just point out concerning behaviors and don’t play the victim. It’s okay to point out things that they’re doing, but eventually.

Though that will start to be really contrasted, like whether it’s in your declarations or things that are happening in the court system, it will start to become apparent like, wow, this person, it’s always, always poor me. And they, they’re all doing it to me and they’re all, you know, and it, it will eventually.

Come to light. But it’s very scary in the beginning because they do get early wins in the family court system because they, they come out just, they come outta the gate, come out swinging, just swinging. I mean, and you’re like, whoa, I just thought we could talk about this and go to mediation and maybe work it out, you know?

And, and next thing you know, you know, you’re being accused of all these outrageous things. But yeah, the victim, oh, the victim card 

Zach: is heavily played and that’s part of the mind blowing nature of it is like the never admitting any fault is kind of like the mind [00:22:00] blowing thing too. ’cause it’s like. It’s just, I think for most of us, it’s, it’s just such a, a minor thing to admit like, Hey, maybe I played a role in this.

Maybe I did something wrong. You know? But for people that just are completely, they cannot do that. They, they, they’re not capable of that. It, it, it is so painful for them to even think that other people. You know, might be that, that, that they themselves, maybe, or other people are, are seeing them in a negative light is, is so painful that for them, they just combat it, you know?

Uh, tooth and nail or whatever. Yeah, 

Jackie: absolutely. They, yeah, they, they, they need everyone on their side. Um, it’s just a, um, gosh, there was something that I was gonna say. Darn it. Uh, it’s a horrible coping me mechanism. It is. Oh, what I was going to say is in two, they know your buttons. I mean, part of, early on in the relationship, what they were doing, um, was.

Information gathering. So what felt like, oh my gosh, they ask a lot of questions [00:23:00] about me and they really want to know a lot about me. And it’s very scary. ’cause you go out to try to date again and you’re like, how do I discern between someone who’s just trying to get to know me and someone who’s information gathering?

Yeah. Why do they wanna know that? Yeah. Um, but they are, they have minds like still traps when it comes to information about you so that they can pull it up later and use it against you. And so. There. I always say, you know, look for the themes that they pick. Like I, I bet you could pick a theme that this person constantly said about you.

Um, mine before I got divorced was like, I can’t handle anything. I’m stupid. Like, I can’t even handle like getting the kids to the right birthday parties on time. I can’t, how come I don’t have that date? Right. How do I have that thing wrong? I’m thinking, like I said, it was a super high functioning adult before I met you.

Like. How could this be true? But it was a narrative that kept being beaten to my head over time, and I started to adopt that narrative myself. Um, and then post, um, you know, separation and after the divorce had gone on so long, the one button [00:24:00] he knew would get me is he would say, you spent the kids’ college.

You know my, on that divorce, you’re the one that drug it out. You’re the one. I mean, oh my God, I was not the one that drug it out. 

Zach: Right? And 

Jackie: even I have to, I have to fight the temptation right now. Not to tell the whole story to defend myself, but it was, he, they know what button to push that’s really gonna get to you.

And so. Just sort of trying to be aware that that’s what’s happening. That’s the dynamic that’s playing and not fall for it is a really big hill to sort of climb and overcome. But it’s a really important one if you can do it. If you could stop and breathe and not react. Mm. And just be like, okay, they’re playing that cart again because they know they’re gonna get mileage out of it.

And I’m gonna start spinning right now. Right. If you can sort of shut that down in any way, shape or form by taking a breath, not responding, changing your response, shortening your response to not give them the fuel they’re [00:25:00] looking for. Right. I always give that advice ’cause they know exactly what they’re doing and what buttons to put, buttons to push.

Zach: And as you say on your podcast, as you and others say. Trying to not be over reactive in the legal and custody setting is very important too, because people will often perceive that in and wrong in, in, uh, ways that don’t help you. So you, it pays to be calm and not be reactive and you know, and how you respond.

Yeah. 

Jackie: Yeah. It really does. And I’ll even say like, visually look at your messages to each other. If there’s a ranting for seven paragraphs. And then you respond for two, and then they ran for seven more paragraphs and you respond for two. Just on visual. If I’m a judge that’s not reading all this, I’m kind of flipping through it.

I’m already like, just visually like, okay, that’s, you know, I see what’s going on here. He’s crazy, but I see what’s going on here. Yeah. Like, like, oh my God, this is, this person’s a lot. Yeah. At the very minimum, this person’s a lot. So I’m like, you know, just start with that. 

Zach: I think another, uh.

Counterintuitive weird thing [00:26:00] about these kind of dynamics is, you know, some of these people will seem like, you’d be like, well, they clearly, they treat their spouse this way. They clearly hate their spouse. And they may even sometimes say like, you know, I don’t want to be with you, and these kinds of things.

And on the surface they hate them, but on the, on another level, they really need them. Like they need that control, like. The control of another person is what gives them some sense of like existential stability or something. So when, when, you know, and I’ve heard this, you know, from, from people, from stories where you know that the, the abused person leaves and, and is surprised that the person fights so hard to control them and or keep them, or, you know, try to control the situation and not let them go.

And it’s, but it’s like at some level. They really wanted that, uh, that, that, that relationship as toxic as it was, was what gave them major stability in their life for, for a lot of these people, it seems, seems like to me, [00:27:00] but I’m curious if you have any thoughts on that. 

Jackie: Yeah, absolutely. It’s, it is about control and it’s almost like I work so hard to get you into this, you know, submissive shell of yourself, state, how dare you leave?

Or, you know, or, or even if I treated you so badly and told you to get out, you weren’t really supposed to leave, you know, because I control you. And it is quite literally their fuel, their oxygen. That’s how I look at it. And so by. When you leave, you, they’re, they’ve lost their oxygen. 

Zach: Is that, is that, is that when you say that’s their, this might be going too far, but is that, is this like their version of love for these people?

Like that’s the only kind of love they, they might be able to know. Do you think? I. 

Jackie: Uh, I guess, yeah, if we wanna try to label it that, you know, I have a hard time, I mean, putting the word on it, but Yeah, no, it’s in, in their minds 

Zach: though. And, and it’s, 

Jackie: yeah. Let me put it this way. It’s the way they have a relationship.

Yes. Yeah. So, so what we thought was love, you know, we got into this person and we maybe [00:28:00] married them or whatever, you know, we thought we were committed for life, or for at least for a very long time. Yeah, we would call that we did that because of love and theirs is just for control 

Zach: and it’s not love.

Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s like it might be the only way that they can like connect to other person, at least how the way they are now. Yeah. 

Jackie: It’s the only way they can connect to the other person. And the other thing that I say is, it’s interesting in these relationships, they very often pick.

Intelligent, attractive, articulate, you know, uh, creative types that A, it makes them look good. Mm-hmm. And BI say a lot of ’em, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them, it helps make them acceptable to society, um, where they wouldn’t have been on that level on their own. Because you will hear often like, oh my God, he was so nicer.

She was so nice. And then, yeah, I like their spouse. They’re okay, but, but they wouldn’t have been, you know, invited all these places or done, you know, it’s, it’s really one, you know. Wherever they’re being invited eventually. It’s usually ’cause the nice, the nice part of the mm-hmm. Of, you know, of the couple, but [00:29:00] they also are very good at putting on the mask.

Zach: Right, right. So a lot of them are very good at acting and, and manipulating and putting on an act. Yeah. Uhhuh. Mm-hmm. Uh, so that 

Jackie: if you do leave you, you, you know, everyone’s like, oh, I’m so surprised. He or she was charming, so nice, so I don’t get it. Yeah, 

Zach: yeah. But the, uh, it’s complicated. One thing I thought was a practical tip in one of your podcasts was talking about how, because you know, the words, uh, the, the word narcissism is so overused these days.

Like, you have so many people that will just like, toss it around at the drop of a hat. Like, they don’t like something, somebody does their work and they’re like, they’re a narcissist. You know? But I think, um, you know, learning about. Real, very narcissistic people will, uh, maybe help you not use that word.

Uh, a, a as, as loosely as some people do. But the practical tip though, in one of your episodes was, uh. Talking about, uh, how when it comes to talking in, in legal custody settings, you know, it’s good to avoid that word. [00:30:00] I think somebody said to avoid the word abuse too, and just describe what the people are like.

Describe what their behaviors and actions were like, and so to avoid the perception that you’re trying to like label them and, and manipulate other people’s perceptions basically. 

Jackie: Right. Absolutely. It’s, uh, it’s definitely a rule in court that, that we don’t label anyone. And yes, you describe the behaviors, uh, and I know in one episode you’re right, that was about custody evaluations.

Um, the guest had whi, which has been really valuable for a lot of my clients is, is explaining the progression of things. So when we started out, um. You know, this person is so sweet, so charming, um, you know, really outgoing, really good at their job, really da, da da. So describe all the things that a judge or an evaluator or somebody else is going to see when they meet them, because that’s the face the mask they’re going to have on.

And then they’ll say like, oh, yes. Right? That’s what I see. They’re, you know, they’re, they’re funny, they’re hilarious. Like they’re, they’re really good at cracking jokes. They put me at ease when I’m with them. And then I [00:31:00] was really saddened and surprised when. All of a sudden, you know, I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends and, um, the, you know, I started calling me really, really bad names in front of the children, um, through a vase at my head once and in, you know, and describing the behavior.

So you don’t have to say abuse and you don’t have to say. Narcissist or you know, how, you know, you’re saying I was being controlled, I was being isolated. There were physical, you know, times that they were physical. Um, there are times that they’re, you know, they’re doing things in front of the kids that is not good.

Not good parenting, not healthy, not safe. So you’re just able, you’re set the stage and then you’re able to describe all those behaviors. Without throwing out any labels. Now I do have to say in the comfort of our own home, talking with our friends, listening to a podcast, I think labels are great. I think it’s feels good to read about something that you’re experiencing and then have someone give it a name.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I know a doctor Diverso Romney is, is really big on that and she [00:32:00] has a book. Um, it’s not you. And I completely agree with her. Like I remember it was 2:00 AM when I stumbled on Tina Sweeten’s book. Um, and she described everything in my marriage is, is what she had went through. And then she, you know, said that he, I think, believed her ex was officially diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

But I remember just. Feeling this relief, like, oh, this is a thing, this me. Yeah, there’s all the patterns, 

Zach: there’s all the behaviors. Here’s the 

Jackie: pattern. Somebody else went through this and the, and there’s a name for it. So I think it’s very therapeutic and validating to be able to study it and read it and understand what the names are.

But then, yep. When you’re in the family court system or is anywhere that don’t, yeah, don’t, don’t diagnose it. Don’t use it yourself. Describe the behaviors that’s gonna, what’s gonna get you. Mm-hmm. Um, you know what you need. 

Zach: Yeah. I’m curious if you have any stories about, or observations about projection, because it’s such a cliche that narcissists, uh, narcissistic personalities [00:33:00] will project things about themselves on other people.

It’s almost like I hear that and, and in a similar way as people too, sometimes too loosely. Throw the narcissism label around. I also hear people say, too often say, uh oh, they’re projecting where I’m like, um, I don’t think they’re projecting, but it, but it is really a thing. And when you actually see some of these things close up, like a specific, uh, you know, case I was telling you about in other many other cases, there, there is this thing or a very real projection thing where the things that are, that they’ve done wrong, they will.

Accuse the other person of, they’ll accuse other people of like, you know, say it’s drinking or drugs. The other, if they have a problem, they’ll accuse the other person of having that problem. If they, if they’ve had many affairs, they’ll accuse the other person of having many affairs and at, and at some level it’s like, it’s not, it seems it just a, not even a, a strategy.

It’s, it’s a, it’s a genuine, [00:34:00] like I really. At some level, some of these people really do believe these things in a, in an obsessive, obsessive way. The more, the more obsessive ones. But there is this thing that, that happens with this projecting. But I’m curious if you’ve heard many stories or, or do you have any observations about that?

Jackie: Yeah, no, it. It does happen all the time. I see what you’re saying. I mean, I think a, sometimes they use it as a strategy. If I beat them to the punch, you know, and say it first, then when they say it about me, it’d be like, oh, well, well great. So you’re right. Right. I’m doing it too. So I think in, in lots of times in the court system, we’ll seem ’em try to beat you to the punch by accusing you of at first.

Um. Two, it’s just, it’s a level of gaslighting that will absolutely make you crazy. So it is a very useful tool to gaslight you, to get you to react and then see I. Right. See, I told, so I, I believe it’s a, it’s a heavily used strategy in that manner, and then I think you’re absolutely right [00:35:00] that some of them, like, I’ll take the cheating for instance.

They do it so often and they’re so promiscuous, and whether they’ve lied to themselves to make themselves feel better or they, they have always believed it or what they’re like, everybody. Right. That’s the, everybody’s, everyone’s doing it cheating. Like there, there’s no such thing as a marriage that doesn’t, there’s no such thing as a guide that hasn’t, there’s no such thing, and I have seen that play out before too.

And I’m like, no, I, they really believe it. Yeah. They really believe that literally every neighbor is doing each other. Mm-hmm. And every like. They actually believe it. They actually believe that if I go take tennis lessons, that I will be sleeping with the tennis instructor. They believe it. Mm-hmm. And so I, I, you know, I think both can be true.

Yeah. It’s a spectrum. Spectrum. It’s, it’s to, it’s a spectrum. That’s what I was gonna say. It’s a strategy sometimes, and sometimes it’s complete delusion. 

Zach: And I think it could be, yeah. It’s, and it’s, it can be hard to tell which is, which is in some of these cases, yeah. Hard to tell, which is, which I think in some cases they might not even really know.

Like they might be like. I, I’m [00:36:00] paranoid that everyone is doing these things against me. Yeah. And I want it to be true, so I’ll say it and believe it. Right. There’s, I think, I think especially for the less functional or the, the more, the less mentally well examples. 

Jackie: Yeah. 

Zach: There is this case. I mean, ’cause there’s studies that show that really pathologically narcissistic people have a hard time with memory.

They have a hard time, you know, distinguishing. Past reality from, from, from fiction that they’ve created. Like that’s a real Yeah. Thing. And I think at some level some of these people just want to believe something so much. They basically believe it. You know, they, they. They just, I will it into exist existence.

Jackie: The false narrative is, is safer for whatever reason. It’s, it’s, it’s safer to my, you know, my, my, the shell of false self that I’ve built to think that you’re cheating to, it’s safer to, um, yeah. Whatever the reason is. I, I completely agree. Yeah. It’s a spectrum, but, um, it, yeah, yeah, either way it’s, it’s just, it’s crazy making you write for the other person [00:37:00] on the other end.

Well, that’s why your, 

Zach: that’s why your podcast is aptly named. 

Jackie: Yeah, it, it really is. Like I, I had a friend that I was in a book club with at the time, and she was so excited I was doing this. I wake up one morning to a text on my phone and she, I think it was a text or an email, and she’d taken a screenshot of, she’d like been up for hours, scribbling all these possible podcast names, and they were like in the corner and then written this way, written that way in circles around ’em, and this one underlined and that one.

I just, this one stuck out. She’s the one that named it. And I’m like, oh my God, this is absolutely brilliant. And I always get, I always get comments about it. So I have to give a credit, credit to my friend. And 

Zach: it’s, it’s called, uh, what was it out of, out of Crazy Town? Was it Out of Crazy Town? 

Jackie: Yeah. 

Zach: Right.

Jackie: Yeah. 

Zach: I didn’t actually send you this beforehand, but just something I was thinking about before we met. I, so something I’ve long thought about, more toxic people. Narcissistic or just toxic in general. It seems like a lot of them in my experience.

Uh, had, you know, had toxic, uh, parents or, or main parent than one main parent, the themselves, which led to them having some of those traits. And I think another factor there is I think some of those people, uh, some of the more toxic people never were able to examine the bad things that their parents did to them.

Parent or both parents, so that they kind of still put their. A parent that mistreated them on some sort of pedestal, which, which prevents them from ever [00:39:00] like examining the bad aspects of that relationship. And I think the healthier people are able to be like, oh, I didn’t like these things that this parent did.

Um, so I’m able to process it and examine it and not do those things myself maybe. But I think for a lot of the people that have the worst outcomes. In this area. I think a lot of them still at some level want to please their, you know, toxic parent. But it, this, this, you know, I’m not a psychologist, obviously this, this is just my own kind of working theory, but I’m curious if there’s anything in there.

Um, do you have any observations about that? And no problem if not. 

Jackie: Yeah, no. It’s, my, my experience is basically your experience. Um, that is that. Uh, the people that I’ve dealt with in my life that probably have a personality disorder or cluster B personality disorder did have some pretty decent dysfunction going on, um, in their family.

And, and yeah, there’s like a, a, a parent dynamic there. Usually [00:40:00] that’s, um, you know, that just was really harmful for whatever reason. Or just, or just a really unhealthy bond or relationship or, you know, um, I did do a blog post on, um. You know, narcissistic men and their mothers, not because they’re all that way, but it happens enough that you can write a blog about it.

Right? And, um, it, there’s, you know, often some enmeshment, and again, I know we can’t just put a blanket, you know, label on all of this, but there’s definitely patterns that can be identified. And, but that at the same time, that’s also why I called out Dr. P um, Peter Sonos book, because. He does point out that there is a lot of, are there a lot of studies where, you know, there’s a, could be a genetic component and basically the argument is like, so if you know, you stick two kids in a family and they grow up very similar, you know, but one emerges with these extremely narcissistic traits and the other one’s, you know, a compassionate, empathic person.

How is that? You know? And so that’s why they’re kinda looking, you know, at some of the more genetic based studies, I [00:41:00] guess is the best way to say it. But by and large. Yeah, I, I mean, my experience is, your experience is that I, and I often will see like narcissistic family systems, you know, I’ll see a, I’ll see a, a mom and a sister and a brother, you know, or three brothers and a dad, you know, so it’s, and, and it.

I’m not qualified to examine what’s going on there, but right there you will. I did another blog called, did You Marry Into a Narcissistic Family? ’cause oh my gosh, sometimes they will grab hold of the sweet people pleaser, you know? Um, and I don’t mean to label all of us that way, but that’s what I was, and they’ll, the whole family will eat you alive, 

Zach: right?

There’s, there’re gonna be dynamics of manipulation and, um. Yeah. Harassment, manipulation, boundary, boundary stepping, just people that have unhealthy ways of engaging and that, you know, we’re not gonna solve the nature nurture thing on this podcast. Right. But like those, those kinds of dynamics I.

Obviously not [00:42:00] everybody comes out of that, uh, extremely narcissistic, but those kinds of dynamics can make somebody, you know, start seeing those things as like, oh, well this is just how you behave with people. 

Jackie: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, why, you know, why does one person grow up in a really dysfunctional family and think to themself, I’m never gonna do that to my kids.

Right. I’m going to be the, you know, I’m gonna do way better than that, and then the other person repeats it. Exactly. Yeah. It’s hard to say, but 

Zach: yeah. I think there’s, I think there’s like pathways you can go down, like, you know, if we, if we completely remove the. The nature aspect, you know, not, not to say it’s not true, but I do think there’s like pathways that it’s kinda like chaos theory.

Like you start dripping down one side of the mountain or another and like yeah, the, the, the, the personality traits start compounding and such, so, you know, that’s, that’s just how I think of it in terms of like, it’s, it start going down one path and, um, I do too. I think that’s, it’s hard to, and, and if you start doing, I think it in general, if you start behaving in bad.

Unhealthy ways [00:43:00] you continually start to justify those things, which has an impact on your current personality and so on and so on. So you, you continually kind of like can spiral down to worse behaviors because you’re for sure it’s a 

Jackie: dark hole that it’s very difficult to climb out from. And even what, what you were saying something earlier that made it come to mind often there’s a huge component of lying among these, you know, disordered individuals.

And you’re right, they. And I think that that disengagement from reality and what’s going on is because they truly lie so much they can’t remember their lies. And then Right. It, it’s not even about remembering the lies anymore. It’s just I’m gonna make up the reality wherever I am, in front of whoever I’m standing in front of, and I am going to believe it.

Yeah. Because that’s been my pattern for so long. Whatever comes outta my mouth is the reality. Yeah. And I, I don’t care if it is raining right now, I’m gonna tell you it’s not. Yeah. 

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, it is really the, the tangled web wee weave thing where it’s like you start constructing so many lies and deceptions around you.

At some level, it’s, you’re just living in a [00:44:00] web of, you know, unreality. Right. So you might as well just say, you know. And that if you’re in that spot, you know, just say whatever you want. Right? 

Jackie: And you have to almost believe that you’re the smartest person in the room because you’ve, you’ve now become so manipulative and so able to twist people’s realities.

You become so good at it that you now start to believe that you are the smartest person in the room no matter where you go. ’cause I can convince them that the sky is purple and that it’s not raining when it is. 

Zach: And even because I’ve done it before. And even when you fail at convincing them, you’ll just tell yourself, I’m still a genius.

’cause you know, you’re used to. Telling yourself whatever. I’ll still go home 

Jackie: and tell myself that they, that they bought it and I’m a genius or, or they’re, or there are 

Zach: morons for not believing it. Yeah. It’s like, uh, well this has been great, Jackie. I appreciate it. Is there anything else you’d like to add before we wrap up?

Jackie: You know, I just want folks out there that are going through these hard times to know that it, it does come to an end. I don’t wanna say it gets better because they get better because they don’t. But my big, [00:45:00] um, hill that I want to die on is that extract yourselves from them. Any way possible. So even if you’re going through the divorce, like minimize your contact.

It, you know, if you have to communicate, uh, you know, I have this joke, like if it, it was a paragraph. See if you can get it down to a sentence. If it’s a sentence, see if you can get it down to a word. If it’s a word, see if you can get it down to a thumbs up. Um, like the, any way that you can cut them off from access to you and attention from you is, and again, I know that that’s, there’s a million different scenarios, um, to talk through, but.

If, if at all, at all possible, do that because you are their supply and they need to be cut off from, from your attention, from using you as a supply and move on to another one. 

Zach: Thanks. That’s great. Yeah. Uh, really appreciate you joining me and thanks for your efforts and work. 

Jackie: Thank you so much for having me.

I really enjoyed it.

Categories
podcast

How behavior “experts” lie to you

This episode is a reshare from Chris Shelton’s Speaking of Cults podcast; the original episode is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEHXmfhMG88.

Can you really tell who’s lying just by watching their body language? Are there any practical takeaways you can reliably and regularly get from studying nonverbal behavior in interrogation/interview settings? In this episode, I, Zach Elwood, author of some well known books on poker tells/behavior, talk to Chris Shelton, host of Speaking of Cults. We take a hard look at the booming industry of self-proclaimed “body language experts,” behavior-based deception detection, and viral behavioral analyses of interrogation videos (popular on YouTube). We unpack why confident claims about blinks, posture, eye direction, and micro-movements are often misleading, how pseudoscience sneaks into true crime media and even law enforcement, and why innocent people can easily be anxious and seem suspicious under pressure. We talk about alleged behavior experts who spread bad information (including Chase Hughes, the Behavior Panel, and Jack Brown). We discuss if there are realistic uses of body language in interrogation and other real-world settings, and what that might look like. If you’ve ever found yourself persuaded by a self-proclaimed “behavior expert,” this talk might change how you think about body language.

Episode links:

Related episodes:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcript is done automatically and will contain errors.)

Chris Shelton: “Do I know what that facial expression means? No, you don’t. You don’t. You can only guess, but we crave certainty. We want it so bad. And so when somebody comes along and says, well, I know all about it. See, I’ve studied this for years. See, and I know that when that man raises his right eyebrow, it means something different than when he raises his left eyebrow.”

“This is just one break point of where I look at these guys doing these analyses and I, I, I, I don’t have years of background in this, but I know what I know about psychology and I see the conclusions these guys make, and I’m like. Oh, please shut up.”

Zach Elwood: “They’re basically ringing blood from a stone. There’s almost no information there—but they’ll find all sorts of meaning in it.”

That’s a clip from Chris Shelton’s Speaking of Cults podcast, on which I recently appeared as a guest. We were talking about the bad, irresponsible information spread by alleged behavior experts, who claim you can get strong, reliable, and practically useful information in interrogation and interview contexts from reading people’s body language. So I’ll be resharing this episode on my own podcast channel. If you want to see the original, you can go to speakingofcults.com or to the Speaking of Cults youtube channel. 

This will be one of a few episodes I’m doing focused on the immense amount of bullshit in the alleged “behavior expert” space. I have another episode coming out with an ex-CIA operative soon, talking about the con artist Chase Hughes, and about the general uselessness of using nonverbal behavior in interrogation and espionage-related fieldwork. That talk includes discussions of Paul Ekman, and of micro-expressions.

I have another couple episodes coming out with retired FBI agents, one a quite well known one who you might have heard of, to talk about these topics. 

I have another episode coming out where I’ll be talking to a professional negotiator for their thoughts on nonverbal behavior. 

Just to say that I have decided to really focus on this for a bit, talking to people who work in high stakes situations, asking them about what they see as nonsense and what they see as realistic when it comes to making use of body language. 

Also, I should say that this is the second time I’ve appeared on Chris’s Speaking of Cults podcast. The first one was a deep dive on NLP, neuro-linguistic programming, and the nonsense and pseudoscience in that area. NLP is a foundational aspect of many alleged “behavior experts,” so if you really want to understand this area well you should understand NLP well, and that’s a good video for jumping into the topic. 

I’ll also say that if you like these talks, you should look at the couple interviews I’ve had with Tim Levine, the respected deception detection researcher. 

In this talk with Chris, we discuss: 

  • The huge variability and ambiguity in human behavior
  • Alleged behavior experts, like those on The Behavior Panel, and the bad, irresponsible information they spread
  • The misleading idea that you just need to quote “baseline” someone’s behavior
  • My own views on the major differences between game scenarios and real-world, non-game scenarios
  • The negative outcomes that can result when people wrongly think they can reliably tell truth from lies based on reading body language 

Okay, here’s my talk with Chris Shelton on his Speaking of Cults podcast…

Chris Shelton: [00:00:00] The speaking of Cult podcast is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from it is at the user’s own risk. The views, information, or opinions expressed by the host and guests are solely those of the individuals involved and do not constitute medical or other professional advice.

Hello, and welcome to the Speaking of Cults podcast. This is Chris Shelton, your host. Thank you very much for joining me again this week. I am very happy to have your viewership and your support. We are, as you know, a, a podcast that dives into the subjects of cults, coercive control, destructive behavior, and you know, the kind of abusive stuff that people get up to with each other.

And we try to shed a light on either abusive organizations or activities [00:01:00] and how these things can be measures of, or reflective of, you know, extreme behavior. Like people just kind of taking things too far, going to, taking a belief, taking a belief set, taking a group, and just kind of dialing it all up to 11 and doing bad things.

As a result, human beings definitely have a tendency to go, uh, too much of a good thing or take a bad thing and, and, and really blow it up. But either way. You know, we, we end up in bad places and one of the ways that we like to look at things on this podcast is to break down behavior and what is behavior driven by what motivates behavior?

Hell, I’ve put a whole psychological model together where I dare to think that I might have some answers as to what drives people to do what they do, you know, in terms of emotions and morality and, and you know, and things like that. But. There’s a difference between trying to like categorize or broadly, you know, look at [00:02:00] behavior and then making claims about human beings that are unfounded, untested, and really do not, people just have no business making these claims, but they have no compunction in doing so anyway.

And so we get this broad field of pseudoscience and we talked a couple weeks ago with Zach Ellison about, or sorry. Say that again. We talked a few weeks ago with Zach Elwood about neurolinguistic programming and Chase Hughes, one of the Grifters, now I’ve just used that word very liberally here, um, in this pseudoscience space of human behavior and, and sort of this idea of deception detection and body language is a whole other thing that Chase has sort of put himself into this world of people who put themselves out there on YouTube mainly.

And in the written, they, they write books, they make videos, they do classes and workshops, and [00:03:00] they, and they present themselves as experts in something that is not really. Something you can be an expert in. If I kind of put my go all the way out on the limb here and really like put these people in their place because there’s no science, their body language analysis is haphazard.

Guesswork is kind of what the science tells us when studies and research get done on this. It doesn’t turn out good for the Chase Hughes of the world, but that doesn’t stop him and other people from forming what they call a behavior panel and getting together and sort of mutually reinforcing each other’s language and ideas around body language analysis.

And they’ll come up with terms and language like turling and baselines and, and this sort of language and jargon enters into it that makes it seem as though it’s, again, [00:04:00] legitimate science and that there’s these concepts that are, that are researched and that people have done a lot of work on this and, and really figured out the percentages and how people act, and that these are universal human principles.

People in Cambodia or in Malaysia or in South Africa are gonna respond the same way as people in Montana. Like really, you know, one of the things you learn in psychology very quickly is how incredibly different people are culture to culture. So, but that doesn’t stop these guys from making these very generalized claims.

So I thought, let’s do a show about this. It is right up against, um, its deception and even coercion when we talk about how law enforcement and, um, regulatory bodies start using this analysis information, this pseudoscience that’s pedaled to them as though this is how they should make decisions to hire and fire [00:05:00] people decisions about whether somebody is innocent or guilty of serious crimes and whether or not they should, you know, be in jail or not.

So these decisions and this data has very large consequences beyond individuals. There’s societal implications to this work and. Therefore it has a, a degree of danger that could even touch your life. Who’s watching this right now through no fault of your own. So all that being said as this big intro here, Zach.

Hi, welcome back to my show and thank you very much for agreeing to be part of this. This is kind of the topic that you really got into this whole thing with the body language tells and kind of through poker games, right? That was kind of how you got into this whole thing. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Hey Chris. Uh, good to be back.

Thanks for inviting me back. Uh, yeah. I got into this world, like went down the whole rabbit hole eventually, you [00:06:00] know, ending up with the Chase Hughes and behavior panel stuff that we talked about last time. But how I initially got into the space was I used to be a professional poker player and I wrote some, uh, well-known books on poker.

Tells my first book got translated into eight languages total. A couple of those were me doing it, but six other people, uh, publishers published it in other languages. Lots of people called it, you know, the best book on the subject. Uh, I got very good reviews from, you know, both amateurs and very experienced players.

I’ve consulted for World Series of Poker, main event, final table players. I’m consulting for a high stakes player right now. So just to say that was what got me into the, uh, behavior space was my interest in interest in psychology and behavior. And I think, uh, yeah, the interesting thing we could, depending on which way, which direction you want to go, is like, I, as you know, as I’ve discussed on your show, there are, there are many people in this, you know, [00:07:00] kind of like what I call pop behavior space.

These people on YouTube, like Chase Hughes and the Behavior Panel and many other people who just say clearly false things about what you can do with behavior. And that that’s in the realm of like just speaking a about clear, about just plain false things. And then also. Exaggerating things that are realistic or, or known or supported, but acting as if you can do amazing things and reach amazing conclusions with them, you know, and the, one of the main ways that manifest is watching, you know, like interrogation footage or interview footage and, you know, having so much to say about every few seconds about some minor, you know, eye blink rate or some minor way that they move their hands on their legs or what have you.

So it manifests as all these things that are just plain false and exaggerated and don’t have basis in, in real science or, or just lack common sense when you get down to some of these things. And, and then you have a [00:08:00] lot of people that are eating that up because it, it basically functions as a kind of glorified, you know, pseudoscientific gossip, uh, kind of, uh, you know, content where people are just like examining.

Behaviors of criminals or examining behaviors of famous people and using those to kind of like bolster their, you know, views that, oh, I knew Meghan Markle no good, and she’s a liar and a deceiver, blah, blah, blah. You know, just kind of using these things as kind of like a, a glorified, uh, pseudoscientific seeming, uh, or scientific seeming, you know, gossip and celebrity gossip and true crime, you know, kind of content.

And that’s, yeah, I think that’s one of the main ways that kind of junk plays out. But then as you say, some of those ideas have drifted into real, uh, you know, spaces like police work and, and such with the NLP kind of ideas and things like that. But it’s all kind of related in, in terms of like exaggerating what you can do with these things.

Yeah. 

Chris Shelton: Very much so, and it’s the, and let’s be [00:09:00] clear that it’s the exaggeration that I take exception to. It’s not the fact that somebody can’t guess or look at somebody else and, and, and have some estimation based on, you know, their knowledge of this individual or the situation in the context. And it come to some ideas about what’s going on in this person’s head or what this withholding or knowing or knowing about or something like that.

We make assumptions and we do this thing, you know, called, um, you know, the heuristics, right? We, we have a, we have a little bit of information and we have to, you know, from that try to figure things out, right? And we use these measurements, these, these, these estimations, these ideas of, okay, well the guy’s wearing a lab coat.

Zach Elwood: Well, maybe he’s probably kind of scientific, 

Chris Shelton: right? Or there’s something formal, or there’s something proper, or there’s where these words come out, right, of like, what would we think of somebody who’s wearing a lab coat versus somebody who’s not the, the, these are called [00:10:00] biases or assumptions or, you know, guesses of, and this is just how our mind works all the time.

There’s nothing wrong with this. There’s nothing weird about it. We’re not gonna educate ourselves out of it. This is how brains work. But because they work this way, we have two, we have a couple little factors that kind of get in the way of our lives, right? Uncertainty is a big one, right? But do I know what that lab coat means?

Do I know what those words mean? Do I know what that facial expression means? No, you don’t. You don’t. You can only guess, but we crave certainty. We want it so bad. And so when somebody comes along and says, well, I know all about it. See, I’ve studied this for years. See, and I know that when that man raises his right eyebrow, it means something different than when he raises his left eyebrow.

It is that granular of analysis of body reactions during conversations, during speeches, [00:11:00] during, uh, trials, during job interviews, during interrogations. And these are almost always unusual, stressful situations where we’re gonna see unusual behavior from people. Right. But they’re guided or they’re, they’re judged as though these are normal situations.

This is just one break point of where I look at these guys doing these analyses and I, I, I, I don’t have years of background in this, but I know what I know about psychology and I see the conclusions these guys make, and I’m like. Oh, please shut up. You have no, I mean, 

Zach Elwood: they’re, I, they’re just, to me, they’re just ringing blood from a stone basically.

There’s like, there’s like no information there, but they’ll find all sorts of information, 

Chris Shelton: right? Yes, that’s right. And it’s, and, and I’m only making this big, I’m only monologuing here because I’m trying to make this point that it is the certainty which, which they deliver it that sells this stuff to people.

Because we all walk around knowing, we’re just guessing. You know, we don’t know if Amber [00:12:00] heard really, you know, did what she did to Johnny Depp. We just know that this is what these guys said about each other in the trial. Right. And so some people are like, but I want her to be the, the, the good person.

And other people are like, no, I know she’s the bitch. Right. And both of them will read into the behavior they see. They’ll 

Zach Elwood: filter. Yeah. They’ll 

Chris Shelton: filter for 

Zach Elwood: what they wanna see. Yeah, 

Chris Shelton: exactly what they want to see. So there is this other thing called, we call that confirmation bias. It’s when you’re using your perceptions to confirm that something you want to think is true, is true.

We do this all the time. We talk about it on the channel all the time. ’cause it’s a great way to get people into cults and it’s a great way to fool people. Right. And this is one of the things that, that, that gets a lot of traction in the body language analysis space. Right. Is I, this is one of the reasons why I think, but we’re, we’re probably jumping to the.

So the conclusions before getting through some of the stuff here, but in terms of [00:13:00] describing it, uh, you know, I was really amazed watching some examples of this. I’ve seen clips now from Australian News, from uh, BBC, from Newsmax, from Fox News, from various news agencies as well as behavior panel videos from these YouTubers and individual YouTubers who are talking to TMZ or other celebrity media and offering these deep, very certain, this is the thing I watched over and over and over again with these guys, is they are selling these, uh, conclusions or judgements about these people.

And I was really shocked ’cause I expected it to be a little bit more generalized. So they could get away with it easier, but these people were not, I mean, they were making claims that, you know, they have no business making about people. Could you talk about that a little bit, just as far as like what, what you’ve seen too and, and where this, how this developed?

Zach Elwood: Uh, I [00:14:00] mean, it is shock. Yeah. I, I agree. It is shocking. I mean, it’s the, it’s the certainty and it’s the straight up exaggeration of credentials, right? Like, so for example, the behavior panel people, like, they just called themselves the best behavior experts in the world. Like, they use that to describe their channel.

It’s like there’s no, they have no, no reason to, to, to, to describe themselves as such, right? Like, look at Chase Hughes. We, we examined all of his lies about his past. He’s a clear con artist. He’s a clear serial liar. And I have no problem saying that. Like, ’cause I know I’ll never be taken to court for that.

Or if I did, I would win. Like I have no problem calling him a clear con artist, but. Him, he calls himself, you know, the best in the world. And he, uh, the, the behavior panel promotes that group as the best behavior experts in the world, which gives them this veneer of respectability and credibility. I mean, I could just as easily call myself, you know, the best behavior in the world.

Like it would hold as much credibility as them calling themselves that, right? [00:15:00] Uh, so yeah. And then you look at these examples and it is amazing to me that these people get on TV shows. Like I, I, I think it really speaks, you know, to the desperation for content that is out there, which is a big part of this, why these people get attention, why they succeed at, at these these things.

Because there is such a desperation from news shows and other shows. To just produce content and to Brutus content. That seems exciting. Right? So for example, 

Chris Shelton: oh, I gotta say, I gotta say real fast just to, just to, just to throw this in here. I mean the, the watching the endless parade of TMZ, Meghan Markle, prince Harry critiques by these people, I mean, these are, this is a, a, a whole organization with way too much time on its hands as far as I’m concerned.

Zach Elwood: And a lot of this behavior stuff is, is right in the same area because it’s just basically filling the demand for people to watch stuff about true crime or watch stuff about celebrities, right? So, yeah, I mean, one of the first. [00:16:00] Grifters and, and, uh, liars in the behavior space, behavior bullshitter as I called him when I made a, a article about him was this guy named Jack Brown, Dr.

Jack Brown. I think his doctorate was in ophthalmology or something, but he, he presented himself as a, uh, a doctor, you know, and he gave his behavior work more credibility. And I was amazed to find that despite the obvious bullshit in the same way that chase u’s stuff is obviously bullshit. Like you look at the Jack Brown stuff and it’s like, this is ridiculous.

Like, speaking of granular stuff, like he would, one of the reasons he got so popular was because he was always criticizing Republicans. And so it tied into a political. Uh, some people’s political views. Right. We see 

Chris Shelton: that too. That’s right. 

Zach Elwood: Right. That ha that happens too. On, on, you know, for both sides.

That’s right. So he, he was, Jack Brown was doing this stuff where he was like, I could tell by Trump’s uh, constriction in his pupils that he is some sort of cocaine or other and pH addicts. And it was just like completely, he would show these closeups of his [00:17:00] pupils and it was like, this is based on absolutely nothing.

Right. Like that’s, and he would go into all these, he has all these details, detailed reads, like he said at one point that he thought the pipe bomber that was caught on video during January 6th showed signs of being Marjorie Taylor Green based on his read of the, uh, of the, of the behavior and the way they, that, that the person walked All this crazy stuff.

Right. Yeah. Just to say it was completely nuts and like none of it was based on, he just said clearly false things about eye direction. That’s a common thing that we talked about for NLP. Yeah. For example. And despite all this. He was on, uh, CNN talking to Anderson Cooper about stuff. And I think that was his biggest, luckily, I think that was his biggest, uh, you know, media win.

And I think I had something to do with that because I put out an article that it was like the first thing that came up for if you search for Jack Brown behavior, and I put an article down, I think I kind of like stymied his attempts to get popular basically in the same way. I think I might’ve helped do that for Chase Hughes.

Uh, but [00:18:00] it’s just kind of amazing, the granular things that they will go into where you’re like, how can people, you know, and most people I think, know how complex psychology and behavior are and how complex the world is. So like, most people, I think bulk at hearing like, I’m gonna take this tiny bit of information and make all these deductions from it.

Right? Because we all know in real life, you know, we can reach some deductions about other people, but we know it’s pretty hard because there’s so many factors that govern their behavior and so many un. Unseen things that might explain why they’re feeling, how they’re feeling or how why they act, what, how they act.

So it is, it’s kind of amazing that they will go into these really granular things that just, I think most, you know, reasonable people bulk at that and, and realize that that’s a sham. But for the people that are, I think not as, don’t have that filter. They’re, they’re, they’re, they’ll absorb all that.

That’s right. And that’s, and because of these people present themselves as being, you know, the best in the world and it’s based on science and blah, blah, blah, a lot of people just absorb all that. [00:19:00] And, and their filters are down for just absorbing a bunch of nonsense and fill, filling their heads with nonsense, basically.

Chris Shelton: V, very much so, and unfortunately we deal with a bit of a culture lag in, in actual science versus what, you know, the, the cultural public awareness of science. And so for example, you get, these guys get a lot of traction talking about, you know, the lizard brain and you know, the, the, the, the, you know, the referring to systems of the brain as though, you know, there’s this old idea and, um, and it’s, and it’s, I get where it comes from.

It’s completely understandable that, that people have this idea, it was talked about for years. So it’s not like, you know, that, that they’re idiots for thinking this. I’m not in any way implying that. I’m saying people do the best they can with the knowledge that they’re given. And a lot of people have been given for a lot of years this idea that the brain is sort of like this lizard brain with layers built on top of it.

And, and, and they talk about the brain that way. And [00:20:00] it’s just one example that’s that’s on my mind right now. ’cause I watched this video earlier today about this stuff. MCAP and Yeah, exactly. Muse Cab. She did a great breakdown on this and yeah, 

Zach Elwood: her uh, if people are curious, it was called, I debunked everybody language expert on YouTube and 

Chris Shelton: yeah, there’s link to it, but I’m putting a link to it.

Yeah. ’cause I thought it was so damn good. Um, and it, um, but my point is that people don’t know that science moved on from that. That’s not how scientists, neuroscientists or psychologists or neuropsychiatrist think about the brain. It’s an integrated organ that evolved as a whole entity. It’s not something that evolved to a certain point.

And then nature just came and slapped some shit on top of it, and now we can think better. It. That’s not how evolution works. And, and by the way, evolutionary psychology is a whole nother area where, you know, we, we, we, we’ll probably have done another show I’ll have to do in the future on that one, but point is that, um, people take what they learned in school or what they [00:21:00] think they know about this stuff and these guys come along and confirm, oh yeah, you’re right, because look right, this is the lizard brain thing going right there.

There it is. There it is. And they show you an example. And a picture is worth a thousand words. So when people see a guy, you know, at a being, being interrogated in a police station, hunched over looking pretty bad. That’s all they see is that little clip. Well, obviously 

Zach Elwood: the 

Chris Shelton: guy’s guilty. Well, yeah. Look, he’s all hunched over.

I mean, obviously he’s the, the literally the weight of his guilt is pushing him down into the table, right? Like this, like people can start thinking this way. No, he, he’s been in that room for 15 straight hours. I’d like to see what you would look like after being in that little room for 15 straight hours.

Right? But we’re gonna take this little tiny clip and we’re gonna tell you all about how guilty this guy is because of his body posture, right. In an out of context way’s 

Zach Elwood: where he knows he is been accused [00:22:00] and he is stressed out and he knows he is suspect. And yeah, I think, uh, I mean, getting back to the, the overall point, it’s like, I think really when you, you people just need to understand there are so many factors involved in why people behave, how they do.

It’s a, it’s immensely complex. And anybody who’s. I, I’ve watched a lot of interrogation footage because it’s something that interests me, and I’m interested in those, those, uh, those videos where they are talking to somebody who’s innocent. But that person has done some things that do seem suspect and strange, and you’re like, why did they do that?

It doesn’t make any sense. And like that kind of stuff would lead you, you know, wrongly to think, oh, this person, you know, then, then that gets into the content of what they say too, which is another important distinction too. But I think even for like behavior of like somebody acting just purely behavioral, like acting stressed, like as you pointed out earlier, they are in a very, uh, stress stressful environment, right?

Like, and then that’s also [00:23:00] true of many of these situations where behavior so-called experts are analyzing, you know, like high stakes interviews by, of celebrities or whatever it may be. Like there’s many reasons for somebody to behave in ways that seem stressed out or unusual or whatever it is. You know, you, I mean, you put me in front of a high stakes.

Situation I’d probably behave in, in all sorts of ways that I, I, I think people would think we’re weird. And that’s under, you know, that’s completely common for people to do those things that you, afterwards you’re like, why did they do that? I, I have no, you know, it doesn’t make any sense, but those are the kind of situations these people are in, whether it’s interrogations, whether it’s, you know, interviews, whether it’s, you know, political situations or what have you.

I think that’s what we really need to understand is like, there’s just so many things going on that that can impact somebody’s behavior and make them uncomfortable about a question. And maybe their discomfort isn’t even about that question, but something related to it. Or, you know, they’re thinking about something else suddenly that they, they’re thinking about.

That’s not even related to that question. So just [00:24:00] say there’s, there’s just so much complexity. Um, but yeah, I think. Wherever you want to go from, from, from that which direction? 

Chris Shelton: Well, yeah. I mean, it, it’s a, it’s a layer cake and there’s just a lot going on with us. And to pretend that you can take one layer of that and determine the big picture, maybe, maybe.

To say you can do that a hundred percent of the time, even 90% of the time with certainty. I mean, this is where there it gets a little ridiculous. And I wanted to ask you about something because it seems that one of the things that is used to give this an air of legitimacy is this idea of a baseline.

This is something that’s talked about a lot, this emotional baseline. I’m gonna observe this individual and I’m gonna see their baseline, and then I will note the differences from that baseline. Well, that baseline concept is itself interesting. You can make it make sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s a true thing.

I don’t know that human beings have a baseline emotional [00:25:00] state. In Scientology, we used to have this concept of a chronic tone level, you know, the average emotional state that a person is in most of the time. Uh, he is a chronic angry, right? You go up to the guy, he is always angry or you know, they’re always sad, or they’re always this or they’re always that.

Since when is any human being always anything, we generalize these things, but the fact of the matter is reality doesn’t agree with any of that. We can be anything mood wise at any moment depending on context. So, um, so to make these broad statements and then assert that they’re simply true, ’cause I said so is itself kind of a problem in this space?

The other problem I see in this space that is sort of this accepted sort of foundational thing is that there is some list somewhere, or some paper must have been written somewhere that I can’t find that, that lists or describes what normal human behavior is in a [00:26:00] police interrogation or in a job interview, or in a celebrity interview or at a funeral.

All these places where these analysts have a heyday breaking down the behavior of Meghan Markle or Prince Harry. And, and, and thinking because he is tapping a piece of paper on his leg or he is, you know, or he is a little, a little nervous or he is, you know, doing something with his hands. This means exact behavior, A, B, c, because, and this is how they phrase it.

And because a normal person or a normally you would see this kind of behavior. And so there’s this, there’s this idea that there’s this standard somewhere of how people are supposed to act in these different situations. And I thought I’d bring that up early on here ’cause I wanted to ask you about it and what you’ve seen with that.

Where does that idea come from? They all fall back to it and everybody accepts it and you’re like. [00:27:00] Who, who said normal people act like that? Where is that coming from? 

Zach Elwood: Well, I think, uh, to, to, to your start of the baseline thing, like I’ve written and talked about that before in some mm-hmm. My videos, I, there’s, there’s two levels of difficulties there.

As you say, it’s hard to even know what anyone’s personal baseline is. Like, for example, I’ll, I’ll wake up some days and feel pretty down and low energy and not even understand why other days I feel high energy and confident and such don’t really know why. And then even during an activity that that feeling can change.

Like, I might start out one way and end up the other way. So just say, yeah, they, even the idea of personal baselines can be very difficult. There’s, there’s all kinds of factors. Um, then you’ve got on top of that, like theoretically. Yeah. I think the idea of baselining is good. So for example, in poker, I’ve done a lot of an analysis of poker players on video.

And that’s a, that’s very different though, because it’s a very formal environment where they’re doing repeatable actions. It’s a, you know, that we can get into that later. The difference between like games and [00:28:00] sports Yeah. With very formalized environments, with very particular actions versus like a real world scenario where you’re just loosely talking and you can do anything you want.

And there’s, there’s not really any constraints and there’s no specific actions you’re taking. Right. It’s a very different environment. Yeah. So theoretically though, the idea of baselining is good. Like if you, but, but to get a meaningful baseline for some, a specific person Right. Like that in a scientific way to, to map out like, oh, they do these kinds of things in these scenarios this many times.

I mean, that, as we’ve said, that’s such a complex area. So to try to do that scientifically to me, would take like dozens if not hundreds of hours. Right. Like it’s just an that’s undertaking. So, 

Chris Shelton: yes, exactly. 

Zach Elwood: So if you could do it at all, that’s, you know, that’s even assuming you could do it, but to, to, but for these people that pretend like, oh, you know, you gotta get a baseline in an interview or a baseline in this interrogation.

It’s like you’ve only got such a small sample size to work with. And, and do you mean to tell me that you’re [00:29:00] mapping out precisely like what they’re doing and you know, precisely what all the factors are in that situation that led them to a, a do that one behavior. Like the idea that you can do that kind of baselining on the fly in some sort of like several minute or even several hour scenario is, is ludicrous to me for the, you know, sheer complexity of it that we discussed.

That’s right. Uh, but yeah, that’s, that’s what gets me about the baselining. To me it’s a way to cover up the fact that it is so ambiguous and low practical use, but by saying like, there, there’s a couple benefits to this baselining thing to, to saying that because it’s makes them seem. More credible because a lot of people will balk at a lot of these things.

So by saying you gotta get a baseline first, it makes it seem more credible. Credible. But also for the people that take their classes and their content, when those people find that they can’t actually do anything useful with the content that they’ve consumed, they’ll be like, oh, I guess I didn’t get enough baseline.

Or I guess I don’t know how to baseline properly. [00:30:00] So it puts the idea in people’s minds, it’s like a fallback for, for, uh, putting it in people’s minds that consume this so they can blame themselves instead of blaming the people that gave them this information. So it serves a very valuable practice, and that’s why you’ll hear it so often when they discuss these behaviors, they’re, they’ll always throw in these things like, well, you gotta get a baseline first.

As if, as if that gets them off the hook for the bad information they’re spreading. Right. 

Chris Shelton: Uh, there’s a really good analysis of that. Thank you. I, I couldn’t agree more. And I, and, and then this additional point, I think it’s a really, really, really important one, and I think it’s one that goes over the heads of almost everybody watching this crap.

And I, and I, and when it hit me, I was kind of like, oh my God. Right? Which is the point I just made, which is that, you know, you address the baseline thing, but then there’s this other aspect, right? Which is Yeah, yeah. This assumed idea that we all know what a normal innocent person is going to do, and then we take that baseline, that comparative that is completely [00:31:00] imaginary.

People just make this idea up. Well, if I were in that situation and I were innocent, I wouldn’t look like that dude. Reality check right? To any human being watching this, I’m sorry, but I’ve, you know. You don’t know what you are going to do in a situation that is high stakes until you’re in it. Mm-hmm.

Because the way you think right now, lemme just make this really super easy, right? Because the way you think right now is you’re in a calm, rational place where you have time and no threat. Nobody’s pointing a spear at you, and you get to think through all the things you get to think through right now about what you think you would do in that situation.

But when that situation comes around and adrenaline is pumping in your veins and, and you’re not thinking straight, you’re not gonna [00:32:00] remember anything you’re thinking right now. Yeah. We know this, this is studied beha. We, we know this. Right? So, so we are the ones who keep screwing it up by making these unfounded, egotistical assumptions that we know what a normal person would do.

Right. So that’s my bottom line on that, but I wanted to get your take on that. Yeah, 

Zach Elwood: yeah. I mean, I, I, I agree. I think, you know, to give us spec some specific specificity, uh, screw that up, but, you know, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Uh, to give, to give some specifics to it. I, I can think of, you know, I’ve watched a good amount of interrogation footage, like I said, and, you know, I do think there are certain patterns that show up, like kind of meta-level patterns of behavior that are useful at.

Uh, that, that are correlated with, you know, guilt or innocence in certain situations. And we could talk about, you know, why I think that and how sure it fits alongside, you know, what I’ve said so far and my skepticism about specific behaviors and deception detection. But I will say there’s plenty of examples for people [00:33:00] that have, have watched a lot of interrogation footage and our interest in that and are, and are not, you know, don’t have major cognitive biases around what they’re trying to see.

I mean, there’s plenty of examples you can find where people, uh, guilty or innocent people acted in ways that seemed quite suspicious. You know, like for example, somebody’s close relative was, was killed. And they act in a very calm demeanor, which most people would be like, how can that, that seems very suspicious.

Why, why would he act that way? Most people would be very distraught or at least showing signs of immense anxiety. But, you know, someone can. Act in those ways. And that can be how some people react to immense, uh, stress and anxiety is just to kind of shut down and act calm. Right. So just to say there can be various things like that where, you know, yeah, like you said, what’s normal is very hard to define for a general population, even if, even if, you know, police officers, interrogators may have some, you know, [00:34:00] justified inkling about what is more common when, but when we get down to it, you know, it’s the certainty we’re talking about here, right?

It’s the, it’s the immense certainty that people can have. That is the problem, not, not the inklings that can develop from, you know, doing a lot of specific work or being in the field, doing a lot of specific work, whatever it is. So, yes, we’re talking about the certainty. Yeah. 

Chris Shelton: Well, very much so. Because I wanna be clear that there is, there is such a thing as experience and there is such a thing as working with people and there is such a thing as, you know, reading people’s.

Body language for, for, for lack of a better term, right. The way they move. And 

Zach Elwood: general de general deductions too. It’s like we do that every day. Yeah. About, oh, they said this and they said this while they were doing this. We’re reaching some deduction. Like they’re uncomfortable or they don’t wanna talk about that.

Or, you know, we’re, we’re reaching those conclusions every day. And I think that, I think the main difference is most of us know that we’re often wrong, you know, about, about those deductions that we can reach or, you know, and so we shouldn’t be overly certain about it. And, and that’s where, yeah, that’s where we’re get getting into the certainty part of it to, 

Chris Shelton: well, for sure.

That is definitely my [00:35:00] primary criticism with this. The other point that I think needs to be made about this exact point though, is that there is no. Person who is able to separate their pure observation of somebody’s body language from their other perceptions and observations of the language the person has used, the way they talk, when they talk, when they don’t talk, when they, when they, you know, yes.

How they stand, how they sit, how they posture, how they move. All of these things on top of where the person lives, what their background is, what their educational level is, what who, what culture they’re from. All of these things are in the mind of the interrogator coming together to form a picture of an estimation of this person in front of them.

You cannot, there is no human being who can credibly and reliably separate out [00:36:00] just the body language part of this. 

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Chris Shelton: And decide accordingly. Right. We c we integrate all of this together. Mm-hmm. So it’s a little ingen, you know, disingenuous for somebody to go, oh, the body language tells me when, in fact, it’s a combination of all of these things, if we’re being honest.

And those are the things that give you that experiential advantage. ’cause you’re putting mm-hmm. All of this stuff together. 

Zach Elwood: Right. 

Chris Shelton: You know, 

Zach Elwood: and usually, I think it’s mainly about the, for the, for the people that are experienced and actually have reliable, you know, useful deductions. Sometimes I think it’s mainly about the content.

Right. It’s mainly about what people are saying. Yeah. I think they might, I think sometimes they, as you say that they sometimes may be getting confused about like, which is which, because I think exactly a lot of, a lot of times it all rolls up and they’re like. Oh no, the behavior is very useful, but they, they might not be distinguishing between [00:37:00] like, oh, it was what somebody was saying or not saying, coupled with that person, you know, looking up uncomfortable and, and the fact that the person looked uncomfortable was actually very minor and in context there, or like completely meaningless compared to like the things the person was actually saying.

Which gets back to what I often say is like the verbal, the statement analysis or, you know, just analyzing what people are saying or not saying in their stories is so much more meaningful than focusing on the non the, the nonverbal behavior. To me it’s like, you know, it, it’s, it’s such a huge difference in importance to me.

Like the nonverbal is just so low importance to me. Yeah, 

Chris Shelton: exactly. And in fact, studies that were done on this, and there have been studies done on this and meta studies done on this, indicate that if you turn the sound off. Just to back up exactly what you just said. You take a trained interrogator. You take, you take people who supposedly know what they’re doing and you show them with the sound turned off somebody in an interrogation room and with body language alone.

[00:38:00] Right. Can you tell, this guy’s lying? Can you tell this person’s guilty less than half the time? These skilled interrogators on body language alone? And that tells you something. Right? That’s the kind of 

Zach Elwood: science they, and they did better. They did better when they, uh, turned 

Chris Shelton: the sound on when 

Zach Elwood: they heard, yeah.

Yeah, 

Chris Shelton: that’s right. 

Zach Elwood: Yeah, 

Chris Shelton: exactly. In fact, you could turn the vol, you could turn the video off and turn only the sound on. 

Zach Elwood: Right. 

Chris Shelton: And by sound alone, they were getting 64% accuracy versus 

Zach Elwood: Right 

Chris Shelton: less than 50, 

Zach Elwood: which makes sense. It’s like, as we’ve talked about, it’s like the behavior stuff. The nonverbal behavior is so complex and so many spots are ambiguous.

But what people say contains a lot of information. Like that’s, that is literally like where we get most of our meaning from in life is words, right? Like, so the idea that you’re gonna get some. You know, a much more information from the, the nonverbals and the verbals is, is to me, um, you know, 

Chris Shelton: that seems to be the point where of departure for me too.

It seems to be a point where they’ve taken a, a mole hill and turned [00:39:00] it into a mountain. Yeah. Statistically, right. Statistically speaking, we know, again, through studies and research on this with controls, put in that through body language reading alone. You know, you are, you’re, you’re we’re talking about a difference of less than 1% of accuracy in determining whether somebody is.

Telling a lie or telling the truth when body, you know, as far as what, how much of a contributing factor is the body language analysis in determining the accuracy of a liar? Well, it turns out it’s like one, 1% or less. You know, when you, once you do all the math and break it all down. Did I read that right or am I misunderstanding what I read?

Zach Elwood: Oh, I can’t remember that exactly. But I was gonna say, if you wanted to talk about the deception detection research, you know, specifically, and, uh, yeah, I, I could talk a little bit about that if you want. Please regale me. Yeah, I think, I think that’s, uh, when I was going through, you know, preparing for this, I’d been wanting to put some of these thoughts in order.

And I think the, the rea I, I think so often people are talking past each [00:40:00] other because it’s like, yeah, there is no, when you talk about deception detection, especially in the research setting, you’re talking specifically about getting people to say a lie or say a truth, and getting people to make guesses about reading that.

And when it comes to that, like it seems pretty clear to me. That there is no, that there’s evidence against the idea that there are general, uh, non-verbal behavior markers that we, that, that will make, uh, you know, that, that are tied to, to lying significantly tied to lying. So Tim Levine, uh, I think, I think he pronounces it.

Tim Levine, I’ve interviewed him for my podcast. He’s a well-known deception detection researcher, and he has written papers and talks about, uh, how there’s no good evidence for general behavioral markers for deception detection. 

Chris Shelton: Right. 

Zach Elwood: And I, I believe that, but you know how that maps over to me working on poker tales and believing that there’s, you know, many people would think like, how can you believe that?

And also believe that there’s valuable poker tells or valuable other, uh, tells and, you [00:41:00] know, interesting reading spots in interrogations or games or sports or whatever. So the way I map it out, well, not just me, uh, the, the way to map it out I believe is. Recognizing that, you know, for example, let’s take poker.

There’s no, all the, all the tells that I and other people use in poker are not about deception detection. They’re not, we’re not, we’re not like getting a read that we think somebody is lying or telling the truth. We’re getting reads about level of relaxation or level of, uh, how much alertness someone is paying to their cards or to the board or whatever, these kinds of things.

And the, these are not about deception because the person is not just, you know, in a, like, in a research setting. And it has no, has no analogy to someone just saying something and you reading whether they’re telling the truth or telling a lie. It, it does. So it, this, this lets us see the distinction between like, oh, we’re getting, we’re getting clues about how they might be feeling.

Now, you know, me getting, making a read in poker, there’s some general population things. That I have [00:42:00] no problem basing decisions on because I know that they’re so common in the general population. And, uh, and there’s also, you know, things that I think are lo much lower liability where I’d like to see it present a few times before I base a big decision on that, you know, player specific reads.

Uh, so this, and I think the similar, similar things are in other, uh, games and sports environments, but I think the important thing is recognizing that games and sports and these kind of formalized competitive environments where there’s repeatable actions and you do specific things like there’s no correlation.

Uh, analogy between that and real world non-game scenarios where you’re just talking to people, right? There’s, there’s not like specific things you have to do. There’s not specific turns you take. There’s not specific physical actions you have to do. You know, for example, in like in, in soccer, you might, you know, you can get reads maybe that someone’s looking a certain direction and gonna kick that way or something like that, right?

There’s, there’s not that kind of thing. This, this, uh, physical turn base kind of thing in, uh, real world scenario. So it’s [00:43:00] much more open-ended, it’s much more dynamic. And that to me is the big distinction about why these things are so much more useful in games and sports than in real world scenarios.

And the other big difference is that. You know, to make a, uh, there’s so many small decisions you make in, in games and sports, and even if it’s not highly reliable, you’re so often in close spots, like you’re so often in 50 50 spots that could go either way in poker and in other games. So if you think a reed is like, even like 60%, you know, above chance or more, that, that’s like a, that can be a huge edge in spots where you’re 50 50 to, you know, you, you’re not really sure which way to go.

Right. So, uh, just to say it’s a, these scenarios are very different, which is what gets into me thinking, you know, me working on poker towels while saying I all, there’s so much bullshit on these other, you know, real world scenario, uh, behavior expert, uh, things people say. Uh, so that, I think that helps map out the, the area a little bit more.

But also I think [00:44:00] it also helps us understand, you know, when people like, uh, ’cause Joe Navarro talks about this in his book, the FBI guy who I have some problems with some of the things he does in the behavior space, but I think he’s much more. Uh, much more, uh, credible and respectable than, you know, the, the behavior panel people of the world.

Because Joe Navarro will say like, yeah, there’s not evidence of, uh, you know, no good evidence that there’s, uh, specific behaviors tied to deception detection. But he’s also saying, well, you’re just getting, you know, reads about, uh, likelihood of what someone is feeling at any given moment, which is, you know, defensible.

Getting back to people, having a lot of experience, uh, interviewing a lot of people, they may get reads Again, I think the problem is when it gets into this high certainty areas, because I think a, a, a good practitioner, whether in poker tells or in interrogation scenarios, a good practitioner knows that there prob, you know, often could be wrong because we’re just talking like, you know, things that increase, things, increase likelihood a bit about what someone is feeling.

They also [00:45:00] know that there could be many reasons for why that person is feeling that way. So, you know, I think that most. I think when it comes to defending what people do with behavior and interrogation kind of settings, I think the main thing that to me, the most useful and, and uh, reasonable way to use it, is just when they get an inkling that likes, oh, I asked this question and this person seemed uncomfortable, so maybe I’ll follow it up with a few more questions.

I won’t, like, reach some grand conclusions. Uh, so there’s that, that kind of thing. But then there’s also like the metalevel thing of like an interrogator, like we said, using all these things, like not just nonverbal behavior, but the whole multitude of how a person has acted in a setting, right? That’s, that’s like a whole meta-level analysis of like what they’ve said.

How they’ve said it, how the pauses, they, maybe they’ve, you know, done various things throughout that has made this person to form a picture. And I think often they may be, like we said, they may be focusing too much on the [00:46:00] behavior part and not realizing that their meta level picture is mostly about the content of what that person has said in the, the, the, maybe the, the unusual mannerisms they had.

Like they, you know, like one extreme example is, you know, suspects who act like they’re crying, but there’s no tears or, uh, you know, uh, liquid coming out. Right? That’s, that’s weird. So just to say that there can be these metal level, uh, you know, more extreme things that rise to give a a, an interrogator a picture of what’s happened.

And to, to tie that, you know, to, to, to tie that to the nonverbal behavior, like specific granular examples is a mistake because that person has built up that read over, you know, using a lot of data points and things that are not even related to, to nonverbal behavior. So I think that’s, uh. That’s kind of how I mapped out the territory of like meeting in the middle in terms of like, yes, there are some things that I think can be useful for, for people that are skilled practitioners.

They, some of those things may be just [00:47:00] getting a read of somebody being uncomfortable and maybe that helps them, you know, ask a few more questions about something. I don’t know, but mm-hmm. But I think the, the main thing we can say is like, even if that’s true. The, the main thing we’re talking about that the, the main bad thing is when those things get into more highly certain areas where you use a few behavioral things, like a cop using a few nonverbal behavior things to be like, oh, this person’s guilty, and I know that now, you know, that’s, I think that’s where all the bad stuff happens.

And then, then you’ve got the, these behavior experts, you know, so-called experts. Spreading such kind of high certainty ideas to other people, which is, has a just a general, you know, filling people’s heads with, uh, bad ideas and leading them to, you know, more cog co confirmation bias and hate of celebrities and, you know, these kinds of 

Chris Shelton: things.

Oh, it’s, uh, it’s, it just constantly used to rile people up. But I think that it really is dangerous when we enter into the interrogation context. And the, and it’s a, it’s a little old chicken and egg. I’m [00:48:00] not really sure which is, uh, I, I mean, I think obviously cops were around before these grifters were, but I think that the idea that, you know, that there are these techniques or ways of making police work easier, whether it’s reading bumps on heads, uh, you know, or whether it’s, you know, measuring, you know, finger nails or something, or know.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. 

Chris Shelton: What’s that? 

Zach Elwood: We want easy answers for, for 

Chris Shelton: understandable reasons. Exactly. Have reasons. Yeah. There have been people peddling these ideas to the police for a very long time, and when they have the, you know, the air of science to it and they start using jargon and science, sciencey concepts or ideas or things that people think are sciencey, then they get a lot more traction in that world, in that law enforcement world than you might imagine.

People think, you know, oh, this stuff gets, you know, side checked and fact checked and this and that. No, it doesn’t. No it doesn’t. These guys take it on in the police forces and sheriff’s office all over the [00:49:00] United States. These guys take this stuff on because they’re looking for easier ways to get their job done and, and if some expert comes along and says, well, I know how to do it.

’cause I used to interrogate people in the military and I’ve interrogated people, you know, like to Chase Hughes, you know, this guy is just so in disingenuous. He, he, you know, he says things that he’s never done and. Puts out there that, that he has this experience. He doesn’t have to sell these techniques and ideas, which have no credibility, but they believe they do because of the packaging.

And so, so that little round robin thing tends to be going on and on and on in law enforcement for quite some time. Mm-hmm. And I wanted to, um, say that we need to be aware of that fact because Right. We should be as citizens who are, who are at the receiving end of this stuff. You know, I do think we should be pushing back on that a bit.

Zach Elwood: Luckily, uh, and I will say, yeah, there is this kind of, uh, snowball effect like Chase Hughes getting [00:50:00] on, you know, one, one podcast appearance leads to another podcast host. That’s right. Believing that he is more credible. It has the same effect, and it can have the same effect in, you know, police or law enforcement organizations where you get one gig, like say, chase gets invited to one small department somewhere.

Um, and this is, I think this has happened, you know, with many people, not just single all Chase, but you get one invite invited to one small organization, then you use that in your, on your resume, it looks, it looks legitimate to some other organization, et cetera, et cetera. Uh, but yeah, the, um, oh yeah, what I, I think I lost my, 

Chris Shelton: I mean, this is how the false memory folks got around.

By the way, the whole repressed memory thing from the, remember the whole Satanic panic thing in the eighties and all the repressed memory stuff from the eighties, that’s how it got to law enforcement was the same drill. It was experts coming along. Oh, I’ll tell y’all about it. And then these law enforcement guys looking like complete idiots when they start repeating.

What these people have told them and taught them, and then they come up with felt false confessions. People are in jail who [00:51:00] shouldn’t be. And, and it really does have these downstream consequences. You know, 

Zach Elwood: I do think, uh, yeah, I think we talked about this a little bit last time. I, I’m not really sure. I, I don’t, on the plus side, IWI do think that law enforcement in general these days, most of them understand that these things are mostly debunked.

You know, there’s been a lot of coverage of like, the TSA program that yielded no results. That got, you know, that got some headlines. Uh, I think there is more examination and awareness that those things, you know, I think, I think a lot of this stuff goes through cycles where in different formats, right?

It’s like there can be cycles of thinking like. Back, you know, back in the eighties or nineties, I think it was like, oh, can we use these NLP concepts for, uh, that’s 

Chris Shelton: right, 

Zach Elwood: that’s right. You know, for policing, you know, now it’s like you, they were using, uh, ekman’s, you know, stuff that, oh my God, formed that.

And some of it has overlaps, but just to say there’s these rounds of like, oh, can we use this system? You know, and, and, [00:52:00] and maybe, and some of the systems, I mean, some of the theoretical systems might have some value, but, you know, just theoretically like, not to say there’s specific ones that I, I, I don’t know if there are specific ones, but just to say like, I can imagine versions that could have value, but I think that, I think there’s always this, you know, demand for these systems.

Like, you know, we need to, we need to solve this problem of the border checking or this flight stuff. Yes. Or whatever, you know, flights ’cause of nine 11, you know, there’s a demand for like, what can we do? So who out there has ideas that we could run with, and so, so that we can show that we’re doing something right.

I think, I think a lot of it’s just proving. That we’re doing something and showing that we’re taking the problem serious. Like, and then, then when it doesn’t work out, they can say like, well, you know, at least we threw some money at it and we, we tried to do something Right. Which, which is under understandable kind of thing, you know, as long as we’re not running with, uh, really bad ideas.

But yeah, I, I do think there’s, on the plus side, I will say, I think a lot of, I think most, uh, you know, serious, educated [00:53:00] cops and, um. Mil military type people understand that these things are, you know, have, have dubious or, or low use, you know, for the most part, despite what the chase use of the world say that acts as if you military and, uh, PSYOPs people are using all these advanced things to read and control people’s mind, you know, leaving that bullshit aside.

You know, I think most people, oh 

Chris Shelton: yeah, no, let’s, yeah, screw the conspiracy crap, but it’s just, yeah, no, the real world effects of this stuff are bad enough. We don’t have to go conspiratorial. I, um, you know, and I’m pretty down on this, you know, and I, and I, and I look at the negative consequences of it. And I, and I think I’m, I, I, you know, I think I have good reasons to, to get down on these guys, but at the same time, I understand that they are trying to, as you say, there’s a, this is a, you know, every few decades, there’s another thing, right?

And, and when it comes to, let’s, let’s talk about this for a second. ’cause this goes back to also to, um, some of my education and coercive control when I was reading papers on police interrogation and the history of it. And, and I, and I did quite a dive on it, [00:54:00] and as part of my, my learning. And so, you know, the third degree beating, taking people into the back of the, of, of the, of the precinct and beating them up.

Standard procedure. That’s how you did law enforcement for a very long time. Then the Reed technique came in ’cause people got sick and tired of, of, of pe, police brutality. And that became a thing. And public outcry and injustice, uh, as tons and tons of racial injustice with that. And so we come over to the Reed technique, which is now we’re gonna apply that same level of physical pressure, but we’re gonna turn it into the psychological arena and we’re gonna use coercive methods, sleep deprivation, food deprivation, stuff like that, isolate you in a room for hours.

You can get false confessions that way and stuff too. All of this I recognize, is coming from a place where you’re doing work that is really, really hard. Finding criminals [00:55:00] and getting them to say that they were criminals is hard work. I don’t, yeah, it sounds real hard when you put it 

Zach Elwood: that way. 

Chris Shelton: Yeah. I don’t pretend it’s easy.

Right. It’s a job that has a lot of trauma and a lot of not nonsense, connected with it. I recognize that. Right. In the desperation to either meet the quotas, get the job done, enact justice, whatever the motivation is, you know, people’s logical fallacies and deficiencies are gonna come out and, and when they go in this direction, right, people’s lives are ruined.

Um, you know, seemingly, I mean, a, a person’s life can be destroyed overnight because of this nonsense. So that’s why I stress that it is nonsense. But I, but I, I say all that because I really wanna make it clear. I don’t think of police as a bunch of bad guys or ignorant boobs or nonsensical people, but I do wanna recognize that they’re just as [00:56:00] fallible as anybody else, too.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Have you seen, I was just thinking of that documentary, American Nightmare. Have you seen that by chance? Mm, it’s about this, it’s about this, uh, murder. Uh, well, actually it was a kidnapping, uh, and it’s really convoluted because you start, you start out thinking. Uh, that her boyfriend did it because of how it goes down and you start thinking, oh, somebody else did it.

And, but it also involves cops to, uh, reaching conclusions too quickly about who’s guilty and such. It was a really good documentary. It’s on Netflix. That’s, but yeah, there, I think it gets back to this, you know, this certainty idea of what we’ve been talking about. That’s, that’s, and I think, you know, there are, there are these abusive, unfair things that happen.

I mean, especially like the whole, the whole lie detector thing is very, a very, the lie, the lie detector, everybody knows, well, I mean, most people know that it’s not useful, you know, it, it doesn’t, it’s not reliable. Most people know that. Uh, but it’s, the main way it’s used is just as an intimidation technique.

Right? 

Chris Shelton: Yeah. 

Zach Elwood: [00:57:00] Which, you know, I, and I’ll claim to be an expert on the. Or have even strong opinions on the ethics of that. But some of the instances I’ve seen where they talk about, they just deceptively lie to people and say, oh, we know you’re guilty from that lie detector. That to me seems, uh, you know, I’m okay with some of like, you know, I, I, I can understand why there’s an inclination to use ambiguous language and kind of imply things that aren’t there to get the job done, to get a confession.

Some of that makes some sense to me, especially with some safeguards, you know, like ensuring you’re getting information that only the murderer or the, the, the criminal will know. That’s like a big safeguard that they do a lot, is trying to get them to say something that, you know, will ensure that they’re not, don’t have the wrong person, but, you know, getting straight, straight up lying to people and saying that, you know, the, uh, lie detector’s infallible.

We know that you’re guilty now. Like that is, that just straight up seems abusive to me. So there’s other [00:58:00] things. In that realm that I think are, 

Chris Shelton: yeah, 

Zach Elwood: just quite, quite unethical, even in the context of like, I know what they’re trying to do and I know why they, like we said, it’s a hard job. We know they’re in tough spots.

They’re trying to solve murders that, or even find missing people that might still be alive, you know, these kinds of things. Uh, so yeah, it’s a tough thing, but there are definitely some things in those areas that stand out to me as, as quite bad practices. And I think some of the worst stuff happens like that, that, uh, documentary I mentioned American Nightmare.

Yeah. Some of the worst stuff happens when you have police that wrongly reach overly confident views of who’s guilty. That’s right. And that ends up like dictating how they go about the case. Right. Because, you know, with, uh, they, they, they should, they should be willing to know that in many of those situations things can point in different directions than they know.

Right. And especially like that’s even just talking about. Evidence, like real evidence, [00:59:00] but let alone, like not if you’re talking about, be reaching certainty about someone’s non-verbal behavior, that is just absurd. And that should, you know, that should, that should never be, never happen, you know? 

Chris Shelton: Well, and that’s the thing that really bringing it back to the behavior panel now, right?

And these guys, right, these are people who really, it really is entertainment. I mean, if we’re gonna really categorize this somewhere, it really should be categorized that way. I, 

Zach Elwood: they might even have a, they might even have a disclaimer. ’cause I know like Chase Hughes and his books would put like, this is for entertainment purposes or something like that.

Chris Shelton: Right? 

Zach Elwood: So they, if they’re, if they’re being smart, they really should they, and they might have it. I haven’t watched enough of their shows to remember if. Do do 

Chris Shelton: have that. 

Zach Elwood: Right. 

Chris Shelton: Well, you know, obviously, I mean obviously if you’re watching this podcast, you know, I have an intro that says, Hey look, this is professional advice.

Don’t, you know, don’t run with this. Well that’s ’cause I need to protect myself. Right. And I, you know, I wanna make sure the audience understands that, you know, this is two guys talking, um, it’s 

Zach Elwood: opinions. Yeah. 

Chris Shelton: And they don’t do that though. And that’s one of the things that [01:00:00] really bugs me about their work is maybe they do bury a disclosure, you know, uh, say in the fine print, but they really don’t lead their shows with that.

And they don’t present as though what they’re offering are opinions. They offer it, you know, they offer it up as though it’s scientific fact and they throw these, you know, jargony words around and, and know that that will. Kind of muddy the issue enough with people, um, that they can kinda get away with it.

And it is, it bugs me that these guys do that. And you know, if we can just think of it as entertainment. I know that’s kind of funny and Oh, print, you know, Megan is at it again. Oh, look at that. You know, today she didn’t wear any makeup. What does that mean? Oh, well, clearly it means they’re about to get a divorce.

I mean, if people want to think that, fine. Right. But when it ha, like I said, I, I bring it to those real world consequences ’cause they happen so often that I, I think it’s, it’s not just entertainment, it’s not just silly. Laugh it off goofiness. You know? I think that there are, I think there’s, there’s a good reason to be talking about this 

Zach Elwood: and also bullying [01:01:00] online.

You know, I mean, there’s, there’s people like, um, oh, what’s her name? Who got accused of murder in the other country? I, I always forget her name, but the, uh Oh, 

Chris Shelton: right. The, uh, Italian. Yes. Yes. 

Zach Elwood: Uh, Amanda Knox. I mean, like people, yeah. Amanda Knox, uh, and other, and other people. Like, there’s people that. Are just normal people that wind up in these situations.

And even just, I’m just talking about celebrities too, where you have people analyzing their behavior in irresponsible ways. I mean, this stuff leads to just straight up bullying and hate from a large number of, of people when you, when you’re acting like, oh, I can confidently read that They’re, you know, they might have some psychopathic tendencies, or they, that’s a sign of them withholding something and these, these kinds of silly things.

So I think, you know, I mean, Amanda Knox is a good example. I mean, she and you and, and, and, uh, she, she’s experienced a lot of hate Yeah. And stressful situations because of the ways people reacted to her, the public reacted to her and [01:02:00] various media. Um, but yeah, that these things have real world effects. I mean, just imagine that you were an innocent person who wound up on one of these.

Interrogation or interview police interview videos. And everyone thought, you know, people were reading your body language in wrong ways. Imagine how you’d feel. And everybody’s like, I know he is a piece of shit. You know, kill him. You know, like, just imagine that’s, that’s a pretty maddening thing. And you have people doing this about so many videos where they just know so little about the situation and, you know, but, but that doesn’t stop people these days from just lashing out online.

And that has real impacts to people, you know, people, you know, become depressed and maybe, you know, even kill themselves over that kind of stuff, you know? 

Chris Shelton: Well, there’s, there are consequences. And, um, and I, and I, and I just don’t want people running around thinking they know more than they do. It’s, it’s because, it’s, because it’s, this is hard enough.

This work is hard enough. Helping people is hard. Working with people is hard. Working with people who have stress and trauma is significantly harder. And [01:03:00] working with people who have stress and trauma, when a criminal act has been committed is even harder. So I know that, you know, we’re, like I said, we’re looking and these guys are just looking for any, any help they can get.

But, um, but some help is better than others. And, you know, and, and, and, and on that note, just to kind of put it there for the audience, in case you all don’t know, you know, this to the level that we look into it, you know, the UK right now, uh, is actually doing a whole new system that is not the Reed technique in terms of police interrogations.

They’ve, they’ve kind of changed up their game in terms of how they go about interrogating and talking to people and treat it more as a data collection rather than a, uh, I’m gonna beat you into submission so that you tell me what I want to hear. It’s okay. What do you have to tell me? And let’s explore this and let’s investigate this, which is kind of what you imagine police have been doing the whole time, but kind of not really.

So the more you look into this, the more kind of like, wow, it really kind of becomes in, in some ways. Okay. So moving on [01:04:00] from cops and robbers and crime and all of that kind of stuff. And, and by the way, I, I, I do think the, the lie detector, uh, comparative or bringing that up earlier was a, was a great point because it’s kind of exactly the right and wrong of this.

If you know about lie detector, we’ve talked about lie detectors a lot, right? And one of the things about lie detectors is that, is that in the hands of an amateur or in the eyes of an amateur, it is a yes no device. And in the hands of a trained professional who uses it as a, in their job, when you hear polygraph operators interviewed, it’s not a binary yes no device.

It’s a device that is, is helps you go down a trail of questioning, uh. W with movements that may or may not indicate something, and so it, it’s an investigative kind of thing. In that sense, I think body language could be useful and interesting as a guide, maybe to a skilled interrogator, [01:05:00] but to assume or think that any of these points are binary yes nos, this means this a hundred percent of the time because I said so.

I think that really is the bottom line of where we lose the plot with this whole subject. Having 

Zach Elwood: said that, I just meant, and many of the things are just straight up false, like the I direction, you know? Yes. Giving clues. We should, we should also say like many of these things are just straight up silly and have no evidence, you know?

Chris Shelton: That’s fine. Yeah, but I, but I kind of tend to go in that place in terms of wrapping this up as sort of like, 

Zach Elwood: yeah, 

Chris Shelton: it’s not all throw it in the trash, but, right. 

Zach Elwood: Exactly. Exactly. 

Chris Shelton: If you don’t have the right look at this, if you don’t have the right attitude about this, you are gonna make massively stupid mistakes.

Sorry, 

Zach Elwood: I didn’t, people, I didn’t mean to screw up your, uh, outro your, your 

Chris Shelton: wrap. No, no, you’re fine. You’re good. So anyway, so that’s, those were some of the thoughts I had on that. So, um, did, what were your sort of, now that I’ve said all that in my conclusion, what are your sort of, uh, [01:06:00] overall sort of, uh, thoughts about this?

Zach Elwood: Uh, yeah, I mean, I, I actually wanna write something up because, you know, you, you, you asking me to. Come on. The show was getting me to think through some of these ideas more and I was gonna write something up about it. So maybe I’ll share that later. But I did, I did. I do think the main thing is, you know, for people interested in this stuff, just stay skeptical.

Like I think it’s okay, it’s, it’s good to be interested in behavior. I think there’s a lot of interesting things, especially like the statement analysis things. I think those are interesting about analyzing, like the patterns that people have in their speech and such. 

Chris Shelton: Yes. 

Zach Elwood: And uh, I think there’s a lot of interesting things in behavior.

I just think people need to be very skeptical of these people that are claiming to have all these answers. And basically like ringing blood from a stone is how I view it as like taking something that might be a few interesting things to talk about and like trying to get all this amazing information out of it.

You should be very skeptical when people try to do that thing. That kind of thing. Yeah. 

Chris Shelton: Absolutely. All right. Well I want to thank you very much, Zach, for taking the time to appear on my show today with me [01:07:00] and, and responding to my invite. Um, and I hope that, uh, we will have cause do this again, because I really do enjoy talking to you and, and your, and your take on this stuff and the way you kind of, you know, take a measured look at it and, and you’re looking at the pros and the cons.

And that to me that’s always great. ’cause I love it when people will also check me with positivity, you know, check my negativity with some of their positivity too. I really appreciate that. ’cause sometimes I know I can be a little down on Oh, it’s all bad. It’s all bad. Well, it’s not all bad, so. 

Zach Elwood: Well thanks Chris.

No, I appreciate it and thanks for having me on. 

Chris Shelton: You bet. Alright, folks out there, thanks for coming around, listening to us, uh, Gabon and Madre about all this. I know debunking videos are not, you know, uh, enticing and wonderful, but they are necessary, uh, in this space. And so I hope that this was useful and formative and, you know, mildly entertaining this week.

And I will see you guys next week. Bye-bye.

Categories
podcast

A news site using social network analysis to disincentivize polarized content

Aemula is a new kind of media platform that’s trying to tackle a big problem: the fact that the structure of our news media leads to various outcomes that amplify toxic polarization. (Sign up for free at aemula.com.)

Instead of the usual “engagement = more exposure” logic, Aemula flips the incentives. You read an article, then you tap a simple Support or Disagree button — and those signals build a living map of Aemula’s community: a 3D social network graph showing how readers, writers, and articles relate without slapping on ill-defined partisan labels like left and right – labels that often unintentionally amplify us-vs-them, team-based thinking. 

Aemula creator Don Templeman and I get into:

  • Why left/right-type labels can be a misleading way to understand beliefs or categorize content
  • How Aemula uses social network analysis to map out relationships and ideological groupings in an objective, data-driven way 
  • How Aemula’s social network can help define a sort of ideological center, and how promoting content from the widely supported regions of the network can help reduce polarization 
  • How the blockchain aspect of Aemula makes it self-governing and therefore infinitely scalable  
  • How Aemula’s approach could matter even more in an AI world, where chatbots and LLMs need better sources than “Reddit + Wikipedia”

If you’ve ever felt like the incentives of the media ecosystem seem destined to drive us further apart — I think you’ll appreciate learning about Don’s paradigm-shifting approach to the news. 

Episode links:

TRANSCRIPT

Don Templeman: “So we’ve created this explore page, which shows this perspective map, which is essentially showing how you relate to all the other users on the platform, articles, and authors that wrote them. So as you’ll see here, I’m this blue, white, blue dot and our authors on the platform are these orange dots and the dark gray dots are articles. And you’ll see other like white dots that represent other users. But this is a 3D graph that shows where you fall relative to these other authors and users in the space. And the reason we do this in a 3D map is we don’t want to try to collapse everything into just a left versus right thinking, because we are trying to reverse polarization. And what we find is you can find points of consensus between users that you may not typically agree with on everything, but you may share some close views on some perspectives. And we can use that to map out and find communities of ideologies and determine what are the best articles to recommend people to open new lines of communication between these different communities on the platform. So this is really a visual representation of how we go out and find articles that we think you’ll like.”

Zach Elwood: That was Don Templeman explaining some basics of content recommendation for his new blockchain-based journalism platform Aemula.com; that’s AEMULA.com. You can sign up for free for Aemula, and I recommend that you do, and hope that you do. 
Aemula is a new kind of media platform that’s trying to tackle a big problem: the fact that the structure of our news media leads to various outcomes that amplify toxic polarization.

Instead of the usual “engagement = more exposure” logic, Aemula flips the incentives. You read an article, then you tap a simple Support or Disagree button — and those signals build a living map of Aemula’s community: a 3D social network graph showing how readers, writers, and articles relate without slapping on ill-defined partisan labels like left and right – labels that often unintentionally amplify us-vs-them, team-based thinking. 

Don and I get into:

  • Why left/right-type labels can be a misleading way to understand beliefs or categorize content
  • How Aemula uses social network analysis to map out relationships and ideological groupings in an objective, data-driven way 
  • How Aemula’s social network can help define a sort of ideological center, and how promoting content from the widely supported regions of the network can help reduce polarization 
  • How the blockchain aspect of Aemula makes it self-governing and therefore infinitely scalable  
  • How Aemula’s approach could matter even more in an AI world, where chatbots and LLMs need better sources than “Reddit + Wikipedia”

If you’ve ever felt like the incentives of the media ecosystem seem destined to drive us further apart — I think you’ll appreciate learning about Don’s paradigm-shifting approach to the news. 

A quick note: if you’re listening to this and not watching it, this episode might be rather weak, due to this being a visual-focused episode. If this topic interests you, I recommend watching this on youtube: my youtube is at youtube.com/peoplewhoreadpeoplepodcast

I myself have been working on reducing toxic political polarization for more than five years. I’m the author of two books on polarization, which you can learn about at www.american-anger.com. I’m quite skeptical about our ability to reduce toxic polarization, as I see it as the result of so many nested and self-reinforcing cycles of contempt and anger. There are only a few ideas I’ve seen that have excited me and made me think: here’s something that is capable of shifting things in a big way; of changing the underlying social incentives in ways that reduce us-vs-them contempt and anger instead of amplifying it. And there are also few paradigm-shifting ideas I’ve seen that have the potential to actually be used by a lot of people and scale up and create big changes; some ideas seem good but require top-down enforcement to be implemented, whereas Don’s project is user-focused; a private market product that gives people what they want while also incentivizing better behaviors. 

I think Don Templeman’s Aemula project is a great idea. I think it’s revolutionary, and paradigm-shifting, and I think Don is a very smart person. I hope he succeeds in getting lots of funding to build out Aemula. This is why I personally hope you will take a look at Aemula and sign up for it. It’s just possible it might be the future of how news and journalism is done. You’ll maybe look back one day and think, it was cool to be in on the ground floor when this thing first got rolling. 

If anything I’ve said has intrigued you a bit, and piqued your curiosity, I hope you watch this episode of Don explaining how Aemula works.  

And speaking of media companies having incentives to promote fringe, extreme, and polarizing content, the last episode of my podcast was an examination of the paranoid and insane content that Instagram has been promoting to me and others. If you’re curious about that, it was an episode I uploaded only to youtube due to it being so visual. You can find that on my youtube at youtube.com/peoplewhoreadpeoplepodcast


Okay, here’s the talk with Don Templeman, founder of Aemula.com.

00:00:03 – Zach Elwood: Hey, Don, thanks for joining me again.

00:00:04 – Don Templeman: Zach, yeah, thanks for having me back on.

00:00:07 – Zach Elwood: I appreciate it. Yeah, I’m really interested in the work you do. So I thought maybe we could start with you walking through the Aemula login process and what you see there and then talking about the social network analysis and graph kind of stuff.

00:00:26 – Don Templeman: Yeah, happy to give an overview. I just requested to share screen.

00:00:31 – Zach Elwood: Okay, it should be able to do it now.

00:00:32 – Don Templeman: Perfect. I’ll pull it up and just start from the beginning. If people go to aemula.com, hit our landing page, and you can click start reading to sign in. If you don’t have an account, you just type in your email and we’ll create an account for you. I know a lot of people, they don’t like entering emails when they’re creating new accounts, but we actually don’t store emails on our end. So it just creates a hash. We won’t send you marketing materials or anything. It just takes a few seconds to set up. And what you’re met with here is a front page that’s curated just for you. Obviously, if it’s your first time on the platform, we’ll show you some high quality articles for you to get started. But importantly, the core of what we’re doing is trying to support independent journalism. So all of the articles you see, they’re published independently by the writers. They’re owned by the writers. They’re stored and served on a peer to peer network. So nothing is coming from our servers. and they’re recommended to you through an open source community governed algorithm because we’re trying to remain as neutral as possible as a platform just to give writers the tools to publish and report and readers the ability to have one subscription to access all the information on the platform. And the basic functionality is you go in, you read articles and at the bottom of each article, there’s just this little support or disagree button And after you read, you can determine if you want to support the author or disagree with them. And what we can do is we can link that to create a connection between you and that article and our system. And so as you begin to read and interact with articles, we can understand roughly what your point of view is, whom you typically agree with, and we can start to make recommendations that are close to your beliefs while still promoting articles that are more moderate or more widely supported by diverse user sets. which is how we determine quality. And this front page, it’s meant to just be like a quick, simple way for you to get in, read some articles that we think you’ll like, but we wanna give users more control to freely explore the articles on the platform and freely discover new writers and new perspectives. So we’ve created this explore page, which shows this perspective map, which is essentially showing how you relate to all the other users on the platform, articles, and authors that wrote them. So as you’ll see here, I’m this blue, white, blue dot and our authors on the platform are these orange dots and the dark gray dots are articles. And you’ll see other like white dots that represent other users. But this is a 3D graph that shows where you fall relative to these other authors and users in the space. And the reason we do this in a 3D map is we don’t want to try to collapse everything into just a left versus right thinking, because we are trying to reverse polarization. And what we find is you can find points of consensus between users that you may not typically agree with on everything, but you may share some close views on some perspectives. And we can use that to map out and find communities of ideologies and determine what are the best articles to recommend people to open new lines of communication between these different communities on the platform. So this is really a visual representation of how we go out and find articles that we think you’ll like, but rather than relying on our ranking, you can go in, you can find articles on here and you can say, I think this is you. Yeah. Zach Elwood can find one of your articles, click on it and I can read it directly from there. So not having to rely on pure recommendations that come from your front page, if that all makes sense.

00:04:14 – Zach Elwood: Yeah. And that’s, uh, and it’s pretty early, obviously in Aemula’s, um, Aemula’s just started, so it’s not there’s not very many things on there. But as it grows, you know, I think you were saying as it grows, you would expect to see some mapping reflecting like the polarization in society where you would, you know, assuming you’ve got a standard sample size of the American population, you probably see a grouping eventually of like these two clusters of, because of the related stances on issues that people on both quote sides have, but it’s too early to see that because it’s just starting out, right? Absolutely, yeah.

00:05:05 – Don Templeman

We have a few hundred users, a few hundred articles, and just over a dozen publications on the platform. Within the Explorer page, I will note that this is just my local community. So these are people that are close to me. Obviously, I interact with the platform a lot, so this does represent a large portion of it. But we also have this separate perspective map, which shows you all of Aemula, so you can see roughly where you fall relative to everyone. And the reason we do that is we don’t want someone to go and just find opposing points of view and try to disagree with them to demote them in the process. We want people to interact and explore their immediate communities and beliefs and articles that we think are likely to support, likely to agree with, and not just go out and try to find competing points of view from the get-go. But we do want to show everyone roughly where they fall. And going back to left versus right thinking, like obviously as we start to grow the platform and it is more representative of everyone’s ideologies, we would expect to see some filtering into left versus right clusters. but we want to avoid having to label things as left or right or keep it that simplistic. So this is why it’s in like this three-dimensional space. And we don’t actually know what on here is left or right, because we as a platform wanna remain verifiably neutral. And one way to do that is say, we actually don’t know what the underlying content of these articles are. We don’t know the ideologies of the underlying users on the platform. All we know is their public address, their account number, and we know the address of the article, and we can map it out just based on everyone’s relationships and how they’ve interacted on the platform so that no one can point to us and say, oh, you’re pushing a specific narrative, you’re platforming specific writers. We can say we actually don’t have any insight into that, and it’s all just generated based on how the community’s operating and interacting.

00:07:01 – Zach Elwood

Right. You’re using transparent algorithms that are value-free in how the handle content it’s just using a transparent constant algorithm is the goal and you’re not getting into yeah that you and i’ve talked about this on the on the last call about this on the last episode and i’ve had episodes about the illusions of the left right spectrum how there can be there’s a lot of a lot of critique that the left right spectrum is an illusion and also a a conflict amplifying illusion because it kind of the the the embedded nature of talking about our political divides as a left-right spectrum can itself be very false and also just get people thinking in these left-right terms. That can help explain why there’s this filtering for everything being part of this monolithic left-right But that’s the great thing about what you’re doing and social network analysis in general, because it’s because it’s value free and label free, right? You’re not getting into, you know, trying to determine what makes something quote left or right or all these kinds of labels. Yeah, exactly.

00:08:19 – Don Templeman

So that’s it’s overly simplistic. So you start to over categorize things in the left versus right. And then people get into the thinking of, oh, I identify on the right or I identify on the left. if you show me something that’s labeled as being from the opposing point of view i’ll automatically discredit it just because i know it comes from the other team and i don’t want to support anything they’re doing but when you actually start to look at underlying beliefs you’ll find that there’s a lot more nuance there and there’s a lot more complexity so some people may disagree on a wide array of things but have a lot of agreement on a certain topic and so what we want to do is be able to make it as easy as possible for those people to start communicating open up new lines of dialogue to be able to understand some of those other perspectives that they may disagree on, just so they can start to have the conversation, start to see information from other people. Because the way that we currently discover information with traditional publications or on social media, you’re normally only finding stuff that’s within your immediate cluster, stuff that the publication thinks you’ll like, or stuff that the algorithms on social media think you’ll like. And so you just get further and further reinforced into your current beliefs. And we want to do the opposite. We want to reverse those forces by mapping everyone out in one holistic space and saying, you can start to discover these new perspectives that are around you in these different communities, just so you can start to get a better sense of the world around you.

00:09:46 – Zach Elwood

Yeah. For people that are curious about the idea that the left-right spectrum is an illusion, I’d say it check out the book, The Myth of Left and Right, and check out maybe an episode that I did where I interviewed the co-author of that book. Yeah. So maybe you could talk a little bit about, have you seen interesting patterns in the clustering so far of Aemula? Do you have any interesting observations about what you’ve seen in the behavior?

00:10:15 – Don Templeman

A lot of our early writers are people like yourself that understand what our mission is. and they’re writing from an inherently centrist depolarizing perspective. So even though we do have some clusters of information here, it is still so early that all of these people are roughly in what we would call the center. But we have seen interesting interactions on the platform just with the recent contest that we ran with our $5,000 essay contest. So as users were coming on and trying to support the writers that were sharing those essays on other platforms, they’re coming in as new users and starting to interact. So you can see like with your article here, a lot of support there and some support where it’s a few readers largely supporting one writer’s piece of work. So we started to see some behavior like that, which we would expect to see more of at scale. But for the time being, I would say it’s too early to start doing some of the more interesting things that we can do with this type of structure and these types of algorithms. because you really do need a lot more data to start more accurately reflecting the ideologies of the population so that we can start doing some more interesting things.

00:11:30 – Zach Elwood

Can you talk a little bit about the concept of like the gravity or how more connected ideas clustered more towards the middle of the graph, that kind of thing?

00:11:43 – Don Templeman

Yeah. So what we want to support in our way of reversing polarization is if you map everyone out, you can see that There’s some clusters here that are more on the fringes and a lot of users here in the middle that are interacting with a wide diversity of authors. So we want to promote authors that can write an article that gets diverse support from multiple different ideological communities in our graph, because that indicates to us that they’re making strong arguments. They’re presenting factual information. People are willing to interact and engage with their content. Whereas someone who may be more on the fringes and getting a lot of traction from some small group of people. If we were just using pure engagement metrics, we would say, Oh, they’re getting a lot of reads. They’re getting a lot of eyes. If we were trying to sell advertisements, that’s a very valuable person. So we would try to promote them more. But the thing is that typically happens when you look at traditional social media with people sharing inflammatory content, that’s from a more radical ideology. And that’s the opposite of what we want to support. So by mapping everything out in this 3d space, we can start to say like, This is the center of our community. This is where we want to start to draw more eyes and more attention. So for people on the fringes, when they join the platform, we have information that is relevant to their beliefs. They’re willing to engage with it. They can start reading and interacting on the platform. And then over time, we can slowly show them articles that are closer and closer to that center. And the way that we’re able to determine what the center is, is every time there is a connection made between a reader and an article, it creates these little edges. You can see if I zoom in all these little connections. And essentially what we do is those have a gravity about them. So if I’m supporting a lot of your articles and making a lot more of those connections, we’ll grow closer and closer together in this 3D space. And we can use that gravity to determine who’s getting a lot of connections from a lot of different perspectives. because that’ll pull them in closer to the center. And if someone isn’t getting a lot of diverse attention, they’ll be drifting off further on the side. So it’s more like natural way of using that gravity force to see who is being pulled into the center, who’s more on the fringe, how can we start to promote articles to people on the fringes to pull them in and which articles would be the most impactful that that person would likely agree with and actually be able to interact with, but will also move them closer to the center. And that’s really the underlying basis of how we drive our recommendation algorithms.

00:14:24 – Zach Elwood

Yeah. And you briefly mentioned this, but this is basically the opposite in terms of how a lot of content recommendation algorithms work on social media and such where, for example, people might have heard about these uh, like on YouTube where you, you express interest in one thing and it, and it shows you something like get you down a rabbit hole of like more extreme and conspiracy minded content because it’s, you know, that’s, that is a, uh, a valid way to get people more engaged, but especially like the ramping up the emotionality of it too. Uh, but yeah, what you’re trying to do is, give people what they want, but also move them a little bit in the, in the opposite direction of going down some like really fringe rabbit hole. Right.

00:15:14 – Don Templeman

Exactly.

00:15:16 – Zach Elwood

And it is not just discovery.

00:15:18 – Don Templeman

We’re also trying to change the incentives of how the content is actually produced because when you’re on a platform like YouTube or on X or really any traditional social media, you’re trying to optimize for the incentives that are at play in those ecosystems. So if what is being rewarded by the algorithm is some clickbait thumbnail headline that gets a lot of inflammatory people arguing in the comments, you’ll start to create content that aligns with that. It’s audience capture.

00:15:47 – Zach Elwood

It’s you’re trying to… Yeah, it’s self-reinforcing cycle. Exactly.

00:15:51 – Don Templeman

And you can’t blame the creators in that context because they’re trying to maximize their earnings on the platform. They’re trying to maximize their views. They’re trying to spread their message as wide as possible. So if that’s what the platforms are incentivizing, that’s where you would expect the content to… That’s where the system leads.

00:16:09 – Zach Elwood

The system naturally leads that way. Yeah.

00:16:12 – Don Templeman

Exactly. And that’s… The deterioration of content quality that you see on a lot of platforms where they’ll just start out and people will speak so highly of like, oh, look at how this platform is creating all of this new content that you can’t find on other platforms. Writers are able to freely express themselves, but then as they grow and those incentives become more prevalent, you start to see deterioration collapsing back towards that. I’m just trying to gamify the algorithm to maximize my exposure. And that’s what we’re seeing now with Substack. where Substack started as like the cultural engine of change, inviting a lot of independent writers who are now free to write and own their own perspectives. And there was a lot of great content on the platform, but as they’ve grown and they’ve implemented traditional social media style algorithms with their notes feature, releasing the Substack app, a lot of these writers are now trying to play the Substack game of how do I get the most subscribers? And that’s leading towards more what they style headlines, people writing about very similar topics that are being promoted well in algorithm. And that’s, if you look at people talking about Substack and their opinions on it, some people are starting to leave because they’re seeing that occur on the platform, but really that’ll occur on any platform, unless you change the underlying incentive structure. So where we are promoting content, that’s high quality, getting diverse acceptance from across our user base. we’ll start to incentivize writers who, if they’re trying to gamify our algorithm, they’ll start writing higher quality content that is more widely appealing to more people. And that’s what gets promoted. That’s what gets more monetization on the platform. So we’ll be able to reverse that trend where if you start to try to gamify our algorithm, it actually increases the quality of content over time.

00:17:58 – Zach Elwood

Yeah. I mean, you’re talking about shifting a paradigm that’s kind of unquestioned and is the dominant. There’s just no, basically nobody else really questioning that the basic paradigm and you’re trying to shift the whole underlying paradigm of incentives. Yeah. And make it infinitely scalable at the same time. Yeah.

00:18:19 – Don Templeman

Yeah. And I would say a lot of people realize that this is happening. A lot of people feel like content quality degradation. A lot of people realize that when the incentives are forcing clickbait style like short form content that’s how content is going to go but when you remove those incentives or change them like we’re trying to do a lot of the creators like this is what they would prefer to be doing if given the freedom to actually be able to create that style of content so it’s more just a factor if you start to switch those incentives you can start to let people write more freely share what they’re actually wanting to create and over time that’ll be able to increase content quality.

00:19:03 – Zach Elwood

Do you want to share anything else about the visuals of the graph? I was going to ask you some kind of like broader questions about social networks, but I don’t know if you wanted to mention anything else you want to highlight there.

00:19:15 – Don Templeman

No, I think it’s, if people are listening and want to check out the platform, like if you go in and you start to interact with algorithms, you can play around with it yourself and always happy to hear feedback from people as they start to interact with it.

00:19:28 – Zach Elwood

No, it is really cool to play around with. And I, I’ll enjoy seeing it grow over time and see what patterns develop. I think that’s one of the interesting things about the, the social network graphing is, is seeing the patterns and how those map over to a societal patterns, you know, and, and how that, how that’ll grow. Yeah. Um, yeah. So yeah, the, and maybe you could talk a little bit about how that social network graph is a implementation that many social networks network platforms use and where that idea comes from. Obviously, you didn’t create that. You’re using it and harnessing the idea. Maybe you could talk a little bit about the social network analysis idea in general.

00:20:12 – Don Templeman

Yeah, I think it goes back to really the start of the internet and the start of the web in general. I believe it was Tim Berners-Lee when creating the initial form of the internet in the form of the World Wide Web, talking about the semantic web and how You could have context from how websites and servers are all interconnected. And that idea was really built on through networking in the early stages of the internet. And I think popularized by early social media platforms like Facebook as they started to grow. But it really is just like an intuitive way to think about relationships of people and content online. So it is just saying like, if I… post something on Facebook and you like it, then there’s a connection that we have made where you like to post that I’ve made. And it’s just a very intuitive way to start thinking about networks. But the other reason they’re used so prevalently, especially on the internet, is because it creates these social graphs, which are a whole field of mathematics with graph theory and information theory. So it makes them easy to study. And what it allows you to do is start to gain insights on user behavior and how information is flowing through networks, purely from just interactions on the platform, which is really why we’re starting to leverage and use it. But it is used widely across a whole array of different use cases. So obviously in social networks, we’re using it as a recommendation algorithm, which like Netflix uses their recommendation algorithm based on a social graph like this, just interactions of content you’re consuming and what they think you’d like. But it also can go into kind of like wider fields where it’s fraud detection with banks. They use similar technology to determine fraud, epidemiology and contact tracing, which I think a lot of people became familiar with during COVID uses similar technology. Also Google maps and Uber and Finding direct routes places use similar technology, but all different sources of data. So it is widely used. They’ve become pretty efficient. And all we’re doing is using that same technology, but changing where we’re implementing it and the incentives that we’re putting behind it to try to create something that hasn’t been done before. I think you’re muted.

00:22:51 – Zach Elwood

Yeah, yeah, sorry. I’m muted because of these damn sirens. I’ll cut this out, obviously. Do you have any idea what direction we should go in next?

00:23:02 – Don Templeman

I liked those decentralized, centralized graph diagrams you had. I actually have a little whiteboard thing on my computer where it had a similar… image. So if you want to talk about that and like how networks are formed, I can talk about like information theory. I can share my screen again.

00:23:28 – Zach Elwood

Sure. Do you want to just keep talking about it or do you want me to queue it up with a specific question, you think? Because if you had an idea, like what would I ask to queue that up, you think?

00:23:42 – Don Templeman

If you say like, oh, I was just pulling up some like images of network analysis or something, I can key into it from there.

00:23:50 – Zach Elwood

I think. Um, actually, why don’t you just, uh, why don’t you just start talking and I’ll, and like creating a, like starting a new topic. And I’ll, I think, I think it’ll be a seamless edit if you’re just like, I want to show you these, you know, things on my computer. I think that’ll work.

00:24:07 – Don Templeman

Yeah.

00:24:08 – Zach Elwood

Yeah.

00:24:10 – Don Templeman

Okay. So I saw that you pulled up some images there of network analysis and, um, I think that segues nicely into some of the concepts that we’re working with and some research that we’re doing at Angular that we’re trying to publish on how you can structure information networks and how that can actually make them more resistant to polarization and misinformation to create higher quality information environments. I actually have very similar graphs that I have on like a whiteboard on my computer.

00:24:41 – Zach Elwood

Oh yeah, let’s see that, yeah.

00:24:43 – Don Templeman

If I share my screen. So this is similar to what you just pulled up on different ways that you can structure information networks. And the current way that most social media platforms and actually how we naturally coordinate as people in societies is what’s called preferential attachment. So there are people that have significant influence that a lot of people follow. And a lot of clusters form where people different people who follow these like influencers or power users may not necessarily communicate with people that are in or power users or followers of another influencer. And through this preferential attachment, it actually creates the most complex information network possible. So while it is natural and easy to form, it’s actually one of the worst ways that you can form an information network if you’re trying to promote high quality content and everyone having access to the most information as possible. So this is like, if you were to think about it, it could be like traditional publications where you subscribe to a specific newspaper and like this newspaper has some subscribers, this newspaper has some subscribers, or it can be like on Substack where a large writer comes on board and they have their own subscribers that follow them, but it’s all relatively just jointed. And the reason that it is so complex is because there’s, multiple centers of influence that all are able to influence their own followers, but there’s not communication across those followers. So there’s two different ways that you can try to structure an information network that are more stable. And one of them is fully centralized. So this is like, if you think of how news was shared early on in the development of newspapers at the start, but also kind of like more prevalently as propaganda, where there is one information center and it distributes information to all of the users or all the people in a community. So while this is very simplistic and it is stable, there is one consensus truth that everyone is agreeing on. Everyone’s working on the same information.

00:26:50 – Zach Elwood

Like having just a few broadcast networks, you know, up until the 80s, you know, between the, yeah, like 19, you know, 1980s or something like that, like this monolithic… Distribution, yeah.

00:27:05 – Don Templeman

Yeah. And that’s why back then there was, I trust in the news. Everyone felt like they could operate and have communication with people of different ideologies because you were all working off of the same information source.

00:27:18 – Zach Elwood

Mostly. Much more than we are now. Yeah.

00:27:20 – Don Templeman

Much more than we are now. But obviously there’s problems with centralization where there’s really only one point of view and there’s a lot of control over that point of view. So there’s a lot of incentive to skew that into… trying to use it for securing power for whoever is the person that is sharing that information. So this doesn’t necessarily result in the highest quality content or people having the most access to the widest amount of information, but it is much more stable for people being able to agree with each other. The other option is fully decentralized where everyone can communicate with everyone individually. And this is what has only recently become possible to do at scale because With a subscription news service, really news needs to rely on subscription. So there is stable revenue. So you have the ability to go out and do longer form investigative reporting processes. It is an expensive process to do high quality reporting. So you need to rely on subscription revenue, but you can’t really do that. You previously or prior to 2024, you couldn’t really do that just due to technical limitations, because as a subscriber, you need to just pay revenue. one subscription and then be in the network and everyone can work and operate seamlessly together. What we saw with subscription models in the past was closer to this preferential attachment where you’re subscribing to one publication, you’re subscribing to one writer, and that’s really like where you get your information from. When you decentralize the network, information flows more freely and people are able to communicate across different, there’s different paths for information to take across the network. And it is, more stable and resilient to people trying to put influence into the network. Whereas with preferential attachment, there’s really only a few power players that are really controlling the narrative. That can’t really happen in a decentralized information environment, which is why we’re building Amul with that type of technology is because we want to create an as open as possible of an information environment for people to communicate freely. And it creates the shortest path of information directly from the source to the reader. So there’s as little outside influence as possible over the information you’re seeing. And you can individually trust that the person is a credible source, which we can get into reputations and how you determine credibility. But that’s really the core of what made this technology possible now is we have that ability to work in this trustless system, but everyone can still trust that the quality is there. You don’t have to rely on trusted intermediaries like publications in the past so we can avoid this preferential attachment problem.

00:30:04 – Zach Elwood

And am I understanding correctly when you say it’s something that is only recently possible, that’s because of the blockchain technology and the ability to do these smart contracts where you set something up to operate and it enforces those rules? Am I understanding that correctly?

00:30:23 – Don Templeman

Exactly. So in the past, decentralized information networks were more akin to villages or people where your immediate community, everyone is able to communicate with each other freely. As we started to grow societies to larger scales, you really had to figure out a way to be able to communicate across long distances or with people that you’re not personally acquainted with. Because the process of news inherently is hearing information from a stranger. So something that you didn’t directly experience, you’re hearing it from someone who did. And once you kind of grow out of like 100 to 200 people in your immediate community, you’re really having to figure out like, how can I trust that this information is accurate and true? And How do I know if I want to incorporate that into my worldview? Which is why we moved into preferential attachment where these publications are saying, we are trusted intermediaries. We have a track record of reporting quality journalism. You can subscribe to us and you can trust that even though it’s coming from strangers that you don’t know, we’re vetting it and making sure it’s all credible information. Since the 1970s, those institutions have started to lose trust. And there’s a lot of reasons that go into why, but if we wanna try to rebuild that trust, we really need to go back to that decentralized architecture where everyone’s communicating freely. But if you want to do that at societal scale, it comes down to the problem of how can I trust a stranger? How can I trust that the information they’re sharing is credible? So on social media, we’ve had the ability to communicate as decentralized as possible by being able to communicate with anyone online. We just didn’t know if they’re a bot account, if they’re from some foreign actor. These are all things that have happened and influenced our news cycles in the past. And that’s one of the core issues with misinformation and finding news on social media is there is all of that inherent mistrust where you can’t really know what someone is sharing or if it’s true, which is why social networks also fall into preferential attachment where When you first join a platform, it gives you like, here are some accounts you should follow and you follow them. And then those become the centers of influence. Those are the people that you’re largely filtering a lot of your content through, but you know that like, I trust them. They’re strongly followed account. A lot of people agree with what they’re saying. So I’ll use that as my trusted source of information. But if we want people to be able to operate at scale in a decentralized manner, they really need to be able to trust individually this person has a reputation and has credibility. And now that we have blockchain technology where we can tie reputations to individual people, we can do proof of personhood on chain. We can say I’m verified. I’m not a bot. I’m not a foreign actor. I’m a real person. I have my credibility and track record. We can store that all immutably on chain. So it’s given us all of these tools to allow these trustless systems where I don’t necessarily need to know you, I don’t need to know who follows you, but I know that you have a reputation on the platform. So I know that I can trust that what you’re saying is credible.

00:33:38 – Zach Elwood

Yeah, maybe we can talk a little bit more about judging reliability and such in a bit, but I was thinking when you were showing the middle diagram about how people affect other people. It made me think of one of my favorite talks for the podcast was with Michael Macy, a researcher who’s done some really good work on polarization-related topics. One of his studies was about what he calls opinion cascades, which is how major opinion makers shift the perspectives of other people. He studied how we tend to think, getting back to the myth of the left and right divide where we to put all these different stances on issues into this like spectrum of left and right and leading to this illusory clustering of you know of labeling uh stances and such he he was showing how the the opinion cascades research research showed how influential opinion makers like say for example trump like how trump would uh react to a new issue like covert for example would greatly influence our resulting polarization, right? Like, so we, we tend to, but we tend to confabulate reasons after the fact for why this stance on an issue is related to left or related to right or liberal or conservative or such. But so much of it is actually due to these chance outcomes of like, which way is an influential person in this, you know, in one side or another going to go on, on a new issue. And then, that the opinion cascades kind of follow after that. Right. Um, and there’s just, you know, a lot of chaos in the system too, but yeah, getting, getting to the idea that, uh, what you’re trying to do is basically trying to combat the, the emotion and kind of like team-based reasoning that results from like the usual ways of social are, are, are instinctual operations of how we interact with other people and how our emotions and, team-based affiliations can guide our judgments. And basically you’re trying to create this system that is pushing against that and try to make a more reasonable, less biased, less team-based, less emotional outcome, I think. Yeah.

00:35:59 – Don Templeman

Yeah, exactly. And opinion cascades is a good way to put it. There’s a lot of interesting research around it, but when you have that preferential attachment, it only takes a few steps and a few people to strongly influence large groups. So the way that people describe systems that are structured in this way with preferential attachment is that they’re in a state of criticality where they can very quickly change perspectives of a large portion of the graph or a large portion of the network. And that’s like one of the interesting examples of it is if you think of like the six degrees of freedom thing, if you’ve heard it where it’s like, you’re only six connections separated from anyone else on earth. And that’s because there are these strong, like centers of influence or people who know a lot of other people and have a lot of influence over those people. And so that’s research that’s been done that like that is how we have structured our society where we are only a few steps away from large portions of the population. And that in an information environment makes it very difficult to find stability because one or a few people’s opinion shift can start to shift and influence large portions of that network. So more resilient ways to structure it, where it’s decentralized, where you’re communicating more closely and more frequently with people that are around you, but everyone is able to freely move and shift their own opinions and their own opinions have kind of more weight and the overall like emergent traits of the entire system. Because if you look at preferential attachment, a lot of the like collective ideology of the network is influenced by the opinions of those few small centers of influence. If you look at a centralized network, the main like perspectives of the entire network align with whoever that centralized point of like centralized news sources, but with a decentralized system, the overall perspective of the network more accurately reflects everyone’s individual beliefs because it is this average consensus of how everyone is interacting and kind of perceiving each other and understanding the world around them and coming up with their own views all independently rather than being influenced by these large opinion cascades.

00:38:18 – Zach Elwood

Do you want to talk about the AI aspect of this work? You and I have talked a little bit about how this plays into LLM AI tools using content. Do you want to talk a little bit about that or would you rather talk about the… you know, how to judge reliability and accuracy using this kind of model, which would you rather, the direction would you rather go on? We can go on both.

00:38:50 – Don Templeman

I’m happy to talk about both of them. Yeah, we can talk about the AI a little bit, because that might be interesting to people, yeah. Yeah, so with AI, obviously, if we’re focused on trying to create resilient information networks and to determine better ways for people to discover news, a big portion and like a new player in that space is AI and LLMs and specifically people discovering information through chatting with LLMs. That’s a growing portion of how people discover new information. And we’ve seen that with like Google search usage has gone down and more people are using open AI or perplexity or cloud or any of these tools to chat, to discover information. So in trying to think of how we play into that ecosystem, A lot of new sources are trying to leverage AI as their ability to find and discover information. But we want to take a different point of view because we do believe that you still need to rely on real people doing the hard work of reporting and discovering new information to actually make sure that LLMs have accurate up-to-date information because since the training cutoff for a lot of LLMs, if they want to have some opinion or provide information real-time relevant events, they need to go out to some third-party source to be able to pull in the information, cite it, and use it in their response to the user. So if more people are discovering information that way, we want to make that process as robust as possible. But currently, when an LLM is asked a question that needs to go out to some third-party source, 40% of the time it cites Reddit, 20% of the time it cites Wikipedia, And the rest of the time it’s trying to cite stuff that it’s able to find online because they really need large data sets. And the only places those exist are really in Reddit and Wikipedia. And while Wikipedia as a source over time becomes more and more credible for real time news on current breaking events, what LLM companies have found is they really need to rely on professional newsrooms. So we’ve seen this trend of, It’s just under $3 billion of spend that’s been committed to licensing content from professional newsrooms to LLM AI research labs for them to be able to license and access content that’s produced out of a professional newsroom. So that’s deals between like OpenAI and the New York Times or Wall Street Journal, Amazon and New York Times. There’s all of these massive deals where they’re trying to get access to this high quality information because That’s really the differentiator between these models and how people choose to use them is which one can give me the best information. The problem is if you’re relying on traditional publications as your source of news, you’re still falling into all of the traps that we’re trying to solve with polarization in media, distrust in media, all of the reasons why how those companies are structured. results in audience capture and them including their own biases.

00:41:56 – Zach Elwood

Bubbles of thinking, biases, yeah.

00:41:59 – Don Templeman

Exactly. So what we’re able to do is we can take all of the benefits that we’re creating for our information environments and make them accessible to AIs if they need to go out and reference some real-time event that’s currently being reported on. And the reason that we’re able to do it so easily is one, Since we are decentralized, an LLM company can come in and make a licensing agreement at the protocol level. So they don’t have to go out and try to find all of the independent individual writers and make individual agreements with all of them. They can just say, we want access to all of Aemula’s content. And then each individual writer on our platform can determine if they want to license their content or not. So everyone still independently owns all of their work. We have record of everyone’s ownership. LLMs, if they want to come in and cite something that one of the writers on the platform has published, that writer can determine if they want to license it. And then that writer gets paid when their information is accessed. Because a lot of the time, currently when writers publish independently, if it’s through their own site, if it’s on Substack, that can still get parsed by an LLM and cited and used in their responses. But that writer never sees any value that came from the use of their work in an LLM response. So we want to make sure that everyone is always paid for the work that they produce. And through our protocol, we can say, if you elect not to license your content, we can protect it so it’s actually not discoverable by LLMs, so it can’t accidentally be licensed. But if you do want to license it, you’ll get paid every time an AI actually accesses it. So it’s a lot more robust for the independent writers. it’s a lot more efficient for the LLM providers because they don’t have to make all these bespoke deals across newsrooms. It’s just one ecosystem that they can plug into all of our information’s in a standardized format. It’s easy to parse and it’s actually stored and structured and how LLMs think. So if you think back to the explore map that we showed of all the articles and 3d space without getting into too much detail, When LLMs, when you’re prompting them and they’re trying to generate a response, they are relating words and trying to figure out what to respond with based on how closely words relate in three-dimensional space, it’s called vector space. And that’s a whole separate category, but you can kind of abstract that away and have a conceptual vector space where an LLM can go in and say, I want to answer something on this topic. It can find that topic. within our information map and determine what is the best article here. It can plug into our credibility ratings, rank what it wants to respond with, license that content directly from the writer, and use it and cite it in its answer to an end user. So it makes the whole LLM information discovery process significantly more robust for the end users that are discovering information through chatting with LLMs. And it’s a lot better for the writers because they actually get paid when their content’s used.

00:45:08 – Zach Elwood

Yeah, I was thinking, I mean, getting back to the idea of how you can create algorithmic approaches to judge accuracy and reliability of news sources and such, it seems like there’s a lot of value in coming up with some approach that uses the social network analysis to say like, oh, this source, this person is creating content that appeals to a lot of different clusters of thought and that a lot of people across a lot of different clusters of thought, appreciate. And it seems like, I mean, A, that’s valuable for people in general, but it also seems especially valuable for these AI, LLM agents that are trying to find non-controversial and agreed-upon information. It seems like that’s a way to theoretically do that that doesn’t involve humans doing fact-checking, which leads to various biases, too. I mean, it’s still going to be hard no matter what, but it seems like that’s… using this kind of algorithmic objective approach in some way leads to some really good outcomes of like these statements and these works appeal to a broad range of people.

00:46:24 – Don Templeman

Yeah. And that’s when you’re dealing with AI and LLMs, like the scale of the data really matters. Like you need a lot of information for them to come up with good answers. And so when you’re dealing with that type of scale, you, have to rely on algorithms at some point. Like you can’t have some massive army of fact checkers going through and trying to check the credibility of all the sources.

00:46:49 – Zach Elwood

Right. Yeah. It’s way too much time. Yeah.

00:46:52 – Don Templeman

So we need that scalable process for determined credibility. And we’re able to do that through that social network analysis where we can say, if a post is getting a lot of diverse support from people with different ideologies, we know that that is likely a high quality source of information. On top of that, We have newsroom tools for writers so they can go through a peer editorial process if they want more people to offer feedback on a piece that they’re about to publish. And we can say that if they’ve gone through that process, it’s also likely higher quality. We can give them access to research and analysis tools, data sources, tip networks, credentialing, like all of these tools that they can use. And as they implement them into their reporting, we can increase that quality metric of what we perceive that quality to be. And then we also have individual reputations for readers and writers. So if a writer is getting a lot of support from users with high reputations, then we know that they also likely have a high reputation and we can build their reputation into those quality scores. And looking at everything holistically, you can start to come up with credibility rankings for not only authors, but also individual articles and use that to allow LLM responses to easily discover what is likely the highest quality source that I can find for this specific topic, but also it can allow it to start to adjust its responses based on who’s asking the question. So if I have an annual account, it knows roughly where I fall relative to some of the sources it’s trying to find for me. It can give me a source that is closer to my beliefs that I’m more likely to agree with. rather than giving me some source that may be from an opposing point of view, where I’ll ask the question, immediately discredit it and say, like, I disagree with this take, like there’s bias in how the LLM was coded, there’s bias in the training data and then discredit it and either prompt my way into getting it to say the answers I want it to say, or going out and trying to find a different source of information to support my point of view. Like really, if we’re trying to optimize for providing the best answers to the users, there’s not one answer that is best for all users. You can start to gear it so it’s the best answer for that specific user to better understand what concept they’re trying to understand.

00:49:15 – Zach Elwood

Yeah, because at the end of the day, you have to worry about customer satisfaction and so do the AI. You and everybody, it’s like no matter what our wishes and goals are about how these things work. Like you have to give people what they want at the end of the day. And you, you can’t give them like, you know, if somebody’s using Grok and they’re like, Elon Musk is a, Grok’s telling you Elon Musk is a genius and all these recent things where it was praising Elon Musk with these weird responses. It’s like, if you’re doing too many weird things that don’t appeal to your customer base, they won’t want to use your product. Right. So you, you do want to give them what they want while also, you know, aiming for, accuracy and responsible implementations and stuff. But yeah, you want to give people what they want. Yeah. Exactly.

00:50:03 – Don Templeman

And then that becomes a fragmented environment in and of itself, where if I like what Grok is telling me about Elon, then I’d start using Grok more. And then Grok is my source of information. And that likely differs pretty drastically from someone who’s using Anthropics Cloud or or chat GPT, so people start to work out a different information environments and you would expect as they get access to wider and wider information sources, hopefully the LLMs kind of converge on some general consensus where they all have similar answers, but there is a wide divergence currently on the types of answers that they give. And so if you only use the ones that you like, it goes back into that same problem.

00:50:44 – Zach Elwood

Polarization cycle.

00:50:45 – Don Templeman

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone’s only going to work in the information environments that they want to engage with.

00:50:49 – Zach Elwood

And that’s kind of how the polarization works. It creates these two spheres of like, there’s different schools, there’s different kinds of companies, there’s different, you know, circles of various types of, you know, there’s different churches, there’s different, you know, so yeah, it’s like, yeah, you’re trying to break out of this entire paradigm and create entirely new paradigm and incentives, which is awesome. That’s why I’m so excited about your project. And I just haven’t seen anyone else doing stuff that I think is really trying to break these fundamental paradigms in a way that you are. So I think that’s great. Anything else you want to talk about? Because I think we’ve covered a good amount of stuff. Do you want to throw in anything else interesting before we go?

00:51:36 – Don Templeman

No, I mean, I appreciate the support of our mission and what we’re trying to do uh obviously a long way to go it relies on scale and we have a cold start problem where we need content and readers and really these things always start to work once you have large scale right so we do have a long way to go it’s a challenge work in concept but uh kind of going back to like giving people what they want like we don’t want to try to act against human nature. We want to be able to make it as natural of a process as possible to happen. So that’s why we’re so focused on being fully open, fully transparent, everyone operating independently, owning all of their own work, everyone communicating independently. Those mechanisms only work if people are actively involved in them. So that’s why we want to use human readable algorithms for all of our algorithms so that people can actually go in, read them, understand what they’re doing and start to have a say in the process because it is all community governed. People can vote on how they want to see things change. So whereas some platforms like X have open sourced their algorithms, a large portion of it is through AI where it’s this black box where no one understands it and it takes real technical expertise to go in and understand how it’s operating. So like that’s not a community governed process if no one’s able to actually understand it. So that just goes to show like, we need people actively on the platform, participating in it, helping kind of go through those iteration cycles to make everything better and start to actually align with our missions. But overall, like really excited to get people on the platform, start to hear their feedback, start to see how we can improve, but hope a lot of these ideas resonate with people and obviously always willing to share more information, help answer more questions on anything that may not have been clear.

00:53:39 – Zach Elwood

Yeah. How, how can people, if people are listening to this and they’re excited and, or even just interested, how can they support you? What are the different ways, like from a regular person, you know, a non influential person versus like, say somebody wants to invest a bunch of money from that scale. Yeah.

00:53:58 – Don Templeman

So yeah, The easiest way is just going to amyla.com, creating an account. Like I said, it’s a pretty lightweight process. We’re not going to start emailing you a bunch of marketing materials. It’s just to prove that you own an email address because you do own the account. It’s able to hold money for you. So like you need to have some recovery mechanism, but we actually don’t have any ownership over that. So join the platform, start to mess around. You get a free trial. So it doesn’t cost anything. You don’t have to put your card in or anything. But if you do like it and you’re enjoying what you’re reading, start a subscription. Any subscription goes a long way at this point as we’re starting to build up our subscription pool so it’s better and more attractive economics for the writers on the platform so we can actually reward them for all of the great work that they’re doing. If you are writing, we need content. We want to be able to support your work. So you can publish directly on the Aemula app or you can go – link your Substack if you’re already writing on Substack, and that’ll automatically cross post anything that you’re publishing on Substack anytime that you publish. You retain full ownership of your work. You earn from our paid subscribers at the end of every month. So there really is no downside. You can stop at any time if you don’t want to do it. And then from there, just following us, providing feedback, starting to interact and be active in our process of iterating and improving the platform. but really just creating an account and going in and starting to play around with things is the best way to get involved.

00:55:32 – Zach Elwood

Awesome. Okay. This has been great, Don. I’ll let you go and thanks for joining me and best of luck on the project.

00:55:39 – Don Templeman

Yeah. Thank you so much.

Categories
podcast

Can we work to reduce toxic political polarization even in our anger and fear?

For many people, Trump represents a uniquely dangerous figure in American history. But what if the contemptuous, maximally pessimistic ways many people talk about Trump and Republicans help put more “wind in the sails” of polarized, polarizing leaders like Trump? Similarly, do excessive contempt and overly pessimistic framings from Republicans help create more support for divisive, us-vs-them approaches by Democrats? Is America in a self-reinforcing feedback loop of contempt and anger?

In this talk for Richard Davies’ series How Do We Fix it? (www.howdowefixit.me) Zachary Elwood argues that excessive contempt for each other is the problem underlying all other political discord and democracy-erosion problems. He and Richard discuss how liberal contempt for conservatives can create a feedback loop that empowers highly antagonistic and us-vs-them leaders, why our worst-case caricatures of the other side are so tempting and yet so wrong, and why changing how we talk about the “other side” can make us more persuasive and effective and not, as many people believe, weaker.

If you want to learn more, or if (like many people), you’re skeptical about these ideas, learn more at american-anger.com.

Episode links:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcript is automatically generated and contains errors)

my views of Trump have not changed my, how I speak and how I think about, uh, people who have voted for him have changed a lot because I think it’s [00:01:00] the tendency of conflict is for so many people to see the other side as, as this monolith. And so we end up seeing the entire other side as boiling down to the worst people on that side. /end quote

That was a snippet from a talk I had a few weeks ago with Richard Davies, for his show How do we fix it? That series is focused on reporting on the work and actions of Braver Angels— the nation’s largest cross-partisan volunteer-led movement to bridge the partisan divide. You can learn more about the show at https://www.howdowefixit.me

This will be a reshare of that talk I had with Richard. One of Richard’s main questions to me is: why did I write a book aimed at liberals about the importance of working to reduce toxic polarization and contempt? In the view of many Democratic-leaning and anti-Trump Americans, the problem is simply Trump and Republicans; the implication that there might be things for them to work on to reduce toxicity and political discord can upset people. But as I argue in my book, anyone who wants to reduce toxic, us-vs-them ways of engaging should be curious to know how we got to this highly polarized moment in time, and not be content to settle for simplistic “it’s all their fault” narratives; they must be brave enough to examine polarizing behaviors and tendencies on quote “their side” of the conflict – even if they think the “other side” is worse. 

I also talk about my own personal journey from someone who used to regularly post insulting, contemptuous posts about Trump voters on social media, to someone who now sees reducing toxic polarization as the most important endeavor of all, not just for America, but for the world. If you dislike highly antagonistic, highly us-vs-them ways of engaging, you must see that contempt is what puts the wind in the sails of highly polarized and polarizing people like Trump. And I talk about how one can do work on depolarization even while pursuing one’s own political goals; and how taking such approaches actually helps, not hinders, one’s political activism.

If you like this talk, check out my Substack on polarization topics, which you can find at defusingamericananger.substack.com. I have more than 1300 subscribers on there. One of my most popular pieces in the last few months was a piece entitled, “8 tips for activists who want to reduce polarization.” You can read some positive reviews my books have gotten at my site american-anger.com. One review I was proud of comes from Dan F. Stone, polarization researcher and author of the book Undue Hate. Dan said, “Elwood is one of the wisest voices on the topic of toxic polarization. His writing is clear, thoughtful, and well-researched… America needs its citizens to listen to Zach.”

Okay here’s my talk with Richard Davies, for his podcast How Do We Fix It? 

Richard: [00:00:00] We’re talking again about political polarization, which I think is a bigger crisis than global warming rapid changes in AI or exploding levels of public debt. Now, why would I say that? Because we have to come together to solve our problems and polarization prevents this from happening. You might have seen a recent poll that says More than 60% of Americans around two thirds now think the country is so politically divided, we can’t solve the nation’s problems.

This compares with half the population who thought that five years ago. Americans know our crisis of division is getting worse. We’re gonna discuss that with Zachary Elwood,

Zach: my views of Trump have not changed my, how I speak and how I think about, uh, people who have voted for him have changed a lot because I think it’s [00:01:00] the tendency of conflict is for so many people to see the other side as, as this monolith. And so we end up seeing the entire other side as boiling down to the worst people on that side.

Richard: Our show is about fixes. Yeah. How to make the world a better place. How do we fix it? How do we fix it? Hi, I am Richard Davies back again, and the author I’m about to speak with. Said this and I quote, we don’t just disagree on issues. We increasingly view our political adversaries as immoral, deluded, and dangerous.

Our fear and contempt affect our stances on issues making us more hardened in our views and less willing to compromise. I’m Richard Davies, and the author I’m about to speak with said that he’s Zachary Elwood, who has written two books on toxic [00:02:00] polarization. The first was Diffusing American Anger. We’re about to discuss his latest, how Contempt destroys Democracy.

Now, this book is not written for all Americans, but instead for liberals and progressives, people who for the most part, loath our president. Did political liberals and progressives play a role in ensuring Donald Trump’s election? We discussed this provocative thought and more, including misperceptions about what conservatives really believe and why it is so hard to criticize our own side.

Here’s our conversation. Zachary Elwood, welcome to How Do We Fix It? Hi Richard. Thanks for having me. So, my first and, and most obvious question, why write this book for liberals for the left and not for everyone? 

Zach: It’s definitely a case of, I think everyone needs to hear these messages, but I also think we [00:03:00] need to put these ideas into, uh, persuasive arguments for specific audiences.

So me being on the more liberal anti-Trump side. I thought I was better suited to 

Richard: write for that audience. I think some liberals may be surprised that you’re targeting this book at them, right? Because they think so many of my friends who are liberals think, uh, that people who support Trump or are ignorant or stupid and that they’re not the problem.

Um, it’s, it’s the other side. 

Zach: Right? And I think that’s, that’s part of the argument I’m making is that I think we have to. Think about how we might be contributing to increasing toxicity, even if we think the quote other side is bad. The nature of conflict is that people on both sides will always, or generally think the other side is, is much worse, and that becomes an excuse to not examine our behavior.

So yeah, my book [00:04:00] was definitely an appeal. To try to get liberal anti-Trump people to see how they might be contributing and, and think about those things. 

Richard: So do you think that liberal anti-Trump people are contributing to the problem of polarization? 

Zach: I do, yes. And I would also point to liberal and progressive people who have made those arguments, including writing entire books about that topic.

And I do like to emphasize. I think because a lot of people will hear that and think, oh, you’re saying both sides are the same? But I think it’s very important for this work for reducing toxicity to point out that you can think the other side is worse, while also acknowledging we’re in a self-reinforcing, uh, cycle that where both sides do contribute and, and help build each other’s narratives of, and 

Richard: you have an interesting backstory because you used to be.

Part of the problem, 

Zach: right? Yeah. I, uh, pre 2, 20 20, I was quite, you know, you could say polarized. Uh, I spent a good amount of [00:05:00] time online on social media lashing out and venting my anger and, uh, disgust at Trump, making, you know, insulting moral judgments about people that had, uh, you know, voted for him and kind of like lumping in the entire other side.

As this overall bad or ignorant or stupid or whatever group. And I think that’s kind of the fundamental driver of, of polarization, of toxic conflict is so many people. Issuing, uh, thinking about and issuing statements about the other side as if they’re this monolithic mass of bad people, which just ramps up the, the divides more.

Richard: So many liberals and progressives, uh, think that, uh, it’s obvious that Trump’s motives are malicious and authoritarian. What are they missing? Maybe not about Trump, but about Trump’s supporters. 

Zach: Yeah, I think it’s very important to separate leaders from the people that vote for them. My views of Trump have not changed my [00:06:00] how I speak and how I think about, uh, people who have voted for him have changed a lot because I think it’s the tendency of conflict is for so many people.

To see the other side as, as this monolith. And so we end up seeing the entire other side as boiling down to the worst people on that side. And, and then you can see examples of this all the time where always so many people are, are picking out like the worst and most rude and, and most antisocial behaviors on the other side and, and applying it to the entire other side.

You know, you can see this with, uh. The, like, the horrible comments about, uh, Charlie Kirk’s murder, for example. You know that this tells us everything about liberals, or you can see it on the liberal side for various things about the right. You know, if you’re someone who, like me, thinks Trump is very bad, it’s very important to see that he is a, uh, his, his election, his support comes from decades of increasing hostility, partisan hostility on both sides.[00:07:00] 

Toxic conflict by its nature creates a more support for, uh, us versus them divisive 

Richard: approaches. One of the strongest points you make is that contempt for the other side is like a feedback loop. They say nasty things about us, we say mean things about them, and the vicious cycle just gets worse and worse.

Mm-hmm. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think, uh, uh, a lot of. People who study conflict talk about the self-reinforcing cycles, including even in personal interpersonal dynamics of how, you know, we can, we often bring out the worst in other people by. They, they do something bad. Our reaction to it confirms to them that, uh, we are the malicious, aggressive ones.

They, they have a lower opinion of us. They speak in more toxic ways. But if you can start seeing how many people do contribute to the toxicity. And help drive it. I think that’s an important first step for winding it back. 

Richard: One thing I’ve learned [00:08:00] recently, and your book certainly reinforced this, is that by focusing so much outrage on Trump, by liberals.

That that’s actually strengthened him. It’s helped him with his supporters because the more angry one side is at their opponent, the more that the people who voted for Trump go, well, we better rally around our 

Zach: guy. Right? The ways that we can approach conflict can help build support for our enemies. Uh, and I.

I’ve written a good amount about this on my substack also about the interesting ways in which how we respond, uh, to things can actually help create and strengthen the very things we dislike. And I think that’s an very important thing to see about, uh, toxic conflict. Yeah. 

Richard: Okay. So how do our distorted views of the other side ramp [00:09:00] up?

Our divides make 

Zach: things worse. When you see the other side as uniformly bad, when you see their motivations, their goals on so many different topics as uniformly bad or even evil, it becomes very hard to compromise because you’re, there’s multiple pressures internally and externally. Group pressures of even if you wanted to compromise, you have to contend with the very angry people on your side who do not want to compromise and are very angry at you ever.

Compromising. So just to say there’s this buildup of, of incentives where the, that there becomes more and more pressures to take more US versus them and team-based approaches because there’s inner and outer pressures. And even if somebody, uh, wanted to take better approaches, they’re at the whims of the group dynamics.

You know, if, if they took approaches the group didn’t like, they’ll be, they’ll lose power, right. So. We tend to think of the leaders and the media as having all this power, but you have to also factor in, there’s this group [00:10:00] dynamic of they’re, they’re at, they’re, they’re getting affected by all the people around them too.

Right. It’s not, it’s not a simple case of certain people have power and other people don’t. It’s this group dynamic. Yeah. 

Richard: There’s a lot of data that’s been produced, many polls, a lot of research about how polarized we are. One finding that you cite, which is just shocking, is that 72% of Republicans think Democrats are immoral and, uh, not very different.

Uh, 63% of Democrats say the same thing about Republicans. That in other words, you know, and this, this is, might be higher now. Yeah, it may be. This was, this was a Pew research poll taken several years ago. 

Zach: I think the really interesting thing is seeing how those kinds of surveys have grown, you know, the, those that dislike, that hostility, the, the very negative, [00:11:00] pessimistic views of the quote other side.

Seeing how that has ramped up over the past, you know, 20 years. I think noticing or thinking about how we got there and seeing how it’s a long building problem as part of seeing our divides, our toxicity. From kind of a bird’s eye, big picture view because I think so many of us are in the moment about the things that are outraging us to unwind this.

I think more of us need to start taking a step back and being like, how did we get here and how did those, if you can start understanding the factors that led us here, then you’re in a better position to speak in different ways, even as you pursue your goals and these kinds of things. 

Richard: Well, that invites the question, how did we get here?

Zach: Yeah. Well that’s a big, that that’s a big one. Uh, I don’t, I don’t pretend to know all the factors, but Yeah. Well, well, it hasn’t just happened, right? It hasn’t just happened because of Trump. No, definitely. Yeah. I think that’s also, you know, speaking of ways, I mean, there’s all sorts of ways that so many of us, uh, contribute to our divides, but I think.

When you, when we act as if Trump, you know, our divide [00:12:00] started with Trump, you know, there’s, there’s plenty of evidence and data showing that hostility, partisan hostility was, was increasing over the years. I think people that are on the liberal side, the anti-Trump side, if they’re genuinely curious about that, I think they do have to look at the point of view.

That our polarization, our divides did mean that many conservatives felt belittled and mocked and not understood at all by liberal mainstream media. And, and that’s, and liberal mainstream media and entertainment and news and including academia. All these cultural institutions, the way that conservative associated views were treated in those places made them feel, uh, very mocked, very belittled.

And it’s understandable. I mean, you can read. Uh, Erica Edison’s book Beyond Contempt, and she’s a, you know, she’s a progressive liberal person and she talks about this problem 

Richard: well, but liberals would, would counter that by saying, look, who has all the power? [00:13:00] Right? It’s Republicans, they control the, the branches, the main branches of government.

They control the house and the Senate, the White House, but you point out. That when it comes to cultural power, TV networks, many mainstream media outlets mm-hmm. They tend to lean left. Mm-hmm. And so culturally, universities as well. Mm-hmm. Um, many large corporations that had DEI initiatives, liberals still have plenty of cultural power.

Zach: To me, it’s a big idea that I don’t see many people talk about too often, that groups in conflict. We’ll always have different traits, you know, so, so one way to see this is, you can imagine the way that the rage and frustration of a blue, mostly blue collar group will play out much differently than the rage and frustrations of a more highly educated and higher socioeconomic class.

And that’s just to [00:14:00] say we often try to compare the groups as if they’re equal. And we use that to score points. Like, you know, liberals will say. Uh, there’s no democratic equivalent of Trump, you know, and they’ll use that to score points and say, oh, clearly the whole problem is, is Trump and Republicans and Republicans are doing similar things.

They’ll pick out things that are true of Democrats that are not true of Republicans and say, oh, this shows us that this is all they’re fault. But I think it is important to recognize the, the cultural power of, of liberal associated ideas. Dominating, you know, huge swaths of entertainment media, of, of news media, of, of, uh, academia, of even the corporate settings that, that can make conservative people, uh, feel very much under threat, especially when you get into the cancel culture thing that was, you know, very prevalent a few years ago.

But I think, yeah, it’s important to see that regardless of the political power. The cultural [00:15:00] power plays a big role, and I think the argument can be made that liberals have much more power in the, in the sense, in the, in the ways that really mattered in everyday life to, uh, to a lot of people. And it’s a factor that might explain why, uh, Republicans were more okay with a, an, an aggressive figure like Trump.

Richard: A couple of years ago here on how do we fix it? We did a podcast with Kate Carney of More In Common, which is an organization that researches polarization and looks at how to build a more united resilient society, not only in America, but but overseas. More in common found that both liberals and conservatives have major misconceptions about the other side.

Do you have a few examples of that? Where are liberals wrong about 

Zach: conservatives? Yeah, more in common is great. The, um, they did research on what they call the perception gaps, and they have a [00:16:00] great site. Both sides just generally see the other side as, as holding much more extreme views than they do. Uh, I mean, one major one to dig into is, you know, the amount of, uh, racism that, that liberals perceive on the right, and there’s one of the gaps.

Perception gaps was about immigration, where liberals thought that, uh, a cer you know, a, a large percentage of Republicans would disagree with the statement. Immigration can be a valuable asset to society, something like this. But it was a, a large percentage of Republicans did agree that well done immigration can be a good thing, right?

Like, but, but to liberals, that was a very, something that they would perceive as hardly any Republicans saying the, these kinds of gaps. This is, how do We 

Richard: fix it? I’m Richard Davies, and we’re hearing from Zachary Elwood, the author of How Contempt Destroys Democracy. He has a website that’s well worth visiting.

Its [00:17:00] american anger.com. We have a link to it on our podcast show page. The vast majority of Americans know we’re polarized and they believe that the these divisions are destructive. Why is it. This crisis is ignored by both sides and, and often by the media, right? No, 

Zach: it’s that. That is a very interesting thing.

So often you’ll see articles and op-eds about polarization. It’s not really talking about the things you and I have talked about. It’s mainly about just talking about our divides generally, or it’s. Talking about the other side as being the root of the polarization of the divides. When you start to understand how conflict works and why it’s so hard to, uh, get over why it’s so hard to resolve, I think it makes sense that it’s so little talked about because in order to talk about the things you and I have talked about, about how there can be.

[00:18:00] Contributions to the self-reinforcing conflict. In order to talk about that, I think at a mature and helpful level, it requires self-examination. So, uh, group examination of your own side. It’s just very hard to talk about that because you end up getting scared that people, your allies are going to attack you.

So I think it’s a fundamental thing about conflict. That makes it hard to resolve because the conflict makes it hard to even talk about resolving the conflict. I mean, that’s why I got into this work is because I looked around and why aren’t more people in the mainstream media, journalists, pundits, politicians, why aren’t they talking about these things that, uh, polarization and conflict researchers have talked about and, and know about conflict?

Right? So I just saw my role as helping to share some of these ideas that I think. More people should talk about, but it’s just so hard to talk about. As you probably know, it’s, it’s so easy to get. You know, pushback from people and even internally to not want to think about these [00:19:00] things. 

Richard: Yeah. Most of my friends are liberals and it’s hard at say, you know, uh, having dinner with somebody or, or just chatting with somebody to go, yeah.

But. There is a reason why people on the other side think that way. Yeah. That’s 

Zach: really uncomfortable. Yeah. I’ve lost a, I’ve lost a good amount of friends and I’ve been at some uncomfortable dinner parties with, you know, liberal, uh, friends and acquaintances where Yeah. You, you don’t really, it can be very hard to have these conversations 

Richard: if they think you’re the skunk in the room.

Yeah. 

Zach: But, you know. Yeah. And, and similarly that, you know, that that dynamic is happening on the right too, where, you know, there there’s a, there’s less room for having a. Less and less room for having nuanced conversations. You are not asking this to be 

Richard: more moderate, are you? 

Zach: No, I, yeah, I think that’s a, that is a, a common misunderstanding, which I think gets in the way of, of, of this work because.

I, my stance is that you have to separate the dimensions of what we believe. You have to separate [00:20:00] that from how we engage with other people. Right. And so you could view it as moderate in this. I’m advocating for maybe moderately in how you engage with other people, but not in your beliefs. That’s, that’s a very important distinction.

Richard: Most of our recent. Episodes on How Do We Fix it? Have been about the work of Braver Angels, which is a nationwide campaign that brings together liberals and conservatives in the same room and, and I’ve been to some of those, yeah. Organizes, debates and has branches across the country. Why is the work of Braver Angels and other groups in this depolarization space important?

Zach: I think there, there’s several ways it’s important. One is just getting a sense of what people. On the quote other side actually believe, which I think so often is we have distorted ideas about, and then, yeah, there’s various things that, uh, braver Angels does, uh, that I think are helpful exercises. And I actually talked to the co-founder of Braver Angels, [00:21:00] uh, bill Dougherty, who’s a, uh, a couple’s, uh, therapist.

And we talked about some of the, the processes, the exercises they do in Braver Angels. One of them involves. What they call the fishbowl exercise, which is having one political side listen to the other political group criticize themselves about what they are not doing so well and that actually humanizes both sides to each other.

And there’s actually an very interesting study about how that works. ’cause a lot of people’s instinct and conflict is to not criticize their own side, but actually criticizing your own side actually makes your group more human and more, you actually lower. Uh, the toxicity and the pushback on the other side by having more nuance and pushback on your own side, which is completely counterintuitive to how a lot of people think of conflict.

I think so, yeah. There’s many things that, uh. Braver angels and the these groups do that I think are very helpful for seeing the path out of these, these toxic dynamics. So 

Richard: one of [00:22:00] the, uh, leading lights in Braver angels is Monica Guzman, who wrote a book, uh, I think it’s called, uh, I, I never thought of it that way.

And there’s some wonderful tips in that book and from Monica about how to. Listen to and understand your relatives, people who you’re very fond of, who may have completely different political views mm-hmm. Than you have. 

Zach: Mm-hmm. Yes. Monica was a, uh, is a liberal Democrat voter, and her parents were, uh, Hispanic, uh, pro-Trump voters.

So that, yeah, she had some interesting stories in there about, you know, I think that would be relevant for, uh. Good learnings for, uh, liberal audience who, who are interested in depolarization. 

Richard: I think, I think you’ve, you’ve hinted at this, but, but I think that if more liberals and especially more democratic party leaders [00:23:00] examined their own role in toxic polarization, it could make them stronger.

Not weaker. 

Zach: Right. And I do, I do think that is such a, getting back to some of these fundamental instincts that we have that just lead us to ramp up toxic conflict more. I do think there is this instinct that people have, and I, and so often I hear it, people in the depolarization space hear it, that they think, oh, embracing these ideas will make us weaker.

They’ll make us lose more. But I think that’s just a completely. Wrong instinct on these areas. I think it, thinking about these things helps you. Understand who you’re talking to more. You don’t have distorted views of them, you, you’re more able to talk to them. You’re more able to persuade them. You’re more able to even reach compromises that might make more people happy.

Richard: And do you agree with the statement that toxic polarization is really the number one political crisis in America, that it’s holding up progress on so [00:24:00] many things? 

Zach: Yeah, I’m probably an outlier, but I think it’s the number one human problem because I think. This problem has been with us forever. Our inability to deal with toxic conflict.

And unless we’re able, uh, to get some pockets of, of understanding about how we approach this problem, it’s just such a dangerous problem, especially as you know, we’re gonna have increasingly dangerous weapons that are capable of. Wiping out more and more people so that it only takes like a small fight of some sort to be, be increasingly dangerous.

For one example, you might have somebody making a disease in their lab in a few years, right? So the more toxic conflict we have in the world, I, I think these things like AI and, uh, gl uh, global warming, I think pale in comparison to these threats about toxic conflict combined with more and more advanced weaponry of whatever sort.

Richard: Talk a little bit about your personal journey. You’ve clearly [00:25:00] moved towards a view that toxic polarization is a real crisis, and that was not something that you felt, say, 10 years ago. 

Zach: Yeah. Or even, or even, uh, since, yeah, 2019 I was insulting, uh, Trump supporters on online. So yeah, a pretty, a pretty quick journey for me.

Maybe what turned you around? I mean, it was a combination of things. I think I started thinking about how people perceived my words, like I drove away some friends, you know, on uh, social media. I lost some friends by my behavior and I started thinking. These are common ways, uh, uh, conflicts, progress and what they bring out in people.

Richard: Can you think of a specific example of where somebody who was a friend is no longer a friend? What was it that you said? 

Zach: One, one of the things I said, uh, on Facebook, you know, and this was I think a lot of people. Do this, they’re just venting, right? It [00:26:00] doesn’t necessarily reflect what they believe, but, uh, one of the things I said was after Trump had got elected in 2016.

I said something like, uh oh, I hope as, you know, air Force One crashes or something like that. You know, I would say, you know, that’s probably one of the worst thing that, that might be the worst thing I said. But I was often like, venting like this in a very childish way, you know, looking back, uh, so a friend of the family, pretty good friend who, uh, I’d, who had once let me, you know, stay in their house for several weeks when I was in between, uh, moves, uh, moving to Portland, Oregon.

He saw that and he was like, oh, why don’t you go to, you know, Canada? You guys discussed me. You know, they, so, uh, I lost that friendship. 

Richard: What else can we personally do to try and bring us back from the edge here? The 

Zach: cliff edge. I mean, I think one of the only things we [00:27:00] can do is think about our own personal behavior because there’s little else we can control in this.

You know, we’re just individuals, most of us with without much power. Uh, but I do think we have more power than we often think. I think our instincts often in these situations is to think that we don’t have power and that the power is somewhere out there, you know, by these politicians or with this media conglomerates.

But I do think it’s important to see that. How we treat each other, the ways that leaders speak, the, the, the approaches that media companies take. Those are all, they’re driven by the buildup of all these interactions that all of us have every day, right? Like we form the culture every day that by how the millions of us treat each other and what we tolerate.

Richard: Let me end this podcast. The way Ezra Klein ends his podcasts, when he asks guests to recommend three books, they think [00:28:00] will, will, will be, uh, worth reading. So what do you think people should, uh, should, should look at to perhaps change their mind or influence their behavior on this? Well, it’d be a bit.

Maybe too 

Zach: self-promotional to mention book, book, book. It would be, but, but, but that’s, you know, that’s, I would, I 

Richard: would recommend that. Yes. That’s why I wrote it, 

Zach: you know, I was like, I think it’ll, I wanted it to be the, the OneStop shop for especially liberal audiences who are concerned about these things or even skeptical of them.

I’ll give a few of my favorites. Um, I think, um, Taylor Dotson’s book, the Divide. Is very good. And that’s one of the better books on American polarization. And it talks about arrogance, especially in the, the views on both. You can hear these narratives on both sides about how, uh, we are the correct ones and.

Science and evidence shows this, [00:29:00] and they are the diluted ones, and there’s just this arrogance that gets promoted and ramp getting back to that self-reinforcing cycle. And both, both sides have different ways of framing that. Uh, but I thought that he, his, it was a very good examination of that, that aspect.

I’m a big fan of Robert Ali’s book Sustaining Democracy. It was so good that I, it was actually trying to accomplish a lot of the things I was trying to. Do with my book and I, if I had read his book earlier, I might have just not written my book. So I wanted to throw that in there as a nod to him. He has some very good, and he, he’s a, uh.

He, he, he’s at Vanderbilt. He’s like a teacher of political philosophy, something like that. But some very good arguments in there for people who are skeptical about some of the things I’ve said on, in this, in this podcast. Uh, 

Richard: well thank you very much for joining us, Zachary Elwood. Thanks for sure, the real honor to be invited.

And that’s our show. Zachary Ellwood most recent book is How Contempt Destroys Democracy. His website is american [00:30:00] anger.com. I’m Richard Davies, host of How Do We Fix It? The podcast with a question mark at the end of the title. Our producer is the most excellent Miranda Schafer. As always, thanks for listening.

Zach: That was a talk with Richard Davies, which was a reshare of an episode from his series How Do We Fix It? I’m Zach Elwood, author of Defusing American Anger and How Contempt Destroys Democracy. 

If you enjoyed this talk, or even if you’re skeptical about the ideas in it, I’d ask that you check out my work. Toxic political polarization is a hugely important and dangerous problem, and I think you should want to learn about different ways of looking at the problem. Because, let’s face it, the existing ways of thinking about and combating the problem just aren’t working. And I explain in my books why the typical ways of approaching these problems, our instinctual approaches, just don’t work, and why the standard approaches tend to add more fuel to the polarization fire. 

Thanks for listening. 

Categories
podcast

The psychology of Orgasmic Meditation and Nicole Daedone’s OneTaste

I talk with journalist Ellen Huet, whose new book Empire of Orgasm digs into the strange origins and evolution of Nicole Daedone and OneTaste, and goes into more detail than the Netflix documentary, which was titled Orgasm Inc. We talk about where OneTaste’s orgasmic meditation practices actually came from, how Daedone built a movement around it, and how that movement shifted into something far more high-control and ultimately criminal. Topics discussed include: What counts as coercion when adults voluntarily join a group they can technically leave at any time? Where’s the line between unconventional lifestyle experimentation and exploitation? We talk about Nicole’s appeal, why people found her so compelling, and why charisma often has more to do with the listener than the speaker. And we discuss the paradox that makes groups like this so powerful: people can experience genuine benefits and connection at the very same time that harmful dynamics are unfolding.

The YouTube video contains timestamps with links to specific topics.

A transcript is below.

Episode links:

Resources related to this talk:

TRANSCRIPT

(Transcript is generated by machine and will contain errors.)

Zach: Hi, I’m Zach Elwood and this is the People Who Read People podcast, a podcast about psychology and behavior. That was a snippet from my talk with Ellen Huet about her book that just came out this week: Empire of Orgasm: Sex, Power, and the Downfall of a Wellness Cult. Her book covers the story of One Taste, the organization created by Nicole Daedone that centered on their practice of Orgasmic Meditation. They were a big deal for a while; Nicole was promoted by people like Theo Von, Tim Ferris, and Gwyneth Paltrow. But then they got in trouble: after an FBI investigation, Nicole and her business partner Rachel Cherwitz were recently found guilty of forced labor conspiracy. 

As you heard, Ellen’s book starts out with a bang, so to speak — absolutely no pun intended. And I think the book is a great read. Even after watching the Netflix documentary about OneTaste, the book really drew me in; it was very interesting getting more information about how Nicole Daedone got her start; the people and organizations that gave her the inspiration to create a wellness organization centered around sex. It’s a wild ride. 

In this talk, I ask Ellen for her thoughts about some psychology-related aspects of Nicole and OneTaste: what Nicole’s personality was like; what helps explain her charisma; what separates more cult- groups from less cult-like groups. Ellen and I also talk about the positive aspects of OneTaste and other alleged cults; what positive teachings are they offering to people that people are responding to? 

Also, I want to say that OneTaste, like many alleged cults, does raise tough questions that often come up in such situations: When adults voluntarily join a group and can technically leave at any time, how do we determine what crosses the line into coercion or illegality? How do we distinguish between unconventional lifestyle choices and exploitation—especially when a group’s belief system reframes discomfort, sacrifice, and even humiliation as spiritual growth? It’s easy for us so-called “normal” people to form quick opinions about what’s too far; and what’s unethical, and what’s illegal; but groups like OneTaste can raise some tough-to-answer questions; they can make us question our assumptions about what’s too far. And I think it’s possible to see the toughness of some of those questions even if you also think OneTaste deserved to be dissolved and their leaders punished. 

Just a note that this episode is on youtube, and I’ll have quick links in the video description to specific questions and topics in the video.  

If you like this episode, learn more about the People Who Read People podcast at behavior-podcast.com. Please hit subscribe on youtube or whatever platform you’re listening on; I’d greatly appreciate it. 

Okay here’s the talk with Ellen Huet, author of Empire of Orgasm. 

Zach: [00:00:00] [00:01:00] Hi Ellen. Thanks for joining me.

Ellen: Hi. Thanks so much for having me.

Zach: Yeah, so your book, um, I just, I actually just started reading it. A few days ago, and it’s, uh, very interesting, like much more interesting than I thought, thought it would be, because I had seen the, I watched the Netflix documentary a few days before that.

Mm-hmm. And I thought I knew what to expect. But you, you delving into the backstory of how Nicole got to, you know, got to be the person she was and the various groups she was involved in. Yeah. It was really hard. That was a hard to put down [00:02:00] book, honestly. I, so I give, and it, the writing was, yeah. I thought the writing was very good.

So

Ellen: thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Yeah. Um, yeah, of course. For those who have seen Orgasm Inc. On Netflix, you’ll recognize my face in there. I’m kind of like the narrator of, um, the film. But yeah, the book, empire of Orgasm really tries to do a comprehensive story, not just of. Nicole and her backstory and how she came to build one taste, but also the intricacies of everything that happened once the company was up and thriving, and then leading all the way up to, um, current day, which, uh, as we know ends with a federal criminal trial and a conviction for Nicole and her second in command, Rachel.

So it’s, it’s the whole sweep.

Zach: Um, real quick, Ellen, uh, or a note that, uh, is it possible for you to turn your, um, mic, uh, setting up a little bit on your side? Like your, um, it’s just a little low. Oh, like

Ellen: the gain? Um,

Zach: yeah. Or, or like the, the basic fundamental setting Yeah. Gain, I guess. Would,

Ellen: that is

Zach: if’s any sort a great

Ellen: question.

Zach: Um, and it might even be in like your [00:03:00] computer settings, like I know there’s a little, sometimes have the slider

Ellen: if you’re able to hear, there’s a little dial at the bottom, which I wonder if that

Zach: it’s either gain or it’s, uh,

Ellen: does that change anything? Is that better?

Zach: I think that might be better. Yeah.

Ellen: How’s this? Now I’m seeing it’s

Zach: either gain or it’s your headphones. Yeah. Um,

Ellen: um, keep

Zach: talking.

Ellen: What’s it? Yeah, it’s, um, so what’s funny is I changed this little, like thing at the bottom and what it actually seemed to do was turn up the volume on your voice to me, but if it’s also helping with the gain

Zach: Oh, I’m not sure if it is.

I, I, I think it might not be, but Okay. Actually, if it’s hard to figure out, it’s not a big deal. ’cause I think it’s, it’s, it’s decent audio. It’s, uh, I can just boost it in post, so it’s not a big deal, but, uh

Ellen: Okay, great.

Zach: If you don’t see an obvious way to adjust it, it’s cool.

Ellen: Um, I gotta say I don’t, but yeah.

Zach: Okay. Cool. We’ll, we’ll keep going.

Ellen: Cool. I’ll

Zach: try to

Ellen: project

Zach: Oh yeah, that’s, that’s cool. I think it’s fine. Yeah. Uh, so I’ll, I’ll start off with the second question. Uh, sure. Where I was gonna keep going there. Um, one second. Lemme just try to remember what I [00:04:00] was talking about. Uh, yeah, the, uh, we were talking about the, yeah.

The, how it got started. Yeah. That was the, uh, watching the documentary, that was the big question that I had, was. You know, where did Nicole come from and what about her backstory was, was true? And, uh, yeah, maybe you could talk a little bit about the, I think, I think that would interest people a lot the, the groups that she was involved in that led up to her learning these, these techniques or getting the ideas for these, these techniques.

And maybe you could, uh, it, it wasn’t clear to me too did she, did she act as if that her ideas were her own and that she hadn’t gotten these ideas from these previous groups? That wasn’t, that part wasn’t clear to me either.

Ellen: Yeah. So, you know, just as a, as a basic overview, you know, Nicole Deone is the founder and creator of, of OneTaste, which was this wellness company that popularized a practice called [00:05:00] Orgasmic Meditation, which is a 15 minute partnered clitoral stroking mindfulness practice.

And it’s true that she learned a very similar clitoral stroking. Meditative practice from two other groups that preceded one taste. I don’t think she would’ve ever outright denied that she got inspiration from these other groups. But of course, for a lot of people who ended up joining One taste or learning about orgasmic meditation, they, they really didn’t know that she had actually studied this somewhere else.

She would often tell this origin story that she went to a party, met a Buddhist monk, and that this monk offered to show her a sexuality practice, which was this stroking practice. And she was then so inspired by the experience that she decided she felt a calling to bring orgasmic meditation to the world.

So what happened in actuality is, um, something kind of similar to that, like she did. Meet a man. Um, he had been a student at one or maybe both of these [00:06:00] predecessor groups. Um, one of them is called Morehouse or More University, which was started in the late sixties in the East Bay, so near San Francisco, but still maybe like an hour away.

And then there was a spinoff group from that called the Welcomed Consensus that also was sort of based in San Francisco, but also had a compound, uh, up north in California near the Oregon border, where they also studied more intensely. And both of these groups called their clitoral stroking practice, deliberate orgasm, and it was a little bit more freewheeling than orgasmic meditation.

So one of the most important things Nicole did, I think she was very savvy for it, was she learned in this practice, decided she wanted to start her own group and her own business, most importantly, in which she was the leader and the, the founder of this and, um, decided to rebrand it. First by calling it orgasmic meditation, uh, which, you know, kind of makes it seem a little bit more like a spiritual practice.

And also with this very convenient acronym, OM or om, which of course [00:07:00] evokes, you know, kind of like an ancient, ancient tradition. And then she also put in these rules and boundaries around the practice, such as it’s 15 minutes. Exactly. Um, you know, people are gonna stay as clothed as possible while doing it.

The man is fully clothed, the woman is only naked from the waist down. Um, people are gonna use gloves and lube, and there’s gonna be all these sort of, um, prescriptions about how the practice is done in an attempt to make it feel as safe and palatable as possible to the average person. So she really was focused on, you know, she took this inspiration from somewhere else and then decided to make it as clean, kind of squeaky clean as possible with her as the leader.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Another interesting detail, uh, that the person who taught her that, that she met, who. The, uh, who I think she kind of referred to sometimes as a Buddhist monk in her telling, uh, I saw that he also has like a, he’s also some sort of, uh, relationship and, uh, sexual coach of some sort

Ellen: of Yes, that’s right.

Yeah. His name is Erwan Davon and he [00:08:00] and his now wife run a sort of sexuality workshop business. Um, and yeah, he had been, so he’s, yeah, he’s still in the business. He was involved with Nicole both, um, as a romantic partner. That’s what I’ve been told. Romantic partner as well as like business partner, um, for a short period of time.

And then they had kind of a split. He went off and did his own thing. But he is apparently, you know, according to my reporting, he is the person who was mm-hmm. Originally introduced Nicole to this practice.

Zach: Yeah. The, um, yeah, it was real, uh, really, really interesting reading about where she came from and got these ideas when I was thinking about how to.

What kind of questions to ask for this talk? I was thinking about focusing on, like, as you say in your book, you know, there’s, there’s no firm line that separates, like a cult from a non cult. It’s a, it’s a spectrum and, you know mm-hmm. Some things are more culty than others. But when I was thinking about, you know, what would make, what, what are the traits that makes, [00:09:00] uh, that would make one taste be seen as a cult?

You know, one of the things is I think that, that cult leaders often have in common, or like faux gurus, they, they try to present ideas as if the ideas are very unique to them, and they’re the source of the, the wisdom. As opposed to saying, you know, if somebody was gonna do a more, uh, you know, open and transparent, uh, attempt to communicate whatever ideas you would say, like, oh, here are the where, where, here’s where I got the ideas from and, uh, here’s, here’s the backstory of where they came from and where I accumulated these ideas as opposed to, as opposed to.

The inclination to be like, I’m the source of all of these things. Mm-hmm. And I am the person that put these together. And I think you see for Nicole, and for a lot of people that might be called more culty, you can see them trying to act as if they have all of the, the wisdom themselves that you have to, to come to, uh, for, for, for the wisdom.

I’m curious if you would you agree that’s one aspect that is a little bit more

Ellen: I [00:10:00] definitely agree that, yeah, that is a char, you know, of course, different cult experts have, have compiled their own lists of what they think make, um, you know, are the characteristics of a cult or a high demand group. Um, it’s true that one of them is the classic, the charismatic leader who promises to have found some special or divine knowledge that gives them access to enlightenment, broadly defined, that then their followers can get access to through them and through following their, their, their work.

And I would say Nicole, you know, she would often make a show of. Picking bits and pieces of wisdom from different, uh, traditions like Kabbalah or Theosophy or Christianity or, or these kinds of things, um, Buddhism frequently. And, um, you know, I think she did, she did at least like, make gestures at this idea that she was pulling from different traditions.

But what she also did, um, was position herself as, you know, uniquely gifted and able to [00:11:00] access, um, this orgasmic energy that one taste was all focused on. So within one taste, they actually redefined the word orgasm to no longer mean the moment of climax, but rather orgasm with a capital. O means this kind of catchall spiritual energy.

Um, I’ve heard people, you know, former one taste members compare it to almost the force from Star Wars or this idea of Qi or this, this kind of life energy, erotic life energy that runs within you. And. You know, through certain, uh, you know, basically Nicole positioned herself implicitly and explicitly as someone who was especially tapped into that source of energy.

And I think that is what people, that is a way in which she mimicked that criterion in which the leader presents himself as having special or divine knowledge.

Zach: Yeah, it’s like the, I mean, some of it’s, some of mentioning the other various religions and spiritualities is kind of like an, an appeal to authority where it’s like I’m tapped into [00:12:00] all these things that all of these various other things are related to.

Uh, but the, you, maybe that’s a good segue into the, what you start your book out with, which is probably like one of the stranger, you know, um, kind of situations where it starts out with her genitals being stroked in front of a room full of, you know, people that she invited, including theoretical investors and such.

And there was, there’s also, you know, so she’s doing that up there in front of the room and. They’re inviting people to talk about their feelings when she is doing that, and

Ellen: mm-hmm.

Zach: They invite people up to touch her as if she’s radiating some special energy. So that, I mean, that, that scene in the, in the documentary, which was my first exposure to this story, when that ca when that scene came up, I was like, whoa, this is a lot more weird than I, than I thought it would be.

Yeah. Because there’s something very narcissistic about, to me about doing this in front of people. Like I can imagine a more, like, if I imagined a more, um, you know, [00:13:00] spiritual aspect to such a group, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t involve doing this in, in front of people and like, you know, this, this kind of performance.

Uh, and that to me, like stood out as one of the strange things to about it, where it’s like, it’s one thing to do these things and believe it’s worthwhile. It’s another thing to do them in front of people and for, you know, to put on some, basically a show. And I’m curious what you think of that like. That, that to me really communicated like an element of narcissism that she, and especially her doing it for, like bringing people to, to showcase how amazing this was.

It, it, it struck me as quite, uh, exhibitionist, I guess.

Ellen: Hmm. Well, personally, I’ll be careful about using the word narcissist. Like, you know, I’m, I’m not a psychologist, so I’ll, I’ll stay away from that. But I do think, you know, yes, this scene of the demonstration where Nicole is being stroked, um, in front of this kind of VIP crowd, in this beautiful home instance in beach, like this is how the [00:14:00] book opens.

And the reason I chose that is because I think it is one of the most striking images that you can remember about how one taste was operating. And I, I would look at it slightly differently. I think when they do a demo like that, what they’re trying to convey is a few things. First of all, that, like I mentioned earlier, that Nicole does have.

Access to this special power. Like that to me is the unspoken part of why they would bring people up one by one to touch her leg while she’s being stroked. It’s because this idea that like she’s channeling some powerful erotic life force and like, this is how you’re gonna get close to it and witness it.

Um, I think my sense is of course, from an outside perspective, it, it might look totally bananas. Like, like, like if you were not in the realm of thinking about orgasmic meditation and, and all this stuff, you might look at the scene and think like, this is crazy. But [00:15:00] my sense from talking to people who were there from watching videos of this, from talking to people who were really enmeshed in that world is that it felt almost reverent.

This idea that something happening, whatever was happening in that room was very serious and, and very powerful. Um, and so I think, you know, it, it was something. Something really special. And that, that is also what I wanted to con convey that kind of, um, tension between how the outside world would view it as, as opposed to someone who was really enmeshed in that world.

Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah, I think, you know, they believed so strongly in the power of capital O orgasm that they were like, this is the way to show people. And then there’s one more wrinkle to it, which is that, you know, in the book we get into some of the mentorship relationships that Nicole had with, with previous, um, people who had previously led other orgasm focused communities.

One of them is this man named Ray Veder Linein. And what’s so interesting [00:16:00] is in my reporting, I found this document that kinda collects some of the lessons that he tried to show Nicole. And one of them talks about how much of a showstopper it is to have a live demonstration of orgasm. And she’s following that playbook, you know, like, it, it is also a piece of practical advice that she got.

From people who had been in similar positions before, which is that this kind of demonstration blows people away. And so they would consistently, you know, one taste would consistently do live demonstrations of a woman being stroked, you know, receiving some sort of stroking, similar to orgasmic meditation.

They would do that in their introductory classes. They would do that at special events. Um, you know, in 2013 and 2014 when One Taste hosted these enormous orgasm conferences in San Francisco, um, by that point Nicole was more of the stroker rather than the Strokey. But, you know, at the Regency Center, which is this big event space in San Francisco in 2013, they did a big om demonstration on stage.

You know, hundreds of people watching [00:17:00] Nicole stroke, one of her associates. And, uh, I think they know that it’s a powerful experience. And so you see this scene come up again and again throughout the book because it’s.

Zach: Yeah.

Ellen: So shocking. Yeah.

Zach: Yeah. It’s like, it’s a shocking thing. And there, it’s almost like a power move in, in the sense that it’s so, so shocking and to do it so confidently, it kind of messes with people’s minds, right?

Because you’re like, who would do this? And what are they, what, what are they doing and what do they know? You know,

Ellen: they must know something that they,

Zach: that

Ellen: I don’t know. Yeah.

Zach: You might start thinking of that, like, and, and, and just the pure confidence of it, you know, the, uh, it, it, it would blow some people away.

They’d be very affected by that. So I can see how it would be a very affecting, you know, in one way or another, uh, performance.

Ellen: Mm-hmm.

Zach: Uh, yeah. I’m curious too about the, um, when it comes to what One taste and Nicole got in trouble for, my understanding is that it was pretty much solely about the financial exploitation.

Am I, am I right in that? Like if it, my, my rough understanding is if it wasn’t for the [00:18:00] financial exploitation, they, they would be fine right now. Is that accurate?

Ellen: I don’t think that’s accurate. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, if you’re talking specifically about the. Criminal case. Mm-hmm. Then, um, I’ll try to, I’ll try to not get too caught in the weeds, but basically the, in 2023, federal prosecutors charged Nicole and her second in command Rachel Hurwitz with forced labor conspiracy.

That is a federal crime. Um, the short version of the explanation is that, uh, hold on just a second. The short version of the explanation is that conspiracy means more than one person, um, scheming together to commit a crime. And then forced labor has somewhat complicated meaning, but it basically means like obtaining someone’s labor through unlawful means, which might look something like, um, threats of harm or serious harm.

Um, serious harm can be defined as psychological, physical, financial, reputational, [00:19:00] you know, it’s, it’s, it’s quite broadly defined. So in the trial, what they showed, yes, it did include. Prosecutors alleging that Nicole and Rachel had schemed to, um, get their workers to work for low or no pay. But it also included, um, to be clear, it also included the allegations that they had used serious harm in order to do so, and things that fell under serious harm included, like psychological manipulation, um, instances of sexual abuse instances in, in, in which they tried to like, um, get yeah, pressure people to do certain acts, some of which were sexual, some of which were not.

So it’s a little complicated, but mm-hmm. I think suffice to say that the prosecutors alleged that there was both financial harm as well as sexual and other non-financial harm, kind of the whole range. Um, and that they presented that as like enough evidence to charge them with forced labor conspiracy.

Zach: I guess I’m curious though.

It just was really [00:20:00] surprising to me that. Uh, that they would, considering that they seem to be making good amount of money, like what, you know, and, and considering that if they had paid their workers better, that would’ve probably undercut a lot of the charges against them and, you know, treated their, their workers more fairly.

I’m just kind of curious, you know, is it surprising to you that if were, or were maybe, maybe my question is, were they doing as financially well as it seemed, or was it, you know, could they have easily paid their workers more? Is that your understanding?

Ellen: It’s complicated. In the early years of one taste, they were not doing so well financially, and this is actually a key part of what ended up coming at the trial.

But basically in the early years of OneTaste, so this is, you know, the mid two thousands into the like early 2010s, OneTaste was bringing in some money. Their main revenue source was selling courses and intensive workshops to students who wanted to learn both. Orgasmic [00:21:00] meditation and kinda the, the Ohm Life philosophy.

But they were often in the red. You know, they were not, um, they were not turning a profit. They were losing money each month. And the way that they managed to support themselves was by getting financial support and loans, essentially from a man named Reese Jones, who was a venture capitalist in San Francisco, um, who was also Nicole’s boyfriend.

Like he met her through one taste and became her boyfriend. And he had enough money, you know, he had sold a company to Motorola several years in previous for something like $200 million. And so he had some money and he was happy to. Lend money to one taste. Um, this was all discussed in great detail at the trial and also something that’s supported by all of the reporting that I’ve done so far is he would give money to one taste And in exchange he received sexual favors from one taste employees.

So that often looked like [00:22:00] birthday scenes that he received, um, around the time of his birthday or throughout the year where OneTaste employees would put on these elaborate scenes sometimes with BDSM elements or theatrical elements in which, um, they would all come together and kind of do like a performance, like an immersive theater performance for Mr.

Jones. And that did sometimes involve sex. And then, um, he also had a string of handlers, so a series of women who were involved in one taste, who spent various amounts of time, um, being his sort of sexual. Assistant

Zach: liaison. Yeah.

Ellen: Yes. Um, so at times they would live with him in his house. Um, and there are women who testified about being asked to take on this role and being asked to service him sexually every day as part of that role.

They also did housework and would like walk his dog and things like that. Um, and what’s complicated about this is that [00:23:00] it was also seen as a position of honor to be asked to take this role. At least that is what women who had served in this role told me when I interviewed them. And so you can imagine how this is complicated, right?

Like if you are really emotionally all in into the mission of one taste and their mission was to spread orgasmic meditation and spread orgasm to the world, um, then you might be, you might feel like, okay, it’s part of my job to sexually service the investor of this company that is helping keep us afloat.

Correct. Um, and that is often, uh, that to my understanding, again, based on my reporting, that’s my understanding of, of, of what went on. So it was a very complicated situation. Later on, they did actually end up paying back their loans to this man, and then they turned instead to selling more and more courses, um, and more and more expensive courses, sometimes tens of thousands of dollars to their customers in order to keep the business afloat.

Um, they did end up bringing in over the years, you know, tens of millions of dollars in [00:24:00] revenue. But based on my reporting, they were not always, you know, they were often spending a lot on operational expenses. So your main question of like, you know, were they making tons of profit? I think based on my reporting, actually no.

I mean, they were keeping the business afloat. They were profitable starting from around 2013 and onward. Um, but the truth is yes, many people testified and many people told me in my interviews that they were not paid that much for their work. That they were often were expected or socially pressured to.

Give their labor for free

Zach: mm-hmm.

Ellen: As part of the mission.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: And so, um, yeah, it’s not clear to me that they could have just paid people more and fixed this problem makes more,

Zach: it makes it make more sense, I think because yeah, the, that was my initial thought was like, Hey, you could have avoided a lot of trouble probably by just treating people better.

But I think, yeah, it’s not

Ellen: quite that simple. Yeah.

Zach: Yeah. Not quite that. And yeah, there’s incentives to, yeah. That they had obvious incentives to, uh, cut corners in that regard. Yeah. [00:25:00]

Ellen: And look, it’s not, it’s not so different from any startup that was also happening in San Francisco at the time. Of course, there’s some things that were different, but, you know, a lot of startups are struggling to become profitable.

They, you know, they’re trying to

Zach: mm-hmm.

Ellen: Just show growth. Um, and, and that’s what I found so interesting about one taste in the context of San Francisco in the, in the 2010s is like. Of course they were different from a lot of other startups, but there’s also some similarities. It’s like they were really trying to get by.

Mm-hmm. And you know, in my day job at Bloomberg News, I, I covered startups, I covered tech. Like this is very much, that’s my bread and butter. And so like, I loved seeing how this company was the overlap. Yeah. In many ways it was different, but in a lot of ways it, it was actually just kind of like another startup were very, a bit of a strange one were Yeah.

Zach: Sexual entrepreneurs. They, they had a, you know, a new sexual product were basically Yeah. Or sexual slash spiritual or, you know, whatever. Yeah.

Ellen: Wellness, sexual wellness, you know.

Zach: Yeah. Yeah. Um, the, the other thing that, uh, strikes me as, [00:26:00] you know, being on the, on the more cult-like spectrum is, you know, when you’ve got, uh, and I’m sure you know, cult, uh, experts talk about this too, uh, but the idea that, uh, you know, leaders, uh, groups.

Will say, oh, our, our system, our, our set of beliefs is kind of a cure all for any problem you have. Right. And you had in the, in the documentary, and I’m sure in your book, I didn’t finish your book, but, uh, I, I, I saw people, um, I, I’d learned that people would say, like, if they were having problems in the group, uh, depression, anxiety, whatever problems they would be told like, oh, you’re not oming enough.

You just need to own more. You know, and I, I think that’s a, that’s kind of a, a common red flag where the group’s, uh, practices are, are treated as if like, well, you just need to do our practices more. Mm-hmm. That, that’ll solve every problem you have.

Ellen: Yeah, absolutely. A, a and a, a common, I think one of the ways one cult expert framed it is, yeah, it’s like an overarching belief [00:27:00] system.

So this idea that, like this practice orgasmic meditation, which they say will help you tap into, again, your capital O orgasm, your erotic energy, you know, within one taste. I heard. From, you know, both from their own promotional materials as well as from people who spoke to me about their experience. I heard a range of claims, you know, not just the basics, like, oh, it’ll help you improve your sex life and your relationships, give you more intimacy and connection in your life, but also help you tap into your desire.

It’ll give you more physical energy. Like often, you know, there were many former members who told me, you know, they worked such, um, long hours, you know, often from like seven in the morning to like midnight and it’s like running events and stuff for one taste that they often felt sleep deprived, but they were told, Hey, like you should be Ming more.

That’s how you’re gonna get more energy, that this practice is an energy source. Um, and at various points on one Tastes website, they had testimonials where people were saying things like, one taste secured my depression, one taste helped manage my Crohn’s disease. One [00:28:00] taste helped me find God, one taste helped me.

You know, it, it was like it again, similar to maybe some of these other wellness cures, you’re totally right. It, it was positioned as like. The answer to a wide range of things. Um, and you’re totally correct that, uh, that is usually something that should raise, um, suspicions or, or concerns for, for people.

Zach: Right? Yeah. Um, sorry, one second. Lemme look at my notes here.

Ellen: Take your time.

Zach: Oh, do you know, um, I, I was curious, do you know the relationship between what Nicole and the people she learned such things from these, these various, you know, long, uh, genital stroking practices? Mm-hmm.

Ellen: What,

Zach: what is the relationship between those and just tantric sex as a, as a practice? Do you know the relationship there?

Ellen: Yeah, I’ll be, I’m just gonna give a lot of caveats here, which is that tantra is [00:29:00] a very, like, complex and um, uh, just like a very complex world that I just know enough to know that I don’t know it well enough to, to say. Um, and, and, and that in fact, a lot of what my, my understanding is a lot of what people think of as tantra might actually be more accurately described as neo toran, I think within the wor mm-hmm.

There’s a lot of people who, um, would like to make that distinction. In general.

Zach: There’s a lot of complexity, just

Ellen: like, yeah, I would say

Zach: just like Buddhism or any kind

of

Ellen: totally, so

Zach: large school, there’s all these,

Ellen: understandably, and I think that, you know, people who are experts in tantra might feel like that’s a reductive.

So I’m gonna, I’m gonna say I’m sure there are similar, um, principles, but I don’t know them specifically well enough to say. But it is true that like one taste, you know, orgasmic meditation, some of the. Some of the things that are interesting about orgasmic meditation are that the practice is meant to be goalless.

So within those 15 minutes of stroking, the only goal is for both the stroker and the [00:30:00] strokey to feel the sensations in their body. You’re not trying to get anywhere. There is no particular like outcome that you are trying to be held to. And I think that for a lot of people, that’s the first time they’ve ever experienced sexual touch with another person, where there wasn’t this unspoken sense of, I need to perform, I need to get to this place.

I need to make sure that he feels good too. So for a lot of people, you know, I don’t wanna undersell the fact that I think the experience of orgasmic meditation was, um, revelatory for a lot of people who experienced it the first time. For, for women who might have struggled to have, um, climax, which by some studies is 10 to 15% of American women, for men who might feel performance anxiety about certain things during sex, feeling unsure about how to pleasure a woman.

All these things like. I think a reason that orgasmic meditation was so appealing is because those are things that people are worried about or have stress about or, or, or want to find a different way to connect where they don’t need to be concerned about that.

Zach: Right.

Ellen: But it’s hard to [00:31:00] talk about. So when, when this, when this solution comes where they offer like, Hey, here’s this 15 minute thing.

You can do it with a partner, but you could also do it with anyone. And when it’s over, you don’t owe the guy anything. You don’t owe him a handshake, a hug, your phone number, whatever.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: Um, it’s

Zach: empowering and

Ellen: extremely empowering might

Zach: help you deal with some issues and Yeah, a

Ellen: hundred percent. And so in, in that sense, in the sense that it is sexual connection, but with a more mindful and just like a different approach to it, um, I think for a lot of people, yeah, they, they, they might, it just might open doors in their mind where they think like, wow, I could experience something like this.

I didn’t know that that was possible.

Zach: Yeah. I think you’re, you’re getting at something that’s hard to talk about where. So I, once I worked for an NLP trainer for mm-hmm. Like six months, I was never into it, but I took it mainly because I thought it’d be make for some interesting stories. And so I went down the NLP, you know, rabbit hole of learning about what these people were doing.

And, and I’ve talked about it from my podcast where there’s a [00:32:00] lot of exploitative, manipulative, just playing bullshit stuff and even dangerous stuff. But, you know, there, there are elements to it that make sense for why people have positive experiences. And I’ve talked about that on my podcast, where it’s like, you can see how specific people are using it in exploitative and manipulative ways, while also seeing what it is that is helping people with various things and why they do report having, you know, very positive experiences and why they keep coming back and maybe even get exploited financially by these people.

You know? So it’s like you, you can see both. It’s possible to see both sides of, of that coin, that there can be good things in the mix that help people while, yeah,

Ellen: I would go so far as to say that every. Every semis, successsful cult has a lesson at the center of it that’s extremely valuable. Mm-hmm. Good.

Otherwise

Zach: that’s

Ellen: good. Yeah. Why would anyone join? Like it? That’s good point. You know, you probably would never get off the ground. And so, you know, again, I’ll be careful about like labeling anything as [00:33:00] cult or not cult as we talk about in the book. I think they exist on a spectrum. Mm-hmm. But one taste is, is no exception to this.

I think one taste, of course, so many people have told me about harmful experiences that they had in and around the group. And I spoke to many people who were like, it really changed my sex life. It really lit up my relationships. It, it taught me things about myself that I had never understood before. I believe all of these things.

Mm-hmm.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: And you know, the structure of orgasmic meditation, I can see, and I’ve seen many examples and been told many times about how it was, um, you know, how it was abused, but the structure of orgasmic meditation, there’s a lot of wisdom in there. And that’s why people, you know, it’s, it’s not rocket science.

It’s like that’s why people were drawn to it because it was offering something that they couldn’t find somewhere else.

Zach: Right. You can imagine a, a healthier, uh, you know, less, less high control environment than, you know, one taste had. You can, you can imagine a different version of it. At least I can that had [00:34:00] different properties.

Yeah. Would, would, would have much fewer people reporting that they were, you know, manipulated and, and coerced and such. Yeah.

Ellen: Yeah. What’s interesting is just orgasmic meditation has up until now not really had a life separate from one taste. Mm-hmm. And so there are former one taste members who have expressed to me this sadness that the practice never really got a chance to maybe be its own thing, separate from this group that where, you know, where they might attribute more, you know, these former members might attribute more harm to the dynamics of the group and less to the practice, but.

For all intents and purposes, because those two were so intertwined, it’s, it’s hard to separate them.

Zach: Yeah. There’s gonna be a branding issue for, um, yeah. For anybody that attempts to follow in the footsteps, um, is, I was curious when you, uh, when you first started writing your article, uh, were you surprised, surprised that, uh, when you, when the [00:35:00] article came out and you finished it, were you surprised that there hadn’t been coverage, negative coverage of the group before that?

Ellen: Yes and no. You know, there had been a lot of coverage of OneTaste. In the past, you know, they, they were actually quite, uh, you know, of course it’s kind of a fringe practice, so it’s, it’s always been a little bit, um, on, on the edges, but it was fairly mainstream. You know, Nicole spoke on stage at a Gwyneth Paltrow Goup Health Conference in 2017.

The practice was basically endorsed by Gwyneth Paltrow. There was a whole chapter on it in Tim Ferriss’s book, the Four Hour Body, even Klo Kardashian talked about how she thinks orgasmic meditation is great. And, um,

Zach: yeah, she went a lot of, she was on a lot of pretty big shows about it and, you know, Theon and all these kind of shows.

Ellen: Yeah. Theo Von has studied orgasmic meditation. That’s my favorite one. Um, favorite. He’s so funny of when he talks about it. He got bit by a dog or something when he went over to Strokes, um, someone at her house. Um, anyway, and [00:36:00]

Zach: Okay.

Ellen: You know, orgasmic meditation was discussed on the Today Show. Like again, it was, you know, um.

You know, and I think Maria Shriver was the, the person who had reported on that. So it, it is just like, it had reached pretty famous people. It had gotten a lot of mainstream coverage. Um, and, and the coverage about it had generally been, you know, every once in a while the stories would mention like, oh, maybe there are some weird things that happen here.

But it was never the focus of a story. And in general, people I think somewhat understandably were just interested in like, what is orgasmic meditation?

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: What are the benefits? How does it work? Like where did it come from? Mm-hmm. There are so many interesting and worthy questions to ask about it that I’m not actually surprised that people didn’t get further and ask like, well, what actually happens inside the company?

Um

Zach: mm-hmm.

Ellen: And the only reason that I ended up writing about them is because, you know, one taste actually reached out to me. To try to pitch me on a story about them. This was back in 2017 again, I was covering startups at the time. They were like, this is a fast-growing [00:37:00] woman-led wellness startup. And I decided to po I had heard about them before I decided to like poke around a little and ended up finding someone who had, had a pretty bad experience with one taste.

And that was the first that I had really heard of this. After talking to that, that person, I was like, okay, I gotta find out more. Found other people, heard their experiences, and it just kind of snowballed from there. But I think I also could have easily just ended up writing kind of a, a story that didn’t touch on that.

You know, it, I think as a reporter, you, you just sometimes happen to ask the right questions and, and, and end up somewhere that you didn’t expect.

Zach: Yeah. And I, I do kind of wonder if I feel like some of the, some of the shady people out there that, uh, specifically like this. Con artists that I talk about on my podcast, chase Hughes.

He gets, he’s been on Joe Rogan and he’s been on these various big shows. Uh, these people don’t seem to be interested in vetting the fact that this [00:38:00] guy has told so many lies about his career, his experiences, what he’s done, that the grandiose claims he makes, that nobody, you know, nobody who’s an expert on psychology behavior, behavior believes are possible like brainwashing and mind controlling people.

But it strikes me that for show hosts, there can be an element of like, this is an exciting thing that will get clicks. Um, I, I want to showcase something that will get clicks for me and get attention. It’s an, it’s an interesting idea. Like regardless of, even if they believe it or not, there can be kind of a pressure to, you know, talk about something that’s pretty edgy.

And I do kind of wonder if that might have played a role in, in her getting so much. Attention these days where it’s like everyone’s competing for attention. It’s like, oh, I’ll have on this, you know, I’ll talk about or have on this person who’s doing this really strange, uh, sexual, you know, meditation practice because I know it’s gonna get clicks.

Like, whether, whether I’m into it or not. It, you know, it, it’s gonna get some attention, right. So [00:39:00] I ju I just wonder if that’s a factor.

Ellen: I think of course one taste in orgasmic meditation got attention for many years because it was such an unusual premise. Um, you know, as a journalist, I think I, I feel a lot of, uh, understanding for someone who.

For, you know, doesn’t have the time or bandwidth to be able to look into every, in, you know, to investigate every person that they have on their show. Like, I also

Zach: recognized that, and there wasn’t, there was no journalism e even out there was, there weren’t, there weren’t articles like yours out there. Yeah.

You have to

Ellen: even

Zach: investigate. Yeah.

Ellen: You know, to be, to be totally fair, it’s like,

Zach: yeah,

Ellen: it took me many, many months to write that first story. Right? Totally. I probably worked on it, it for six months and not everyone has that time and energy. Like, I’m very grateful to my editors, um, at Bloomberg News who were like, sure, you think there’s a story here?

Like, go for it. Um, you can spend time researching it. Like, unless you’re in a situation that can support that kind [00:40:00] of work. I never begrudge someone for not having, you know Yeah. Turned over every rock. That stuff takes time and like Yeah. You know, any investigative journalist can tell you that, like mm-hmm.

That is why hard, you know, like. This, that is why investigative journalism is so expensive. It it, it really is. And I think, you know, we don’t need to get into a soapbox about that, but like, if people want to have that kind of reporting in the world, they need to understand that it takes time, energy, money, and resources.

Zach: There’s a real lack of it these days. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. It’s hard. It’s expensive and Yeah. Takes, takes time. And it’s important. Uh, yeah. I was curious, uh, I mean, one thing that stood out to me watching the documentary was, uh, you know, I’m not, as you say I’m not a psychologist either, but talking about Nicole’s backstory, when she was talking about her father who’d been convicted multiple times of, uh, child sexual abuse, she was saying something like, uh, you know, she viewed him at some [00:41:00] point in her life when she was younger, viewed him even knowing he’d done those things.

She viewed him as someone who was sort of. Uh, such a special person that the normal rules didn’t apply to him. So she was like coming up with a, a narrative where like, he wasn’t, he wasn’t just a disgusting, uh, you know, sexual abuser. He was just such an interesting person that, that the normal rules couldn’t apply to him.

That, that he transcended these normal rules. And I, I kind of get an inkling of like how she might, you know, you might be able to apply those same kind of ideas to yourself, you know, if you, uh, if you view yourself as like not a, not, not governed by the usual rules that you’re in possession of, you know, such, such great wisdom that you’re such a special person, you know, in, in, in these typical kind of narcissistic ways you can start, you could make similar excuses for yourself.

And I, I just thought that was an interesting insight into how she was, she seemed like, uh, and also you write about how she, you know, her, part [00:42:00] of her healing from her. Uh, sexual abuse from her, from her father Wa was her saying like, oh, she, she had instigated the sexual abuse. Yeah. She took responsibility for it also.

So that was another interesting element where she was, she was clearly kind of grappling with these, these ideas, um, that seemed to have a lot of influence into how she, how, how, how her philosophy and, and, uh, personality turned out. But I, you know, not to get too, uh, as you, as you said about yourself, I’m not a psychologist either, but I, I found that those, those various things very meaningful about her past, you know, a

Ellen: hundred percent.

I mean, I, I, I think I’ll, I’ll caveat all of this by saying like, this is, of course, I, I think this is maybe the, one of the most sensitive parts of the book was the part where I really wanted to try to get a better understanding of what was Nicole’s relationship to her father, who, as you said, yes, convicted of child sexual abuse.

Um. Uh, once and then was actually, [00:43:00] uh, charged and arrested for it a, a second time, and actually died in custody, uh, pretty soon after that. So he, I wanted to understand what was her relationship with her father, what exactly, I mean, you can never really know, but trying to get more answers about what, what happened between the two of them, and then how had that experience shaped everything in her life that came after, which, you know, she has spoken about in various ways.

Sometimes the story has shifted over the years. I wanted to do my own reporting, and I think the truth is it’s like this is extremely complicated, extremely sensitive territory, and I really tried to treat it with care and responsibility in the book and essentially in other places. Nicole has been very.

Careful about what she said about her father publicly. You know, she has often said that, um, you know, he was convicted of child sexual abuse. She has at various times said that he never behaved inappropriately toward her. Um, she has at times wouldn’t been asked [00:44:00] about the question of what happened between her and her father.

She has side stepped it, um, and of course has, has woven her father’s crimes into her life story regardless of, you know, what happened specifically between them. So she has, you know, the, she has spoken openly about the fact that he’s been convicted of these crimes and that his death kind of sparked her exploration, you know, as she puts it.

She had seen the poisonous side of sexuality through her father’s life and was determined to show that sexuality also had the power to heal in equal measure. And people were often drawn, you know, people who joined one taste were drawn to the fact that she had been so up close with. This, this dark experience.

Um, and, and that they felt, I think, seen by her and, and that that was something that felt reassuring to them. And there were also people I know because they told me, they looked at her and thought, oh, this is someone who has experienced something pretty traumatic potentially. She seems to have figured out her sexuality regardless.

And that’s [00:45:00] inspiring to me. I would like to be like her. Mm-hmm. I would like to do these things that she has said that she’d done because maybe it will make me feel more at peace with my sexual history. A lot of people who had joined one Taste might have experienced trauma or assault in the past, um, or might have just had complicated relationships about sex.

Mm-hmm. So in doing some reporting about her and her relationship to her father, you know, what I found was she had at various times earlier when she was maybe like less in the limelight, told people yes. That she had been, um, sexually abused by her father and also that she told people later on. That she had instigated it, that she had actually wanted it on some level.

And to be clear, the story that she tells is one in which she was very young when this happened, you know, under 10. And if you talk to child sexual abuse experts and researchers, they will say that generally this sometimes happens where [00:46:00] the victims of this type of abuse will in an, in an attempt to feel a sense of agency and control over something really terrible, they will think that it was something that they wanted.

And again, I’m gonna not tread any further because it’s just, it’s really complicated and delicate. But I think understanding that she might have had an, a desire to see her father not as a bad figure, is a really important part of maybe trying to un understand. How she works.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: And she has, of course, as you said, it’s in the book, it’s in the documentary.

She has talked about her father as being not a bad person, but someone who, I won’t get the quote exactly right, but someone who was like, so expansive that he, he didn’t really mesh well with the arbitrary laws of the third dimension, but instead was like, you know, um, you know, he, she saw him as a fourth dimensional being, and of course the fourth dimension is a place where she [00:47:00] kind of talks about the regular rules of the physical plane, like not applying.

Zach: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Ellen: And of course, what you point out is so true now Nicole is currently in jail in Brooklyn, awaiting sentencing. She could face up to 20 years in prison. She’s been convicted of a very serious federal crime. And it’s really hard not to see the parallel there to, to not see that her father once sat in a very similar spot.

And I think. You know, I just, I think that is just kind of enough to, to point out, um, and, and to see that there has been this pattern that on some level has been repeated. Um, I think mm-hmm. Feels to me like a very complex and poignant aspect of this story.

Zach: Yeah. The, um, ’cause I don’t think, from what I’ve seen, she hasn’t really expressed any regret for things she’s done.

I mean, I think there was even some quote, I can’t remember if it was from [00:48:00] her or Rachel, where it was something like, we’re, we’re gonna be sleeping well in ourselves tonight, unlike the people that put us here who won’t be sleeping well the rest of their life, or something like that. I can’t remember.

That was her, or, yeah,

Ellen: I was total, so that, that was something that comes up actually at the end of a piece in the New Yorker about Nicole and her trial. It is something that, to the best of my recollection, she wrote from. Jail and was then passed on to the reporter who then quoted it at the very end. So for those who are curious, they can go and look at it.

Hmm. That is also how I interpreted the quote. It was a bit, it wasn’t a hundred percent clear to me. And Nicole is a very skilled communicator in the sense that I think she can be, if it’s hard for you to totally understand what she’s saying, I believe that she’s doing that intentionally and that she is like playing with

Zach: Yeah.

Ellen: Your understanding of it. But it is, it is true that I, [00:49:00] to, to my understanding, I don’t think she has made, um, you know, her, her legal team has vowed to appeal, uh, right. The conviction’s.

Zach: She’s not Yeah. She’s not saying she’s sorry for any specific things that I’ve seen. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, and also they, another, a thing that struck me about her experiences and why she would, you know, it makes sense that with her experiences and her pain, um, from.

Assuming from her father that that happened to her, which seems quite likely, or at least even if he, even if he didn’t do it, it seems like a, probably a, a, a toxic upbringing in some regard. Um, however that happened, um, it seems like her, her dealing with those issues, it, it makes sense that she would be drawn to the power of the sexual empowerment aspects of the, um, you know, the deliberate, uh, orgasm or the orgasmic meditation, whatever you wanna call [00:50:00] it.

It seems like it would make sense to her that she would find a lot of empowerment in those things, or that she would be more prone to find empowerment. And maybe she, you know, she thinks because it’s so powerful to me, it’s gonna be powerful to everybody else. Whereas maybe there’s a function of like, well, there’s specific reasons why it’s so powerful to her.

Right? It’s like, because she had these. These issues she dealt with around sex and, and the, and the potential or probable abuse. And it’s like, there, there are certain people for whom these practices probably are much more empowering or meaningful than, than other people who don’t have those issues. Is, is kind of how that struck me.

Where, you know, it’s, the world’s a complex place. Like what, what works for one, what is meaningful for, for one person isn’t gonna be meaningful for the other other person. They’ll be like, why are you, why are you finding this so, so meaningful? Right. And that’s what struck me about her. It’s like, and, and her experience is describing, [00:51:00] you know, her first experience with that guy she met, who showed her the practice in the early two thousands and was really life changing for her.

Like she was apparently gonna go into the, uh, you know, become a nun or something, and then changed her mind. But it kind of made sense to me that, you know, people that were, that had more issues around that would be more likely to, uh. You know, to find those experiences highly meaningful and, and keep going down the rabbit hole of what they might mean.

Ellen: Yeah. I mean, I think you’re right. And I would also add more to that. Of course, Nicole seems to have had a particular life story that made sexuality be a focus for her, a lens by which she understood herself, a lens by which she understood other people and the, and, and the relationships of people around her.

That being said, part of what I think made one taste so compelling is that sex connection, intimacy. These are things that every human [00:52:00] yearns for on some level. Most everyone, of course, for a complicated species, there’s always exceptions and there are certainly people for whom they’re like, this doesn’t interest me at all.

But I think if, if people are honest with themselves, like, this is a, this is a place in life, like your sexuality is a place in life where. It does tap into a deep part of yourself that you probably have unspoken questions about things that you just feel like, you know, it, it, and, and it’s not just that it’s this deep yearning that many people experience, but also that it’s a place where there aren’t that many places where you can go to get guidance on it.

Like it is not something that people speak about that openly. It can be hard to find a community where people are dedicated to like exploring this or understanding it on some level. So I think you’re right that for various people this like is more or less of a draw,

Zach: especially. Yeah. Yeah.

Ellen: And especially if you’ve had like complex experiences with your sexuality in the past, of course.

Mm-hmm.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: But I think, you know,

Zach: [00:53:00] there’s

Ellen: a broad

Zach: draw you’re

Ellen: saying. Yeah. One thing observed in, in talking to one taste is I certainly don’t wanna make it seem like. Everyone who joined had some sort of no Yeah. Complex history. In fact, many people were just normal people Yeah. Who like, wanted to improve their, the sex life of their marriage, or like mm-hmm.

Didn’t really understand how to connect with people, um, of the opposite sex and, and, and wanted to improve that, like mm-hmm. You know, you remember for sure at the time in the two thousands, like pickup artistry was really big, but there were a lot of men who like went to that thinking it would help them, and they were like, I don’t like the vibe of this.

And they ended up at one taste instead. Like, people are looking for connection, sex and relationships is one of our core needs. And so, you know, I would argue that like yeah. People, people were drawn to what the promise was. They may have thought that like yeah, they may have experienced the cla the A class or two and been like, it’s not for me.

But I think what they’re promising to fix is something that actually a lot of people are looking for.

Zach: No, totally. Yeah. I, I, I, I agree with that. Yeah. I wasn’t, I wasn’t saying it was not, I, I agree. It’s a broad appeal mm-hmm. [00:54:00] For various different. Reasons. I mean, especially these days when so many people suffer from loneliness and, and Totally.

You know, the modern world can be quite isolating. Yeah. Uh,

Ellen: well, I think, I think that, you know, however you wanna define a cult, cults are, we’re more vulnerable to them now than ever. I

Zach: agree.

Ellen: Because people are lonely. They don’t know how to connect, they don’t, they, you know, they are being socially isolated.

And I think that people sense that that’s not good for them. And, and, and when, uh, you know, one of the things that Colts often promise and can deliver on is a sense of belonging, community purpose. Like when someone has that void in their life, they are more vulnerable to that. And I think, you know, kind of in a, in a COVID era, we, you know, that is, that is something that’s just happening more and more.

Zach: Are you okay for a few more minutes?

Ellen: Sure.

Zach: Okay. I was curious what you thought of about the, uh, charisma of Nicole, because I’m [00:55:00] curious about what people mean by charisma in general. Because so often when people say like, such and such person is charismatic, I’m like, really? Are they like, I, they’re confident.

Sure. And like, but I’m, I’m kind of curious what often, what people mean by charismatic and I’m, I’m curious, do you have thoughts on, you know, uh, Nicole’s power to, uh, draw people in? Do you see it as just a matter of like stating beliefs confidently? We, we, how do you define the, uh, the charisma element and what draws people in there?

Ellen: Definitely, I, I mean, early on in my reporting process, I had an interesting conversation with, um, Dr. Yya Lalich, who is a cult expert, cult researcher, um, who’s written books on this topic. And she told me something that I’ll always remember, which is that she chooses to see charisma not as a quality inherent to the person, but a quality inherent to the relationship between two people.

So car charisma exists between [00:56:00] charisma exists in a relationship. It is not sense in inherently, like in a person, which helps explain why. Of course, there are people out there who look at such and such person and think, my God, that’s the most charismatic man I’ve ever met. Other people look at ’em and like, what are you talking about?

Zach: What do you care? What,

Ellen: what veil, va, you know, the veil has been lifted. They see right through it. Right. And so that framing really helped me understand.

Zach: That makes sense. Yeah.

Ellen: What it means when someone says she’s so charismatic, what they’re saying is she’s charismatic to me. Mm-hmm. And that is often a reflection of.

What am I, you know, in this example where, let’s say I’m saying that about Nicole because I’ve met her, you know, because this is hypothetical. It’s like, you know, I met her, she really charmed me. That kind of thing. What I’m really saying is what she was saying resonates with me. Mm-hmm. What I’m looking for is something that she is offering.

I’m impressed by her, I admire her. You know, it’s like all those things.

Zach: Her

Ellen: way of

Zach: being, even just her, her

Ellen: way of presenting

Zach: herself, something

Ellen: clicked. It’s like, you know, it’s, it’s like art and the artist, right? Like what really exists is the experience between the two.

Zach: [00:57:00] Yeah.

Ellen: Yeah. And certain things that Nicole did really appealed to certain people.

And so in the book there’s all these examples of people who, who met her and that she just seemed to promise something. You know, there’s this woman, Allison, who describes sitting down next to Nicole and, and locking eyes with her and being like, oh my God, who is this person? I’m so drawn to her, I can’t even explain why.

And Nicole seems to be like beaming her this message, which is like Allison had been sort of this like lonely person and Nicole seemed to be making her feel immediately like, if you come with me, like you are not gonna be lonely anymore. Mm-hmm.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: Um, Nicole would also make these promises to people explicitly and implicitly, which is basically that like, if you come with me, you’re gonna have an exciting life.

Zach: Right?

Ellen: Like the guy that she ended up co-founding One Taste with Rob Kendell, um, you know, people have described this scene to me in which Nicole basically lures Rob and his wife away from the welcome consensus one of these previous groups by promising them like, I’m gonna build this amazing [00:58:00] game and you can like be part of it if you come with me and like, I’m gonna offer you a crazy life.

It’s gonna be wild, it’s gonna be exciting. Mm-hmm. And the thing is, people want that. It’s like

adventure.

Ellen: Yeah. They want adventure. Yeah. People want adventure. People want, you know, even many years later, I talked to someone who, who joined one tasting in part, he, he kind of thought it was maybe a cult, but he was also like, I don’t know, it seems exciting.

Like, I wanna do something like that. I wanna test myself. I wanna see what I, what I discover. So, you know, Nicole would make these certain promises, which is like, you’re gonna, like, you’re gonna have fun with me. You’re gonna like explore stuff, you know, I’m gonna make you feel part of something.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: Um, but she also just had, you know, she’s also just good.

She’s good with people. She like knows how to charm and, you know, I won’t give away too much about it, but basically at the end of the book, there’s a scene in which I meet Nicole for the first time in person. And of course by this, by this point, I have spent so many. Hours, days, weeks, months, studying her, spoken to people who knew her, spoken to people [00:59:00] who like studied with her and were married to her and like, did drugs with her.

All these things. Watched, you know, many hours of videos of her lecturing. I just felt like I had this understanding of her. But, um, I meet her for the first time in a courthouse in New York, um, because she had shown up for like a kind of a routine hearing, and she immediately spots me and calls out to me and is like, hi, Ellen.

Smiles and Waves comes. I mean, what a move, right? And comes over to me. Mm-hmm. A very short, yeah, very short conversation. And then, you know, I, of course, when the trial happened, it’s like I would see her every day in the, in the courtroom. You know, we weren’t really talking, but, you know, I would watch her and she’s just, she’s just good at this.

She’s very aware of how people see her. She’s really good at knowing. Someone described once to me that sometimes having a conversation with her, she could come to you and immediately. Find that thing about you that is special to you that most other people don’t notice and like immediately see it. It was as if she like walked into your house, took [01:00:00] a look at your living room, and spotted the one thing on your shelf that was actually most special to you.

That like most people never look at and be like, wow, that’s beautiful. And so people, you know, and of course I think she also probably tried that with people and it didn’t land and that it just doesn’t, you know, it doesn’t work. But for those for whom it does land, I think that is kind of how charisma works is it’s almost stronger if it doesn’t work with everyone.

And Nicole would say, you know, she also enjoyed saying kind of provocative things. Um, you know, making kind of like hot takes about, uh, like men and women’s relationships or sexuality and this kind of thing. And sometimes people would be shocked and maybe if they didn’t like it, it would turn them off from her.

But for those for whom it landed, I think it would draw them closer. ’cause they’d be like, oh, she’s willing to say the brave truths that other people, um.

Zach: Right.

Ellen: Aren’t afraid to say, you know, then, then they would look at her and think she’s bold. Um, she’s got, she’s got a vision that connects with me.

Zach: Yeah.

Reading your book, uh, I mean the, the early part of her, [01:01:00] her career and life where learning about the people around her, and it seemed like so much had to do with this excitement aspect, you know, including in the welcomed community where people would describe, you know, the outside world was boring. You, you know, in, in here.

Even if there were some bad things, it was really exciting. You were on the forefront of something that was unlike, you know, things that so many people, the muggles on the outside were experiencing or whatever. And I, and I think that seems to play a role in so many of these kinds of groups where, you know, it’s the excitement that, uh, you do, whether, whether you don’t know where you’re going, but you know, it’s some exciting thing that nobody or hardly anybody else is experiencing.

And that, that alone can make up for a lot, I think.

Ellen: Yeah. And it also keeps people staying longer than they would otherwise. Right. Like, if you believe that if you’re gonna leave this group, your life outside is gonna be unfulfilling, boring, sad, you’re gonna be back with these people who are like asleep.

Mm-hmm. And don’t see the like [01:02:00] magic in the world. You’re gonna wanna stay, even if you’re like, I don’t know, this is like, this is feeling kind of hard or it’s not working for me. Like, you’ll be scared. You wanna be, yeah. You’ll be scared of leaving. And I think, um, you know, yeah. The truth. Excuse me. Um, yeah, the truth is people, people do wanna lead an exciting life.

And I think for a lot of groups like this, high demand groups or cults, if you wanna call it that, joining does feel exciting ’cause you’ve found these cool new friends and you’ve got a new mission and it’s like you’re part of this community. And I, that’s part of why, you know, one of the takeaways I hope people take away from Empire of Orgasm is this idea that.

Joining a cult. It’s not this thing that only other, you know, it’s not this like other thing, like, only other people would do this. It’s like, well, the desires that are bringing people to that point are desires that you and I all share. It’s like, yeah, we wanna feel adventure, we wanna feel part of something.

We wanna feel purpose, we [01:03:00] wanna be connected to other people.

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ellen: Um, cults offer all of those things. That’s why the, you know, a cult as a concept is actually like a quite, um, steady thing in human history. It’s like, because

Zach: mm-hmm. Yeah. They’re just groups of, of people pursuing something.

Ellen: And what’s interesting is they adapt with a time.

So what a cult look like 50 years ago is gonna be different from what it looks like today. Mm-hmm. And, um, but they, it’s, it’s, it’s almost like this, yeah. This like virus that like adapts and like, continues to stay strong. It’s like, it is, it is something that is a reflection of human nature. So I think mm-hmm.

In many ways, as long as humans are around, they’re, they’re gonna be around too.

Zach: Yeah. And I think I, I do think there’s something, you know, for some people on the more, you know, um, narcissistic side there, it can be hard to distinguish when they’re being deceptive and manipulative versus like, just being true believers, right?

Like, it can be, so sometimes you, you [01:04:00] think, oh, this person’s clearly being deceptive and manipulative, and it’s like, no, maybe in their mind they’re, they really believe that, you know, for whatever variety of reasons that they’re acting in a completely rational way and they’re in their mind like they’re a true believer of X, Y, z, uh, beliefs, or they believe like, in their mind Yeah,

Ellen: I, I would posit that in their mind they think they’re helping people.

Zach: Right.

Ellen: Exactly. So many, yeah, I think that’s,

Zach: I think that’s,

Ellen: yeah. I mean very, you know, of course this has been said before, but I think very few people wake up mm-hmm. And think like, haha can’t wait to do evil today.

Zach: Right.

Ellen: No one thinks that. Um, and, and that doesn’t mean that harm doesn’t get done. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t.

Um, you know, harmful, exploitative, or abusive things that happen. It’s like people, but people don’t think of themselves as hurting other people. They think that they’re helping,

Zach: right? Yeah.

Ellen: They’re doing good or they’re, they’re, they’re pursuing some sort of mission. And so, um,

Zach: yeah.

Ellen: Yeah. That’s why it’s, I think that’s part of it as well.

Zach: That’s why such a, yeah. It’s, it’s a human, just a human gets down to these, these basic human interactions about how we interact with [01:05:00] others. Yeah. Uh, well thank you so much for this, Ellen. I, I love the book and I haven’t finished it. I’m, I’m still reading it. Uh, but do you want to talk about anything else you’re, uh, you’re working on these days before we go?

Ellen: Yeah, I mean, I, I am just, you know, I’m a tech reporter at, at Bloomberg News, so one of my current interests is writing about like, uh, human uh, relationships between humans and AI chatbots. And so like, understanding psychol, like psychol, like, sorry. One of my interests right now is writing about the relationship between humans and AI chatbots and how that’s shaping us psychologically, societally, like that’s an interest of mine.

Um, and surprisingly there are some. Parallels between that and cults and just understanding like what draws people in. What does it mean to be so invested in a relationship with a chat bot that you are isolated from your friends and family, or that you’re drawn away from that

Zach: Mm

Ellen: um, feeling, feeling connected to this thing that is not, maybe doesn’t have your best interests at heart, maybe has no interests at heart because it’s not human.

Um, and [01:06:00] that has been interesting. Um, so, you know, probably by the time this podcast airs, um, there might be a story out from me about that. Um, so keep an eye out for it, but in general, yeah. I think for anyone who’s interested in psychology, cults manipulation, the story of one taste, kind of how sex can get wrapped up in all of this.

Yeah. I highly recommend my, my new book, empire of Orgasm should be out November 18th.

Zach: Okay. Thanks a lot.

Ellen: Thank you so much for having me.

Zach: Alright.

Categories
podcast

Can clusters of behavior help determine deception?

Many people think there are telltale signs of lying — shifty eyes, nervous fidgeting, maybe a quick smile — that can give someone away to trained observers. But according to decades of research, that’s a myth. Still, some scientists push back on that consensus. A recent paper by well-known researcher David Matsumoto (of the company Humintell) argues that combinations of nonverbal cues might actually reveal deception. In this episode, I talk with deception researcher Tim Levine, author of Duped and creator of truth-default theory, about whether that claim holds up — and what the science says about our ability to read lies using behavior.

Below is a transcript and related resources.

Episode links:

Resources related to this talk:

TRANSCRIPT

(transcripts contain errors; this one was automatically generated)

Zach Elwood: [00:00:00] Many people think that there exist reliable nonverbal behavioral cues that can help detect deception and tell liars from truth tellers. But as I’ve covered on this podcast several times in the past, there’s no evidence for that. Not when we’re talking about practically useful reads of deception or truth telling in a general population.

And when we’re leaving aside person specific reads. I was scrolling through LinkedIn recently, and I saw a post by David Matsumoto, who’s a well-known behavior researcher and the head of human tell. A company that says that they can help you, quote, master the skills to read behavior, decode, motivation, and lead high stakes conversations, whether you’re hiring, interviewing, negotiating, or managing teams.

End quote. In this LinkedIn post of his, he shared a paper that he’d co-written [00:01:00] titled Behavioral Indicators of Deception and Associated Mental States Scientific Myths and Realities. In that paper, they pushed back on the consensus view that there are no non-verbal behavioral cues useful for detecting deception.

I’ll read from the abstract that paper. We suggest a reconsideration of broad and sweeping claims that research has demonstrated that nonverbal behavior are not indicators of deception. We reexamine several methodological characteristics of a seminal meta-analysis that is often cited as non-evidence and caution the field from drawing over generalized conclusions about the role of nonverbal behavior.

As indicators of deception based on that reexamination. The gist of the paper was that while single nonverbal [00:02:00] behaviors haven’t been showed to be useful, there’s evidence that shows that combinations of multiple nonverbal behaviors may be highly reliable at the end of the paper. They mentioned their conflict of interest saying the authors are employees of human tell.

A company that engages in research and training related to behavioral indicators of mental states and deception. This got me interested in digging into this topic more. Is there actually evidence that combinations of non-verbal behavior are useful for detecting deception? I had not heard that. If so, what were these combinations?

What’s the scientific evidence? I’ve talked to Tim Levi a couple previous times for this podcast. Tim is a highly respected researcher on deception detection. I’ll read a little from his website, which [email protected]. His expertise involves the topics of lying and deception, [00:03:00] truth default theory, interpersonal communication skills, credibility assessment, and enhancement interrogation.

Persuasion slash influence and social scientific research methods. He’s the author of the book, duped Truth Default Theory and the Social Science of Lying and Deception. And my first talk with Tim was about the ideas in that book, focusing on his truth default theory topics Tim and I discuss in this talk include, is it true that combinations of nonverbal behavioral cues can help us detect deception?

The fact that so many papers finding certain behaviors correlated with deception or truth telling have failed to replicate. Are micro expressions a thing? Are they actually useful? If you’re interested in serious researched views on behavior and not, the bullshit takes on behavior that are so popular these days on various YouTube channels, I think you’ll enjoy [00:04:00] this talk.

If you like this talk, I think you’d like the other couple talks that I had with Tim about behavior and deception detection. Also, just wanna say sorry about my noisy audio. I recently moved to New York City and don’t have a great audio set up, so that’s definitely made my audio much worse than it used to be.

Okay, here’s the talk with Tim Levi. Hi Tim. Thanks for joining me again.

Tim Levine: Happy to be here. Nice to see you.

Zach Elwood: Nice to see you again. Uh, so yeah, the reason I had reached out to you was I happened to see this study by David Matsumoto basically kind of defending the idea that, um, you know, pushing back on the idea that nonverbal behavior, uh, is not a.

Useful tool for detecting deception. And I got the gist of it seemed to be that he was saying, some studies seemed to show that uh, maybe using multiple nonverbal behaviors could be more useful than [00:05:00] using, you know, a single nonverbal behavior. Uh, but I’m curious overall, what were your thoughts on that paper and the overall ideas in it?

Tim Levine: Uh, so first, uh, let’s not call it study. Let’s call it a, a paper. A a paper or an essay, or a commentary or, uh, you know, an argument. Um, so it’s, it’s no new data. Uh, but I think you, uh, you framed the, uh, claim, uh, pretty well. Um, maybe. We could give a more generous conclusion to them that, um, maybe the verdict’s not in yet.

Um, so maybe there’s, you know, a lot of findings that, uh, seem to suggest that nonverbal behaviors in particular aren’t very [00:06:00] useful in deception detection. Uh, but it might be that if studies were done differently. Uh, then more supply supportive findings, uh, might emerge. And, uh, while I think that’s counterfactual at this current point in time, uh, it is true.

You never know what the next finding’s gonna, next study’s gonna find or next finding’s gonna find.

Zach Elwood: Right? It was basically just a, basically just saying it’s possible that. If you link together multiple nonverbal behaviors, which, you know, which makes sense, like in theory if, uh, you know, more, more information, more data about someone could theoretically lead you to better conclusions.

Right. But I’m curious. Yeah. What are your, what are your thoughts on that with your knowledge of the field? About what ’cause, because they mentioned some previous studies and meta analysis that. [00:07:00] They said, seemed to show that, you know, there was one that they mentioned, what was it? The, um, Harwick and Bond 2014, I believe.

Yeah. Harwick and Bond. Yeah. What, what are your thoughts on that and their, the idea that, I guess the quote was something, what was the quota? It was like, uh, that the lies can be detected with 70% accuracy. I had a hard time parsing what they meant by that ’cause it seemed kind of theoretical to me.

Tim Levine: Uh, yeah, that is a, uh, that is a true finding and it might actually be a little higher than 72%.

Um, but let me, let me, this is gonna take like

Zach Elwood: a lot of unpack. Yeah. I, I get, I think there’s a lot of unpacking, which is, I found it hard to understand what exactly they were saying with my, you know, not great. Um. Parsing of academic papers and such.

Tim Levine: Yeah, so the um, harwick and bond study was a meta-analysis.

So a meta-analysis is a, uh, study of studies [00:08:00] and they were, um, looking at, um, how diagnostic cues were, so there weren’t any humans in the equation, right? It was if you do statistical modeling based on observed behaviors. How good could your algorithm be? Right? So imagine, uh, we’re on camera right now, so in modern technology, we could, uh, have cameras capturing all our facial movements and mapping those dynamically over time.

Right. And we could use machine learning, um, to map what we’re saying onto our facial expressions, theoretically, right? And then the algorithm could test if your blinking rates are faster when you’re listening than when you’re talking, for example.[00:09:00]

And it might be that in any given segment of communication, these things would appear. Diagnostic of listening versus talking.

Zach Elwood: I guess I’m confused. How could they put a number on it that exactly, that 70% number approximately, that they chose.

Tim Levine: Uh, there is a, uh, statistic called, um, multiple discrim analysis.

And if you’ve ever heard of regression, it’s kind of like regression, but it’s predicting a, a dichotomous outcome. So what you’re doing is you’re putting in enough of a bunch of predictors and then you’re waiting them to maximize predictability, and then what you can do is do a classification. Based on that, it was invented, uh, by my understanding is by, uh, anthropologists, physical anthropologists who were trying to [00:10:00] predict what kind of animals came from a discovered bone.

So if you know, like this characteristic of the bone and this characteristic of the bone and this characteristic of the bone, what probability is it that it’s this dinosaur versus this dinosaur? Um, but, but the plot thickets.

Okay. Uh, and I, I actually, um, I should be able to pull the year off. I actually wrote a paper, uh, based on this ’cause there’s these two apparently really super inconsistent findings. There’s the famous Apollo etal 2003 meta-analysis of qs, which about and analyze cues individually. And that meta-analysis found that most, the vast majority of cues don’t have any diagnostic value.

Uh, the ones that do their diagnostic value is statistically relevant, but practically, um, useless.

Zach Elwood: Right. [00:11:00] Um,

Tim Levine: very low.

Zach Elwood: Like meaning that they’re, they’re statistically significant, but the usefulness, even if, even if that’s true, the usefulness is extremely low

Tim Levine: in, in any given communication. Yeah. This is, they would be useful in classifying large numbers of people.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: At rates better than chance.

Zach Elwood: And also we should, it might be worth mentioning to the 2003 study you mentioned the meta-analysis was a big part of what the paper we started out talking about, the matsu motto. Uh, one was push Yes. Pushing back on that because the 2003, uh, paper was largely what people point to when they say non-verbal behaviors aren’t a good correlation with deception detection.

Yeah.

Tim Levine: And they are right that you can’t, you shouldn’t be looking at nonverbal behaviors individually. Uh, and, you know, my whole work on demeanor points to this, that behaviors, you know, it’s, it’s global impressions that influence judgments and not specific behaviors. So there’s really strong [00:12:00] evidence for problems with looking at QS individually.

So, so in the DePalo study, they looked at individual cues and the effects over studies, right? So if you’re testing. I don’t know, um, how many details there are in a statement. Uh, the finding is that on average, uh, honest people have higher number of details. Honest things tend to have higher number of details than deceptive things, at least given in the type of scenarios that have been tested in the study, right?

So that you test that d that difference in details or in blanks or in eye gaze, study over study. And, um, what the Apollo analysis shows that some studies find one thing and some findings are incredibly mixed. And when you average them out, the more times a given Q has been [00:13:00] studied,

uh, the more it tends to have averaged zero. No diagnosticity.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. So even if it

Tim Levine: starts

Zach Elwood: out in the previous study showing like

Tim Levine: something

Zach Elwood: useful about it, it tends to revert down to

Tim Levine: the, yeah, the media. And it doesn’t just get smaller. In order to revert to zero, it has to flip signs, right?

So it has to be diagnostic and then anti diagnostic. And when you average those, it comes to zero, right? So a nonverbal behavior might mean one thing. In a given instance of communication and the exact opposite thing in the next,

Zach Elwood: and when you say it means something, are you saying it could, it was, it was theoretically actually a good predictor within that situation.

But

Tim Levine: not,

Zach Elwood: yes, later.

Tim Levine: Yeah.

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: But the unit of analysis, so to speak, in the DePalo [00:14:00] uh, study was the individual queue that was studied over time.

So in the Harwick and Bond, the unit of analysis was the individual study. So they looked at studies that studied some number of cues, right? And they found that in virtually all Q studies find support. For some kid, it doesn’t mean it’s the same cue, but they find effects for some kid. Because they’re studying, like a lot of these are studying like 10, 20 different things.

And in almost every study one pops, or two pops or three pops. So what they find is there’s really, really big Q effects at the level of the individual study. If you study those same cues over time, you find those effects go away, but you only see that when you [00:15:00] study the same cue. The Harwick and bond study is inq.

Yeah. Right, so, so this creates a paradox. So how is it that individual studies are always finding effects, but those effects never replicate when you follow up on them? Right. So in the bond, uh, heart wing bond. I might have mistakenly said Bond and de Paulo. That’s a different one. Um, the Hartwick and Bond multiple Q study, the one we’re talking about, um, they’re just tracking the biggest effects in individual studies and then averaging those effects, but they’re not tracking which Q was being diagnostic there.

Right? And so when you look at the average diagnostic in studies that study multiple Q, it’s better than 70%. Because all Q studies pretty much find support, [00:16:00] right? And if there’s publication bias in the literature and there’s a bias towards publishing studies to find support, then people are right. So, right.

Presumably they’re, they’re testing all these different variables, right? They’re finding one that pops. And in the heart, we, and Bond, it wasn’t mult. Multiple Qs weren’t that much better than single Qs.

Zach Elwood: Mm, mm-hmm. Right.

Tim Levine: Okay. So the, the, the multiple Q effect was a 0.5. The single Q effect was a 0.4.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: This is in neo correlation. So 80% of the effect is be driven by one q Mm. But we know from the DePalo data that that one Q isn’t reliable across studies.

Zach Elwood: Right.

Tim Levine: Right. So what this means is there’s, if you are, this lets people cherry pick studies. ’cause you can find support for anything, right? And this is why it’s so important to replicate [00:17:00] research and look across studies and look at the pattern,

Zach Elwood: right?

So this, um. This study, the one we’re, we’re talking about the, um, Hartwig and Bond one. Mm-hmm. That, that, um, Matsumoto references the using more than one mm-hmm. Nonverbal behavior. You’re saying They’re basically just using the most rosy, optimistic picture and not factoring in the fact that those results, you know, when you actually do more work on each of those things that pop, those, those things tend to revert to.

Meaningless or near meaningless. So yeah, it’s a distorted view of they’re, they’re taking a very rosy picture of what you can do with that data, and it’s not reflecting the reality of, of, of, of how weak those things actually are. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Yeah. But I think we should be more generous because it’s, it’s easy to see a finding, right.

And go, oh, you know, and especially if that finding [00:18:00] fits, um, what you wish were true. Right. And it is legit. They’re not quoting the study wrong. What they are doing though is they’re leaving context out,

Zach Elwood: right?

Tim Levine: And there’s an even bigger context they’re leaving out here, which is if you dig into the findings deeper.

So, um, it’s Maso and Wilson start out their argument. Um, by using a form of argument I would call, I’ll blame the methods. Right, and the argument goes, if only the studies were done differently and had these different methodological features, then surely the data would support, right? So in the Hartwig and Bond study, they tested what are called moderators or these various methodological culprits.

That are proposed in the Matsumoto and Wilson paper, and what they find is [00:19:00] there’s always large Q facts, whether lies are high stakes or low stakes, or regardless of all of these things. So it doesn’t matter how many cues you’re looking at, it doesn’t matter whether it’s high stakes or low stakes. Q studies, individual cue studies find big effects, right?

So there’s, if you dig into the, into the details of their analysis, right? There’s actually findings in that paper that undercut, uh, their argument.

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Can you, can, can you summarize that in like a layman’s terms, uh, for, because I, I think that might be it. It’s, it might be, uh, hard to understand all that you said.

Maybe you could summarize it in a couple languages about how to, how it undercuts it.

Tim Levine: Yeah. So hypothetical example, let’s say we thought that, um, eye blinks were [00:20:00] only diagnostic. In employment interviews and not interpersonal lives.

Okay. And, um, all the studies had been, the argument is all the studies were done in interpersonal lies. So if only you had done them in employment lies, you would’ve seen the effect. But the studies included in bond, uh, hartwig and bond’s meta-analysis include both types. Right. That’s what you’re saying.

And the findings are the same either way.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. So they’re trying to criticize the methods, but yet regardless

Tim Levine: of the

Zach Elwood: methods, there

Tim Levine: are spikes. The studies that they’re later gonna support in support of their claim actually tested that and found that didn’t matter.

Zach Elwood: Right. Right.

Tim Levine: And that undercuts the argument of the paper,

Zach Elwood: which is a, which is an interesting thing about the the stakes thing because some people will say.

If the, if only the stakes were higher and more like real life situations, you’d be catching more. [00:21:00]

Tim Levine: Yeah.

Zach Elwood: Correlations or imbalances and such.

Tim Levine: And this is an incredibly plausible

Zach Elwood: mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Argument.

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: It goes back to the original ekman stuff. And, uh, and people believe this, people buy this. Um, you know, but it makes, it makes great intuitive sense.

Zach Elwood: Right. It’s also interesting though, that you can think of another logical thing where it’s like. Theoretically the lower stake situations would be more likely to find imbalances because the liars in the high stakes situations have more incentive to act like the non liars, right? Yeah. So you, you can kind of reason edit both ways, you know,

Tim Levine: or, or maybe there’s even more sophisticated ones.

The type of people who put them in themselves in the situations where there’s high stake cases, right. Are the people who are the better sorts, better bluffers sort. Right, right. Because if I can’t bluff, I don’t play poker.

Zach Elwood: Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there’s, there’s also things like, you know, people have [00:22:00] talked about, oh, are college students good?

Uh, yeah. Examples of general population people, are they the, you know, fitting people to study? So there, yeah, there, there, there is all this

Tim Levine: discussion. There’s a million

Zach Elwood: methodologies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right,

Tim Levine: right. And it, it always runs into this as I, as I describe it in my book, duped, the circular argument where you didn’t find what.

I think you should have.

Zach Elwood: Right.

Tim Levine: Therefore, you didn’t do your study right.

Zach Elwood: Right.

Tim Levine: I know you didn’t do your study Right. Because you didn’t find what I thought you were gonna find.

Zach Elwood: Right. Which is a problem with so many

Tim Levine: Yeah.

Zach Elwood: Theories and the theory of, you know, firm believers of, of ideas who, yeah.

Tim Levine: And, and of this, for your listeners of this means.

That the conclusions from the research might completely turn around in the next 10 years.

Zach Elwood: Right,

Tim Levine: right. We never know what the next study’s gonna find until we do it. [00:23:00] Right. And there, there might be something that’s been overlooked. Somebody might have been, you know, I’ve made my whole career on finding things other people have overlooked.

Right. And turning over those stones and going, look what we found. Um, so, you know, we, you know, I don’t, I don’t know that the next time I turn over a stone, anything’s gonna be there. Right. And I certainly don’t have any kind of superpower or lock on being the one who

Zach Elwood: mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: You know, uh, can find stuff.

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: So

Zach Elwood: you’re just looking at what comes up. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Yeah, yeah. You know. Nature is what nature is, right. How we look at it. Things definitely shape how we understand them. Right? And until we do something we don’t know.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. And, and there, I mean, there’s, with all this AI, machine learning stuff, there are theoretically or things that might be found.

I mean, I, I interviewed someone, I don’t [00:24:00] know if you, you probably saw about this, this, uh, study by Dino Levy and his team that. Uh, use some machine learning stuff to monitor facial muscles and claim to have a 73% deception detection de uh, rate.

Tim Levine: Oh, this is right. I note that this is exactly what Hartwig and Bond will say will happen.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: And it doesn’t matter what you’re looking at. Right. Use the machine learning stuff to look at any package of variables. On average, you’re gonna get 73% accuracy. And it doesn’t matter what the content is, it doesn’t matter what the variables are. Right. It’s, it seems like you always get that.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, when I interviewed him and looked at that study, I, I, I’ll admit I was, I, I didn’t find it very convincing that it, it was gonna be replicatable or anything, you know, and especially, it seemed kind of iffy with what exactly the machine learning was doing, because some of these things are kind of.

A little black boxes. [00:25:00] Like it wasn’t clear to me what the, you know, the algorithm was even detecting. ’cause it seemed, and I, it might, you know, it could theoretically have been him, not me, not understanding it, but it seemed like I had a hard time even understanding what he had said that the, the algorithm had, had even detected.

So, uh, yeah, just to say, I’m like,

Tim Levine: probably

Zach Elwood: like you

Tim Levine: are, I’m skeptical

Zach Elwood: whether a lot of these things would, would replicate. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Yeah. And that there’s a word for that and it’s called cross validation. So let’s take it in a completely different context. Imagine Amazon was trying to model our purchase behavior,

um, and there’s all kinds of things that are going on on the page, right? When we look at something and they know whether we click by or not. Right, so they could have their AI or their machine learning start plotting [00:26:00] out with what features of the page get us to click and what don’t.

Okay, so they get that algorithm. Now, let’s say we took that algorithm and applied it to new customers with new projects. How well does it do in predicting that’s cross validation,

Zach Elwood: right? Right to, to ensure you’re not just getting noise and random randomness spikes.

Tim Levine: Yeah. So here’s another example. When I did my demeanor work, and for the listeners who don’t know this is on how cues aren’t in isolation.

People present things and behaviors all are presented in a package, and these packages are all inter correlated. Uh, so I came up with a set of 11 behaviors that. Um, and impressions that seem to predict really well, uh, whether somebody’s gonna be believed or disbelieved. [00:27:00] Those are completely independent of whether they’re lying, lying or not, right?

But we know who gets believed and who doesn’t, and, and they’re basically being friendly, confident, uh, and outgoing. Right. Whereas people who are anxious or awkward, um, tend not to be believed related to your truth. Default theory. Yeah. Related to truth. Yeah. And, and these things, you know, so I, I documented that these 11 particular behaviors and impressions, um, seem to be the believability quotient.

So I had these, so what I did is I collected a whole different sample. Of truth tellers and liars coded those for these behaviors. Had a whole different sample of participants. Rate them for honesty. Had a whole different sample of people, judge them for these behaviors, and then showed that the judgments of the behaviors [00:28:00] predicted the judgments of honesty with these separate groups of people on a whole new set of communicators.

Right. Right. Cross validation and, and cross validation. And when I did that, then I went, oh, I think I’m onto something. But until I did that, we would never know if the findings were induced syncratic to that particular, you know, samples or coders or method.

Zach Elwood: Right,

Tim Levine: right.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. ’cause some of the, yeah. So is it your view, am I understanding it right, that.

When they, when they get these spikes that, you know, don’t replicate these findings, uh, correlations, do you think in some of these situations they actually were, the things that they found actually were good predictors for that specific situation and set of, set of factors of whatever sort? Like if they had ran that same situation multiple times, even some, [00:29:00] some of the findings might be related to that, that specific.

Situation and the types of people in it or things like this? Or do you think most of it is entirely just kind of random spikes? If that makes sense, if that, if that question

Tim Levine: makes sense. I think all of the above.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. It’s a, it’s a mix. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Um, so I did a study, uh, kind of way, way back, uh, in two, oh, uh, 2 0 5, where I was trying to, um, uh, to train people, um, to read nonverbal behaviors and then see if this would make them more accurate.

And I, of course, predicted that it wouldn’t. Um, but the, the gimmick of the study, uh, was including a, uh, placebo control. So I, I, one group of people were assigned to read that the best met analysis of the time behaviors that was Zuckerman et all in 81, they were trained to do the behaviors that, that were the most diagnostic from that meta-analysis.[00:30:00]

Um, and that kind of got overturned by DePalo in 2003, but I trained him on that. And then I, another group got trained on five behaviors that should have no validity from that meta-analysis. And then the third, the control group didn’t get any training at. And in the first study, what we found is the people who got trained in the nothing cues did the best, and the people who got trained in the valid cues did the worst with the control group in the middle, which is absolutely befuddling.

So then what we did is we went to the particular truth tellers and liars and coded the, the nonverbal cues we were training. And we found that for those particular samples, the things that weren’t diagnostic and meta-analysis actually were diagnostic, and the things that were diagnostic and the research weren’t.[00:31:00]

So then we went back and trained to do things that were person, message, situation specific. And we found when we trained to do that, it made people 2% better. It improved them from 56% to 58%. Um, but in that coding, what I learned is within a situation which was constant, there were big differences between people.

And they’re also within people distances between utterance and utterance. Right. So what might be diagnostic in one snippet might not be in the next, and this is a real complicated combination of person, situation and variability, not only across people, but within people.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Because [00:32:00] people just aren’t that constant, you know?

Zach Elwood: Right.

Tim Levine: It, you know, if we were coding your number of blinks during this interview, you’re not blinking at a set rate.

Zach Elwood: Right.

Tim Levine: Right. Depending on where we snip the tape.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: We’re gonna find you going. Right. And me going like this.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Um.

Zach Elwood: We’re very complex. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Yeah. So the way I think about it, so I tend to think Q findings are real in the sense that they are real in the data that showed them, right.

They are not at all robust. That is, they don’t extend very well. Within person to different situations, um, across people, even from moment to moment. Um, so cues are, as I think of them, ephemeral, and this is why it’s easy if I’m selling you on a lie [00:33:00] detecting method, that I can point to cue examples where they work because you can see cues in everyday communication.

Right. And if you pick situations in which they actually, your preferred queue actually works, right? Then you can show great examples on video. But the trouble is those things tend not to extend. They might flip and do the exact opposite thing in the next instance.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Um, so if I had to summarize your view of.

Matsumoto argument. The paper we started talking out, talking about at the beginning. Uh, I, I’d imagine your view is basically like, yeah, theoretically there’s, you know, you, you could, there, there could be some findings in future that, uh, are replicatable and show that more than multiple nonverbal cues might [00:34:00] be highly correlated with deception.

But you just, we haven’t seen anything like that. There’s no. There’s no specific evidence for anything like that.

Tim Levine: A little bit more subtle. There’s lots of evidence for that. There’s not a lot of evidence that holds up across, right. There’s evidence studies in, in very kind of predictable, reliable ways.

Zach Elwood: Gotcha. Okay.

Tim Levine: Um, so at the level of the individual study Yes, absolutely. At the across studies in ways that, um. I am really comfortable relying on, not yet, but I agree with them that the verdicts sh is not, and it shouldn’t be, um, entirely in yet because, you know, if he just, oh, this is a dead end and nobody researches it anymore, we’ll never know if it really should have been a dead end.

Right. So, [00:35:00] I, I, you know, I, I try not to, um. Uh, I think people can test whatever hypotheses they want, and I think it’s good that there’s difference of views and people are pursuing different things. And I think in the long run, this is gonna put us in a lot better scientific position than we would be if there was just one orthodoxy, uh, and everybody had to follow it.

Zach Elwood: Um. Yeah. Yeah, I

Tim Levine: know that’s, that’s not hugely satisfying.

Zach Elwood: Well, just, just from a, uh, like a logical perspective, it seems, you know, when you think about, I mean, humans can control their behavior a lot. So if, if there, if there was some say it came out that there was some. Major combination of behaviors that were known to be, you know, decently tied to deception.

It would just become that most, the word we get around and people would try not to do those things. Sort of like, we know that liars don’t wanna do various things that [00:36:00] they think are tied to deception, right? Like, so there’s, you know, just to say humans are. Very complex. If there’s something we can do to, you know, adjust our behavior to help ourselves, we, we will.

So it makes you think like, if there is, if there are gonna be reliable signs of deception, they would’ve to be things that you couldn’t control, you know? But even in that realm, like, you know. Heartbeat and these kinds of, you know, uh, Galvan skin response and stuff. Even that stuff, you know, we know isn’t reliable because you can get excited for various reasons and get nervous for various reasons.

So just to say, I, you know, there’s various reasons I’m, I’m, um, not to say like you, I’m open-minded that they could find some combination that’s, you know, for general

Tim Levine: populations. Yeah. But I’m, but I’m in clearly camp skeptical.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Clearly

Tim Levine: about the, about the Q thing. And if I was. When I’m investing in what I’m gonna put my time and effort to in my lab, um, [00:37:00] I’m not trying to save, uh, cues.

Um, you know, I’m, I’m investing my, uh, my time and energy, um, in, in different directions. So, you know, I, I, I, I, I think people can invest in whatever they want. Um, um, but, but that’s not. I, I think there’s enough of a, a data story out there to suggest that, um, uh, different paths are gonna be more fruitful.

Zach Elwood: Um, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want, but.

Do you, do you have any thoughts on, you know, I mean, Matama is, you know, clearly tied to this company that he is the head of Human Tell, which sells courses on, you know, getting people mm-hmm. Uh, better at reading people and corporate or personal, you know, situations basically. So, you know, and as he says in his study, you know, his, his papers that he puts out.

Tim Levine: Yeah.

Zach Elwood: [00:38:00] Uh, he, you know, that’s a, obviously a conflict of interest, but I’m curious, do you have anything to say about that and understand that’s not, you know, something we need to get into?

Tim Levine: Um, my interactions with, uh, David have been like, super positive. Um, he’s done like some really cool studies, like with blind athletes and stuff.

I, I think he’s done some, uh, really good science. I think, uh, um, the conflict of interests are always a concern, but he, he seems to be very open about disclosing those, um. So, um,

yeah, that, that’s,

Zach Elwood: I noticed Sonas site, the Human Tell site. I was just looking at the Human

Tim Levine: Tell site. Oh. The other thing is, um, you know, he’s a, he’s an Eckman protege, right? I know. State Collaborate. Yeah. There’s some.[00:39:00]

Zach Elwood: We’ve talked about Eckman before on a

Tim Levine: previous episode. Yeah. And, and so in kind of academics, um, a good rule of thumb is don’t speak badly about other people’s advisors, um, or mentors. Uh, ’cause you know. Yeah, just like you wouldn’t wanna say bad things about people’s parents or, you know, favorite, uh, sports stars or, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s okay to, um, to have a viewpoint and, um, yeah,

Zach Elwood: and I, it,

Tim Levine: it’s, it’s, it is good that those things are disclosed.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. And I’ll put it, uh, I’ll probably put in a note about the previous episode of people that are curious about. Our previous discussions about this, but, um, I’m curious while I have you here, I I, I had been thinking about the micro expressions thing recently and I’m, I’m a big skeptic about the, the micro expressions and the usefulness of them.

Do you, do you have a, are, are there, uh, I assume your [00:40:00] would be a pretty big skeptic too, but is there a, a study that you’d point to or a favorite study or two that shows, uh, skepticism why skepticism is warranted about the micro expressions?

Tim Levine: Uh, not ones that I could pull the sites to, uh, off the top of my head.

Zach Elwood: Or do you

Tim Levine: have, maybe

Zach Elwood: just share your thoughts on the, the overall I idea of their practicality, practical use.

Tim Levine: Um, my understanding is, um,

there’s some debate on whether microexpressions are a thing or not, um, but at least some people. Some of the times seem to do micro expressions, um, saying that this, they mean this or they mean that. Um, outside of maybe revealing a particular motion, [00:41:00] I think is probably pretty tricky. Um, I, I think most of the researchers right now.

I’m pretty skeptical about microexpressions. I think now that machine learning’s good enough to do facial recognition and track microexpressions. I think that, um, we’re gonna see a whole bunch of studies, uh, applying that methodology to find just what Hartwig and Bond found about every queue is that, um.

They can, they’re diagnostic of something. Um, whether or not that something holds up over time is a different story.

Zach Elwood: Yeah, I’d say I, I, I’ve thought about them a good amount when I learned about them, and I mean, I’ve, I look for them in poker. Never found any real use for, for them. If anything, I find that.[00:42:00]

The little expressions are the opposite because in a competitive situation, you know mm-hmm. There’s actually an, an instinct for somebody to act the reverse of what they are. Right. So if you see tiny signs of somebody looking uncertain or worried, you know, who’s, who’s made a big bet that that’s actually like highly correlated with them being relaxed and strong.

So just to say and, and, but, but I think that that’s an interesting thing because it kind of maps over to some writing I’ve seen on. Like microexpressions and deception detection and interrogations and such, where I think there’s some study that found that, uh, that truth tellers actually are more likely to have signs of contempt and these kinds of things that most people would associate with liars.

But there’s, there’s, there’s like different ways to look at it because you can, you can make up logical. Reasons why they would be present for liars and truth tellers because truth tellers are more relaxed. So they might be more willing to let their contempt and other negative emotions [00:43:00] show, you know, or you might reason it the other way and say, liars are more likely to, you know, just to say there can be many ways to try to explain findings of, of whatever sort.

Right. So, but I, I’ll say, yeah, I, I’ve long been skeptical about microexpressions ’cause I, you know, if they were something I would’ve expected to. Find, uh, you know, see, see more of them in, in poker basically. But I, I just, I, I don’t, haven’t made use of them basically. So, yeah. Thanks for, thanks for that. Uh,

Tim Levine: you know, a good place to test them, uh, might be in amateur poker.

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Yeah, I think the, uh, well, I do think, I, I do think the,

Tim Levine: you know, really novice poker players

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: Maybe might be a fun.

Zach Elwood: Although I, I do, I do think, uh, yeah, we could, we, we could talk about this for a while ’cause you and I have talked about, I’ve, I’ve talked

Tim Levine: about, I’m not saying that they would be diagnostic

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: But you might see a lot more variability. [00:44:00] Um,

Zach Elwood: yeah. The, the interesting thing about the poker and, and other formal kind of competitive game and sit situations is that there’s this assumed. You know, assumed competitive environment. So people are more likely to try to put on, they’re not even, they’re not, they’re not even necessarily trying to, to deceive.

It’s like an instinctual thing to put on the opposite of what they are. Mm-hmm. You know, in a game environment, which to me has no correlation to like interrogations or real world interviews. ’cause there’s not a competitive, directly competitive situation where you’re trying to get somebody to do a specific thing.

Right. So it’s a very, it’s a very, uh, yeah. I think it’s interesting how different this, the, the, the, the areas are between a fully competitive spot versus, you know, a non-competitive real world spot. But yeah. Uh, so do I, I was curious. I’ll, I’ll let you go shortly, but I was curious, do you wanna share any other, uh.

Interesting things. You’re, you’re working on these days projects? [00:45:00]

Tim Levine: Um, no, I think there’s probably a bunch, uh, in the works. Um, but right now they’re, um, sufficiently, uh, underdeveloped, uh, to be ready for, uh, public, uh, broadcast. Although I do have a, uh. A recent paper with, uh, Dave Markowitz outta Michigan State on asking, uh, AI to try to detect deception.

Oh, interesting. Okay. What’s the name of that? And it was, uh, it’s, uh, so it’s published in a Journal of Communication and David Markowitz. You’re asking a dyslexic how to spell. Um, well, what’s

Zach Elwood: the, uh, pap is there if, can they find it online or can I link to it?

Tim Levine: Uh, you probably can or I can send it to you.

Zach Elwood: Okay. I’ll put

Tim Levine: it in the show

Zach Elwood: notes for this. Yeah.

Tim Levine: Uh, but this was a, uh, a video platform, uh, that could, uh, listen to audio and watch video.

Zach Elwood: Okay. Interesting.

Tim Levine: And the finding was it was, uh, more biased, [00:46:00] um, than humans.

Zach Elwood: Hmm. Okay. I wanna read this. Wow. It sounds interesting.

Tim Levine: So it was more context dependent. Um, than humans were, but in, in kind of very stereotypically biased ways.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Cool. I, I wanna read that. Um, yeah. I’ll have to remember the, uh, uh, send it to you.

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: Um, so that’s, um, that’s kind of my big most recently published work. Very cool. Um, that, that I think will get some traction.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. Then I have a feeling there’s gonna be a lot of interesting AI related, uh,

Tim Levine: yeah.

Studies and papers, but we wanna be super careful with the results of that paper because AI technology’s changing daily. Right. So the, you know, findings are very much tied to one particular platform at one particular point in time. That

Zach Elwood: that is true.

Tim Levine: Yeah. Um,

Zach Elwood: uh, yeah. Things are changing so rapidly. Yeah.

Uh. So, uh, for people that are interested in your [00:47:00] work that like this talk, uh, what’s the best way? Is there a book of yours you’d recommend, uh, them getting started with?

Tim Levine: Uh, yeah. I have one book on the topic. It’s called, uh, duped.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Um, truthful Theory and the Social Science of Lining Deception. Uh, that is, um, it’s an academic press book, so it’s, uh, you know, it’s, it’s a little.

Um, nerdy.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm.

Tim Levine: Um, but it’s nothing, um, you know, that, that people can’t work through.

Zach Elwood: Yeah. I found

Tim Levine: it quite, quite weird. I would, I would tell ’em to read, read the reviews on amazon.com. They’re super informative.

Zach Elwood: Hmm.

Tim Levine: So, you know, all, all the academics say. This is so easy to read. This is right. And, and some of the non-academics are like numbers.

Zach Elwood: I found it, for what it’s worth, I found it quite readable. And I think, you know, for those kind of books, if pe you can always, you can always skim over the really heavy stuff and get to the more [00:48:00] explanatory things if you want

Tim Levine: to read a book like that. And even, and even when there are numbers, I I, there’s text in there that tells you what all the numbers mean.

Zach Elwood: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, well thanks Tim. This has been great. Thanks again

Tim Levine: for, uh oh. It’s always a pleasure, Zach.

Zach Elwood: Yeah.

Tim Levine: Thanks for, uh, thanks for reaching out.

Zach Elwood: Thank you. Yeah,

Tim Levine: and always nice to talk to you. And I, I hadn’t seen the, uh, Matia Moto and Wilson article until you pointed it to me, so

Zach Elwood: Oh,

Tim Levine: nice. Yeah.

Glad I could. I was, that’s always good to keep up on the literature.

Zach Elwood: Nice. Glad I could help a little bit. Okay, thanks a lot. That was a talk with Tim Levine. I am Zach Elwood, and this has been the People Who Read People Podcasts. You can learn more about [email protected]. Thanks for listening. Music by small skies.